Dark Roots: Stefan's Loves
by Corinne Tate
Summary: He drinks human blood and she's a vegetarian human. He's ancient and she's facing a death sentence. He takes her captive and she enthralls him. Find out about the Romanian vamps and the human they would die to save. Dark, epic romance.
1. Chapter 1 Vampire

**A/N: Thank you dear reader for taking a chance on a story that isn't about the main characters of Twilight. I've written this in first person, but with two points of view, which switch back and forth each chapter. I've just finished correcting this story, and I've fallen in love with it all over again. Please let me know what you think. **

**I've also decided to change the rating from T to M. I've gone back to write out some intimate moments I glossed over to maintain the T rating. It feels more realistic, and many of the themes in here are not for kids anyway.**

**I've tweaked chapter one again for Twiharder2, who doesn't accept Private messages and review responses. The first seven chapters began life a whole different way, but some readers thought it was hard to follow. So, I had to rework it for clarity, and some of the dark juicy elements were lost. It's a risk with posting serial style as I write, but if I didn't do it this way, I'd never finish anything. **

**Even though it's finished, I really like hearing what you think. Whether con/crit. or Kudos, it's the only reason I post here.  
**

Chapter 1

Vampire

It's cold. I feel as if I've been locked into a refrigerator. "He's saving you for later," my overactive imagination whispers. "He's going to eat you, and throw you away like yesterday's garbage. Slurp, slurp, slurp... the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, the worms play pinochle on your snout." I shudder with more than the cold. It was always easy to laugh at such nonsense when Dad was alive. It's not funny now.

I'm going to die here. I look around at the disused basement. There are windows somewhere, but I can't see them from my cell. I'm going to die here, and no one will be the wiser. Everyone who cares about me is gone. Except for a handful of girlfriends back home, there's no one to even notice I'm missing. I've lost so much in my twenty-three years. So many loved ones are gone.

My grandmother's diaries are all I have left in the world to tie me to my family and my history. It all came in a box from my mother's estate after she died. Funny, estate sounds like such a fancy word for the little farmhouse where she lived for the fifteen years she wasn't living with me and my dad.

If I had known she lived so close for all those years I might have been tempted to visit her. I imagine showing up some afternoon and demanding to know why she left us. I'd want to know how it was that she could be my loving mother for the first nine years of my life and then abandon me without a backward glance. But a single car crash off a bridge and into a river has taken even that opportunity away from me forever.

Of course she couldn't have known what her abandonment would mean to me. She didn't know that Dad would get sick and I would spend my teens taking care of him. She couldn't have known that I'd have to bury him before I finished college. But most of all she couldn't have known the deep aching pit her absence would leave in my life. If she had, I like to think she would have stayed with me no matter what.

Instead I have the journals, and a few small keepsakes that weren't worth selling at auction. The farm and it's land afforded me the money for this trip. With a degree in nursing it would be quite a while before I'd have the kind of resources to travel to Europe any other way. Of course the trip wasn't about seeing the world, but about trying to find some kind of a connection to my history

Almost as soon as I came to town I found the place I'd been looking for. It was so obviously the mansion grandma wrote about in her diary's. The baroque architecture reminded me of Italy and I wondered how it had survived through two world wars as well as the rise and fall of different governments. I recognized the oval window where she would watch her daddy come home from his job every evening. I saw the masonry cherubs that appeared to hold up the dormer over the door, and I saw the stone wall around the side garden where she used to balance along the capstones.

Of course I had to look through a tall wrought Iron fence and a gate that was chained and padlocked. It bothered me that I'd come so far only to be turned away so close to finding what I sought.

That's where Lucian came in. He was my volunteer tour guide, ever since I'd gotten turned around in my hotel and wound up in the bar where he pestered me until I caved in and allowed him to show me around the town. He seemed harmless enough and somewhat good looking in an oily sort of way. I knew the type and thought I understood him. He would spend the day showing me the sights around town and in exchange I would have lunch or dinner with him while he tried to convince me that my life would not be complete unless I slept with him.

Nothing new there, men were dogs no matter what part of the world I found them in. Predictably I paid for these lunches and dinners as he always seemed to have to make an important call just as the bill came. I wasn't interested in his companionship, but his knowledge of the small Romanian city was priceless.

As if to reward my patience with him, he came up with the plan to get inside the perimeter fence and foil the watch dog. Even though I didn't feel right about it I went along with the plan since all of my legitimate efforts had fallen short.

Still where he was concerned I knew not to trust him further than I could see him as he had already proved to be an opportunist, snatching the tip I left for our lunch waitress while he thought I wasn't looking. I also had a camera that had disappeared out of my bag, and I was certain if I could have patted him down I would have found it in his pocket. If I'm honest with myself I'm sure his crimes were more numerous than the ones I'd witnessed. But it's too late now, for cameras, and for Lucian.

I'd heard a lot of rumors about the occupants of the manor house, and I wondered how many were true. Everyone I met who knew the place told me it was a bad place to go and that evil creatures lived there. Some were even bold enough to say the word. Vampire. Of course I laughed and passed it off as silly superstition. But when I came up against the walls of red tape as I tried to find out about the owner and the history of the place I started to wonder if there was some validity to the claims. Not that I believed the place was inhabited by vampires, but maybe there was something illegitimate going on in the house.

I haven't seen Lucian since we arrived. I know he's dead but I still want to believe that I'm wrong. I feel horribly responsible for what happened to him, even though I know I won't be making it out of this alive myself. The last time I saw him was the last time I might have had a chance to save myself. I'll never know if I would have been able to run away if I had tried.

I still don't understand why I didn't try to run away. I mean, I'm the girl who used to watch those old monster movies with my dad, and yell at the screen: "Take off your high heels and _run_!" I hate weak women who faint in the face of danger. I always thought I'd be the girl to scream, scratch, bite, gouge eyes, knee groins, and leave scars. But none of that happened, and I still don't understand what came over me. I messed up, and my mistakes will cost me my life.

There are so many 'what if's' and wishes I could fill a book. Well, maybe not that many, but there are so many things I did wrong, or without thinking them through. First on the list is coming to Romania to begin with. Somehow it just doesn't seem so important now to trace my family's history. History...I'll be history myself soon – or at least a footnote in history. Why didn't I bother to bring my cell with me? Even if it's not charged I could still have called for help – I think. I know back home in California you can always call 911 but I'm not sure about here. And then there's the pepper spray I forgot to put back in my purse after I had to pack it to get on the plane. Yeah, fat lot of good that would do me when faced with a vampire.

Yeah, that's right. Vampire. Vampire, vampire, vampire! I could say it a thousand times and it still wouldn't make any more sense to me. But I've seen a full out demonstration of his nature, and unless I'm on some kind of hallucinogenic trip, there's no doubt in my mind I'm in the company of an honest to goodness, undead, blood-sucking, vampire.

Blood-sucking... poor Lucian... no one deserves what happened to him. I'm sure I've already had the dubious honor of witnessing Lucien's last moments on Earth. Of course the part of him that was Lucien was destroyed even before his life was officially ended. It likely happened within minutes of entering the house. It was mere seconds after he pocketed an antique coin, after flipping it dexterously into the air and catching the gleaming gold piece with a smile.

I still can't believe the speed in which everything happen. The coin was in his pocket, and even as I was yelling for him to put it back there was a hand on the back of his head. At first I thought his head was slammed into the counter, but my memory has since righted itself to what really happened.

The white hand with the delicate fingers punctured his skull like a hammer to an eggshell, no... more like a precision vice to an egg, as there was no blood. There was no obvious damage, only five perfect indents into his skull, and Lucian was no more. He dropped like a rag doll, hitting his slack face on the counter top on the way to the floor. But he didn't hit the floor, he was caught instead by inhumanly fast and strong arms to be whisked out of my sight.

I try to tell myself that I didn't run away because I thought I could save him. I have to laugh at that. Like I could have somehow fought the creature and saved Lucien. And somehow I'd hoist his dead weight over my shoulder and flee from the vampire pursuing us. That's just silly. But so is my other delusion: That I could somehow distract the creature, and allow Lucien to awaken from his brain damaged state, and run for his life.

I want to believe my behavior had something to do with being kind or benevolent, and not just foolish and suicidal. I want to believe I was just overwhelmed and I didn't understand what I was dealing with. But neither choice rings true as I sit here in the cold, with a bare bulb giving me the only light I'll see for the rest of my life.

In this tomb-like place, I can't hide the truth – not from myself at least. As I face my own extinction, I have to admit that a part of me sought this out. A part of me knew from the moment he made his appearance, that he would likely kill me. Not only did that tiny part know it, but it _accepted _it. It was like there was a part of my mind that wrote my epitaph, and it wasn't the potential of the death I'd feared for years. It wasn't the disease which stole my father, but a new ending it saw. It was so deceptively alluring, I'd allowed myself to be seduced by it. Why die a death of painful degeneration, when I could surrender to the owner of the mansion – _the vampire?_

"Alluring and seductive?" Funny how my mind plays with the very words which describe him. Shouldn't vampires be ugly and scary? They're dead. They're walking corpses, with no heartbeat and no body heat. At least that's what all the books and movies maintain. They're not supposed to look _good_. But he did. He looked like a statue of an angel come to life. That's it. He was an angel in nineteenth century clothes, with burning red eyes in the most beautiful face I've ever seen. The angel had held me in his stone arms, and put his cold lips against my throat.

I'd known I was moments from my own death. He would tear out my throat, and drink my blood. This wouldn't be some sweet lover's kiss, this would be a painful attack. I knew it – felt it in the very air. He would bite me – sink his teeth into me, and hold me to him as he took his fill of me. Everything I am and everything I could ever be, would wash over those perfect teeth and be swallowed into his perfect, hard body. That tiny little part of me stopped fearing the death that took my father, and began to look forward to the death that would join me with the angel forever.

I know I thought it, and I wish I could deny it. There was a moment, as his lips touched my neck, when I thought dying in his arms would be the best way. Never mind the pain and the ceasing to exist. There was a part of me that wanted what he wanted. Furthermore, there was a part of me that desired him in a much more personal way. This crazy desire reached out to touch him – dared to put my hands on him. It dreamed for the moments before my death, to be held and loved by him. It offered my body up, to be used in any way he wanted.

But I'm not suicidal. I don't want to die, though there is a bit of resignation considering where my life could lead me. I've grown used to the idea of my death. I watched Dad grow weaker and weaker each year, fading from the vibrant man I always knew, to one who could barely walk or hold a tool. I saw the toll it took on him as he saw himself becoming a burden to me.

He had Huntington's Chorea, but the official cause of his death was heart failure. I know I have a fifty percent chance of having the genetic disorder myself. I could get tested, but I haven't got any symptoms and I don't want to know. I always wanted to live, and take chances and throw caution to the wind, whether I had the disease or not. Now I'm afraid I'll never get the chance.

It's funny, but I always thought that when I faced my death, it would come like a master thief. It would steal everything from me, and leave me helpless in my bed; confused even about my own identity. I never thought it could come with the face of an angel and a hunger.

Most people don't have to face their own mortality until they're much older. But I've seen so much death in my life. Even though she left us, I still grieved over the death of my mother. Both parents and all my grandparents are gone. I'm always amazed at how some people have family by the dozen and yet I have no one. I guess that's what makes the thought of dying a little easier to bear – there is no one who will have to grieve for me. I won't be leaving someone behind who depends on me.

I'm an only child and my dad had grown up in foster care so he didn't even know if he had family somewhere. As far as he knew he was the only one. Still we had friends. Lots of friends since he was the sweetest person you'd ever want to meet. There was always someone hanging out at our loft apartment. I mean Southern California is the ideal place to live if your needs are simple. Our place was a short walk to the beach and the apartment was open and inviting.

We lived in a community of artists, in the midst of street vendors and nightclubs. Dad was an artist, a metal sculptor and a welder whose creations brought in huge amounts of money which would last until he finished his next masterpiece. At least that's how it was until he got sick. I still miss him terribly. It still hurts that I'll never again see his bright smile or hear his peculiar laughter over something that struck him funny. And now I'm here, facing the very real possibility of my own death. It kills me that the memories of my father will die with me.

I wonder what my dad would have thought of this situation. He'd probably make friends with the creature, knowing Dad. He'd look at the plexi-glass wall and tell me it's weak points, and tell me how his oxy-fuel cutting torch would have us out of here in no time. He may have even argued that the man couldn't be a vampire, because he didn't have fangs.

No fangs, no coffin, no bursting into flames in sunlight, no turning into a bat or summoning wolves, he's just a killer. A strong, deadly, efficient, beautiful, killer. And I've given myself to him.


	2. Chapter 2 Enthralling

Chapter 2

Enthralling

I don't understand why they've chosen my home to break into. Not that they've had to break in, since once they passed the perimeter fence and drugged the dog, I considered they had already gone too far. I unlocked the door to his attempt, and he boldly entered.

Of course I have every right to defend my home and my property from thieves. A worthy man would not be so bold as to steal, especially while gloating about it in the process. I have every right! But clearly she is merely a witness. I cannot let her escape even though she is more respectful of my home and property. I will show her mercy and end her gently. Simple to catch her; block her retreat and imprison her in my arms.

"Don't scream love, " I whisper into her delicate human ear as I try not to break her yielding young body in my embrace. It has been far too long and I have forgotten what this feels like; the trembling, the gasping in fear, and the pounding of her heart, which is even more delicious than the blood. I pause just to savor the moment, looking down into her wide and terrified eyes as I slide my fingers through her silken hair. Such bliss! Modern women are so _clean_ and her perfumed hair makes me hunger for more.

It is then I feel her relax in my arms. Oh my god, I'd forgotten the moment of anticipation. She can smell _me_ and now my scent is tearing through her defenses. I watch her eyes as they lock onto mine and her head tips back so imperceptibly a real man would not see it for what it is – surrender. It is the perfect moment, the time to strike and take her, but I hesitate – it's those eyes. They are blue like the sky reflected on a lake on a sunny day, wide and crystal clear. I pause to look at my witness. I have been dead for far too long, that her beauty goes unnoticed until the moment I would kill her. Exquisite beauty that artists would praise in paint and sculpture, and poets would laud in long, and rambling sonnets. She is perfection. Lovely oval face, delicately arched brows, those incredible wide blue eyes, and a mouth made to be kissed. I stare at her soft pink lips over straight even teeth as the softest of sighs escapes them for my ears alone. She is _mine_!

I pull her to me, bending her frail body to mine. I feel the clothes she wears like so many women of this age, so like a man it is almost obscene. But I feel her womanly body through the denim and the thin cotton of her blouse. Her youth is in her firmness and the supple way she moves, arching her back as I place my lips onto the long column of her throat. Have I ever savored a kill more? It is then I feel something that stops me, freezing me where I am, with my mouth precious millimeters above her jugular, with her pulse sending it's rhythm to my brain through my cold lips. There is the tiniest sensation of warmth against my marbleized flesh. Her hands.

Of course I am used to the futility of the fight when their hands seek for a weapon, to hit or push against me, or scratch and claw. But her hands are not fighting me, they are _touching_ me. I feel them as they slide around me, and her arms pull her closer. And those soft little hands caressing up along my back, over my shoulders to the back of my head – heavenly! Her pulse is all but forgotten as I feel her fingers in my hair, so soft and delicate. Her hand moves gracefully to my temple only to slide down and mold itself warmly to my cheek. Her warmth... I have forgotten – no – I have never felt this kind of touch from a victim.

I pull back from her throat so I can see her face; see those eyes. I can see it there; she knows. She knows I am going to kill her. I know that my face must be registering some kind of shock since I watch her smile, a sad little ghost of a smile on her perfect mouth. Then I feel the movement of her hand, joining the other one on my face, cradling me in her warm palms.

With her human speed I can watch her at leisure as she brings her face closer to mine while pulling with her hands on my cheeks. I have to relax so she can move me. Warm hands glide along the back of my neck and I find myself nose to nose with her. She tips her head to the side and I'm mesmerized as her eyes are still open. She breathes, and I taste her warm breath, as she presses forward so innocently. Her eyes drift closed.

I taste her. Her sweet lips press gently against mine as her hands on the back of my neck pull me to her. She is life! I inhale deeply to take in her breath through her parted lips and I'm even more startled when her tongue explores timidly past my lips. She engages all of my senses and I am feeling almost powerless in her arms. I am jolted by memories of humanity with a clarity I haven't known in... centuries.

Her eyes are closed so I close mine and I am suddenly eighteen again. There is a purity in the moment as I let myself go and just hold her. I let my tongue slide over her lips and just taste the moistness of her mouth as my hands move slowly up her back, feeling every fragile bone in her spine. I want to crush her to me. I want to ravish her soft mouth. I want to tear open her throat and absorb her essence into me!

But her tongue is dancing with mine, and her fingers are twisted in my hair. I'm eighteen and the sun is on my face and I am_ alive. _ I don't even know her name and she is the most important person in the world. My hands caress the softness of her dark blond hair. Gently I hold her head in my hands before touching her warm face. I cannot lose control – I _will not _lose control! My hands are slowly warmed by her skin as they trace down her neck. My fingers pass over her most vulnerable pulse points and I let my hand dip into the V of her blouse.

I feel her heartbeat racing just before my hand becomes boldly familiar with her. I feel her moan against my mouth where her lips are locked onto mine almost as if _she _were feeding on _me._ I can feel her body responding to me in it's uniquely human way. I open my eyes and hers are still closed, as if she is lost in the moment. I feel the time pass with the beating of her heart, but I am frozen in this forever embrace. I memorize the details, knowing I will savor them for years to come, like the way her hair shines in the sunlight filtering through the ornate windows. I will remember her kiss and the feel of her supple human body against me, and I will never forget the beauty of her face as I look down on her in our mutual bliss.

Her eyes flutter open and she pulls her lips from mine. I hear her gasping as she tries to catch her breath, looking up at me in wonder and adoration. I lower my face to her beautiful neck where I can see the pulsing of her lifeblood. I want her now more than ever. She will be remembered far longer than any human would be able to recall. She is etched in my memory and I'll write her into my journals as soon as I've fed. She presses her body against me even as I lick the porcelain smoothness along her jaw and down her throat. I could punch a hole through her gossamer skin with my tongue alone if I chose, but I desire more satisfaction than that would bring. I long to clamp my jaws onto her, and feel her life gush into me in a hot flood.

Surprisingly she is still pliant in my arms even though she seems to have some concept of what I have in mind for her. Even still I can feel her tender little hands pulling my head, my mouth more firmly against her throat. I open my mouth wide against her as we are both ready, and I hear her take in a deep breath. "I want you Stefan, please take me now – I'm yours love."

Her words freeze me. What does she want from me? How am I to 'take' her? Her words are reminiscent of love, of attraction,...of sex; those vaguely remembered notions from my life before. But I know I did not misunderstand her cues. I know she sees me for the killer I surely am. This lovely moth has not flown too close to my flame accidentally; she sought me out. Still I cannot do this now, not yet anyway, so I kiss her neck instead. I taste her with my tongue, trying to draw out every nuance from her skin before I excuse her from the deadly feast I was about to enjoy.

It takes more restraint than I expect to pull my mouth away from her. This surprises me since I am a master of control. After my first five hundred years I learned the kind of restraint it takes to release a victim unhurt. But this one so tempts me! I pull back from her, and her eyes meet mine. She is confused. Her face tells me that she did indeed expect to die. In fact she tries to pull me back to her, again offering up her tender throat, tipping her head back to exaggerate her offering and I feel her soft hair cascade along my arm as I hold her. So eager is she to die. I must know why!

I am used to this kind of yielding and death seeking among my recent victims. But never from one so young and vibrant. She should be fighting me, not inviting me to end her. She weighs next to nothing to me as I pick her up effortlessly, cradling her in my arms. Her own wrap around my neck as she watches my face with curiosity and still that same resignation. I step over the near corpse of the thief and she notices, suddenly stiffening in my arms. I smile in all my monstrous glory and set her on her feet, blocking her exit and freezing her with my eyes.

The man is brain damaged beyond repair. I've done it so many times it's almost a perfected art; one where the victim remains alive, but non-functioning. It's a way to incapacitate one, for expediency or perhaps a later meal. It might seem barbaric but far better than to have to slaughter them to insure their silence and stillness. She calls his name, softly and regretfully. I pick him up under his arms and his head lolls to the side.

It is a simple matter to feed on him. I hold him in much the same way I'd held her not long before and fasten my jaws onto his throat. He is unresisting and silent, all but the sound of his heartbeat thrumming in my ear, and in my veins. The power of my hunger pulls every drop from his body even after his heart has finished pumping. It takes mere minutes, then I break the seal of my mouth against his neck, not even needing to wipe my lips. He is finished, emptied like a child's juice pouch. I look over his shoulder and I see her still form watching me. Her own breathing and heart rate seem to have sped up as the thief's slowed and then stopped. She is all but gasping for air, but still she does not flee. Her eyes lock onto my refreshed red iris's with the recognition of whence comes the sudden pigment.

I lay the body gently on the floor so as not to startle her into a scream or flight. She doesn't look at it, instead she watches me, trembling where she stands. I feel the warmth of his blood spreading throughout my body and I again pick her up. Even though she knows the kind of monster I am, she again wraps her arms around my neck. I carry her through the house, winding through boxes of forgotten treasures and various art and antiques. As if I myself were not the most antiquated object in the place. She seems only mildly interested in the contents of the house, then she rests her head against my shoulder with a sigh.

I puzzle over where to take her. I have a strong desire to take her upstairs to my suite, but no human has ever seen that sanctuary and I am not quite willing to breach it's sanctity with something that will surely end badly. Of course there are guest quarters aplenty in this enormous building, but she is not a guest. She is my...prisoner...my captive...my fascination...I know not what, but that she belongs to me! I take her down the stairs into the cellar. I don't realize it is cold until I feel her shiver against me. The cellar is extensive as it was designed to hold a number of things, including servants quarters and a wine collection. In the past I have used it as a prison and that is where I take her.

She doesn't seem to mind until I open the door and she lifts her head and looks around. I know she expects something different, and I am reminded of our reputation through popular fiction. She is looking for my coffin! I have to laugh as I set her on the dusty, disused cot and slip quickly out the door, locking her inside. I can feel her panic even before she starts to scream. The terror she should have felt when faced with her death is in full force as she realizes she is my captive.

I watch her through the plexi-glass wall. I cannot take my eyes off her as she fights so fiercely against her prison. She kicks the wall, she overturns the cot, she throws the chair at me, narrowly missing being hit by it's rebound. She screams, cries, grovels and makes impossible lying threats. And she is breathtaking!

Her hair is a golden corona of glory as it's tossed wildly around her in her frenzy. Her fists pound again and again on the glass until her hands are bruised. She pounds them against the brick and I smell the tang of her blood in the air as she scrapes the skin from them. She shows me her bloody hands, licking at the scratches as if to entice me to do the same. It makes me smile as it reminds me of a mother bird faking injury to lure a predator away from her nest. But instead she wishes to lure the predator _to_ her.

I can tell it frustrates her, the way I watch her so passively. I am trying not to be so monstrous. But what do I expect after proving to her that I am indeed a monster? Of course I've demonstrated my monstrous abilities many times in the past to humans for various reasons. Often it was for show, or to play with them so that they understood the futility of their struggles. But there have also been times when I used my abilities for nobler pursuits. Either way it was always the same. No one would take me at my word when I told them what I was, they all required a demonstration. 'Crush this rock, read my mind, change into a bat, a wolf, or mist.' Silly fictions have given them the idea we are magicians. Instead we are killers, and I showed her I was a killer.


	3. Chapter 3 Pet Human

Chapter 3

Pet Human

I'm in a cage! A cold prison cell inside the place where my grandmother once lived. I still haven't figured out how he lured me down here, but I know I can't get out. He's a murderer and a monster and I have already spent so much time screaming while he watched like I was a bug in a jar. As soon as I calm down and stop screaming and throwing things, he comes close and introduces himself. His words draw me nearer to the glass partition. I can't help but watch his unnatural movements, almost like a hummingbird in stop action, as I listen to his antiquated style of speech.

He doesn't answer my questions, but instead launches into a soliloquy, all the while making sure I'm watching him. He wants an audience, and I can't get away. He paces outside the cell, as if he's giving a great speech and wants to make sure his audience is watching him.

"I am Stefan. I am older than every city in your United States. I have seen the rise and fall of empires and I expect I will still be here when the world breathes it's last. It is all I have had to look forward to for so long. Awaiting the sweet release of nonexistence and an end to my prolonged dissatisfaction with ….life! How laughable that – I have not been alive for centuries! And yet I keep going in a cheap parody of what humans so desperately grasp and cling to. Life.

"It is only by periodically renewing my memory of past events that I am even able to remember what it felt like to be truly alive. Physical pain. Hunger for food. Thirst for water. Sex. Sleep, drunkenness, play, curiosity, friendship, frailty, and love. Yes I remember love, all tied up with everything else human.

"Of course I keep journals; diary's if you will, of the memories, the dreams that cross my mind during periods of unsleeping stillness. Perhaps it is a sound that brings back a fragment of broken memory; the tone of a tinkling bell that reminds me of her laughter. The smell of a brightly blooming blossom tucked into a springtime bouquet that makes me recall her allure. Shadows and mists that cause me to race for pen and paper to capture the ghost before it can escape. To capture the touch of love and relive it, even if it is only a speck of dust in comparison to the reality. A reality I cannot remember with any clarity and detail, yet I know it was marvelous for the marks it has left on my soul.

I pace along with him, and roll my eyes at his melodrama.

"Oh, you doubt I have a soul? Of course I'd thought like you once. How could one who has cheated death and caused death have a soul? But you are human and I can forgive you your short-sightedness. Human enough to believe a soul to be a good thing, a part of everyone which proves they are worthy of redemption. But I know now that the soul exists also for torment. Leftover from my humanity it bears mute witness to what I have become – _my soul._ It has been impacted by untold and countless horrors and yet it still refuses to disappear and leave me in peace! It whispers, dry and rasping into the quiet echo's of my mind and sends me fleeing to find noise to drown it out.

"Perhaps that is why I still exist; why I am so terrified of destroying myself. It is the fear that I'll be left in purgatory, with the sniveling, gibbering, rantings of my abused, misshapen ….soul. It is fear that causes me to drown myself in books and music. Fear that forces me to delve into the memories of my humanity even as I recognize the futility. Anything to keep the hollow spaces within me from whispering loudly enough to finally steal what little sanity I have left."

I am his captive audience. I watch him pace as he tells me how he's traveled the world and learned most of it's major languages. He smiles and regales me with Latin poetry, then sings me a long forgotten Celtic lullaby in perfect pitch. His lovely tenor voice causes me to catch my breath in wonder even though I don't know the meaning of the words. He is pleased at my reaction and he sings me an aria from an opera I've never seen, in fluent Italian with his voice echoing in the recesses of my dungeon.

He tells me of a visit to China and how he watched the building of the Great Wall, slipping unseen among the people to hide his unique European features. He speaks of Africa, hunting the huge predators in their own hunting grounds. He remembers the taking of the mountain gorillas as their blood was so similar to that of humans. He tells me of visiting Australia when it was still a penal colony and the joys of hunting the human predators exiled there.

I don't know why he hasn't killed me yet; I know he wants to. Not that he wishes I were dead, but the look on his face tells me he thirsts for my blood. Worse, his bright red eyes watch every move I make and I feel more like a hamster in a cage than a human. I listen to his ramblings now as he goes on about how bored he is with his life. I've given up on the screaming and the pounding on the plexi-glass. I think it amuses him somewhat that he was able to construct a prison to hold me, silence me, and keep me from doing bodily harm to myself. Of course I have no doubt that I'm not the first to inhabit his trophy case.

It grates on me how unfair life can be. How could it take someone like my dad and leave this...this...creature masquerading as human for such a long time? It makes me want to scream, but I'm not going to give it the satisfaction of watching me break down again.

He seems lost in his memories, rambling on and on, without any explanation for what he plans to do with me. I can't stand it any more. "What about Lucian? What have you done with him?" My voice is shrill even to my own ears and I can hear the edge of hysteria in my words. I leap to my feet and slap my hand to the glass to try to interrupt his monologue. "Where have you put his body, you freak! Doesn't his family have a right to know what happened to him?"

His face doesn't change, but I can see my plea has moved him. He steps forward and places his hand on the glass where mine still rests. I can feel the chill through the thickness and I try not to move it away. He looks at me with a slight tilt to his head. I don't back down from his study, instead I conduct my own study as we stand face to face, inches apart. He _is _beautiful. But he is clearly not human. It's evident in the whiteness of his skin, the redness of his eyes, and the whisper of tiny dark veins barely visible beneath the surface of his skin. He looks like he is carved out of marble; so much so that he could stand naked in a museum and be unnoticed; though he would seem more at home in a graveyard I think.

His hair seems almost out of place on his stature-like form. It's rich and dark and falls past his high collar in thick curls. I remember it as luxuriant to touch. His face is feminine beautiful though masculine in features. Like his very bones are delicate but with his hardened flesh covering them in exquisite detail. His nose is long and straight and his prominent cheekbones steal the attention away from his strong jawline. But it's clearly his eyes that stand out the most. If not for their color then for their intensity. If he had been human they might have been called bedroom eyes; the way they can hold me and convey his intentions more than his words. They are wide and almost boyish beneath his gently arched brows.

Still it is his mouth that I can't help but stare at. His full upper lip with it's almost exaggerated M is matched perfectly with his bottom lip. He surprisingly has no facial hair at all, and I know his teeth are also perfect. I imagine how many lives have passed over those perfect teeth, into that beautiful mouth, and I feel a shiver go down my spine. He smiles slightly, and even though it's barely there I still feel my heart begin to race.

"Why so much concern over the thief, Cara Mia? You already _know _he is dead. I promise you, you would not like any proof I could give you. Are you calm enough to talk to me, or do I need to come up with something more...engaging we can do together?" His smile makes him beautiful, but his intent makes my pulse race and my stomach roll. He smiles wider, taking note of my obvious unease.

"I'll talk. I just don't know what the point is since you and I both know how this is going to end. I mean, what can I say to you that will make you open the door and let me go? Would it make a difference if I had something wrong with me that would be poison to you? If it matters, then I've got AIDS...and hepatitis...and ….um...sickle cell anemia...yeah all that. And cooties too!"

His smile is more genuine as he laughs softly. He is easily the most handsome man I've ever seen. But he is not a man, and I have to remind myself of that as I look through the glass.

I sit in the chair I've so recently thrown in my attempt to break free. "What do you want me to say?" I cross my legs and my arms. He smiles and asks my name. "My name? All this time and you haven't even figured out my name?" I have to laugh. "My purse is upstairs where I came in. It's got my identification in it; I'm surprised you haven't checked it yet."

He smiles at me. "Some people still respect a person's privacy." His smile grows wider. "I however am far older than you are my dear, so I assume respect should be given _to _me rather than expected _from _me. I have seen your identification, your shell pink lipstick, your breath mints, make-up, check-book, airplane tickets, hotel key card, and a receipt for a surprisingly expensive dinner several nights ago. But still I want you to tell me your name, especially since you already seem to know mine."

I watch him as he waits, so still and patient. "I'm Summer. Summer Amelia Browning."

He smiles again. "See, that wasn't so hard. I am Stefan. Stefanos Vasilakis. I am pleased to meet you Summer."

"I wish I could say the same – Stefan." I glare at his amused face through the glass. "Why are you keeping me here?"

"My questions first, mon cher. Where did you come from and why did you break into my home?"

"I didn't break into your home. The door was unlocked, we..._I._...just wanted to see..."

"...see the killer? See the vampire? See the monster of the manor?" He sounds almost angry as he interrupts me. "Most people are turned away by a locked gate or a high fence, or a no trespassing sign, or even by a mean guard dog, but you came through all the normal deterrents. The locked doors didn't keep you from poking around and looking through my windows. Not to mention your companion seemed to be enthralled by the number of valuables he thought to steal. I confess I left the door open, just to see how far you'd come."

It makes me sick to my stomach to think of Lucian. "I wouldn't have let him take anything."

"Oh please, you cannot be so naive as to think that he wouldn't have come back with friends and a truck. My sweet, he was using you. I didn't even need to see his face to know that he clearly meant you harm. You should be more careful about the company you keep."

"Hmmm, be more careful about the company I keep? I'll be sure to remember that." I look him in the eye, with my sarcastic reply. "Listen, I didn't come here to steal from you. I tried to reach you several other ways but I got no response. I've sent letters, made phone calls and I've even tried to go through your security company, but nothing worked. I've come too far to give up."

"And just what is it you wanted from me anyway? Are you trying to commit suicide by vampire? Trying to satisfy your curiosity over my existence? Want to get a good scary story to tell your friends?" His rich voice mocks me.

"No!" I'm angry and frustrated with how this is going. "I didn't want to see _you _at all. I wanted to see the house. Yours just happened to be the name on the deed. I wanted...no, I _needed _to see this place. I've come all the way from California; you know, in the United States, just to see this place. I've been dreaming about it for so long, and I just had to see it for myself."

I think I surprise him. At least he doesn't interrupt me to make a condescending comment or judgment on me. His brows draw together just a bit as he faces me. "So, Summer from California, you've come all the way to Romania just to see a house? I'm sure there are better tourist destinations than my home. Not to mention you seem to have an idea that I am not your average homeowner."

"I did a little digging and some research. The same name has owned the house since 1910. Even if the owner lives to be a ripe old age of 100 that still leaves an infant buying the house in 1910." I stand, suddenly nervous. "I asked around the town about this place and people were strangely reluctant to tell me anything. At least those with proper jobs and titles. But some people weren't as reserved and they told me stories. Stories of vampires, and monsters, and things that steal children and haunt the night. I've told a few ghost stories in my youth and I recognize the formula. But I heard them again and again, along with warnings not to come near this place."

"So Summer, why did you not take their advice? What is so important about this house that you risked your well-being to see it?" He isn't laughing, he seems genuinely curious.

"It's my diaries. Well, they were written by my great-grandmother, and she lived in this house. I've got no family and no living relatives that I know about, so I came here. I really don't know what I expected. I didn't even dare hope that I would find some long lost cousin living here, or even stored memorabilia or records. I just wanted to see the place where she was so happy. Her name was Amelia and I've always felt close to her even though she died when I was eight. She wrote about the attic where she spent her rainy days playing school. She told how she and her best friend ran through a circle of rooms playing tag. She balanced on the garden wall and had a tree swing in the back yard. Oh, and she talked about the secret passages. She wrote about three she knew of and how she could spy on her sister when her beau's came calling." I don't mean to tell him so much and I try to calm my excitement over her childhood stories.

"I really thought the house was unoccupied, or one of those where the owner travels extensively and rarely actually _lives _in the house. I only planned to peek in a few windows and possibly slide a note under the door to ask permission to visit. You came as a complete surprise. It didn't take me long to understand the stories are true. It also doesn't take a genius to see that you won't just let me leave after what you did to Lucian. I thought if I distracted you it would give him time to get away. I really don't have a death wish."

"Oh my precious, you lie!"

I have to wonder if he can read my mind. Still he is watching me with a coldly amused smile. "I didn't lie; I don't want to die, but I know more than most people that it's always a possibility. None of us are guaranteed a long life...well, except for you that is. I'm an only child and I've lost my parents and my grandparents. I'm alone in the world." I don't want to sound so melodramatic, but it makes me sad just thinking about how true my words are. Being alone scares me worse than he does.

"I just wish you'd have let me choose who you...who you killed. You could have taken me and let Lucian go; I'm sure he's bound to have more family than I do. He'll be missed, but I won't." I hope he can't read my mind as I think about how painful it is that I won't be missed. Everyone who ever loved me is dead, and sometimes I really do think about joining them. I feel almost depressed as I give him too much information about me. I should be telling him that I've got tons of friends and family who will be coming to look for me if I don't make it back. But there's just something about the way he listens impassively that has me opening up. "So, have I earned any answers to my questions?" I look into his bright red stare.

"I shall answer your questions if you like. But you may not like my answers. And you must continue to answer mine as well." I can't believe I'm negotiating with a vampire. Especially when I know he has the power to compel me to tell him all he would want to know about me. And how devastating that power is.

"Fine. Why are you keeping me here? Am I your next meal?" I feel like challenging him, plus I want to get an idea of what I am up against right from the start. I know he doesn't want to kill me, but I still don't understand why. I am afraid of him, but I know if I give in to my fear I'll find myself screaming and cowering in a corner, absolutely useless. Even in movies that kind of reaction always makes me angry.

He looks at me with a slightly amused grin. "I am keeping you here because I can. You should be pleased I have not killed you. This is taking more restraint than I expected. I still have not decided when I will feed on you. I want to very much, but I told you I would try to restrain myself. I need you to answer some questions for me."

"Why would I answer your questions if it's only going to speed up my execution date? It seems it's in my own best interest to keep you guessing as long as I can." He looks amused at my answer.

"Or you can remain silent and make me angry enough to get it done and over with. Do not play with me il mio caro. I am keeping you here because...your behavior is so different from what I am used to seeing in a human. Truly you signed your death warrant when you came here. I want to know why you did not fight, why you did not plead for your life or at least scream. In fifteen hundred years I have seen all manner of reactions when humans are faced with their own death, but yours was among the strangest." He looks confused. "You are a puzzle and I would have it solved."

His words scare me more than his presence. He doesn't think of me as having any value. I'm only a puzzle, a distraction, a meal, a tiny blip on his forever horizon. I am simply a cheeseburger that walks and talks. It's only a matter of time before he takes a bite. Why does that thought send a delicious shiver through my body? I hate that there is a part of me that wants what he wants. A part of me that is afraid of being alone and facing a painful drawn out death. I choose to live. But sitting so close to one who would kill me, I also feel somewhat resigned.

"How long have you lived here Stefan?" I ask him a simple question before he can ask me the more complicated ones.

"The information you have found is correct; it has been one hundred years. We probably should be moving on, but we have grown complacent here, it is comfortable. There is much to pack if we leave, and it is difficult to find a place for us that will suit our unique needs. You are the first real problem that has arisen in many years. There is a certain amount of security that comes from being known as a fiend and yet leaving no proof of such. Your visit complicates my life as your companion was local and as you pointed out, he will be missed. " He seems so conscious of his own problems which are tiny compared with mine or what happened to Lucian.

"I complicate your life? How can you say that? I am more than something here to complicate your life! I am a woman – a living flesh and blood human being! I've been a daughter, a student, a friend, a nurse, a companion, and...and...I deserve better than this! Complication? You've got that backward Stefan, it is _you _who are complicating _my _life. Since clearly between the two of us _I _am the only one here who still has a life!"

He laughs. "Touche' mon ami! Still I need to decide what to do with you before your absence draws too much attention. I know you have paid for another week at your hotel so they should not consider you missing until then. But I have reason to want this matter finished more expediently. My housemate will return and he definitely will not be as amused by you as I am. If I do not figure out what I want to know, your options will be seriously limited."

"What do you normally do with the bodies of your victims? I mean you had to do _something _with Lucian. Care to share where I will wind up when you're finished with me?" I stare him down as calmly as I can in light of what he just shared.

"Normally there are no bodies to worry about. I am not in the habit of entertaining _guests_ in my my own home," he looks disdainful. I look pointedly at the stain on the floor of my cell and he gets the message and smiles wickedly. "I see you have noticed the remnants of my last guest. That has been quite some time ago; when I still felt that I could change the political climate of our country by _influencing _a wayward politician. He refused to see reason I am sorry to say." His smile says he is not sorry. "I still have trouble learning not to interfere." He looks at the stain with his eyebrows drawn together.

"But as to your question. The thief has been buried several miles away in the woods. As for you...ah mon bel, how can I think of disposing of your corpse while you look at me with those eyes?" He begins to pace outside my cell. "I haven't fed on anyone as young and desirable as you are for decades." He looks at me with his piercing red eyes and I can feel the naked desire he doesn't try to hide from me.

"I feed instead on the throw away people of the world. There are so many places where they are stored, and no one cares to dig too deeply to find out why they died. Hospitals, prisons, nursing homes, shelters, bars, mental facilities, even the streets...all are places where I can find sustenance. This modern age has made it easy for one like me. I do not need to feed nearly as often as I did in my earlier years. Twice a month is usually sufficient. It gives me time to find those who are ready to die. Nursing homes are my favorite. I can speak with them and they enjoy my company. I am often the only visitor they will have even though I visit several times before I decide to take them. Most welcome me and there is a peace in the ending." He stops talking and looks into the distance as if remembering.

"It makes it feel almost noble in a way. I know there really is no noble way to commit murder, but it does help my soul a small measure."

"So how is your soul going to feel when you drink my blood?" I am blunt and I can see he is startled.

"My dear you have no idea how little I want to kill you. What you know is against our laws. This is not supposed to happen. I mean a certain amount of latitude is permitted, so long as there are no witnesses. If any of my kind were to find out about you...let's just say there have been very few cases where it has ended well. The Volturi demand obedience." He utters his last statement with such bitter contempt, I am glad I am not associated with whatever is Volturi.

"What's that? Volturi? Is that some kind of vampire legal system?" The look on his face tells me he doesn't want to talk about who or what is Volturi. But still he answers me.

"To most of my kind the Volturi are the leaders, the rulers, and the executioners. Most think they are necessary if not pleasant to deal with. But there are many of us who know them for what they truly are; power hungry monsters who want to subjugate all of us to their will. For them it is about power and control, and they have no limits on how they will gain it. I have seen it first hand and it has made me thirst for their destruction above all others. It is one of the few memories I can still recall after all these centuries. The black heartedness of the Volturi has cost me more than you can imagine."

"So, there's someone out there making the rules for your kind? Just how many of you are there? When you say 'we,' just who are you talking about?" I have a thousand questions I want answers to, but he seems like he's about to sink into a silent depression.

"Calm down il mio tesoro. I will answer your questions. There is no need for me to keep it from you...you already know too much." He seems like he doesn't know where to start. I try to remember all of his earlier ramblings to see if he told me the answers to my questions and I just didn't hear them. "I am afraid I have already doomed you if it is found out all that you know about us. There is no way to lie to the Volturi; Aro can read your mind with a touch. As far as the we I spoke of...that would be my housemate and friend, Vladmir."

"You've got to be kidding me. You mean your living with Vladmir Dracula just like the books? There's no way anyone would believe me even if I told them." I feel like laughing, but his dark look tells me he doesn't see the humor..

"Did I call him Dracula? Popular fiction has made our existence even more challenging than the inquisition or witch hunts. It seems anyone who can hold a pen has to take a clumsy stab at fictionalizing our existence and history. Sometimes this works in our favor and people deny what is right before their eyes, but other times it brings strange fans and hunters to our door. My friend's name is Vladmir, and he is older than I am. As to what you speak of, you would have to ask him. He is currently away trying to track down more of our kind. They have fled after a confrontation with the Volturi, and Vladmir thinks it may soon be time to challenge them more directly."

I have no idea what he's talking about, and I take my seat and try to pretend I'm interested in what he's saying. From what I can gather, I may or may not be in Dracula's basement.

"I can see this is going to take a while. I need to go out since I have some things I need to look into, and I guess I should find you something suitable to eat. When I return, you can eat and then we can finish our talk." He seems calmer, and I wonder why he's stalling. I don't know if he's talking about fattening me up for later, or feeding his pet, but at least it sounds like I'll have a little more time.

He smiles then, and he's beautiful to look at. "So Summer, we already know what I like to eat, would you care to tell me what you prefer?"

I smile back as I answer him. "I'm a true California girl. I'm a lacto-ovo vegetarian, but only if the eggs are not fertilized, and are laid by free range chickens and the milk is hormone free. I also prefer organic food, and locally grown produce." I laugh out loud at the absurdity. "But since I'm not in California, I'll just say I prefer fruits and vegetables, cheese and bread...oh and nuts. I never eat meat or anything made with the actual animal, like broth or fat."

He laughs at what I've said. "I will be back soon. Please, for your own good try not to hurt yourself while I am gone." He disappears, moving so fast I barely see him though I hear his footsteps through the cellar. I hate being alone in a strange place like this, but it gives me a chance to try to figure a way out. Of course I try to pry open the door. I even use the frame of the cot to batter it, but it's no use. I'm trapped.


	4. Chapter 4 Plaything

Chapter 4

Plaything

The woman is now my captive and I am worried she is going to hurt herself trying to break out. Now that she is calm, I leave her. I leave the house and go out. The stores and shops of the town rarely see me, but I haunt them this afternoon, thankful that the day is overcast. I move quickly, truly slipping in and out so fast and quiet it is as if I am the fictitious mist. Groceries – human food tops my list. I also shop quickly for something appropriate for her to wear. I want to laugh at the absurdity but I do not believe I will be able to stop if I start. Without trying she has domesticated me. I return with my supplies to a quiet house. I creep into the cellar to see her. She is sleeping, lying on the mattress still on the floor after her earlier tirade. I smell fresh blood and realize she has injured her fingertips trying to claw the door open.

Before she can rouse herself from her exhausted repose I sneak into her cell. The sting of the injection brings her to a full panic and she is instantly on her feet and fighting me. So effortlessly I hold her wrists in my inhuman iron grasp. Still she pulls, she writhes, kicking and even trying to bite _me_. She is so lovely with her fierce response, so like a kitten to me. I twist her arms behind her, pulling her up against me to quiet her struggles. It succeeds and she is suddenly calm and pliant against me. But her heart continues to hammer against me in her terror. Her frightened blue eyes stare up at me and I can see she has been crying.

I easily hold her wrists behind her in one hand and wipe her tears with the other. She flinches at the touch of my icy fingers. I glide my hand over the tangles of her hair, tipping her head back gently. I lower my mouth to hers. She seems startled at first and I can feel her catch her breath. Then she yields against me and sighs against my lips before her delicate tongue finds mine. She fights to pull her hands free and I let go to see if she is finished struggling. Her freed hands quickly move to the back of my head, clutching at my hair and pulling me closer. I hold her snug against me as she has both arms around my neck.

I feel the cadence of her heart sounding in my head and my senses are overloaded by everything she is: Her warmth, her softness, her gentle sighing, her sweet taste, her fragility, and her vibrant scent. I am caught off guard as the rhythm slows and I feel her arms grow slack around me. Her delicate mouth falls away from mine and her head falls to my shoulder. So caught up am in in the moment I worry that I have gone too far and taken her life.

It's the drug, and it works well putting her to sleep and I once again gather her up in my arms to carry her through my cellar. Even though she is asleep, I press her head to my chest, enjoying the feel of her face resting against me. I carry her out of the cellar and up the stairs to my suite. I feel her heart beating normally and her breathing is slow and even. Once in my bedroom I am at a loss on where to put her. The bed is an antique from the sixteenth century, with massive hand carved posts and a canopy atop them. There is a chaise lounge, but I doubt it's shape would be appropriate for an unconscious woman and I imagine her rolling off onto the antique carpet. No to the chairs, the secretary, the chest, and also the dresser. I finally go ahead and place her on the bed which has not been slept upon since I had it built over three hundred years ago.

She lies on the heavy brocade coverlet and even in her modern day clothing she looks as if she belongs there. I leave her where she lies and go to run a bath. The bathroom fills with misty steam as the claw foot tub fills with hot water. It is only as the mirror fogs up that I realize my mistake; it is not for me. The water would surely scald the girl in seconds. I adjust the water, adding plenty of cold and a touch of fragrant bath oil I have purchased. It only takes a few minutes to get everything else ready before I go back to the bed where she waits.

I undress her, tossing aside her distasteful garments. She is exquisite in every detail. I can see where the sun has kissed her arms, legs and middle as the rest of her is fine pale porcelain in comparison. It has been centuries since I have been enticed by a woman's mere nudity. I keep a calm detachment as I carry her to the bath. With one hand holding the back of her neck lightly, I am free to wash her with the other. She is not very dirty, but I feel like I am washing away the fear, sweat, and blood of her captivity. I am careful with her damaged hands and I wash her lovely face gently as well. When I wash her hair, I use a shampoo I chose for it's scent. She is clean and fragrant when I take her from her bath.

In my bed once more I dry and dress her. The new clothes fit her well and I spend time just brushing her golden hair as it dries. I force myself to leave her alone in my bed and return to the cellar. The changes I make are for her comfort, changing the bed and bedding for something fresh, clean and new. I clean the room and stock it with things she might need or want. Soap, towels, tissue, snacks, bottled water, blankets, pillows, and even some good book selections from my own library. What more could she want?

She is sleeping in my bed when I return. I have dressed her in a short white dress made out of flowing white fabric and she is lovely. Her tan arms and legs are exposed and I remember to turn up the heat in the house to keep her warm. I expect her to sleep for a couple more hours and I am reluctant to return her to her new home in the cellar. Even as I stand beside the bed watching her I can smell the layering of her scents; soap, honeysuckle shampoo, passion fruit conditioner, rose bath oil, the crispness of new clothes, and underneath it all is _her_ scent, which is softer and more alluring than all the perfumes combined.

An idea takes me and I am acting on it before I consider how wrong it is. I run another bath and submerge myself in the hottest water until my flesh is warmed. I dress in my pajamas, which I only keep in case of late night visits by uninvited guests. Back in my room I lie next to her and pull her to me. I leave the light on so I can see her beauty. I close my eyes and make believe that I am human. I love the way her body fits against me and the sweetness of her breath whispered against my face. I listen to the beating of her heart and her soft respiration and I fall into a kind of trance.

I remember her...Tessa. So unlike the woman I am holding, and yet so similar. It is the innocence I believe that I recognize in both. Though one has been gone for centuries and the other is soft and warm next to me. I now know this young woman's name is Summer. Summer...so appropriate for her warmth, her brightness, her softness, and her sweetness. But it is Tessa who slips through my memories, taunting me with her elusive charms. I remember her long dark hair that would cascade to her hips, past her narrow waist. Her head covering was always blue or white even though there were such vibrant shades in fashion at the time. She had a circlet she wore on her upper arm, but I cannot remember what it was made from...some metal I think. This is so difficult – she deserves to be remembered. I loved her so much and now I cannot even remember her only jewelry.

I stroke Summer's hair and press my lips against her forehead. I touch her curves; surely a violation of all that is decent, but it stirs my memory and Tessa is teasing me. I chase her through my memory, through the market traffic, catching sight of her blue covered head as she slips past the merchant tents to the back of a stable where she allows me to catch her. We kiss and I hold her tight against me. I touch her body in ways that would get us both flogged if we are caught, but it is worth it. She is so lush she takes my breath away and I beg her to marry me even though she has already accepted my proposal.

Her father has yet to give me an answer and let me know her bride's price, but my family sells the best olive oil in the area and I know he will accept and make us pay a huge sum for her...still for Tessa I would give it all! I wish I could reach back through time and stop the events that I know happened. I would gladly trade my entire fifteen centuries for just one more chance.

She stirs in my arms. Not Tessa, but Summer; just a slight twitch letting me know the drug will soon wear off. I'm not ready to release her. I slip from the bed and prepare another injection. She looks so helpless and peaceful curled up next to the indentation where I was lying. I feel an unfamiliar and unexpected guilt that I am using her, but at least this is a use she can survive. I lie next to her again and she unconsciously presses against me. I hold her face to face and my hands touch her body. I want her, but I am not thirsting for her. The thief has met my needs and his blood affords me time.

I lie with her; my hard inhuman arms surround her in a cold stone cage. The flawless beauty of her face rests on my shoulder as she and I breath the same air. I can feel her breathing and heart rate change almost imperceptibly as the drugs slowly leave her system. It is slow enough it gives me time to feel her semi-conscious stirrings against me. Her movements are those of one asleep rather than unconscious. I lie still and quiet as she turns, rolling to her other side to find warmth and comfort I cannot provide.

I pull her gently against me before she settles, molding to her back with my arms around her once more. I regret the loss of her face before me though the perfume of her hair is almost as intoxicating. I am mesmerized by her hair. The soft thickness of it falls to the middle of her back, a cascade of golden splendor. It is untouched by chemicals to change it's color which is so common among women of this age. I pick up a lock of the spun gold and slide it through my hands, enjoying how the ends want to curl around my fingers.

I push her hair away from the back of her neck. Her personal scent washes over me and I feel hunger for her...not the thirst of need, but _hunger._ I want her! I have my mouth against her throat before I remember that I have decided not to kill her yet. She moves then, her body coming even closer to mine as I hear the slightest sigh of pleasure. There is nothing to stop me from finishing her...except that she will be no more, and I am not yet ready for that.

I kiss her neck, feeling the hairs at the nape tickle my lips. I do not need to breath, but I find myself almost panting against her skin, taking in her scents as my lips taste the delicate membrane which holds her life force inside her. I feel her body tense and I hear the lids of her eyes open. Her gasp of alarm lets me know for sure she is totally awake.

I move quickly, my arm pins hers to her side, my leg thrown over hers to keep her still. I continue kissing around her neck, moving her slowly to her back. Her eyes are wide and terrified as she looks at me. I stop and smile reassuringly. I am waiting to feel her lungs fill with air as she prepares to scream but it never comes. Her eyes gaze into mine and I feel her yielding. I am amazed that the same woman who fought me so strenuously in the cellar is now acquiescing to my attentions. I kiss her lips and she meets me with a passion that assaults me in it's savagery. She moves against me, struggling to free her her arms. I let her succeed and she wraps me tightly in her embrace. Tightly? As if she has anything that can compare to the crushing power of my own arms; still she is using her awakening strength to pull me to her. I move over her, continuing to kiss her, feeling her fingers alternately gliding through and clutching at my hair. I do the same, feeling her hair slide through my fingers like raw silk. It is not enough; I want to touch her.

Her mouth devours mine as I explore her body with my hands. I do not remember the feel of any woman's flesh ever feeling so enticing to me, including my Tessa. I am gentle with her, knowing that I could damage her if I am not careful. Perhaps that is the lure; the necessary restraint that keeps me wanting more but needing to deny myself. Her eyes are closed and she softly moans against my mouth, clearly enjoying my lips and tongue. It is almost more than I can take and my will is challenged to it's limit. I break away from her mouth and her eyes snap open.

I can feel the pounding of her heart and the shallowness of her respiration. Her lips are rich red from kissing, and at the moment I cannot recall a more beautiful sight. "Stefan, why did you stop? Please, I want you to kiss me." Whether it is her soft voice or her request I am not sure, but all thoughts of Tessa are banished to the furthest reaches of my subconscious. It is _her _I want – my Summer. I struggle not to break her as I assault her mouth with mine. I fight to keep control as she presses herself to me, moaning and sighing with every breath she breathes. This cannot be the same woman who fought me so strenuously.

I struggle to understand the change in her, then I feel her hands touch me again unexpectedly. With so much going through my mind I did not notice her fingers working the buttons of my nightshirt. The touch of her warm hands on my bare chest is almost more than I can take. I pull back again, looking down on her as she slides her hands over the exposed skin of my chest. Her eyes speak to me of a need I have never seen in a woman's eyes. Even more shocking is the response my own body gives her. I am impossibly aroused by her, and the look on her face tells me she knows!

Her voice is rich with desire as she speaks. "Take me Stefan...I am yours." I feel such shock I am across the room before I realize I have fled from her. I need the refreshment of air that is not touching her; to leave the smell of her skin and the heat of her body. I am one thousand, five hundred years on this world, and I am completely overwhelmed by a human girl who is barely twenty-four years old.

She sits up in my bed looking at me in confusion. "Stefan, what's happening to me? Are you doing this to me? Have you somehow enthralled me?" She beckons to me from the bed. "I...I want you to come back. I want you to..._ no_... I don't!" Her heart races almost to a panicked state. I can tell any second she will be screaming. I cross the room and give her the injection before she has a chance to react. She squeals at the sudden pain and I gather her to me to muffle any screams. She briefly struggles against me, then she is calm and complacent.

"I am so sorry meu amor. I am so very sorry. I cannot…. I want to but it is not possible." I do not even understand what I am saying as she is pressing against me again. I brush the hair off her face as we sit close together, our arms around one another. I am stunned to see tears in her eyes before she rests her head against my chest.

"Stefan, I have never... I mean I'm..." She looks up at me. "You're beautiful. And you terrify me, but when you hold me like this...I just _want _you. But it's not me." Two tears slide down her lovely face. "I don't...I never have. Stefan...I'm a virgin...but you're doing something to me that makes me want you even if it kills me. And why do you keep drugging me? You're already more of a drug than I can handle." Two more tears slip from her eyes. "Please don't play with me Stefan. I'd rather you stop my heart than break it."

The drug works faster this time and she falls unconscious leaning against me. I do not play with her this time. She is even more of a mystery to me than I first believed. The coverlet on the bed is merely for show, and I go searching for a blanket with which to cover her. I find the blankets I am searching for in a closet in one of the spare bedrooms. Her hold on me is momentarily broken and I feel like a monster. I dress in my normal clothing to help avoid some of the temptations she presents. The things that go through my mind in her presence are shocking even for me.

After I cover her, I prepare another injection and I worry that I could be hurting her with the drugs. I puzzle over her words and what she may be trying to tell me. From all of my observations it seems she wants me, perhaps any way that I want her. When I was going to feed on her she was ready to allow me. But then she insists she does not want to die. And now she acts as if she wants me as a man, but insists she does not, or at least she never has before. If she is not mad, then I have to wonder if it is me. Could I be transferring my desires onto her?

I laugh at how ridiculous that would be. That I would want her or anyone else in a humanly sexual way has never crossed my mind before her declaration of surrender. Whatever this is, it must be coming from _her._ I want to test my theory so I lie next to her. I feel the same desire for her blood, but that is all. I even remove her blanket and stare at her form. Still aside from admiring her beauty I don't feel the desire for her physically. I cover her again.

I lie with her and I feel nothing for her but curiosity as she lies dormant. But there is a change when she begins to come out of unconsciousness and into normal sleep. She turns and snuggles against me, and it is there. So raw it takes my breath away. _Desire_. Even in her sleep she makes me want her. I struggle to leave her arms without waking her. I sit in a chair across the room and watch her. I can feel her heart rate increasing as she comes into a more normal sleep pattern. I watch her and still I want her. But it is more bearable from across the room. I can feel the tension between us increase as she becomes more wakeful. Her allure is almost physical and I have to remind myself not to go to her.

Her eyes open slightly and she stretches catlike under the blanket before sitting up suddenly and throwing it off. She looks startled at where she is and her fluttering eyes find me. "I thought I was only dreaming...oh my god this is real." She notices what she is wearing and I can hear her starting to panic.

"Please, stay calm, it would not do either of us any good if you become unstable now." I watch her as she looks around the room. I can feel her allure even where I stand. She is beautiful, like a young doe poised to run. I hold myself where I stand, even though I feel drawn to her. Whatever it is at work seems to be getting stronger.

"Where are my clothes? Why am I...did you dress me in this party dress?" She looks at what she is wearing as if it somehow disgusts her. She looks down the neck of the dress and groans. "Oh god, you saw me naked! She looks at me accusingly. "What else did you do to me?" The way she moves I can tell she is trying to find out if I have violated her. Shockingly I am both repulsed and enticed by the idea. "I want out of here! Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

"Like what, bello mio?" I have no idea what she is talking about.

"You look like you want to...oh my god, just stay away from me!" She moves quickly for a human, but she is no match for me as she puts her bare feet onto the floor to flee. She makes it three quick steps toward the door before I have her in my arms. Whatever her attraction, it hits me like a tidal wave and I am drowning in her! I have mere heartbeats to calm myself and not devour her where she stands. My hands refuse to obey me as they explore her suddenly willing and yielding body. Her mouth is on mine and her arms are locked around my neck.

There is a detached part of my mind that contemplates taking all she has to offer. I am a monster – a killer who has never followed any rules but my own. I could take her sexually and enjoy what so few of us have the necessary restraint to enjoy. Once I have partaken her virgin's blood, I would be free to savor her life blood...perhaps even simultaneously. I wish I can say that I do not allow that thought a place in my mind, but I am so much weaker than that. It _is _there and refuses to leave while her arms are around me and her body is pressed against me. I fight a battle with myself and it is a most painful memory that makes me strong enough to pull her arms from around my neck.

I take a moment to move the heavy chest in front of the door, blocking her escape, then retreat to the far corner of the room. I can tell my speed and strength overwhelm her, but I believe I am far enough away we can both be closer to normal. "Stay away from me if you want to live. And do not try to escape me, I cannot allow that either."

She retreats to the bed and pulls the blanket over her. With her knees drawn up defensively her eyes watch me. "Please tell me, what's going on here?" Her voice is timid, and I hear the fright just beneath it's surface. "What are you doing to me that makes me want to be close to you?"

I laugh. She has no idea that she is the one with the power to shred through my control. I cannot stop laughing and I realize it has been some time since I've felt that simple release.

"You look so...beautiful when you laugh." Her total attention is focused on me. She leans toward me and closes her eyes. "The sound is so amazing...like it's reaching right into my heart." She looks momentarily angry. "Stop doing that to me!"

"You are mistaken my dove, I am not doing anything to you. While you were unconscious I bathed you and dressed you. You were nothing more to me than a body; I've seen thousands of _bodies._ But now that you are awake it is as if you are pulling me to you. I have never had to struggle so hard to resist the taking of a human; at least not since I was a newborn. I don't know if you can understand this, but it is as if I want you so much that I _do not_ want you. I _despise_ my will not being my own! I will resist you because _I _have determined that I will. I have never been a slave to anything, or anyone, and I am too old to start now!"

She slips from the bed and begins to pace nervously. "So, just what am I supposed to do? You won't let me leave, so am I just supposed to sit around and wait until you get hungry? Is that why you were keeping me in the fridge downstairs? What's changed that I'm in a bedroom instead, or do I even want to know?" I cannot tell if she is trying to be funny or indignant. Either way it is better than dealing with her amorous attentions.

It is difficult for me to think with her questions ringing in my ears. Her distress is also making her attraction stronger and I feel an intense desire to go to her, to calm and comfort her. "STOP!" I can feel the command in my voice and I remember how it has always had the power to demand obedience. She is still, and her wide blue eyes are locked onto me. "Listen to me, mon beau captif. I do not want to hurt you, but you are correct, this is an impossible situation. I have a plan, but it requires cooperation on your part." I see the suspicion in her eyes, but I continue. "We must leave this room. I know you do not like it, but the space in the cellar is safer for you right now. I am going to call someone who may be able to help me solve this puzzle." I watch her and she looks around the room as if considering her gains and losses. Is it worth losing the comfort of this room if it means we will not be locked in together?

"I need to use the bathroom, does yours work?" Her question is simple enough, but I didn't know the answer; what does one of my kind need with a toilet?

"Use whatever you need my pet. I do not know if it works, but the rest of the plumbing is adequately functional so it should work. Just remember that I can hear everything, and I can reach you even if you lock the door." She seems shaken at the warning, but when she steps into the small adjoining room I am relieved. I listen as she shuts the door, and the lock is turned. I cross the room and move the chest away from the door. I can hear her in the other room as she opens every drawer and cupboard. I want to laugh at this proof that she is trying to find a way out, or a way to protect herself. It seems she is not as resigned to dying as it seemed at first. I hear her flush the device and then I listen as she drinks from the sink. I step far away from the door as she comes out.

"If you keep a distance from me of twenty feet or more it should limit our...strong reactions, agreed?" She pays little attention to me as she seems to be searching for something in the room.

"Where have you put my clothes? It's cold in the basement and you can't expect me to hang out in this..._dress. _ Why would you make me wear this hoochie mama outfit anyway?" I know she is offended, but I have no clue why that is. The dress looks lovely on her, soft and feminine and showing her womanly curves.

"Your clothes were distasteful. I burned them." Her look of shock I expect, but her outburst takes me by surprise.

"You what? You burned my clothes! My blouse, jeans, bra, underwear, shoes, socks...all of it? You can't be serious? Oh, you're a piece of work! I can't believe you stole my clothes and dressed me like some street-walking hooker and have the nerve to tell me _my _clothes were 'distasteful!' You have _no _idea!"

She is starting to get to me again as she rants, pacing back and forth between the bathroom and the bed. She expounds on common decency, modesty, and my 'warped' sense of fashion; all the while tossing her hair and using her hands to illustrate her points. Her words are quickly lost on me as her wonderful magnetism begins to pull at me.

She snaps me out of my fog when she starts to open the doors and drawers in my room. One by one she opens and shuts them, searching for...I have no idea as I have missed what she was talking about. The closet is a bare five feet from where I cower and she rifles through it and finds that for which she is searching. Still she has no idea how close I am to pouncing on her.

She is so beautiful, and her heart is beating loudly in my ears even as she all but disappears inside my closet. It is the only thing that saves her; that small barrier which blunts the overwhelming bouquet of her fragrances from me. I push the door shut, closing her inside as I flee to the hallway. I am reminded of a television cartoon – Vladmir likes TV and cartoons. In the one I recall, a small suicidal mouse is chasing a cat around the house begging to be eaten. But the cat is terrified of the mouse because it believes it to be poisoned. And the humor comes from the prey chasing the predator and causing it to be afraid to do what it is designed to do. She is my mouse!

I hear her indignant yelling from my closet before she opens the door and comes stumbling out with an armful of my clothes. I am not concerned with what she has, only with keeping her away from me. "You forgot what I told you ma petite souris, you need to stay further away from me for your safety and my peace of mind."

Her eyes are sparkling with anger and indignation. Her lips are pursed and there is bright color in her cheeks. Her beauty is almost overpowering. Thankfully she does not approach me as my grip on the doorway is crushing the wood. "You can't just destroy my clothes; that's unacceptable. You don't get it do you? You don't even think you did anything wrong." The cadence of her heart is thankfully coming back down to normal.

"No, I am afraid _you _are the one who lacks understanding." I level my gaze with her eyes. "I am determined not to kill you; but you must meet me half way. If you do not stop testing me, your clothes will not be the last thing I destroy!" I tear off a handful of crushed wood to illustrate my point. I watch her bright color pale as it hits her what I am capable of doing to her. We stand there frozen, looking at one another for a very long moment.

"Now, if you care to be more wary, I would like you to walk back down and through the house. Once you are in the cellar you will be much safer. Do not try to flee or fight me; I will stop you, and I may not be able to stop myself from...you do not want to know." I back up and allow her to come through the door.

"Go down the hallway, turn right and follow that hall to the stairway." She looks at me trailing a good distance behind her as she pads barefoot along the carpeted hall. She walks slowly, gazing at the architecture and occasionally caressing along the carved wood trim. At the stairway landing she stops and I hear her heart pound and her breath catch.

"This is it!" she exclaims, turning to me with her bright eyes. "This is what I came to see! I had no idea there was a window seat here; she used to sit right here to wait for her father to come home from work!" The dying rays of the setting sun are kissing her hair, and as much as she hates the dress I chose, it makes her look like a young nymph as she kneels on the bench to gaze out the window.

I stop a safe distance from her and watch her carefully. I think about how she could break the window to scream for help, or throw herself out to get away from me. But instead she just seems happy looking at it. When she stands to turn my way she is smiling in a way that would be sure to make a human man fall in love with her.

"Please, I'll go to the basement like you want, but can I look around first? I won't try to escape or cause any problems. Please?" I nod slightly and she is off. Down the hallway, peeking in through doors, looking out windows, touching wood molding and gazing at painted murals on walls and ceilings. I listen, watch, and follow her through the rooms of the upstairs. She reaches the end of the hallway and I snap out of my observations in time to yell at her not to open the last doors. She is frightened at the tone of my voice and she jumps back from the door handle she was touching.

"That is Vladmir's suite. I respect his privacy when the door is closed, whether he is here or away. His rooms are not much different than mine, except that he enjoys the modern age much more than I do. Television, stereo equipment, video games, computer and internet are all in his corner of the house. Please, do not go in there."

She steps away obediently and I curse my stupidity for telling her where she could find tools to aid in her escape or rescue. She does not look back as she heads instead for the stairway and I backtrack. Her exploration brings home just how big the house is as she goes from room to room, floor by floor. Truly it is more of a museum than a home. The time it takes for her to merely look and take note of everything stretches into the early evening. She also asked my permission to peek into boxes and look at the artwork and antiques. She is overwhelmed by the age and number of artifacts she finds tucked here and there throughout. Time and again she indicates some antique and asks me about it. Fortunately my memory is better when I have something concrete to look at and touch and I am able to fill in the details of her finds.

I have just begun to enjoy her exploration when she finishes. She stands at the door to the cellar and sadly opens it. I follow her as she treads softly on the old wooden steps and makes her way into the depths. She stands and waits patiently while I unlock the cell and then she steps into it as I close the door, locking it behind her.

"Stefan?" She looks at me from inside, chewing her bottom lip.

"Yes, what is it?" I can stand closer with her inside. The wall is sealed on all four edges, and I only hear her voice through the two way speakers.

"I don't want to die. I'll try not to be any trouble, but... please find some other way out of this."

I remember to turn up the heat for the cellar, then I leave her again and go to my house mate's suite to make a phone call. I dial the numbers from memory and listen to all the noises as the call crosses the ocean to connect. When he picks up I am trying to decide what I am going to say.

"Carlisle, this is Stefan. I need your help."

I can hear the distance of the connection. An ocean separates us and yet he knows it is me. Vladmir is my best friend, but Carlisle is the one with whom I need to speak. There are no pleasantries spoken between us; no 'how is the family, what is the weather like there?' just straight to the point. I tell him I need to see him and he asks me why. "It is a matter of life and death," I say and I am surprised to hear the timbre of my voice – I am trying to influence him. I have to calm myself, and I take several deep breaths and try to order my thoughts. I can hear her heart beating. She is three floors below me and locked away...and yet I still hear it. Calm.

"Carlisle, I need a favor...I am calling on any indebtedness you may feel for the help we..._.I_ offered when you had trouble with the...Volturi." He knows I despise them and would have crossed the ocean in a heartbeat to see them beaten. But still I hope he is grateful enough to help. I tell him a bit about my Summer, and how she has some hold on me and I need him to come and help me discover why I am so drawn to her.

"Stefan, I just can't leave without any notice like this. I have a schedule to keep, patients to see, appointments that have been booked months in advance...I can come in a week or two at best."

I know he is sincere, but my grip on the phone is threatening to crush the plastic. "Carlisle, I would not call if I were not desperate. I have barely managed to spare her life for the short time I have known her. If you cannot help me I have no choice but to kill her. I am sorry to have bothered you." I am about to hang up when I hear his pleading voice on the line.

"No! Stefan, are you still there? Don't do anything, I'll come. I'll catch the first flight out, I should be there...as soon as I can, okay? Can you hold out til I get there?"

"I will try to wait." I hang up the phone. I know I have left him with the feeling that he has to hurry if he is to save a life. Perhaps that was misleading, but I know that to appeal to a doctor it has to be life and death. But as I think about the woman in the basement I know that it _is _a matter of life and death. In a week or two it will be too late. I will have no choice but to kill her before Vladmir returns; he may bring others with him and there will be no way to save her if that happens.

I return to the cellar with the food I promised her, and find she has changed out of the dress. She is wearing my clothes. A white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up over her hands. She's left the top buttons open and there is no mistaking she is female in it. My pants are rolled at the cuffs and her bare feet poke out. She has tucked the shirt into the high waist of the pants and pulled a belt tightly at the middle so they don't fall off. She looks startled to see me.


	5. Chapter 5 Ancient History

Chapter 5

Ancient History

While I was upstairs, he had replaced the old ragged cot with the twin bed I'm now relaxing on. He seems to have made several changes in the cell, including new bedding, soap, towels, and a toothbrush, a basket of snack foods, and even a stack of books.

I can't tell time and so I don't know how long it takes him to return with food for me. I hear a sound, a slight click and see he has just left my cell. I jump up startled and see he has left a tray for me and he is once again standing silently outside my cell. It seems he has brought me everything I mentioned and I hear my stomach growl in response to the food.

He laughs, and it's such an unfamiliar sound I snap my head up to look at him. "Your stomach is growling petite fille. Such a human response surprises me. Eat! No need that _you _should go hungry."

I carry the tray to the bed and pull the chair up, creating a makeshift table so I don't have to sit and balance it on my knees. He's thought of everything, and I can imagine everything on the tray being served in a fine cafe somewhere back home. The salad is lovely with several rich lettuces, tomatoes, olives and feta cheese. There is dark bread, olive oil, a hard white cheese, and fresh pears. He's even left a small bottle of wine and a glass. I try to remember my manners and not tear into the food I'm so hungry. Again I hear his gentle laughter.

"Imagine feeling like you do now, but trying to resist the food you desire most. Could you sit in there and look at that tray and _not _eat? How long do you think you could hold out my dear? I mean, even if you could take away the fact of starvation...would you be able to resist? Knowing that one tiny bite would mean failure...one small olive, one sip of wine...one crumb of bread. Could you deny yourself?"

I pause to listen to him with a roll already in my hand. I can feel it's softness just beneath the outer crust and I am looking forward to tasting it dipped in olive oil. Still I feel I have to answer him. I reluctantly put the roll back on the tray and stand. When I face him, less than a foot separates us and I can see my reflection in the glass as well.

"So to you I'm nothing more than a few leafy greens and some bread? Listen, you know I'm hungry, and maybe it gives you some perverse sense of satisfaction to try to make me see things your way like this. But there's a difference here your example doesn't cover; and that's that when _you _eat, someone dies. As hungry as I am, if it meant the death of someone, you can be sure I'd resist. Why do you think I'm a vegetarian in the first place? I don't want to take life to sustain my own – even animal life."

"Querido, I truly did not mean to make such a comparison. Please eat, forget I said anything I was merely pointing out how sustenance too can become a strong desire." He looks as if he is upset by my argument. "Please forgive me...it is not right that I should transfer my guilt onto you. You have done nothing wrong, and I have done..._everything._ Please eat."

I go back to my roll and it is heavenly. He watches me eat, and it's hard not to feel self conscious. But I'm hungry and I finish off everything he brought. I set the tray aside with nothing but the wine left. I open a bottle of water instead.

"So, what can you tell me about yourself, besides that you're old and bored and want to drink my blood? I mean, where do you come from if you're not what Bram Stoker wrote about?" I try hard not to sound too impressed with him, but he's very imposing as he stands and watches me. I don't expect him to answer, and it startles me when he speaks.

"So many people I have known would say I am Romanian; I've lived in this country for nearly a thousand years. I speak the language better than a native, and I have adapted my name as well. But I was born in Greece around 509 a.d. My family was fairly wealthy as we owned olive groves which produced fine olive oil. But I was not destined to go into the family trade. I went to school instead and studied under some of the best philosophers of my time. I had a love for politics and enjoyed the sound of my own voice. Fortunately so did many others and everywhere I went people would gather to hear me speak. Roman rule was taking over and more and more the life I knew was being subverted to Christianity. It seemed almost daily there was something new to rail against, and the crowds came out to hear me more and more. Sometimes I felt if I wanted to lead a revolt, I could easily gather an army to follow me.

"Emperor Justinian closed the schools I loved, where philosophy was taught. I held a major rally. All the learned men came out to hear me speak. I spoke of resistance to Roman authority in our daily lives, I ranted against Christianity and it's monotheism which threatened to ruin our way of life. And I praised the philosophers of our time who were on the cutting edge of modern thinking. I was young, brash, and arrogant and I thought I was invincible. It is a pity the Romans did not see me in such a favorable light."

He stops talking. I can tell he is about to tell a somber part of his tale just by the dark look on his face. He has very expressive eyes, even though the color continually reminds me that he is a killer. I can't help but watch him as he continues his tale.

"I was engaged at the time. As good as married actually, to a wonderful and beautiful woman named Tessa. It tears my heart out that I cannot remember the exactness of her face. I would give more than you could possibly know to be able to recall just one clear memory of her. Long dark hair, rich brown eyes, luminescent olive skin...such a general description it could be any woman. But my Tessa was...all I ever really wanted. I loved her the depth of the sea and the vastness of the starry sky. It was only a few short weeks until we were to be married and she would be mine for keeps." He stops talking and I wonder if he will cry. I want to cry myself since clearly his story does not end happily.

"Just before my last speech, I spent time with her. She seemed nervous about it and begged me not to stir up trouble. I remember kissing her sweet lips...and reassuring her that everything would be fine. Of course you can already guess it was never fine again." He paces, running his hands through his hair. It seems so strange to hear him talk about life in Greece, where I imagine he would wear togas, or some kind of flowing robes He paces outside my cell in nineteenth century style. Black pants over shiny black shoes, high collar white shirt, button up vest, and heavy black coat. He looks like he's from the turn of the last century.

"The crowd gathered and there were more people than I had ever had come to hear me. Oh and I spoke with the fire and fervor that had them hanging on my every word. I had selected a place where my voice would echo out to the crowd and reach more ears. It was a glorious feeling! But so caught up was I in swaying the crowd, I paid no attention to what was coming behind me. At the height of my speech I was arrested! Which is a polite way to say I was beaten unconscious and dragged away in chains.

"The charges were numerous and each time I was told, the list seemed to grow. Some of them I was indeed guilty, but others were made up and groundless. Still they put me into an underground cell and seemed to forget about me for a week. I was not used to being treated so poorly and it did not take long for me to lose hope. After a week I had visitors. Family and friends came and went, but each of them told the same story, that I was likely facing execution for my crimes against the Roman authority. I tried to get someone to mount some kind of defense for me, but they were all afraid to be associated with me. It was as good as done in their eyes.

"My time of marriage came and went and still I was locked up. I became despondent and lost all hope. That is when I was visited by a deity. Later I could say he truly looked like an angel he was so beautiful. He had long blond hair the likes of which I had never seen on a man or woman. Skin as pale as alabaster, and a face that would never be forgotten by any who saw it. He came right into my cell, opening the iron door as if it were nothing to him. He introduced himself as Caius." He says the name with venom and I expect him to spit to get the taste out of his mouth. I hang on every word as he seems a thousand miles, or more like a thousand years, away.

"In the hours between dusk and dawn he outlined a new plan for me; a plan where I would not die. Oh, and the wondrous things he told me...about how I would be able to have my Tessa...about how I would live in luxury and riches...about how people would adore me...and about how I would live a long and happy life. And all of this in exchange for one year of training and service. The way he explained it, I would be more like a god than a man. He told me I would need a year to learn how restrain my strength and glory so that I could live among those who are not gods. He told me that in a year I could come back and claim my Tessa and she too could be a goddess.

"I wanted to laugh or argue with him, but he stood before me clearly not of my world. He invited me to attack him and I could not even harm him, though he raised no defense. He punched holes through the walls of my cell with his bare hands and moved so fast I could not see him. Even though I sensed there might be something he was not telling me, I was certain my only other alternative was death. I made the bargain with Caius and just before dawn he attacked me.

"I was sure that he was killing me and I fought against him with all the strength I had. It was not enough, and when he left me I was barely clinging to life. The pain was excruciating. I feel like I had been thrown into a furnace but somehow I was not killed instantly. I felt every part of me die and catch fire. I wondered if I was actually being executed by burning, but there was no smoke or flames. There was only hour upon hour of agony, and my screams brought no relief. I felt my heart stop and the terrible burning was nothing compared with the sense of loss I felt over all I feared I would never see again. I knew that I was dead and I wondered if my soul was doomed to hover over my body forever. The philosopher in me wondered what my afterlife would be like and I tried to shed myself of my body.

"I was amazed when the body came with me. When I could stand up in my cell I was clearly not the man I used to be. I spent time mimicking what I had seen Caius do and I felt I had indeed become a god. I heard a rat scurry out of my cell and I could not believe how much of it I could hear. It's paws tapping on the rock, it's breathing, and it's tiny rapid heartbeat were all perfectly clear in my new godlike ears. I followed it. There were other cells, and they were mostly empty, but two were not. I tore the doors off of one. The man inside did not stand a chance and I feed on him before I even realized I felt the need. His blood was like nothing I had ever tasted – ambrosia of the gods. More powerful and satisfying than anything I had ever consumed, and I wanted more

"Fortunately the jail was small and I was forced to limit my kills to five before I rushed out into the day, free to be a god. Even my skin shone like diamonds in the sun. I felt powerful and important and I found the place of my oratory and began speaking. In minutes I had a crowd, and in an hour there was a huge throng of people listening to me, watching me, amazed at my power and beauty. I held them in the palm of my hand, including the Roman soldiers who had come to stop my speech. I was invincible! There were hundreds if not thousands of them and I was their god! It was clear to me that I was to lead those people, and I knew they would worship me, bow down to me, and make blood sacrifices to _me._ I saw it in their eyes, heard it in their voices, in their raw admiration.

"It was then he returned. Caius. Just as I would go into the crowd and collect my blood offerings he returned to remind me of the price of my godhood. One year. I wanted to fight him, I wanted to challenge him, but I feared that maybe as he had given me the gift, he could also take it away. I went with him, leaving behind all I knew. As we traveled he taught me the language of the Romans. He taught me a new law unto those of our kind. Not one of open adoration by our subjects, but one of secrecy and careful selection to avoid notice. He told me we should never be seen in the sunlight and never to give away our secret. _Secret!_ I was assaulted by the idea that a god would need to keep his majesty secret, but Caius told me it was the law. Who made these laws? I would certainly find out I vowed."

I listen raptly as he tells his story. His voice is oddly hypnotic, even through the speakers. I don't interrupt, even to ask questions, his story is fascinating. I'm not sure how long he speaks, but it feels late and I catch myself yawning. I'm not sure why I'm so tired, maybe it's the stress, or maybe a side effect of the drugs. I can barely keep my eyes open, and he finally notices.

"You need to sleep poco essere umano, I will speak with you in the morning. If you need anything, I will hear you if you ask." He leaves me, and I take off the pants and belt before I cover up in the bed. I spend a little time lying awake wondering if I'll wake up in the morning. I wonder what he does with all the time he has since he clearly doesn't need to sleep. I imagine him prowling through the darkness looking for victims to drink. The thoughts seem incongruous with the arrogant creature who looks more like he belongs in a library or a museum than a monster movie.

I can't believe how much the books and movies got wrong. He doesn't sleep during the day, and he didn't seem affected by the sunlight. He's fast and strong, but he doesn't read minds or change into animals. He's not affected by the cross since I ran across one as I explored and he was fine handling it. And the wood he broke off in his hand didn't seem to bother him either. He has no fangs. I don't know why that bothers me so much, but I guess it's because he just looks so close to human without them. He does drink blood. Oh yes, I don't think I'll ever forget that little truth. And even though he insists he can not, I know he can enthrall me. I close my eyes and drift off.


	6. Chapter 6 Tantrum

Chapter 6

Tantrum

I find my way back to the cellar, and it is almost as if I am drawn there. She sleeps, curled up on the twin bed. I watch her as she seems to be dreaming, with her eyes moving quickly beneath her lids. She tosses and turns, looking distressed at what should be a peaceful moment. She kicks aside her blanket and she is wearing only my shirt. Her legs are long, tan, and bare and my shirt threatens to expose even more of her as she sleeps fitfully. I don't know how long I stare before I get control of myself enough to leave. My hand is in my pocket grasping the key to her cell as I rush from the cellar.

Back in my suite I pace the floor. I cannot think of anything that will hold my interest more than the woman below me. Books, music, art, even my journals are no match for watching her sleep. Impossible!

I again leave the house and haunt the town. It is late and the department stores are nearing their closing time. Our accountants are going to wonder what happened when the bills from this time show up. Not that we have never purchased food; we do just to keep them from questioning. But it is always donated anonymously. It is tonight's purchases that will have them wondering what we need with women's clothing. I have to grin myself at the thought of why two bachelors would buy such things. The thought of Vladmir cross dressing comes unbidden into my mind.

I find myself laughing as I drive through the town. I don't laugh often; at least not in my normal daily activities. Vladmir laughs, but he enjoys the entertainment that technology provides. He loves cartoons and anything animated. He also still loves the comedians of the mid twentieth century; Groucho Marx, Abbott and Costello, Bob Hope, and of all things the Three Stooges. I can hear him laughing every time he watches those comedy routines. I do not understand how he can find them so funny over and over again, when they are only mildly amusing to me the first time. Perhaps that is what I am missing; my friend Vladmir who fills up so much empty space in my life. He is a good friend even though we do not share many of the same interests. He likes playing cards, any game of skill and chance. He also paints, though not as well as you might think for someone who has seen many masterpieces painted in person. Well, at least he is not terrible, and he truly loves it.

And then there are the dogs. Usually we are only able to keep one at a time, and he will go through the animal shelter for days until he finds just the right dog that will not react negatively to him. Then he lavishes it with attention and trains it to guard the house and property. He would be very upset to know that the thief drugged his precious Aro! Again I find myself laughing, almost uncontrollably. He names his dogs after the Volturi. Aro is a brown pit bull with a happy disposition when he is not on watch. Vladmir especially enjoyed training Aro, using the name every time it did something wrong. It was 'Good Boy' when it did the right thing, and 'Bad Aro!' when it misbehaved.

I am wondering what people must think of me, out shopping when it is rare to ever even see me. At best I am the recluse who lives in the manor house. At worse I am the threat mothers use to keep their children in line. I typically only venture out when absolutely necessary. The modern age moves faster than I enjoy, and the people who share the world with us have little patience.

Vladmir has recently begun leaving the house more regularly. Ever since our visit to the Cullen family in America he has adopted some of their particularly human aspects. He has put away all of his old suits and dresses more like Carlisle instead. I have even seen him sporting denim and T-shirts like the younger one, Edward. And he goes out in public; to theaters, to restaurants and nightclubs, and even to daytime recreation places and parks when the weather permits.

Of course he has also adopted a strange hunting habit and I worry about him. He travels to major cities and hunts the streets. His newest prey is drug addicts – those so far gone they don't even recognize the danger he represents. He tells me their tainted blood sometimes affects him in strange ways before the venom in his system overcomes it. Still with all the changes Vladmir is making, I know he would think I have lost what is left of my mind if he knew about Summer.

I cannot stop thinking about her. I have purchased clothes for her and even shoes. I do not know why I feel I have to make up for burning her horrid attire, but I will try. I even have to ask for assistance from the sales person. I remembered her sizes before I destroyed her things. But trying to explain that I want something beautiful and modest, and comfortable brings more strange looks than I am used to seeing. The woman shows me many things, the doubt plain on her face until I start to nod and agree to purchase her selections. I spend an enormous amount of money on clothes for my _guest._ When I leave the store I am laden down with what I am assured is everything a young lady will need to present herself in public.

In the back of my mind I wonder why she is going to need so many clothes if her life expectancy is so limited. But I am not ready to contemplate her death, so instead I look forward to Carlisle's visit. I should know better than to put so much hope into a desired outcome, but I find a small spark of excitement in her presence and her mystery. Well, more than a small spark if I am honest with myself.

Once again I am back home and I am comforted by the steady sound of her heart. She sounds like she is still sleeping and I store my purchases in my room. I rush down the stairs to see her curled up in bed with her knees drawn up like a child. My shirt barely covers her, and her bare legs look so enticing. I wonder how she can sleep so much, and I cannot resist, I click my heels noisily on the floor to startle her awake. I love to watch her stretch as she wakes and the surprised look on her face when she sees me watching her.

She looks irritated with me as she runs her fingers through her tangled hair. I remember how much I enjoyed brushing it when she was upstairs. She gets up and slips back into my pants, cinching the belt tight around her. Then she begins to pace the room, glaring at me each time she passes near the glass. I ask her how she slept, but she doesn't answer, instead giving me a look that tells me she thinks it a foolish question. I had hoped we had gotten past her anger at her captivity, but it is back in full force.

"How long are you going to keep me here?" She looks at me and asks, as if I know an answer to tell her. "Why would this stupid glass keep me from feeling whatever it is you're doing to me?" Again a question I cannot answer. "Why are you just standing there like you can't speak? I've heard you talk, I know you're not mute! Or is it your voice that holds the power over me? Is that it?" My smile seems to irritate her, but I enjoy the way she is thinking through our problem. What if it is my voice? I do not recall trying to influence her, but I have never truly tested the limits of my talent. I know that it is partly my voice, and partly my will that affects people. But why would my will leave her wanting...what we were both wanting? I really wish Carlisle were here to find an answer to these questions.

I do have the ability to give her commands she would feel compelled to follow. But I have not been doing that, and we have both been so drawn to one another, it is as if we are magnetic. It is her desire for me that I find most shocking. I have not been intimate with a woman or another vampire for so long, even my memory of the event is fading. The idea would not have come into my mind if not for her suggestion. And now that the idea has been planted in my mind, it is seeking to grow and I cannot unthink it. She is so lovely, even in my clothes, and even angry at my lack of answers.

I do not like having more questions than answers. I experiment for both our benefit. I give her a sampling of my voice; bits of political or revolutionary speeches I've made in centuries past. I try to influence her through the glass, but she remains impassive and still irritated. I try to push my will upon her, suggesting that she should wear the dress I gave her. She picks up the dress and flings it at me where it hits the glass and slides to the floor.

"Listen you...creep, you might have the power to kill me, but you're not going to make me do something if I don't want to!" And then she blushes, clearly remembering what she allowed and invited. She growls in frustration, clenching her hands into tiny fists. My laughter sends her flouncing onto the bed facing away from me. She sits up suddenly, looking my way. "Oh, and by the way, your books are BOR-RRING! Turn of the Century Politics? Great Leaders of the Napoleonic Era? Ancient poetry written in Latin? Who reads this stuff? She indicates the stack of books I've left for her before flopping down onto a pillow. "Oh, why don't you just go away until it's time for you to eat me, or drink me, or whatever it is you do!" I hear her words muffled in the pillow.

I am not sure what to make of her contrary behavior. On one hand it is insulting the way she seems to throw my hospitality in my face. She obviously has yet to grasp the idea that she should be dead, and instead she is alive despite all the problems it is causing me. But then again it is the only rebellion afforded her in a situation that is far from ideal for either one of us. I watch her lying face down on the bed, with her ankles crossed swinging back and forth over her body like a pendulum. I try to pull myself away from her, but something about her ankles peeking out of the cuffs of my own pants...and the way my clothes are hugging her body. I dip my hand into my pocket and grasp the key.

I should resist. I know how dangerous it can be, but I have the strongest desire to upset the balance of her world. Ah how power doth corrupt! I place the key in the lock and stop breathing. The sound of the door opening sends her scrambling in a panic, scooting for the far corner of the bed. I relish the sound of her heart racing and I smile malevolently in her direction. Two steps into the room and I snatch up the dress from the floor. I hold it to my face as if I am smelling it, but still dare not breath. Not breathing does help, but I forget it is only helpful for me. Her own eyes watch me, first with fear, then with fascination. I am feeling smug in my ability to rattle her when she moves to the edge of the bed, closer to me. Her blue eyes stare at me and her delicate mouth opens in a look of pure desire that shakes me to my core.

She puts one bare foot onto the floor and I have the distinct feeling I am being stalked! I turn to pick up the tray and she stands. "No!" I gasp as I whirl toward the door with the tray and her rejected dress. I am so much faster than she is, which is the only reason I make it out before she races to where I was standing. I lock the door behind me as she tries again to open it herself. I back away from the door and when I start breathing again I feel like there is not enough air in the room. I close my eyes to block her from my sight. Somehow the look of dejection on her face is more an accusation than a triumph.

When I look at her again, I can see she has recovered her sanity and she knows exactly what I have done. She is angry with me and she screams in frustration at the glass wall. "Coward! Why don't you just finish it! I'm not a freaking goldfish in a bowl! Just do it already! Do something! Anything! You can't keep me here forever like I'm some kind of hamster...some lab experiment to play with!" She screams then, but not like I ever expected her to when she was frightened. This is anger and frustration seething up from a dark place inside her. She is not finished as she grabs the books I have left for her and she hurls them one after another against the glass, each time she snarls or screams as ten rare antique books thud against the wall and crumple to the stone floor, some separating from their bindings and some with pages crumbling to dust.

It pains me to see my books destroyed, but more than that, I cannot stand to see what I have done to her. She is right. I have treated her as a pet; some kind of curiosity to distract me from my dull existence. She shames me. I cannot say a word to her, but instead I gather up the dishes and her dress and leave her to regain her peace. Once upstairs I clean and put away the dishes. I move up to my suite to make sure I stay far away from her. I am anxious for Carlisle to get here so he can fix what is wrong with me.

Once more in my suite I strive for calm and the order I have established in my routines. But there is evidence of her all around me. The bed is still disheveled and the bathroom bears evidence of her explorations. My closet needs to be straightened and the door frame needs repair. And it smells like her throughout. I spend time putting everything right, except for the wood, which will take an expert to repair the antique molded detail. Even with everything set right it still bears witness to her presence.

I spend time just listening to her below me. Not only do I hear her heartbeat, but I can also hear her muttering aloud to herself. I wonder if she knows I can hear her, as the things she says about me are not flattering. Well, except the part about being gorgeous and sexy. No, she obviously cannot know I can hear or she would not give me that much of a complement. I make a list of expletives and other adjectives she uses to describe me. I actually write them into my journal, hoping that some day I will be able to laugh at them.

Once I start writing I cannot stop. The subject is of course Summer, and I fill pages about her, using a nib and ink in what Vladmir calls old-fashioned script. I am a bit of a writing snob when it comes to my penmanship. I like that my journals look like they are written in calligraphy, with all the swirls and curls that have been lost as time moves forward. It is how I learned to write and I see no reason to change if it works. It is barely enough to keep me from descending to the cellar to explore all the dark desires with which her presence taunts me.


	7. Chapter 7 Volterra

Chapter 7

Volterra

He has returned. I'm calmer after my tirade, but I still don't have any idea what he plans to do with me. He's tried his speeches on me, but unless he opens the door, they don't seem to hold much power over me. He has me so confused, a part of me wants to cooperate with him, and a part of me wants to fight for all I'm worth.

I watch him as he paces outside my cell. He's a bundle of pent-up energy and I wonder if he notices how loud his heels are on the old stone when he gets agitated. I wonder if he knows that like me, he too talks with his hands when he's excited. The partition between us has saved my life. I can see that now that my mind is clear of his devastating charm. I know that even though it's locked against me, he can easily open it with his key. I try not to think about how he could come straight through the wall if he chose as well.

Even without whatever it is that had me fawning over him, I still can't take my eyes off of him. The man is beautiful – drop dead gorgeous. Even if I could put him next to all the leading men in Hollywood he would still outshine the mere mortals. His voice is hypnotic, even through the speakers . I want to believe everything he says and do everything he commands. I am grateful he hasn't commanded me to do anything but stay away from him.

I still don't know what he plans to do with me, but I am confident that he won't kill me; at least until I've heard his story. He also assures me he has someone on the way who will help him figure out the strange electric attraction between us. Locked behind the glass I can now see what he's talking about. It stuns me that he feels the same attraction toward me, considering how deadly it can be for me. Even more, I am overwhelmed that it is _me _who has that kind of affect on _him_. I mean I'm used to having the attention of men. I'm a blond, blue-eyed, tan, fit, California girl, and that kind of fits with so many stereotypes that men look for.

It has always been hard for me to find men willing to look beyond the package to who I really am on the inside. Before my dad got really sick the men were falling at my feet like ripe fruit from the trees. Still, I would find out on the first date that the fruit wasn't just ripe, it was rotten. They wanted nothing more from me that whatever they thought I would allow them to do to me. So many dates would be polite at the door with my dad, only to attack me later, while making declarations of love, lust, and need.

What baffles me about Stefan is that he seems to feel the same kind of attraction to me as the men I've dated. And yet when I consider his age, his control, and his supernatural abilities, I have no idea why that is. I'm sure he's come across pretty girls before without experiencing the kind of attraction he seems to feel toward me. I only wish his attraction for me didn't include my blood.

Without warning he leaves, and soon returns with more food. He warns me to get away from the door, and he sets the tray inside, like the world's fastest waiter. Even from my corner I feel drawn to him and it's only his command that keeps me from flying into his arms.

Once again on the other side he appears to take a minute to calm himself, all the while staring at me hungrily from his side of the partition. I try not to pay attention to the raw lust on his face, and I check out what's on the tray. He's brought me a selection of desserts and my mouth waters just looking at them. Sugared pecans, strawberry cheesecake, baklava, and a thick wedge of dark chocolate cake. He has also left the bottle of wine even though I have yet to taste it.

"Okay, you can't lie to me now, I _know _you're trying to make me fat." I smile his way so he knows I'm joking. "This is way too much for one person...there's probably two days calories here."

He looks a little embarrassed as he shrugs. "I did not think about that. I simply purchased the things that _I _would like to eat if I could. Mon bel – Summer – I know I am making mistakes. I shop for food and I do not even know for what I am looking. My last real meal was..." He looks suddenly upset. "I cannot even remember! It was with her...Tessa my fiance...there were grapes...that is all I remember; feeding her grapes." I can see the sadness on his face as he seems to be reliving a moment that happened before the dark ages.

He shakes himself out of his reverie and waves his hand in my direction. "Please eat. And you should try the plum wine, they make it locally and it is quite well known." I don't waste time arguing about getting fat, but I instead savor a few bites of every dessert. I also try the wine, and it's perfect after all the sweetness. I don't usually drink, so I limit myself to half a glass. The whole time I eat, he watches me, and I can see he is pleased every time I exclaim over how delicious the food is to me. As soon as I've eaten more than enough, I pull the chair in front the glass and sit to watch him.

"Summer, do you have any idea what a cult is? I mean do you know how easy it is to twist someone's beliefs and use them for your own ends? I am amazed how easy it is to steal the will from a human being and make them do...anything you wish. Have you ever seen anything like that?" His eyes have an intensity that sends shivers down my spine.

"I live in California. There are churches to every religion, and every denomination of those religions. Not to mention every type of spirituality that can be dreamed up. I've seen people worship crystals, pyramids, music, and celebrities, and that's before you add in drugs and drinking. On the news they tell of mass suicides of one, and the suicide bombing of another. Maybe I have never seen it first hand, but I've definitely heard about it, Stefan.

He nods as I speak. "Well, no matter what you know of such things, what I saw in Italy was so much _more_ than that. Caius took me to a remote city. One surrounded and fortified by a high stone wall. It was there that I learned first hand about becoming a god. He introduced me to Marcus and his beautiful wife, as well as Aro who was unmarried at the time. There were others like us, of course, but the three of them were elevated somehow above the others. I am not sure how or why, but it was an uncontested agreement. They were the unholy trinity of law makers, the ones who would decide who lived and who died, for both human and god alike.

"At first I was in awe of them. They truly presented themselves as gods, clothing themselves in the finest of robes and jewels. They listened to no arguments against what they declared to be law. They granted favor to those of our kind who pleased them, and they punished those who did not. And the city was built around them. They subverted the strengthening Christian church to their own needs. They set themselves up in the eyes of the humans as religious leaders, adopting the Roman religious hierarchy and declaring the humans from the surrounding villages and communities to be their subjects. It was so well planned I was shocked that I could play any part in what they had built.

"But they wanted me. They actually needed my talent for speaking. You see, Caius had heard me speak on the day I was arrested. That canny vulture recognized that I had a gift, and he took a chance that it would only become stronger once I was changed. He was right. My gift for gathering crowds and getting people to listen to me was now much more of a command. I found out early that I could draw in a crowd. People would drop what they were doing and come close to hear me. Even more, if it was something that I was passionate about, I could _convince _them with my very words to believe me and follow me. I could change their minds entirely. It worked unerringly with humans, whether it was two or two thousand.

"The Volturi used this gift to bring in worshipers. I could stand on a high parapet and speak to the crowds below and they would come! Today in Volterra it is against our laws to kill anyone who is a resident of the city and the surrounding countryside. But at the time there was no such law. We used the Christian faith to draw fresh human victims from across the country, from across the continent even, as they would come to find spiritual guidance. Volterra it is said, is the place to come for enlightenment. It is the place to become closer to God through the religious leadership of the holy anointed _Volturi."_ He says the word like it's poison in his mouth.

"Summer, my first year I drew tens of thousands to their eventual deaths. Men, women, children and even infants were sacrificed to the appetites of the Volturi, and I fed alongside them, basking in the glory of my own deity!" He looks thoroughly disgusted.

"When it became clear that people in the area were terrified of the city and it's inhabitants, a law was passed that they be left alone. No one was to hunt in or near Volterra. Once again people were flocking to the city, each hoping to get a glimpse of the holy anointed ones. Perhaps to hear a word from the chosen Orator; who was me.

"Of course the new law meant that we had to hunt further from our home, and so we would travel, spreading the word of the amazing miracles of the city of Volterra. People made pilgrimages, families uprooted to move to the place God himself had so blessed. And it was all because they listened to the sound of my voice.

"Little by little I became sickened by the whole spectacle of it. The way the Volturi held themselves up in piety while the rest of us had to obey their every command. They were actually coming to believe their own mythos.

"I was nearing the end of my year, and Caius was trying to convince me that I must stay with them. I had learned that I was physically stronger than the older immortals. I also knew that what was done to me could not be undone. I was determined to be finished with Volterra and the Volturi, the minute my promise was fulfilled.

"That is when Caius held another carrot in front of me – Tessa. No, he did not get her and bring her to me, that would have been too much, but he told me he would show me how to make her like us. One of the laws the Volturi passed, was that newborns were not to be created without their permission, or by those they considered worthy. Caius promised me he would help me change the woman I loved if I would give them one more year. I agreed I would stay. However this time I was more familiar with their language and I conveniently forgot to make a promise or vow. Speech was my gift and I used it against them, knowing I would be bound if I gave an oath. Caius and I then traveled back to Greece."

He stops talking and I watch his face become a mask of bitterness and hatred. I know he's about to tell me his most painful memory; it's in the very air around him. I'm thankful for the partition between us, but still I'm drawn to him. I stand slowly and place my palm on the glass opposite him. He meets my eyes, placing his hand against mine on the other side. I can hear his teeth grinding in his anger, but slowly he relaxes. His shoulders slump and his head drops to his chest. He leans against the glass, supporting himself with his hand pressed against my palm. His head comes up slowly and he looks me in the eyes. I have never seen a more tortured look on any face, including my dad before he died.

"Things had changed at my home. I was unable to find my Tessa in her home and I was told she had married. Still I held out hope that the man she married could not possibly love her as much as I did. I knew she would never forget me or stop loving me and so I went to her. I knew the way well because my lovely Tessa had married my younger brother. I was only a little upset because it was a common practice at the time for a relative to marry a widow, or in Tessa's case a betrothed woman whose bride price had already been paid.

"I waited until the cover of darkness and stole into their home. I was able to take her out of her bed, away from my brother's arms without waking her, until the night air hit her. I ran with her cradled against me before she screamed. I took her to a quiet olive grove and placed her on a soft ground covering. It was my voice that helped to calm her and keep her quiet. My eyes were so much stronger than hers, and I could see her face as clearly as if it were daylight, but she struggled to see who I was. When I finally told her, she was shocked at first, but then overjoyed to know that I wasn't dead as she had been told. She poured out her heart to me; told me how she had grieved for me, and how she finally accepted to be married to my brother even though she did not love him.

"There was one piece of news I truly did not expect. She had born our son! We had lain together one time after our betrothal, and I never knew she'd conceived. The baby was named for me and he was four months old.

"There was precious little light by the half moon and the stars. My Tessa was glowing and beautiful and I listened to the beating of her heart as I pulled her against me. The plans in my head involved making her like me, then taking her away to live for the time it would take her to control her thirst. We could come back and retrieve our son later knowing that my family would care for him in our absence. As I held her I could sense a difference in her breathing and the sound of her heart. She was agitated, maybe frightened. She put her hand on my cold face and then touched my chest where my heart no longer beat.

It was at that time that Caius came out of the shadows holding a lantern. She went from being agitated to terrified, looking at his ghostly inhuman form. It took the strength of my voice to calm her and get her to listen to my explanation. Little by little I was able to convince her that we should be together and she could be just like me; strong and powerful enough to live forever. I had to use my power on her to convince her that we should leave the baby behind. She absolutely would not agree to it any other way.

"It took a couple hours for all the explanations and convincing. Caius remained passive except when she had questions only he could answer. As the sky began to brighten in advance of the sun she told me eagerly to make her like me. 'I love you Stefanos; I want to love you forever, I will be with you always!' She offered herself to me and I cradled her in my lap.

"I looked expectantly to Caius but he shook his head. 'No, it is best if you do it since she is to be your wife. All you need to do is bite her, and your venom will cause the change. Just don't take _all _of her blood or you will kill her.'

"I argued with him. I was already thirsting for her blood and his eyes were bright red from a recent feeding. But he again assured me that it was a simple matter and I should be the one to turn my own wife." Stefan looks at me, and no tears fall from his eyes. But still I sense that inside he is tortured beyond measure.

"I kissed her then, and she put her soft warm arms around me and relaxed in my embrace. I kissed her cheek, her chin, and down her neck until I could feel her very pulse beneath my lips. It was where Caius bit me the year before. The last thing I ever heard her say was 'I love you,' before I bit her. I often wonder if it was her willingness, but I know that even if she had fought me like a lioness, I was too weak to resist her blood. Caius watched until her heart was barely beating then he took hold of my arm and feebly pulled as if trying to pull me from her. My reaction was strong, as he knew it would be. I would defend against any who would steal my ….my prey...she was my kill!" I hear his voice choking on his words as he is barely able to speak. His voice fails him, and then his knees buckle and he slides down the wall to the floor, choking on the pain.

He kneels on the floor and I sit opposite him for a long time. If I could I would hold him. The wound is still fresh, raw, and deep, and he takes a long time before he can look at me again.

"In the light of the sunrise I was able to see the full horror of what I had done. My sweet, beautiful, Tessa was dead, still in my lap but with her throat torn out as if by a monster – it _is _a monster that killed her! I am not a god; I am a monster and I had the woman I loved more than anything in the world staring up at me, her eyes forever accusing me of what I had become!"

He looks at me with his beautiful eyes and it is heartbreaking to see the agony he still feels, even after all these years. "I cannot remember so much about her, but I can never forget my Tessa in death. She has earned her last desire; she is with me always." He looks at me and then stands. He walks to the door of my cell "Do you trust me?"

I nod my head. "You should not." He pulls out the key and unlocks the door. He is barely inside the door before I put my arms gently around him. He then hands me the key and I slip it into the pocket of his pants I'm wearing. "I have never shared her story...not like this. I cannot take this pain alone. I apologize, I am too weak." I lead him toward the bed so we can sit together, but instead he pulls me to the chair. He takes the seat then pulls me onto his lap.

I know that there is an attraction between us, but as we sit together all I feel is sadness for him. I put my arms around him and lay my head against his shoulder. I can still feel his ragged breaths, and I know he is reliving the moments of the story he's just told me. When he speaks I can feel his voice rumble through his chest and resonate in my own bones.

"I thought killing my precious Tessa was the worst thing that could happen to me. I dug a grave in the pretties part of the olive grove and buried her. I couldn't even cry for her; how is _that _for a god? I carved her marker out of stone with my own fingers. Caius was nowhere to be seen while I put to rest my love and my life." His arms come carefully around me and he momentarily buries his face against me. "I finally decided I needed to go back to my family's home and let them know what I had done, and what I had become.

"It was too quiet. The houses seemed to be empty as I approached and I caught the odor on a gust of wind. I ran, and my superhuman speed took me to the door before I had time to prepare for what I would find. They were all gone. I staggered from house to house as the bodies added up. My mother, father, four sisters, three brothers, five spouses, ten children...and one four month old son I had never had a chance to hold – all dead!"

He buries his head against me and I can _feel_ his shock and horror at what he discovered. I can almost see them in my mind, lying on the stone floors as they went about their morning routines, or perhaps lying in their beds where they were sleeping. He doesn't have to tell me they were murdered, but I know he isn't finished.

I feel his breath against my ear as he continues softly. "I recognize the pattern; they have all been drained, it is the signature of the Volturi! Twenty-five family members, four servants, and my Tessa were all dead! I knew that no single creature could do what was done. Caius had help – lots of help. One household was killed in their beds, and the others were killed in the morning. Caius' eyes were glowing red the night before, because he had been feeding on part of my family! In the morning while I was burying my Tessa, they were at my home massacring everyone who tied me to my life as a man!"

I knew that I was going to hear a sad story, but the horror he tells is unimaginable. I can feel his pain is almost as fresh today as it was fifteen hundred years ago. He is proof that time alone does not heal all wounds.

It comes as a surprise when he touches my face. His stone cold fingers wipe away the tears that I didn't even realize were rolling down my cheeks. I can feel the waves of sadness and agony pouring off of him. I know it must be his influence that makes me feel it so strongly, but it's such a cleansing feeling as I bury my face against him and cry my eyes out over his lost love and family. Even more I know that I've tapped into the sadness of my own losses and heartbreaks as well. Once started I can't stop, as I cry over my mother leaving, my father dying, my grandmother's death, my feeling of always being alone in the world, and even Lucian. I cry over the futility of my situation as his captive, and I cry for my own certain death.

I don't know how long I weep but I become aware of his arms comfortingly around me. His hand strokes my head and his soft words try to console me. It is strangely as if our roles are reversed, and I am crying his tears and he is comforting me for them. I put my arms around him, and I want to curl against him and feel his comfort while the tears continue to trickle out of me. Every thought of loss, regret, betrayal, guilt, and despair are raked through in my mind. Like spreading the coals of a dying fire to douse them with water so they can finally go out. I water the memories with my tears until his shirt is wet from my eyes.


	8. Chapter 8 Connections

Chapter 8

Connections

I hold her cradled against me. Summer cries the tears I cannot cry for all of them. It takes my breath away to have such a perfect conduit for my heartbreak, and yet I know she is allowing it. I hold her against me, feeling her deep wrenching sobs. Occasionally I hear her choked words, 'the baby!'...'his parents'...'oh such betrayal!' With my arms around her she cries, pulling from a well as deep as my own pain and grief.

I sense strongly she is weeping for her own pain as well, though she has shared little enough of her own life with me. She is alone, and I feel it in the way she clings to me. I am no closer to solving her mystery, but for the time, our attraction has taken a different turn. Little by little I can feel some of the pain leave me. It is like my tortured soul finally knows I have grieved and mourned the losses – at last! The first step was telling her and just admitting my own part. Then the strange way she accepted my pain, taking it upon herself was another step. For this alone she deserves every consideration I can give her to protect her life.

When she is finally finished crying she gets off of my lap, needing to wipe her face and drink some water. She looks wrung out and all I can do is stare at her as two more tears trickle from her luminous blue eyes. "Do you need to rest or take some time alone after all of that?" I am concerned for her.

She shakes her head and wipes her eyes once more. A small smile turns the corners of her mouth. "I think we both needed that. I actually feel better now." She steps over and takes her seat on my lap once more, placing her arms around me and her head on my shoulder. "I like this Stefan, and not because I feel compelled. Tell me, do you like being alone? I mean aside from your friend that is?"

Her question catches me off guard. I guess with Vladmir always around, as well as all the ghosts that haunt me, I never delved into the idea of being solitary.

"Caro mio, I never thought whether to like it or not. It simply _is_ regardless of how I feel. Our kind do not do well in groups. There are a few exceptions, but the very nature of our _needs _makes it difficult to be together. The Volturi are not together so much for companionship or friendship, but for safety and to have others of our kind worship them I believe. Yes, I think they want to be adored. There are two groups In America I have seen who live as a family. They do not hunt humans, but consume animal blood instead. It affords them the luxury to stay together without fear of drawing too much attention to themselves. But most of us keep to three or less, and many wander to keep from hunting in the same territory too long."

"Have you ever tried a different way of life? I mean besides the Volturi way, or living like you do now?"

I have to laugh. "In the time I have existed mi precioso, I have done _everything. _ I have indeed subsisted on animals alone. I have lived in a family group, and I have lived absolutely alone. After the deaths of my Tessa and my family, I lived in a small Christian monastery for the next hundred years. It was a place where the Volturi would not find me. There were very few of us, and we lived in complete seclusion studying and writing the religious texts to send out into the world. It was as close as I have come to knowing peace in all my years since being changed. Of course it was not like I could hunt humans, so I fed on any number of animals. Our sanctuary was absolutely rat free, as well as any other creature which might wander in. On nights when the hunger grew too fierce, I would steal from the flocks of the shepherds in nearby villages.

"But this did not last as my companions were human and they noticed I was different. They looked the other way when I did not eat, and they did not question my strength or that I did not get ill – ever. But it simply happened that they aged and died and I did not. When the new ones came to take over for the last one who died, I left rather than have to go through the process of teaching them about myself."

I feel her still and quiet against me. "What did you do after that? I mean, why would you go back to ….hunting people if you could live without it?"

I do not know how to explain it to her. It is such a basic need and we have so much time to ponder it like a preoccupation. It is always there, pulling and tempting and refusing to be entirely still. Being among the Volturi, with their seeming unlimited supply of prey ….it was one of the few times I have ever known complete gratification of my hunger. And there was no one to tell us no. There are the rationalizations that some people just deserve death, or that we are above the laws by which they live. There is the refuge of accepting that I am a monster and immersing myself fully in the horror of what I have become.

I sigh deeply. "Summer, I can give you reasons and excuses and rationalizations, but the simplest truth is that the blood is a need, and I am afraid to die. Animals will sustain us, but they never fully satisfy. It is also more difficult to live that way once we have known an abundance of human prey. After living in Volterra, it was nearly impossible for me to live on animals. The desire was always strong and the other monks who lived with me, surely had to feel they were in danger from me on many occasions. It was there that I learned about prayer and meditation, but it never completely overcame the lust for blood. The only thing that kept me from losing my resolve when I was most tempted, was Tessa. She has saved many would be victims from being consumed, including you." I feel her startled reaction, but she stays where she is and I wonder if the attraction is at work again between us.

"After I left the monastery I traveled alone. I had the perfect opportunity to see the world, and I took it, always keeping way ahead of the Volturi. Not that I worried about them, but because I have such a deep hatred of them. Any confrontation would only mean my death, but I determined that I would not go alone, which kept a sort of truce between us. I learned from a Volturi hunter I happened across during my travels, that my family was killed because of me." I feel her startle in my arms.

"When I told the Volturi I would return for another year, but did not promise, there was one among the guard who could tell I was lying. It was my ability to use language and my voice to influence them, but his ability was to tell the truth from a lie. Because I was a valuable talent they decided not to destroy me, but because I lied, which is only now against their laws, I needed a punishment they decided. But for a long time I imagined that they were looking for me to press me into servitude to them or finish me.

"I have seen some incredible wonders and met some amazing people." She looks surprised as I speak of meeting people, and I laugh. "Yes, I can meet and speak to humans without feeding on them. Being like the chameleon is a skill we learn as we age. I learned as many languages as I could and saw many countries as well. I am sorry if I bored you with my stories, since sometimes I forget that you just had to be there to understand. Still the things I could tell you... the history books seldom get it right, and even when they are close, there is only so much that can be recorded. The rest is lost."

I feel the weight of the centuries of memory, and it saddens me that there are no words to tell her about the awe of a tall sailing ship or the power of a well trained brigade of knights. I cannot show her the unexplored beauty of her own country when birds flew so thick they blocked the sun and fish were so plentiful you could almost walk across them. There is so much I wish I could tell her. But I have to wonder why it matters. I have shared my stories and memories with Vladmir, and he can truly appreciate my tales. She is just so...human. Still, I cannot believe that we are relaxed together. I still feel an attraction to her, but it is bearable at the moment as I speak with her.

"I do not know how long it took for me to remember one of my passions. I have always enjoyed politics, philosophy, and great ideas. I love being able to help shape the way people think and find common ground with them. More and more I found myself going out in search of opportunities where I could speak with crowds or influence courts on various matters that appealed to me at the time. I also discovered that in places where there was political change happening, there was often armed combat involved, or soon to be involved. There is no better place for one of my kind to hunt than a battle front. It was often the case that I would hunt among those I considered my enemies due to a political stand I had taken.

"As you can imagine, in all my years I saw a lot of war, and a lot of combat, and a lot of death. Soon it mattered not who was my enemy, because the death was always the same. It always seemed to be that the youngest and bravest were sacrificed to these battles while those who sent them kept themselves from the fray. I found myself less drawn to the taking of life during the heat of the battle, and more inclined to ending the piteous cries of the fallen in the aftermath.

"Perhaps it is merely my continuing idealism that makes me seek out the hopeless causes among my victims. Strangely I find that more and more I rely on self governing rules for my own behavior. I look for my sustenance among those who are already familiar with death. Those who have been introduced and shaken his hand. It has allowed me a small measure of acceptance, at least in my own eyes. I am not the one bringing death, but I am merely hastening the end."

She turns a bit to look at me then. "Why can't you wait until death? It seems to me it would be easier and less horrible if you could just drink from the bodies of those who have already died. And why can't you...I don't know, drink donated blood instead, like on that TV show?"

I have to laugh again. Oh the modern age, where someone can look at a supernatural monster and try to apply scientific laws. Still I like how her mind works, and the way she is thinking to find a way to paint me as less of a fiend. "If there is a program on television that includes those of my kind drinking from blood bank donations, then it is purely fiction. They should be thankful that they do not guess at the reality or there would surely be something done about the revelation.

"But to your question of feeding on the dead. It is not easy to explain since there is no proof of what I know. Every human has a spark of life within them, and animals too but to a lesser degree. It has little to do with their physical bodies and even their blood, but it is part of their essence. When I feed, it is as much on this essence – this spark – as it is the blood itself. The blood sustains us, but it is the spark that allows us to _live._ It quickly departs after death, and does not transfer in blood lost during donations or even wounding. I have indeed fed on the blood of corpses, but I would liken it to George Washington dining on shoe leather to keep from starving at Valley Forge. And donated blood has chemicals added to keep it from clotting and preserve it for use by humans. It causes us to become painfully ill, though it too will sustain for a short time."

She is quiet against me. I wonder if I have answered all of her questions. Even more to the point I wonder if I have doomed her with my answers. If anyone reported to the Volturi what I have shown her and told her, it would certainly mean her death, and of course mine as well. Not that I fear for my own life, in fact I would relish the chance to fight one final battle against the three vultures who ruined so much of my existence.

Caius is already terrified of me, and even after all these years I can still recall the sound of his girlish screams when the werewolf attacked him. It was brilliance to give the beast his scent and send the slavering creature after the one who felt he was immune to all attacks. It is a small measure of what I owe him. It is also the reason I call Romania home after all these years. The werewolves were once plentiful here, and I am sure to Caius they are still lurking behind every rock.

Aro I must say is the one whom I most dread meeting. With one touch he would know my deepest sorrow, and I know that he would be all too likely to share his part in the extermination of my humanity. If I had to watch his amused countenance tell me how he fed on my mother or watched my son being taken, I think I would lose what is left of my mind. Marcus has ever been a mystery to me, even before the loss of his wife. He may understand my loss better than the others, but that is an affinity I cannot accept. Because of his talent, he is the one who knows the strength of my connection to Tessa; he of all of them should have known better.

Then of course there is the guard. I know of the effectiveness of Jane, who seems to inspire fear and resignation in most of our kind, but I believe I can defeat her. It is only pain she offers, not actual injury. If there is one thing I am intimately familiar with, it is pain. Her little brother would present more of a challenge to me but his gift moves more slowly. My biggest threat comes from those who are strong and fast. But I am not without my own gifts and I know that a command from me would freeze them. I have run through these confrontations in my mind a thousand times. Every time I die, but most of the time I can take at least one of the old vultures with me. And there are those rare scenarios I dream about where I am victorious and three ancient ones burn by my hand.

She moves against me. "You're so quiet Stefan, are you okay?" Her voice snaps me out of my reverie.

"Hush love, do not worry about me. Sometimes those of us who are of a certain age just get caught up in our thoughts."

"You were just so still and quiet...you looked like a stature." She slips her hands around my neck and her fingers dance through my hair. "An amazingly beautiful statue." I can hear her pulse racing as she twists on my lap and kisses a soft, warm trail along my cheek to my lips. Her mouth presses to mine and I feel her tongue slide along my lips enticingly. I let go of her and clutch the arms of the heavily carved wooden chair. 'Oh Tessa, please keep me from killing her!' I beg silently in my mind. I close my eyes and refuse to breath or open my mouth. I know I cannot hold on for much longer with her so close to me, but then I hear her gasp. She lets go of me suddenly and clumsily gets to her feet.

"Oh god, it _is _me!" I hear her stumble away from me and then the creak of the bed springs as she launches herself onto it and scrambles to the far corner. "Please go if you can...I'm so sorry!" I stand and look her way. With knees drawn up and her chin resting on them as her arms hug her legs, I can see she is crying. I stand torn, both wanting to go to her, and needing to move safely away from her. I force myself to look away and move to the door. I step out and realize she now holds the key. The realization hits me hard, knowing that I can go back inside and make her mine. I close the door and step away, letting the barrier do it's work.

It takes a little time, but soon I am calm again and so apparently is she. When she leaves her corner and comes toward the glass she wipes her eyes on the sleeve of my shirt she wears. "You were right...this time I know it started with me." She places her trembling hand on the glass and her eyes lock onto mine. "I know you can make me feel what you feel. I don't feel such overwhelming sorrow when you are not with me. And yet I could cry a river for your grief when you held me." She looks timid and nervous and I watch her tongue lick her lips.

"Just now, that was me wasn't it? Unless you were sending me feelings of...attraction...and longing... I saw for just a second you were confused by my attention. I don't understand this!" She turns and paces in agitation. "Can you tell me this is what you were feeling just now? Were you thinking of me? Were you thinking how much you wanted me?"

All I can do is watch her. I am afraid to tell her I feel that way _now _but I did not when I was holding her. She flounces into the chair and holds her face in her hands. I cannot take my eyes off of her; if she cries I will be helpless but to go to her. She straightens and looks at me, sliding her fingers through her hair and giving me a mysterious smile. Once again this creature surprises me.


	9. Chapter 9 Crush

Chapter 9

Crush

After listening to his story and crying my eyes out, I start to realize he has some kind of hold on me; some way to influence me emotionally. I felt such grief and overwhelming sadness as he held me, and all I wanted to do was sooth his pain. I felt almost safe as he held me, with the ghosts of his first love and his family hovering in his memory to keep him in touch with his humanity. But then something changed.

I felt a sense of peace as I dried my eyes and again sat with him. I felt his confidence that he would fight not to hurt me, but then I saw a distance in the way he stared, without moving. The thought slipped into my head that he would make a beautiful statue, and suddenly all I could think about was his perfect beauty. His rich curls, large dark eyes, and the elegantly long fingers that touched me as he held me. I'm sure the change didn't come from him, but from me. Once again he's outside the cell watching me.

"I'm sorry Stefan. It looks like this must be all my fault."

He laughs then, transfixing me with the music of his voice and his humor. "So you apologize for having an influence on _me._ Surely that influence is what spared your life in the first place. However I believe there is more at work here than a minor influence you have. Why does it make me want to ….ravish you rather than release you, mon joli?"

I don't know how to tell him. Oh, just spit it out Summer, what more can he do to you than he's already planned to do? "I'm attracted to you Stefan." I watch his eyes and I have his undivided attention. "I think I was the very first time I saw you. I remember thinking that you were certainly going to kill me, but if I died in your arms I would at least die happy.

"You're the best looking man I've ever seen, and it's like you're everything I've ever wanted and ever dreamed of, but then so much_ more._ I feel so_ drawn _to you. It's like a physical ache just to be near you. I've never felt like this before, and I really feel like I'm going crazy. I'm practically nothing to you, but you're everything to me.

"I want to fight, and to scream and to make you let me go. I know you will probably kill me and yet I can't stand the thought of walking away from perfection. I want to hold you and kiss you and make love to you – which totally baffles me since I have never ever wanted to before. Just thinking about you makes it hard for me to keep any sense of reason." I can't look at him. I am afraid he will laugh at me, or look at me with pity or revulsion.

I stand up and get a drink of water. My hands are shaking so bad I can barely hold it. What is wrong with me that I get all flaky over a ….a killer. He's someone who can take my life, hide my body and go on as if I never existed. At least it isn't a conscious decision. There is some comfort in the fact that it is all chemistry and not rational thought. I really haven't developed a death wish .

When I can finally turn around and face him he is gone. The door to the cell is wide open and I am trying to figure out what it means. Is he releasing me? A part of me wants that, but an even bigger part of me doesn't want to go. I stay where I am for a little longer, trying to reclaim the part of myself that can still think independent of Stefan. If he is letting me go, then I have to go I decide. As much as I want to be with him I can't take the chance of sticking around in hopes that things will turn out well. Armed with a sense of self preservation I slip out of the room. I know he can hear my movements so I don't bother to be quiet or sneaky. In fact I speak aloud as I go.

"Okay Stefan, I'm leaving the room. I don't know what you're plan is, but I'll play along." There are more crates and boxes stored in the cellar than upstairs. I make my way through everything and face the dark stairway. I go up slowly, one step at a time and gradually my eyes adjust. There is a heavy sheet of paper with my name on the top tacked to the wooden door. The ink is still damp, and I pull it free. The door opens freely and I step into the kitchen and the lights are on. I am surprised to see it is dark outside.

The note is written in the most beautiful script. It reminds me of a wedding invitation only the ink is black and bold. It takes some effort to read it since the letters have curves and flourishes that almost disguise the words.

'Summer, Please do not try to leave as I am still determined to keep you here. I am trying to behave in a gentlemanly fashion in light of your revelation. Your candor takes my breath away almost as much as your passion. You are a beautiful woman and I too would like to participate in the activities you mentioned. For reasons you do not need me to explain I fear that this would be impossible at this time without a threat to your life and safety.

'I would like to ask that you return to my suite. I will stay clear and you will have relative privacy to shower or bathe. I have purchased clothing that you may find more appropriate than what you have on or what I have previously chosen. I apologize for destroying your own clothing; my sensibilities are ancient and my indignation was misplaced.'

He signed with a large stylized S. I have to laugh at the way he can take a simple note and make it seem like a prized piece of literature. I lay the note on the kitchen counter and do what he instructs me to do. Back in his room I am surprised to see his bed is covered with women's clothes. There are several pairs of shoes lined up on the floor and even a couple night gowns. All but one outfit is either dresses or skirts, but they are all modest and acceptable. He's even bought lingerie and I know he had to go to a specialty store to find the brand.

I step into the hallway to look at a grandfather clock I remember seeing. It says it is nine, but I'm not sure if I can trust the time. I go ahead and shower. He has provided me with most of what I'll need and an hour later I'm clean and dressed in a night gown. There are even warm slippers for me to wear and I'm feeling way too comfortable for my situation. I brush my hair after I towel it dry, and now I'm a little confused about what to do or where to go.

I wander around his room looking at anything and everything. His desk looks very tempting and I want to pull out drawers and investigate what he might have hidden. But even considering who and what he is I just can't bring myself to cross that boundary.

I start to get irritated with myself. Why should I sit around and wait for him to tell me what to do next? I don't have many options – at least not the kind that won't have him coming to stop me or kill me. I know there must be doors and windows left unlocked, but I've heard the dog barking outside and I know it can run faster than I can. I think also of his friend Vladmir's rooms and wonder if I could get in and make an emergency phone call before he stops me. What would he do if he stopped me? Worse, what would he do if I succeeded? It's not worth the risk I decide. There's only one place where I'm at least partially safe, and I need to get back there.

I gather up clothes for tomorrow, thinking that at least it looks like I'll _have _tomorrow. I take the hairbrush with me as well and head back toward the basement. I'm halfway through the immense house when I hear him. Somewhere in the middle of the house he is singing. It's the most amazing sound, but what strikes me most is it doesn't sound like something that was meant to be performed. It's relaxed and natural, like sometimes when I'm doing dishes or folding my laundry I'll catch myself humming something with no words. But his is so enticing I find myself turning to go look for him. I follow the sound until I find him.

It's clearly a library, but he has an enormous desk in the center and he's sitting in a large wing back chair writing. I don't know why he doesn't notice me, but I stand and watch him, listening to his beautiful voice. He's got a leather bound book open and as I step a little closer he dips the pen into an ink pot and continues writing. He moves so quickly it looks like he's using a normal pen as the words seem to flow onto his paper.

I'm not sure how long I watch and listen before he notices me. Lightening fast he closes the ink and sets aside his writing. When he stands he looks almost guilty as he stares my way. "I'm sorry, I did not notice your approach. I will go if you wish to look around."

"No, don't go. I didn't plan to come in here anyway. I just heard you singing and ….it's beautiful." I look around the room, at the books lining the floor to ceiling shelves as well as stacked on most of the flat surfaces, except for his desk. "It looks like you belong here; I'll leave."

"Wait." It's not a command, just a quiet request, but I'm rooted to the spot. He smiles and turns to the book he was writing in and blows gently across the page to dry the ink. When he holds it up to show me I see the book is more than halfway filled with his beautiful script. "This is all about you; I started a new book yesterday. I cannot stop thinking about you and the only thing that seems to help is to write about you."

We stare at each other for long moments, the whole time my mind is screaming, 'go, leave, get out of here!' But I don't leave. And he doesn't go either. I try to will myself to stay still. I look into his rich garnet eyes and try to imagine they are brown. It seems so unfair that he has been like this since before there was photography. I would love to see what he looked like before he was changed. I imagine his skin was a light brown before he was turned into a living statue. I close my eyes, breaking our connection to try to get control of my runaway imagination.

I fight to think of the calmest thing I know. I imagine standing on the beach at sunset, watching the sun set fire to the ocean as the waves pull gently at my feet. I love the way the tide rushes across the sand to kiss my toes before running away again. The sound of the sea birds calling as they dive for fish or race the incoming waves to snap up a meal before it disappears into the sand. I'm starting to feel the calm when I feel something tugging at my arms.

I open my eyes and he is with me. He pulls the clothes and shoes from my arms and sets them on the floor. When he pulls me against him I can't resist. I look up into his once brown eyes and the intensity makes me gasp. He smiles at me and runs his fingers through my damp hair. He touches my face with his cold fingers and I reach up to press his palm against my cheek. His hand feels like it's been carved by a master sculptor and I feel his skin warm slightly as I hold him against me. His arm around my waist holds me tight against his hard body and I'm very conscious of the thin fabric of the nightgown as his hand slides along the curve of my back.

His other hand moves softly around my neck and I am held securely against him with my own arms going around him without my permission. I tip my head back, looking up at his angelic face and breath his name as he bends to kiss me. The power of his scent and his taste are a drug to me and I open my mouth to drink in more of his essence. When our tongues meet I'm barely calm enough not to be overpowered by my own needs. I close my eyes and fix the ocean in my mind, trying to calm my racing pulse and get a handle on my desire for him.

It feels hard to breath and I open my eyes to see his are closed. I try to break away from his kiss and it's impossible he's holding me so tight. His fingers pressing into my shoulder are causing me pain and his other arm is crushing me to him so tightly I can't breath! I find myself struggling to get free, even going limp in his arms hoping my weight will pull me free. When I'm finally able to twist my head away I gasp for him to stop. I barely have enough air to whisper to him "no!" I feel my vision shifting in and out of focus with my pulse and I know I'm going to pass out.

Abruptly I'm free and it's only his loose arms around me that keep me from falling. He continues to hold me lightly while taking a step back from me. A brief look of pain touches his face as he looks closely at me. "Did I hurt you? Cara Mia, I am so sorry!"

My head is spinning and I pull in deep breaths of air. I try not to think about what almost happened, but I can still feel the pain where his hands and arms held me. "I think I need to go back." I try to smile at him as I pick up the clothes on the floor, but wince at the pain instead.

"I _have _hurt you! Oh mon Dieu! Please, let me see." He pulls my nightgown down over my shoulder to reveal the red marks of his fingers.

"Stop! Don't do that!" I pull the neckline back up, but he seems insistent on seeing the damage, lifting the hem of the gown up to my waist before I twist away from him. "Stefan, don't do that!"

"But you are hurt!" He makes another try to look down my gown and I trip into the doorway trying to avoid him.

"Yes, I know I'm hurt! And you're not helping!" I try again to gather up the clothes but he scoops them up before I can. He hovers close watching me.

"I just want to make sure you don't need some kind of help. You should let me look, I have seen you naked before." He's dead serious as he looks down at me.

"I know that too. I'm not hurt that badly. So the next time you see me naked you better be prepared to face me like a man!" I grab the clothes out of his arms. "Thank you for the clothes and the use of your shower." I turn to try to make it back to the basement with a little dignity. I make it three steps before he stops me.

"Summer, let me help you." I'm about to tell him off when I feel him behind me. He's fast and strong and he picks me up, cradling me against him. He holds me so that I'm not putting my weight against the sore spots and he moves gracefully through his house.

"How do you know this isn't as dangerous as what just happened?" I ask as he carries me through the labyrinth of treasures.

"I am next to you so I do not feel your magnetism so strongly, and you are angry, which is preferable to..."

"Turned on?" I interrupt, looking up at him. He exhales, growling deep in his throat.

"I am starting to learn to resist you...slightly. I have hurt you and I am sorry I was not strong enough to prevent that from happening. But two days ago I would have killed you. Your blood is not the strongest temptation you are offering me now."

"And this is a _good _thing? Listen, I can walk on my own, you can put me down now."

I feel his laughter in his chest. "You are safe now Mouse. I do not know why, but I feel ….momentarily sated." I look up at his smile and he easily opens the basement door. I catch hold of his note from the counter and carry it along with me.

"So, if I'm the mouse, what does that make you, the cat or the cheese?" He carries me down the stairs effortlessly, even in the dark. I hear him laugh at my question but he doesn't answer. When he stops inside my cell he sets me on the bed.

"Never forget I am neither the cat nor the cheese; I am always and forever the killer. The safest place for this mouse is in the trap." He kisses my forehead and his fingers lightly trace down my cheek. "If you won't let me see what I've done, at least get some rest. If you need anything, just ask and I'll hear." He steps out of the cell and closes the door.

He stands on the other side of the glass watching me. I wish I could read his features but his face is impassive. I am exhausted. Not that I've done much, but the stress of the day is catching up with me and I finally feel secure enough to sleep. I burrow under the blankets trying not to wince at the pain. "Stefan?"

"Yes?" He steps closer to the glass.

"Would you sing to me?" I feel ridiculous even asking but I hope that the sound of his angelic voice will keep me from falling into nightmares.

"What would you like to hear?"

"I don't really know; just something soft and sweet." I lie back and close my eyes. It seems he's forgotten, when I hear his voice so soft and clear singing An Irish Lullaby. My grandma had an album with one of the old crooners who sang the song and I remember her playing it for me one time...must have been a St. Patrick's Day if I remember. Stefan's voice is beautiful and haunting and I pull the blanket up to hide the tears I don't want him to see. He probably wouldn't understand that I'm not upset, but that I love it and don't want him to stop. As he finishes I listen to how his voice fades away into the distance of the underground rooms. "Thank you," I whisper as I close my eyes. It feels almost as if my grandmother has kissed me goodnight as I fall asleep in the house of her childhood.


	10. Chapter 10 Guest

Chapter 10

Guest

I watch her sleep. It is sick I know, but she is fascinating even when she dreams. I watch her struggle to get comfortable knowing she likely has bruises on her back and shoulder. What she does not realize is that I was not out of control. Maybe I was a little oblivious, but hurting her was purely a miscalculation on what she could take. It was not my lack of restraint, but her fragility that caught me off guard.

I hear the phone ring in the other corner of the house and race to answer it. Supernatural speed allows me to catch it before the fourth ring and I hear Carlisle's welcome voice on the other end. He is about to board the plane for the final leg of his trip. It surprises me when he asks me if she is still alive. I forgot the dire warning I had implied when I begged him to come, and I assure him she is still alive. He tells me he should be landing just after two in the morning, and he wonders if he should rent a car or if I will pick him up.

I weigh the inconvenience of driving to pick him up with the control of having him somewhat dependent on me. "I will pick you up. We will have more time to talk about my mouse." I have to laugh at his confusion but I promise to explain when I see him. I take down the time and flight information and hang up.

Back in my own suite I clean up all the evidence of her recent visit. I can smell her scent lingering in every corner of my room and it reminds me of the reason for Carlisle's visit. That I want her is no longer a doubt in my mind. The question for me is less why and more _how_, as I remember Carlisle's young adopted son Edward and the human girl he married and with whom he remarkably had a child.

As I pick up the clothes she left in a pile on the bench in the bathroom, I smell her so strongly. I hold the shirt to my face. That I thought to provide her with perfumes and scents seems ridiculous to me as her own scent is far sweeter. A small noise of metal on tile catches my attention. The key has fallen out of the pocket of the discarded pants. I pick it up and put it back into my own pocket. With the room tidied, I go back to my real sanctuary in the library. Her scent is strong here as well, though she did not roam about and it is confined to one area. It takes a few moments to write another brief letter to her just in case she wakes while I am gone.

I slip back down to the cellar and place the note where she will no doubt find it if she happens to wake. The allure of her sleeping form is strong, reminding me it has been only a few hours since I last touched her, held her, and kissed her. Against my better judgment I step closer. I am just about to pull her nightgown up to check on her injuries myself when I am reminded of her warning about facing her like a man. If only she knew how that thought tortures me.

It is only knowing that I am going to hopefully find help for my situation, that I am able to tear myself away from her. I pull the blankets up over her and sneak out of her cell. I hate it, but I lock her door to prevent her from escaping. She should sleep soundly through the night and so I reluctantly leave her.

I lock the doors as I leave and I am surprised when Aro runs from the darkness to greet me on the way to the garage. I pet his soft head before ordering him back on guard duty. In the garage I see my Rolls Royce Phantom sitting next to Vladmir's red Ferrari. He is so enamored of the Cullens he even chose his car because the newborn beauty Bella drives the same.

I am quite certain the thief would have known about the cars as soon as he made it onto the property. It does not take a mind reader to know what he would have done to Summer once he and his friends got what they wanted. A tourist with no contacts could easily turn up dead with few questions asked. Her beauty assured that she would likely have been raped before they were finished with her. Before I allow myself to become angry I examine my own intentions toward her and know that I am not much different from the thief. The small difference is that I do not _intend _to kill her. But the road to Hell is paved with good intentions as they say.

The car is all but silent as I drive through the quiet streets. The airport is an hours drive and I listen to classical orchestral music for a short time before swapping the cd with one by Yanni. It is more lively, and I like that he is Greek; perhaps he has been inspired by the sights and sounds I remember from my youth. Most modern devices do not interest me, but I appreciate being able to have music at the touch of a button. The car comes equipped with every convenience and I make it to the airport in less than half the time. I pull to the curb where cars are not permitted to park and I tip the attendant 300 new lei to be left in peace.

I read a book I have stashed in the car while I wait. Blood, Toil, Tears, and Sweat: The Great Speeches of Winston Churchill keeps me occupied while I try not to watch the clock. I am thankful that he gained prominence before the Volturi could have the thought to change him and create a new Orator. He would have been formidable. I pause to wonder why they do not change more talented humans to join them. Several ideas come to me but one I remember is likely – Volterra is saturated with our kind. If they propagated more newborns just to see if their talents turned into powers there would be no denying their existence to the world. It would be impossible for one city to conceal that many serial killers; in fact they barely achieve it now.

I have to smile as I think of the three ancients sitting imperiously on their thrones. Another reason they may not create new talent, is because of fear. An Orator like Churchill could bring them power, but more likely he would be so powerful as to challenge their own authority. It explains why they try to pull from an already existing pool of talent, in essence sticking with the devil they know.

It explains why they tried so hard to recruit from the Cullen family. It amuses me to no end how they were so clearly beaten by Carlisle's American coven when they sought to acquire members of his family while wiping out their powerful alliance. I wonder if they understand the irony; that the two talents of the ancients were both beaten by the Cullen's. Aro couldn't read the lovely Bella. And Marcus had to feel it was the strength of her love for her husband Edward and their friends and family that made her the most powerful shield they had ever seen. Add to that the terror Cauis must have felt seeing the enormous wolves prowling the woods, and it has become a priceless memory.

It is time. I set my book and my memories aside to go to collect Carlisle and hope he still considers me a friend after summoning him here. When I see him pass by the security I have to smile. Even with his modern clothes and demeanor he stands out among all the other passengers as well as the tired people waiting. He does not seem to notice the hungry looks and stares from any woman he passes as he runs his fingers through his blond hair. He carries his one carry on piece, not needing the wheels everyone else uses. I do not need to wave or draw attention to myself as he can sense me instantly; I am the only other presence with no beating heart.

I greet him with a handshake and he smiles briefly to show he does still consider me a friend. I know that he too has spent time in Volterra and he has a clear picture of that which the Volturi are capable. Still, like so many of our kind, he believes that my animosity toward them comes merely from our coven and empire being destroyed by the vultures centuries ago. It is for my own protection that I allow that misconception to stand.

He only has his one bag and I notice many stares as we leave together, moving at human speed, but with inhuman purpose and intensity. He smirks at the Rolls-Royce as he opens the front passenger door murmuring,"subtle."

I again drive, but with the music turned off. I keep my speed to legal limits which will give me more time to talk with him before he meets my ….guest. I spend time telling him about her; how she came to be in my home and also about the thief. He obviously disapproves of my killing him, but he says nothing. I notice his golden eyes and know he has fed recently, and I am thankful. I trust that Summer will not be a temptation to him, but I know how she tempts even me and so I worry.

He asks if she is healthy and unhurt as he has brought his medical supplies with him as well. I try to hide my guilt from him but he sees and looks angrily at me for a moment. "I have accidentally bruised her. I was hoping you would see to her as she does not want me to look at her body." I hear the shame in my voice and I know he must hear it too.

"Stefan, I would think that one your age would have more control than this. There are no accidents where humans are concerned; they are fragile and if you can't keep from hurting them then you shouldn't touch them." His sense of protection toward humanity is refreshing if somewhat unfamiliar to me.

"Why do you think I called you? I can restrain myself better than most, even among those 'my age.' It is this girl; Summer...she tears through my restraint like paper! Truly if I had killed her I would have never known such temptation could exist. In sparing her I have found so many reasons to let her live, and yet she knows! She knows who and what I am and I have doomed her by saving her; can you understand? I need to find a way to keep her alive and not make her vulnerable to the law. But even more I want to keep from destroying her myself. And if that were not enough there is a development that leaves me shocked and somewhat embarrassed."

He looks at me like he is judging my sanity, but still he listens. "When I first attempted to...end her; she was a witness to my killing of the thief as well as an intruder in my home. I thought it would be simple. But I could not since there was some kind of physical attraction between us. This girl wanted me and enticed me to take her. It was an open invitation to have her any way I desired and I did desire her. You know how rare it is to find that kind of reaction among our own kind, but to find it with a human...it is impossible!"

He smiles then, shaking his head. "Not impossible my friend, only extremely rare. You should have seen my..._.friend _Edward when he discovered Bella. You know she is his singer, so he had to fight every moment he was with her not to take her. He had been surviving on animals for decades or she would have died in a very public attack, and we would have had to flee. That she fell in love with him is a miracle and a mystery even Marcus can't understand."

"But there is no love involved here. When I am with my mouse there is attraction, and desire, and lust, and I _want _her as a man! And she has confessed she feels the same way for me. I know you can help me, and maybe if I can get this yearning out of my system she can leave and pretend she never knew me. I need to know how I can ….be intimate with her as a man and not kill her. I know it is possible, and that gives me hope. I need you to help me Carlisle!"

His look is incredulous. "Wait a minute...you had me leave my family and my responsibilities, and travel all this way just to help you get laid?"

His words shock me and my hands come close to crushing the steering wheel. "Must you be so vulgar? You do not understand – I _need_ her! But it is not about the need, it is about _her._" I struggle to get my indignation under control. Americans have a strange way with language and I am sure he meant no disrespect. Still he is looking at me strangely as I bring my speed back down to calm.

"Wait until you meet her; she is a fascinating creature, with a beauty almost as bright as our kind. She is honest, and compassionate, with such a gentle spirit one cannot help but like her." I find myself trying to_ convince _Carlisle of her merits, hoping to sway him to help us. "I would not even ask if she did not want me also. I do not know why she feels this way; you know I could influence her, but truly I have not except to warn her away from me when I was too close to my breaking point. She has become someone important to me in a very short time."

"You're falling in love with her." His simple words take me by surprise and I am shaking my head in denial before I let them sink in. "If you don't have feelings for her, just let her go. As long as she never runs across another vampire, your secret is safe; Aro would never try to read you, and I …." He smiles at how fully his family embarrassed the Volturi. "...I am not likely to come into contact with Aro any time soon. Just let her go. Make her promise to keep the secret and set her free."

I feel my hope sinking at his words. He has no idea of the magnetism she has for me. "Wait until you meet her. If you cannot help me solve this puzzle, then you can help me let her go. I cannot do it alone; she has made me weak." I have two other thoughts that intrude and I am afraid to bring them up.

"Carlisle, what if I turn her?"

He looks at me with his brows drawn together. "You of all people should know better. The Volturi are getting less and less permissive where newborns are concerned, and they are just looking for an excuse to remove you and Vladmir. You might get away with it, but you also know the responsibility with a newborn. Are you really up to that kind of discipline? And more importantly would _she _want this?"

"She has not brought it up. She is a vegetarian because she does not even want to kill animals to survive. I think it would be very difficult for her – but if it meant we could be lovers – I just thought I'd ask." I have trouble thinking of the right way to ask my next question. It is quiet between us and I pull into the drive and then the garage of the house. I turn off the engine and we listen to it's ticks as it cools. I cannot look at him as the question slips from my lips. "What if we mate as she is? Could she bear my child?" I understand it is possible, but what I need him to tell me is what is involved. If I am honest with myself it is the whole reason I asked him here in the first place.

"Oh Stefan, what are you getting me into? You already know the answer to your question. But I'll tell you what you need to hear. It almost killed Bella; no, to be honest it _did _kill her. If Edward hadn't changed her, the birth would have destroyed her. I'm a doctor and there was nothing I could do as it took over her body, breaking her bones and stealing everything it needed from her. It was horrifying to watch; it grew so fast within her we had no idea what to expect from day to day, or even hour to hour. She had to drink blood just to keep it from taking all of her energy to sustain itself.

"I'm a doctor and I would never advise anyone to try what she did. All the other half vampire children killed their mothers, and Nahuel killed his mother _and_ turned her sister who was caring for him. I am sure once the Volturi investigate the whole situation they will disallow such mating. That will be one law I will fully support. It should always be wrong to trade one life for another if there is no need. As much as I love my granddaughter, the cost is just too high. We were very lucky."

I am not sure what to say. I feel like the hope I had is being snatched away by the very one I had believed would help me. An idea slips into my head and before he opens the door I ask. "What if the pregnancy is...ended early? I mean what if the baby is delivered prematurely and cared for outside of the mother? Humans do it all the time to keep a normal baby from hurting the mother, could we not?" I should know better than to hope, but I watch him as he considers my idea.

"I'll be honest, I just don't know. Bella became so protective of the baby she wouldn't let me near her unless I promised not to interfere. When she was delivered Edward said he had to tear the baby from the uterus with his own teeth because it was vampire tough. I wasn't there so I don't know if it would be possible to cut a half breed baby out of something so strong. There was so much damage she bled to death just before he changed her. Please don't even think about this Stefan. I'll help you in any way I can – get her birth control or whatever she needs if you want to be with her. There are some doors that we just have to leave closed. I'm sorry." He opened the door and got out.

Before we entered the house Aro made another appearance, sniffing Carlisle guardedly before trotting off around the house.

Once inside I do not know how to introduce him to Summer. I want to wait until morning and introduce them in the light of day, but Carlisle says his time is limited and he would rather get a start on solving our problem. I lead him through the kitchen and down into the cellar. He seems disturbed by the idea that she isn't in a guest room. "I had to keep her down here to help mute the attraction she sends. It is not ideal I realize. She is probably asleep now." I am seeing the cellar from the eyes of a stranger and it is dismal.

I approach her cell carefully, letting my heels click on the stone. I have turned on the lights to help bring her out of sleep and I can hear her beating heart. She sounds nervous and I hurry to get to her. As soon as we reach the cell her heart races at the sight of Carlisle. She has changed out of the night gown and is wearing a skirt and blouse, complete with shoes. She must have been awake before my return and to me it looks like she has been crying. She rushes to me and puts her hand on the glass wall. "I was worried. I didn't know you'd left!" Her voice tells me she was more than worried and that confuses me.

"Did you wake up my dear? I left a note just in case." She looks over at the note as if seeing it for the first time.

She sighs deeply. "I had a nightmare and when I woke up I called you, but you didn't answer. It was so dark down here; I didn't know there was a note. I was afraid something had happened...I heard the dog barking and the door was locked..."

I am aware of Carlisle's silence behind me. "Summer, this is my friend Carlisle." I make the introductions, as awkward as it was with the glass between us. "He is a doctor as well as one of my kind. Would you allow him to check you and see how badly I hurt you?" She looks terrified of him and then she locks her eyes onto me for reassurance. "He is one of those who only hunt animals. He will not hurt you." He has brought along his medical bag and I barely noticed before. I guess she is not the only nervous one here.

"I told you Stefan, I'm not hurt that bad. I'll be fine; it hardly hurts at all now." She smiles, but I know it is for his benefit.

"I can tell when you lie, Mouse." I smile her way. "I would not allow him near you if I did not trust him." I reach into my pocket and use the key to open her cell. As soon as the door swings she hurries to me, wrapping her arms around me and nestling against me. I hold her as gently as I can, touching her face and sifting my fingers through her hair. As careful as I am, she is more ardent, holding me tightly with her body pressed against me.

"I was so worried; I had a dream that they came for you and took you away. When I woke up you were gone and I was so worried that it wasn't just a dream." Her hand caresses my cheek before her fingers slip into my hair.

"Shhh... It is okay, just relax and stay calm." I try to sooth her as she rests her face against my chest. I hold her as I look over her shoulder at Carlisle. Her breathing feels odd to me and I pull away to see she is crying, and I am overwhelmed with a need to comfort her. "Summer, what is it?" I tip her face up and wipe her tears with my hand.

I can feel the hitch in her tiny voice as she looks up at me with her sad blue eyes. "I was just so scared! I'm just so glad you're back – I missed you Stefan!"

I am lost as her tears take my resolve and her sad beautiful face captures me. I do not remember deciding to kiss her, but I am completely absorbed with her taste, smell, softness and warmth, feeling her tongue playing with mine. In seconds I am unaware of everything but her and my need for her.

The hand on my shoulder digs in painfully and my eyes snap open to see Carlisle trying to get my attention. "Let her go Stefan! You're going to hurt her if you don't release her now." I lift my head and notice he has placed his arm between us trying to separate us without hurting her. I feel a shock as I remember how Caius caused me to become possessive of Tessa by trying to pull me away from her. Carlisle isn't pulling, just guarding her so I cannot crush her. I let go and she seems just as surprised as I am of our actions. She steps inside the cell and closes the door looking guilty.

Carlisle and I stand looking at one another before we turn to leave, and I can almost hear his thoughts. I quietly apologize to her as we pass, leaving her where she stands as we make our way out of the cellar. We wind up in a small sitting room and he sits opposite me in silence.

"Do you see what I am talking about?" I try to explain, gesturing with my hands even as his golden eyes cut through my defenses. "She is like a drug to me. I did not plan to kiss her. I just wanted you to meet her, but then she was crying and her tears...my god her_ tears._ Carlisle you have _got _to help me!" He is so much younger than me, but he is the authority on this issue and I am all but praying that he will settle this for the sake of my soul.

He looks at me with kindness which is so unusual among our kind. "First I need to know if you are influencing her? I know you can draw people to you with your voice and your will. How much of this is your talent?"

"I wish I knew. That is part of the puzzle. I can honestly say I am not _trying _to draw her to me. I feel it may be happening, but it is not my will. I always thought I was the master of my own will, but this goes so much against all I know; she has a hold on me I cannot deny." I look at him and still he is quiet and thoughtful. It should not bother me as I have come to enjoy silence, but I feel that his thoughts could be taking him closer to a conclusion I will not like, and so I speak. "She is vulnerable to my command. I can order her to stay away from me and it works for a short time. And she does not attract me when she is drugged and unconscious."

"You _drugged _her!" His look is incredulous and furious and he leaps to his feet . "You can't treat people like that! What the hell were you thinking, she's not a toy!"

I can match him in intensity as I too stand. "I thought that if I did not do something, I was going to _KILL _her – or worse! You have no idea the things I have thought about doing to her. To have a perfectly willing victim, do you have any idea how powerful a temptation that is? Your Edward has remarked that for him it was as if the lion fell in love with the lamb. How sweet a sentiment But for me it is as if the lamb has come willingly into the lions den. It – _she_ – has welcomed me to take whatever I would from her, and I was perfectly willing to comply with her desires. So I drugged her. And yes I did toy with her; this she knows. I tested my resolve against her, and I could resist while she was not conscious. But even in her sleep she pulls me! The barrier in the cellar blocks enough that I can resist, but I do not believe it blocks _my _influence on her completely."

Carlisle still looks angry, but he is calming. "I'll need to talk to her myself – and without you nearby." He holds his hand out and it takes me a second to realize he is asking for the key to her cell. I hold it in my hand, reluctant to give it to him. Of course I did ask for his help, but do I trust him? I look into his golden stare and realize that he is likely the only one I can trust with her. I hand him the key.


	11. Chapter 11 Night Terrors

Chapter 11

Night Terrors

The nightmare terrified me, especially after he sang me to sleep so sweetly. I still don't know what woke me up, only that I was alone in the dark and quiet basement and he was gone. It was actually the first time I'd woken up without him watching me. I called him and he didn't answer. The blackness of the basement stirred up all kinds of fears of what could be hiding in the unknown. I worried that the nightmare was the truth, and faceless immortals had come and taken him away. As I think about this now, I have to wonder why that would worry me if I was spared and left behind. But at the time I feared that he was being destroyed by the Volturi, whoever they may be.

I was at least able to find my clothes in the darkness, shaking them to dislodge imaginary beetles and spiders before I dressed in the darkness. The time passed in sensory deprivation began to gnaw on my reasoning and I spent maybe five minutes, five hours, five years – screaming in panic before the sound of the dog barking snapped me out of it.

I hate that it is so easy for my active imagination to overcome my sense of reason. I think there is within us all, the nameless fear of what is lurking to devour us when no one can see or save us. But more than the darkness and the quiet, and the helplessness, I hate being alone. I sit on the bed weighed down with the thought that there is no one to miss me, or look for me, or mourn me when I'm gone. I hate it! As much as I complained about Stefan's odd attentions, at least I wasn't alone.

I stand up and pace the cell. I know where everything is and I try to stay calm and not scream and destroy the place like I did the first night. I do know that it is night because of the completeness of the dark. There are windows in the cellar and by day, light does filter through and bounce off the walls.

But it's night and I'm alone, and my imagination runs wild as I think of him dead at mysterious immortal hands. I think that as much as I'd like to get back into bed, the bugs have already sought out my warm spot to congregate, and I think that there's precious little difference between being alive in the cell alone and being dead and entombed alone. Dead at least I would not feel the panic warring with the emptiness within me. Part of me wants to fight and part of me just wants to crawl into a hole and pull in the dirt.

I often feel like the tree falling in the woods; if there is no one to hear me, do I make any sound? If there is no one to see me, do I exist? If there is no one to know I am alive, am I more than a ghost? And if I am what is the point? Single, alone, solitary, abandoned, and desolate. I hate this! If I have a choice I will choose anything but this. This is why I allowed Lucien to guide me, and perhaps to use me. I cannot stand the emptiness of my own company. As much as Stefan has presented me with his danger and threats, at least he has also been companionable. It sickens me, this deep pit of neediness I have within me, threatening to suck me inside with vacuum strength. I despise that I am so weak and starved for contact and connection to anyone who will fill the void, at least momentarily preventing me from being pulled completely into myself until I disappear without a trace.

I shake the blankets for imaginary vermin and once again climb into bed. I want to sleep. I feel tired and drained to the point my mind is getting carried away with me. I wish for Stefan, even if he comes to feed. I wish for him even if he comes to violate and possess me. In the dark I can imagine how that would feel, but all I can truly contemplate are his unbreakable arms around me. In my silent darkness I can admit that I want him more than I've ever wanted any other man. To be held by someone who couldn't be taken from me. To be known by someone who would remember me forever.

"Please come back." I whisper into the darkness.

I sit with my knees drawn up to my chin and the tears drying on my face, for an amount of time I'll never know nor regain. I hear noises, faint and distant. I wait with my heart beating faster and a small glimmer of hope. I hear the familiar door opening and loud footsteps falling on the staircase. I see the lights come on and I'm momentarily blinded as the darkness rushes away empty handed – this time. I rush to the glass and wait for him – please let it be him. I strain to see around the corner, then force myself to relax as the shadows stretch into my view.

It's him! And another with him and I'm unsure who this is as _his _look is so uncertain. Is this one of his enemies? He introduces me and the name is unfamiliar. It's not one from his story. Still it's him and I rush to the glass and feast on him with my eyes. I've missed him; this man who could still be my killer. The other one doesn't matter as much but I see that there is a friendliness in his eyes but not in his stance. I confess about my nightmare and being awake. When Stefan opens the cell I rush to him, suddenly overwhelmed with my fears and my needs. His arms; his wonderful iron embrace enfolds me and my resistance is gone as I throw my arms around him and kiss him. Anything for him.

I'm lost, and it's only the stranger who keeps me from giving myself wholly to him. His arm between us is just as strong as Stefan's and his warning tone brings me back to my senses long enough to retreat to the cell and close the door. When they leave Stefan apologizes on the way and I am once again left alone. I read the note I couldn't see in the dark and I laugh at my insecurity. In the light I can brush my hair and straighten my clothes as I strain to listen to the faint noises above me.

I'm drifting in and out of sleep when I hear the door and footsteps again. I jump up to see him, but it's the other one – Carlisle who greets me with a smile. He holds a bag in his hand and he also has the key to the cell. I wonder if this is some kind of vampire prisoner exchange program and I back into the corner of the bed as he opens the door. I know it's stupid since I couldn't win any fight against them. Still he's looking at me, giving me all of his attention, and he hasn't tried to kill me yet.

"Hello Summer, I'm Doctor Carlisle Cullen." There's the smile again and I almost feel it's genuine. "I'm from the U.S. Just like you; Washington state to be specific." He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet. "I've got a family back home." He pulls out a picture and reaches across the bed to hand it to me. As I look at the happy family I feel the familiar ache, since I have no such photo; at least not one where the people are still living. He's moved closer to me and is pointing at the people. "That's Esme my wife. That's Edward and his wife Bella and their daughter Renesmee. That's Rosalie and her husband Emmett, and that's Alice and her husband Jasper. They're all adopted Summer, well except for Remesmee."

It surprises me that he's adopted so many, especially since some of them look like they really could be his children. Still it doesn't help since even that avenue of growing my family is closed to me. He takes the picture and slides it back into his wallet and looks at me. "In case you're wondering, yes I am a vampire, and yes I am a real doctor. I treat humans back home and I've never killed any of my patients. Well, actually that's not true. I killed four of my patients who became my family members. They were so close to death when I turned them they would have died anyway. Still their deaths are on my hands – or teeth as it may be. I'm a good doctor and I don't hunt humans – never have." He smiles reassuringly.

"So, Stefan told me he hurt you earlier this evening and I would like it if you would allow me to examine you and make sure you're not hurt more seriously than you think. You would be my patient and everything would be confidential. Would that be okay with you Summer?" He reminds me a bit of my father and I nod my head.

"If you would just undress down to your bra and underwear I can do a proper exam." He moves the screen away from the toilet and sets it so it blocks me from view of the glass. He turns his back to wash his hands in the sink and I undress as he asked. I notice the steam rising from the sink and I realize he's warming his hands as well as cleaning them.

I'm sitting on the bed when he turns and his eyes meet mine. I like that he doesn't look first at my body. He indicates that I should turn away from him, and I feel his hands on my back and shoulders. His touch is gentle, but I can still feel pain where he touches.

He prods around my torso asking if this or that hurts. There is some pain, but nothing I can't handle. When he finishes, he tells me to get dressed and assures me that my ribs are not broken. "But you do have some serious bruises. Do you think he was trying to hurt you?"

"No. I was...we were just kissing." I can feel myself blush as I remember how badly I wanted him. "I don't think he wanted to hurt me; but I didn't stay away like I should." I look at him and see concern in his eyes. "You're my doctor, so I'll be honest with you. I want him. A few bruises doesn't matter to me. I'm twenty-three and I've never made love before. I've never been so attracted to anyone as I am to Stefan. But it's not his fault since it starts with me. It's almost like we're both magnetic, but mine is stronger. I'm pulling him in without even trying to, and he responds by unconsciously influencing me. Then I want him more, and it builds in this way until I can't resist. It's very powerful!" I look at Dr. Carlisle and he's watching me with an odd look on his face.

"Summer, are you 'pulling at' _me_?" He has his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

"NO! I...I was kind of thinking that you remind me of my father. No, I'm not attracted to you that way, why?"

He takes a step back and smiles. "Well, just so you know, it's taking all of my resolve not to pounce on you right now. Don't worry, I'm good at this, but you are most definitely a magnet; and a very strong magnet at that. Tell me my dear, how do most human men act around you?"

"They're dogs! I used to date before dad got so sick he needed me, and they were all...just out for one thing." I watch him flip open his wallet and take out a picture of the red head, staring at it as he asks his questions.

"And how do most women react around you?" He doesn't even look at me; just stares at the photo.

"I have a lot of girlfriends. I lose a lot when their boyfriends hit on me though. But still I have a lot of close girlfriends. Why?" I wonder what he's getting at as he takes another step back.

"So, how did you feel about Stefan when you first saw him?"

I had to think back to remember exactly what I thought. "I was afraid. I thought the house was empty and I knew Lucian was hurt or worse. When he came for me I knew he was going to kill me; and I thought...how beautiful he is... to die in his arms would be...so right. But if he would make love to me first I would die happy." I look at the doctor who doesn't look up but nods. "My god, I think I wanted him from the beginning! I don't want to die, I want...whatever _he _wants. Does he have that kind of power Carlisle?"

"Oh yes he does, but he swears he's not using it against you. Do you know my wife Esme has the most beautiful eyes of any woman I've ever seen? And she is so kind and loving she wanted to die when she lost a child. Summer, _please_ if you can control this, DO IT!" I can see the strain on him and I know I'm not controlling it.

"You just have to get out of here and shut the door. It works for Stefan, just go!" I hear him snarl low in his throat and he lunges for me. He's fast and I'm off guard and I'm in his arms and pressed against him as he kisses up my neck and takes possession of my lips. I've got nothing to fight him so I hold still without responding. His lips, his tongue, his hands on me...so enticing and not what I want – not _who _I want! To his credit he stops and stares at me wide-eyed before fleeing to the other side of the barrier.

He paces back and forth outside the door while he holds the key in his hand. He finally stops and looks through the glass at me. "Dear God what have I done!" His face looks even whiter than before and I see he's more shaken than I realized.

"Don't worry, you're not the first to behave like that around me. I've kind of become used to it, and you didn't hurt me or anything."

"No, you don't understand. Not only am I happily married, I've never ever lost control like that! I'm a doctor and if I can't control my different lusts I can't _be _a doctor. If Stefan has not given in to you, he must have incredible control. A younger vampire would have done unspeakable things to you." He paces again, and he seems to be getting himself under control when he looks my way again. "I'm so sorry Summer. I'll stay out here and not put you at risk."

"You've left your bag in here."

"Just leave it there. I don't have anything in that bag that's worth what almost happened." He seems puzzled as he looks at me.

"I don't think Stefan would have let you hurt me. He's probably on the steps listening or something." I hope I'm telling the truth since the thought of him abandoning me is more upsetting than what Carlisle could have done to me. I hear the loud click of his heels in the distance and it makes me smile.

"Summer, how does your family behave around you?" He's still working the puzzle, but I feel tears come to my eyes at the mention of my family.

"I'm alone. I don't have family, just a lot of girlfriends and a string of bad dates. My dad died before I graduated college, and my mother left when I was younger. She died too. I'm an only child and Dad was an orphan. There's no one. But when he was alive, dad was normal and treated me just like a dad. I did all the normal things, and we were happy even without my mother."

"So when did the dogs start to show up? I mean were the boys in school crazy about you ? Was it men in college, or was it later?"

I had to think. I can remember dad comforting me after a particularly bad date. I had to call a cab to take me home since dad couldn't drive and come and get me. "I think it got really bad during my freshman year of college. Dad was sick and I spent a lot of time taking care of him. He would insist I go out, and I did get asked out a lot. But they were all jerks. Dad used to be the one to invite the guy in and talk to him first, but he was so sick he could only kiss me goodbye and wish me luck. I sometimes wondered if they could sense I didn't have a champion anymore." I thought back and tried to think of just one good date, but they were all horrible.

"Doctor Cullen, I must have had this...magnetism even then. I can't remember a date that didn't try to take advantage of me. I started carrying cab fare and pepper spray. Even guys my girlfriends fixed me up with and swore were perfect gentlemen, would turn into creeps before I made it home. I never saw the pattern."

"So, did you go to any dances in school? What about homecoming and the prom?" He looked like he still had a lot of questions.

"I did all that, but the guys were just guys. I had a boyfriend in high school, but it didn't last long" I wonder about his questions but he seems to have a reason for asking.

"Summer, what scares you?" He asks the question and I stare at him. I don't want to answer him. "What is your biggest fear?" I wonder if it's plain on my face. I can feel my heart trying to beat it's way out of my chest.

"I don't want to say it. If I say it then it will happen and I can't take that." I feel tears in my eyes and I wipe them on my sleeve.

"You know it doesn't work like that," he argues. "I need to know Summer."

"Alone." I whisper. "I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of dying alone and living alone and being forgotten and being forgettable. I'm terrified of having no connection to people. I came here just to have a connection to my great grandmother, and she's been dead for years. Everything about being alone terrifies me. When I came here, if Stefan had killed me I wouldn't have died alone, and he would have remembered me. I'm not afraid of dying, I've come to terms with my own death, but I don't want to be alone." I feel the tears streaming down my face and I wipe them, but they keep coming.

I look up and there is a short confrontation outside my cell. Carlisle looks like he would block Stefan, but he quickly relents and Stefan breezes through the door and pulls me to him. He holds me gently, kissing the top of my head and soothing me with his soft words. He wipes the tears from my eyes as I pull him to me.

I am vaguely aware of Carlisle watching, then he edges into the cell and removes his bag. Stefan gathers me onto his lap as he sits in the chair. Carlisle remains outside the cell looking amazed at our closeness.

"Summer, tell me what you feel about Stefan."

I don't know how to respond since he's right here with me. But with my head on his shoulder and his arm around me I feel safe. "I like him. I think he's the best looking man I've ever seen. I feel so attracted to him it's crazy how intense it is sometimes. I love his voice when he sings, and I enjoy hearing his passion over things the world has forgotten. I like the way he writes, and I can't look at him without wanting to tangle my fingers into his dark curls." I know I'm blushing, and his fingers comb gently through my hair.

"But I'm also scared of his hunger. I can't stand to think of all those he's killed. He's such a controlling male chauvinist it drives me crazy. He can be boring sometimes, like when he rambles on in Latin or some other language. And his suits are ancient and remind me of an old undertaker. And he has a tendency to treat me like he owns me."

I hear Stefan laughing to himself, then he whispers, "you _are_ mine." I want to protest but it's true. When did that happen? I'm overwhelmed with his presence and that sense of belonging to him.

"Stefan, I think I have figured out a few things. I'm not certain, and I know Eleazar could tell you more. But Summer is like a magnet. She's pulling people to her because she doesn't want to be alone. She's alone now without her parents or family, so it's like she's casting a net to pull people to her. It's unfortunate that she's such an attractive woman and most men see her in only one way. Once they know more about her it likely won't affect them as negatively. She's not controlling it, but it's funny that when she's with you _I_ don't feel the attraction. Maybe instead of a net it could be more like a single lure? Or maybe it's only for you?"

I am listening to Carlisle and what he is saying makes perfect sense to me. Except that it sounds like some kind of magic power which is just too hard to swallow. Okay, I'm sitting on the lap of a vampire, mentally debating the existence of magic. I must be nuts!

"So it seems that if she's fishing, or drawing you in, then there's something in your ability that responds to her lure and pulls back. You are essentially two magnets. Hers works on anyone, but yours only attracts her; at least when you're not trying." Carlisle looks puzzled as I kiss Stefan's neck, nipping at him in the way I know he'd like to do to me.

Carlisle taps on the glass to get our attention. "Stefan, what if siete il suo cantante?" His head snaps up and he answers angrily.

"She is not my singer! It's not her blood I want – that would be too easy. I wouldn't have called you if she was my singer. Sorry to say it would have been too late." He caresses my face and smooths my hair.

Carlisle laughs on the other side of the wall. "Stefan you've been away from Italy for a long time. I didn't say she was your singer, I said _you _were _her _singer. Just look at her! She wants you in a way I've never seen a human woman want a vampire. Even Bella didn't behave that way toward Edward, and they were in love. She was his singer, and he had to fight to stay in control around her at all times. Summer can't hurt you, but she seems to have laid claim to you. She could probably have any man she wants, and she wants _you._"

"_She_ is still in the room you know!" I don't want them to keep talking about me like I am the family cat; even if I am curled up on Stefan's lap. "And what's this singer you're talking about? He sang me to sleep already and he has a beautiful voice." I know I am missing something, but I'm tired and secure in Stefan's arms.

He whispers to me. "Little one, there are many different types of blood, and it is flavored with the life of the one it lives within. It is rare, but sometimes one of our kind happens upon one whose blood is so enticing to them, it is as if it sings for them. It is almost impossible to resist, and the memory of it would last a lifetime. Carlisle's son met his singer and instead of feeding from her, he fell in love with her. He spent years with her though every minute of every day he thirsted for her blood. He seems to think I hold a similar fascination for you." He laughs and kisses my forehead.

I have to ask. "What happened to her?"

Carlisle answers me. "They got married. On their honeymoon he had to fight not to hurt her, and even still he left her body bruised and destroyed a bed and several pillows. She conceived my granddaughter and the child would have killed her if we hadn't been prepared for what could happen. In order to save Bella, my son had to change her into one of us. The baby destroyed her body being born, and the child is half human, and half vampire."

"The little girl in the picture! I wondered who she was and how one of you could have a child. It must be nice to have such a large and happy family." I hold onto Stefan imagining if his blood really did sing for me what it would be like. It couldn't be more attractive than this.

Stefan stands up and effortlessly sets me on the bed. He walks to the glass and asks Carlisle if he will stay until tomorrow to help him figure out what we should do. The doctor agrees and Stefan promises to come back as soon as he settles his guest.

They disappear and I change back into my nightgown. I wonder about the Bella and Edward he was talking about. A vampire man and a human woman who not only made love, but also had a child – unbelievable! It gives me hope to know that making love to a vampire is possible if a little painful. More to the point, it means that it is possible for me to make love with Stefan.

Alone I contemplate my feelings. Why do I want this? When did this happen that I no longer want to escape, but want instead to do the ridiculous? I've never had a thing for dangerous men before. I've always been the one to counsel girlfriends to leave those bad relationships before they got hurt, so why now? I sit on my bed with my knees drawn up and try to get in touch with what's driving my attraction. If I take away the attraction, I'm left with...a killer. It's my fear I've had to put a voice to so recently. I'm afraid of...dying alone and unremembered. Living alone with no one to care for me if and when my body betrays me like my father's did.

I have an even chance that I too will wind up like that. I remember the years I cared for him, at first doing the simple tasks that eluded him, but in the end I did almost everything for him. And it was never enough to save him. I miss him so much! The tears fall silently as I bury my face in my arms. I don't hear him but feel his arms around me. Stefan is with me, holding me and whispering calming words against my hair. He gently moves me and sits next to me on the bed, pulling me against him with his iron arms around me.

I wonder if I'm not trying to purchase some kind of loyalty or commitment from him with my willingness to please him. Maybe I am...but with his arms around me and his soft words buried in my hair I don't care. I open my eyes to look at him and I'm surprised to see he's not wearing his normal suit but is instead wearing pajamas.

He smiles at my realization. "Carlisle has agreed to stay the night. He has more he would like to discuss with you once you are better rested. With your permission I will stay here while you sleep and keep away the bad dreams. Carlisle will listen to protect you if I get carried away."

"And what if _I _get carried away?" I tease as I snuggle up against him.

"Draga mea, please do not do that! You need to sleep, and I am barely able to resist you now. Will you tell me for what you are crying?"

"I will, but first let's get comfortable." I slide down in the bed and he stretches out, cradling me against him. I find I can't just lie next to him, and so I lie on my side to face him with my body partially on his. I hear him groan from deep inside as I choose this position, but he doesn't object. His body is so solid and hard it's almost like living stone. He spends time tucking the blanket around me, creating a slight barrier between our contact points. As soon as I'm comfortable he asks again about my crying. I tell him about my father, and even about the loss of my mother. I don't feel the need to cry with him beside me, lightly stroking my hair, my back and my face. I don't remember closing my eyes but when I briefly startle awake he soothes me back to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12 Unnatural Observations

Chapter 12

Unnatural Observations

She sleeps against me. I listen to her heart and her breathing and even the digestion going on in her stomach. I am sure she has no idea how acute my hearing is or she would not have made such confessions to Carlisle. I feel almost guilty to not only know how much she desires me, but I also know her fears. I am sure she has no idea how close I came to tearing him apart for even daring to touch her. He was mere seconds from my attack when he released her.

Of course I hope he does not know the extent of my fear over such a confrontation. I suspect Carlisle has figured out our secret; and perhaps his son Edward knows as well with his amazing power. The ancients – those of us who have been around for more than a thousand years – guard this secret .

The Volturi gave much away with their visit to the Cullen's. The sheer numbers they brought with them should have been enough to tip off someone like Carlisle. And most telling was the way Renata hovered so close to Aro. But also it was in the way Caius wanted to attack first without asking questions or waiting for explanations. It was in the way their wives hung back, so far away as to be protected by their distance and their status as non-combatants. I am sure everyone understood that they wanted a show of strength and wanted to come from a position of overwhelming odds. But I know that there is more to it than a desire for shock and awe.

I see the reason when I look at Vladmir – indeed when I look at myself. We are not just older than most, we are decaying. Of course we are not like humans who will grow old and feeble before dying and rotting. I am still stronger than any human just like always. But like the great ruins in Egypt, we are being whittled away by time. I avoid looking at my reflection. I see the luster has gone out of my eyes and that my skin has a powdery translucence, like delicate rice paper. It is more than just in my looks though, but also in the trance we now fall into that mimics sleep. It is in the way I no longer need to feed but twice a month. It is in the way my memory keeps losing the details, like a piece of intricately carved woodwork that has been painted so many times the fine detail is lost. And even though I know I could live a few thousand years longer, I wonder what those years will be like.

I wonder if Carlisle has guessed that if we fight, he will win. I have battled countless immortals and humans through dozens of lifetimes. I have lead armies, trained in every fighting style, and defeated fields of enemies, and yet I know that I will not be able to win a fight with the pacifistic Carlisle Cullen.

It is not weakness specifically, but a vitality that has been lost through time, and we all suffer it. Like stone that has weathered for centuries while the elements leech minerals out of it leaving it porous and brittle. We are brittle. We are breaking down, not from the elements, but under the affects of time. We have seen it all and done it all and there is nothing left to amuse us, entertain us, or interest us, no matter how hard we try. The elasticity of growth and renewal have disappeared and I have become like a snake that cannot shed it's skin.

I recognized it strongly in Marcus, in what looks like his eternal boredom. Perhaps without his wife he is more vulnerable to this break down than the others. I suspect that he will reach a point and just disappear. Vladmir tells of those he knew long ago who are no more. He recounted to me how one ancient leaped laughing into an active volcano and was incinerated. Others he knew just disappeared without a trace. In some ways I wonder if 'ashes to ashes, dust to dust' applies to mankind and our kind universally.

We know we can become ashes, but I believe we can also become dust. I am on my way to becoming dust and I fear what a fight with Carlisle could do to me. More than that I fear what would happen to _her_ if Carlisle defeated me and earned her as his prize. Given fully to the rage and blood lust, I doubt even Carlisle could stop himself from feeding on her enticing essence.

But for now I am glad I am ancient. I can hold her and resist the temptation to kill her. Still, just as I think I am getting better at resisting her, she moves against me, turning her back to me she mumbles my name in her sleep. I lie on my side and pull her against me in the 'spooning' position. I forget how stupid this is for me to do when I am again hit by her scent, her warmth, and the tenderness at the nape of her neck, and the only place to rest my hand is on her body. It is a delicious torture and I force myself to remain calm and still, least I give Carlisle a reason to intervene.

Throughout the night every time she turns I am forced to readjust to her proximity anew. I notice the telltale signs of the approaching sunrise in the way my eyes adjust to the outlines throughout the room. One last turn has brought her once again into my arms and I am stimulated by the perfume of her morning breath. I could liken it to the smell of fresh rich earth from a garden; so full of life and mystery; so totally human and organic. I grin to myself. What is next to explore on my human? Would I sniff her underarms? Touch her excrement? Taste her assorted fluids? The thought makes me realize the potential extremes of my depravity. Why suddenly am I enamored of all things human? Have I become so old I am now simply playing with my food?

No, she will not feed me! I realize with the thought my arms have tightened around her and I have to constrain myself. In the light of the breaking dawn I can see her clearly. The way her hair falls across her face, delicate strands catching in the sticky moisture of her lips. I watch the steady rise and fall of her chest, and I note that in her tossing her gown has ridden up to the top of her thighs. I pull the blanket to cover her and try futilely to banish the image from my mind.

I am memorizing the angles and planes of her face when she wakes up. To see her startled blue eyes gazing at me is worth all the torment of the night. For long moments we stare at one another unmoving. When she finally moves it is to trail her fingertips down my face as she whispers, "you stayed with me." I find myself smiling at her. It reminds me that I have smiled and laughed more in the last couple days than I have in years. Even seeing the Volturi bested by the Cullens did not make me feel as light as I have been feeling.

"Good morning Summer." I have no fancy words for her. I should have something more eloquent to say after the intimacy we have shared. Yes, it is intimate in a way that kissing her is not. When I kiss her there is passion and fire and desire. But when she sleeps there is surrender and trust, and it overwhelms me that she has placed herself totally in my care. "Did you sleep well?" I wonder what her experience has been even though she likely will not remember.

Her smile is lovely and she kisses my chin softly. "You're cold and hard...but I still like you being with me. You make me feel so secure and safe, I felt you next to me all night, and I know I dreamed about you. It wasn't like the nightmares before, but sweet. I wish I could remember."

She pushes me gently onto my back and then lies on my chest. "You actually remind me of a good memory. Years ago someone gave my dad a waterbed they no longer wanted. We though it would help him with some of his earlier symptoms so we spent the day assembling the frame and filling it with a hose. Once it was full it felt wonderful, but the heater didn't work...or maybe the friend forgot to give it to us, I'm not sure." She smiles, and all her little movements are distracting me.

"Even in the heat of Southern California it was barely any warmer by evening. We decided to sleep the first night together on the waterbed, since I was crazy about the idea. We covered the mattress with layers of towels to absorb any condensation and then made up the bed with blankets and sheets. It was easy to fall asleep on the gently moving surface, but we should have waited since it was so cold the water just stole all the heat from our bodies as we slept. We both woke up stiff and chilled clear through. It made me feel glad to let dad have the waterbed since I'd had my fill of it. And it was good for him once he got a working heater for it."

I want to apologize to her for being cold and hard, but she has slid down and now rests her head against my chest. "I just want to hear for myself...your heart really isn't beating. You really are the living dead!" She sounds almost delighted and I can't understand why. She reaches out and takes hold of my hand, examining my fingers, the nails and the way they move. "Tell me about it...what's it like to be you? You said you can carve stone with your fingertips, and yet they're soft to touch." She kisses each one as she examines me. "Do you get hangnails? Do you need manicures? Does your hair grow? Do you sweat? Do you get tired? Do you have bad hair days? What about shaving? Can you eat? Do you need to brush your teeth?"

I am suddenly laughing at all of her questions. It seems she is as curious about me as I am of her. "No, no, yes, no, no, and sometimes, I answer her as she laughs. It is more delightful than a symphony, her laughter.

"Stefan! I'm serious. I really want to know." She looks down on me and kisses my chin. "How is your face so smooth?" She rubs her face against mine while her hand strokes my cheek.

"My – _our_ hair grows slowly – very slowly. Of course the individual hair doesn't fall out on it's own either. It makes most of us reluctant to cut the hair we do have since a bad haircut can last a very long time. I have no facial hair because I grew frustrated with shaving; the beard would quickly dull the blade, so I plucked each strand out, and it never came back." She laughs when I tell her this, obviously thinking I am teasing her. "I am telling you the truth. I could not make up something so ridiculous!"

She runs her hand along my chin again. "I really like it, I don't get scratched when I'm close to you."

I laugh softly. "My dove, you do not need to worry about getting scratched, only getting bitten." Her warm laughter is overpowering in it's simplicity. I close my eyes just to absorb the sound, desperate to commit everything about this golden moment to memory. The way her hair falls softly against my face, shoulders and neck as she raises up to look down on me. The smells of her shampoo and the warmth of her own sweetness. I never knew warmth had a scent. Her breath is soaked in the myriad flavors of all she has eaten combined with her saliva and fermented like fine wine in her delicious mouth.

The feel of her is so captivating, that if I concentrate on her for too long I will surely lose control. I am sorry for doubting the saleswoman who recommended the rose colored night gown she wears. I almost allowed my insistence on natural fabrics to reject the soft synthetic material which alternately hugs and slides along her curves. With her body weighing on top of me, my hands trace along her as lightly as I possibly can and still be touching her. It is an exercise in restraint as my fingers register the slight chills that ripple across her skin at the contact.

"What about food? I mean can you eat any real food?" Her words snap me out of my thoughts and I smile wickedly up at her.

"Tell me what is more 'real' than what I consume? I can swallow food and drink like you, but one way or another it must come out, and it does not digest. I do enjoy the textures of some foods and sometimes hold them in my mouth. But truly my taste buds have refine themselves to the different nuances of my own diet. There are so many flavors in blood, you would be amazed. I also enjoy the taste of living skin and other tissues." She rests close enough I quickly wrap my arms around her, holding her still while I taste her as I describe. I trace my tongue along her neck and up to her chin. She gasps and her mouth delicately opens and I touch my tongue to her bottom lip. Her heart races as I close my eyes savoring the flavor of her perfect skin.

I open my eyes to see her staring down at me with a hunger I do not often see outside of our kind. "Summer..." She kisses me then, crushing her mouth onto mine as her own tongue seeks to connect with mine and her hands are warm clutching both sides of my face. I can see that I have been wrong about tasting only blood because I taste her mouth and it is a feast of flavors. I cannot get enough!

She moves quickly for a human, shrugging off the blankets as she throws her leg over my hips to straddle me. I watch her transfixed, feeling our bodies separated by the thinnest barriers of fabric. She leans down, pressing her chest against mine and kissing me without reservations. My hands slide over the gossamer fabric, taking in her delicate curves and tender soft flesh. I am aware that women of this age are bold almost to the point of wantonness, but to see and feel such ardor takes me by surprise. Not only do her actions make me clearly aware of her desires, but a new scent is in the air and I am shocked when I recognize the tangy musk of her arousal!

A low snarl escapes me and I am impatient for her human seduction. I flip her onto her back and stare down into her ravenous, rapturous blue eyes. Soft, warm, willing, and alive; she is mine! I determine to have her...to have her _now._ The tearing of fabric precedes her squeals. Her heart hammers against me through her chest and I force myself to slow down and pull back so I don't hurt her. I touch her and her body strains up, arching to meet mine. Her arms are around me and her fingers twine into my hair as she pulls my head down to hers for our lips to meet. I want this woman! I _need _this woman! I look down into her eyes, my still body posing a silent question to her.

We gaze hungrily into one another's eyes for long seconds and the magnetism between us is unbearably strong. She closes her eyes briefly before moving against me slightly, whispering…. moaning the answer to my question, "yes Stefan."

The noise is barely a distraction. In fact she notices long before I do as my hands have me overcome with their explorations of her body. She is struggling to pull away from me and I wonder why she is fighting me on something she wanted just seconds ago. And still the annoying noise is pecking at my brain like a swarm of angry bees.

"Stefan! Stefan stop!" Her words are like ice water and I struggle to obey her commands as I am determined to give in to her wishes. But I feel like a runaway train on a greased track with the brakes screaming ineffectually to stop. I register the noise is flesh on glass; hard, inhuman flesh banging on plexi-glass with nearly enough force to shatter it. A hand hammering to create a noise that should pull me back from the brink of... delirium and ecstasy. Finally the brakes catch and my runaway purpose is halted. I peer dazed down at her as she struggles in vain to move from beneath me. "I'm sorry...we have an audience," she gasps.

Carlisle is standing on the other side of the glass where he has been banging on the wall to stop me from ….from the very actions to which my mind and body were completely committed. I fight to regain control, then roll off of my – my woman – oh yes there is no denying she is mine. I watch her skitter away from me reaching for the blankets to pull over her. I realize her nightgown is in tatters and leaving her exposed. I react as chivalrous as I can, considering I am the one who caused her immodesty. I remove my shirt and drape it over her shoulders to cover her. I apologize as I move away from her and climb out of her bed. I glance at Carlisle and he is scowling at me.

I can think now that I am away from her and I see too that she seems disappointed as she looks at me. I watch her eyes travel down my shirtless chest and I head instinctively for the door. On the other side of the barrier I tell her that we will return as soon as I have made her breakfast. Carlisle leaves ahead of me and I look at her longingly from my side of the wall.

"I am sorry ….this is so disheartening." I leave and follow him up, when what I really want to do is finish what we started.

Carlisle waits for me in the kitchen. "What do you have for her to eat?" His question catches me off guard considering what he interrupted.

"Is that all you have to say?" I look at him in frustration.

"What do you want me to say? Than you're being an idiot? That you're taking too much of a chance on killing her? Or maybe I should just go back to what my father would have said and tell you that your sins are going to make you burn in hell for all eternity! I thought it just better to take care of her needs rather than try to take you to task for what you're doing." He is prowling around in the kitchen and pulling out some of the food I had stored haphazardly in the refrigerator I never even realized we had.

"I'll take care of the cooking, I've had some experience recently with human food since my daughter-in-law and granddaughter have given me a good reason to learn some of the skills I never knew even as a human." He laughs as he pulls out a frying pan and sets it on the stove. "Funny thing is, Nessie prefers to hunt with us, but she still loves when I make her french toast for breakfast." He heats the pan and breaks eggs into a bowl to beat them. I watch him fascinated, just enjoying the smells. As I watch he prepares a lovely plate with french toast topped with a pureed fruit syrup, a poached egg on the side, and cheese. He pours milk and juice and hands me the tray. "You lead the way."

We both go downstairs, but then Carlisle dashes back up to turn off the appliance before joining me once more. Summer is dressed when we come to her cell, and I can smell the mint of toothpaste. When I open her unlocked cell she watches me cautiously as I set the tray down and give Carlisle the credit for doing the cooking. She seems embarrassed and I can only imagine that it is because of our earlier preoccupation. I calmly go to her and take her in my arms, kissing the top of her head before I release her and step outside of the cell.

We both watch Summer eat her breakfast with obvious enjoyment. I notice Carlisle has changed from the night before and is wearing a muted purple button down shirt with charcoal gray pants. With his collar open and his sleeves rolled up he looks like a professional young human. I smile as I recall Vladmir trying to imitate this style with mixed results.

As soon as she is finished eating she takes a seat in the chair and we are all quietly watching one another. Carlisle speaks first. "I apologize for interrupting your...activity. But there are some things you need to know Summer." He then goes on to tell her in detail about how our kind can indeed participate in intimate relations with humans – at great risk to the human. He also tells how it is possible for our kind to impregnate a human female. It is what she has already heard, but in light of what almost happened she is considering it a warning.

Carlisle continues with his clinical dialogue and even I am embarrassed as he touches on subjects that should be personal and private in my opinion. "Summer, the most obvious answer to the dilemma you both face is for you to become like us. I'm sure Stefan would happily change you and then you would have little fear of keeping the secrets, or participating in intimate activities. Of course there are a lot of negatives that come with that choice and I'd want you to know about all of them before you took that step."

I can see from her look that the explanations are going to be unnecessary. She shakes her head as she stands up to pace in front of the window. "No, I can't do it. I mean if there was some way to live like you do without needing to kill something just to survive I would...but it's not even worth it to kill animals to keep me alive. I just can't do that.

Carlisle listens respectfully before he presents his next option. I have to walk away as he outlines his recommendations for contraception. His questions about her cycles and her health leave me shamed in ways his earlier interruption did not. When I hear him enter her cell I cannot get closer as I know he is giving her an injection that should prevent her from conceiving if my seed should come into contact with her human egg. He continues to give her instructions on what is safe and when to renew the protection. Then he comes my way.

He leads the way up the stairs and we go back to the sitting room. He looks at me still in my pajama pants. "You look different from the last time I saw you Stefan." His eyes meet mine and he nods his head as if affirming a suspicion. "I noticed it when I spent time in Volterra. You ancients are different from the rest of us. But I'm seeing a change in you that wasn't there when you came to witness for us. Your skin isn't as translucent. It doesn't look so fragile and powdery...and your eyes have lost that cloudy film. If I didn't know better I'd say you were only a couple hundred years older than me." He grabs my arm and compares it side by side with his. I am still lighter, but I can see what he is talking about. I am surprised to see the shadows of my own veins have disappeared as well. I look at him in confusion. "Why don't you go get dressed and we can talk."

I leave him then to go. I remember how Summer remarked that I dress like an undertaker and so I forsake the vest, coat, and tie. I take a moment to assess my looks in the mirror and I too can see what he spoke of; especially in my eyes. I also notice that the red iris's have become darker than I expected. They look as if I need to feed soon, though I should have at least another week. When I return Carlisle is comfortable on the settee and I again sit opposite him.

"I think she's good for you Stefan." He doesn't waste time with preamble. "Your physical condition is proof; whatever you're doing and feeling seems to be giving you back some of your vitality. I didn't know that was possible. It will be interesting to see how far the transformation can go with time. I mean you've not even had a week together. Of course in order for that to happen we need to make sure you can keep her alive. You're going to need to figure out what to do about the law, and I assume Vladmir will have something to say about a human sharing your house and bed." He is again making me uncomfortable with his words.

"That brings me to my next point Stefan. You're not off the hook as far as protecting her goes. You need to do your part if you want to be with her as a man. I've given her something that should work in twelve hours or less, but because the timing of her cycles is off, I've advised her to use an alternate method until you both can be sure. A week should be fine." He reaches into his bag as he talks. When he pulls out a large box I am stunned speechless. "For about a week I'd recommend you use the barrier method of birth control..."

The case of condoms he presents makes me angry. I leap to my feet, angrily asking, "my god, what do you think I am going to do to the poor girl? One hundred...for a week! You've brought enough to supply a brothel! I could never...I mean just because I want her... I do not think I could ever...this is ridiculous!"

Carlisle's laughter snaps me out of my anger. "Sit down, I need to show you something." I sit, still fuming as he opens the box and takes out one of the wrapped …._things. _ The odor is pervasive but he does not seem to notice as he tears the package open and removes the disk shaped ….thing. With practiced ease he unrolls it until it looks like a deflated balloon, seemingly innocent until I consider its purpose. He stretches the opening and holds it near his mouth, then spits into it twice. With two fingers he squeezes the fluid to the bottom and we sit and wait.

As I stare at him he calmly tells me, "I don't expect you to be with her so many times in a week. I'd recommend you show much more restraint than that since just one wrong move can result in her death. If I could talk you out of it entirely I would, but this mornings demonstration proves that is unlikely." As he spoke I watched the spittle begin dripping from the end of the condom.

With a grin Carlisle looks at me. "For a week, each time you want to be intimate with her, you will need to use _three _of these. Humans hate even using one, so I'm thinking it's not going to be a picnic for you either. There's not enough venom in our semenole fluids to kill the sperm, but there is still enough to make these fail." He holds up the dripping condom with a smile.

"Would you please put that away!" It disgusts me just looking at it. "All this is pointless anyway. I am not going to need to use any of this." I indicate the ….things. "I have already decided I am going to change her."

Carlisle freezes and locks his gaze onto mine. "NO! You can't do that she already said she didn't want it!" He leaps to his feet suddenly more angry than I have seen him yet.

"She is _mine,_ she will do what I want, and I did not ask your permission!" I do not know why I speak in such a confrontational tone, I only know that of all the options he has presented, only one truly makes sense. I cannot take a chance on killing her accidentally; one time in my existence is more than enough.

"Stefan, you just can't decide that for her. I've done it myself and it doesn't always work. She deserves to have her wishes respected. She is young and healthy and you can't take that choice away from her just because you want a plaything!" His hand on my arm makes me more angry than it should.

I push him angrily away as I yank my arm free. "ENOUGH! She needs protection. Changing her will give her the necessary protection from humans, the Volturi, and even me! You have not given me any other reasonable choices! Now stay out of it!" I stalk by him to head to the cellar. I feel his hand clamp down like an iron manacle on my arm.

"I'm sorry, I can't let you do this my friend." His words are calm and cold but his intention is clear.


	13. Chapter 13 Heartbreak

Chapter 13

Heartbreak

I am still rubbing the site of the injection when I hear the crash. Somewhere above me I hear shouting and more crashes and several thuds. I go for the door and realize it's locked. I don't remember seeing him lock it but I'm trapped again. I've had time to get dressed and I step into the shoes as it sounds serious upstairs. When I hear the door to the basement open it sounds like it's being torn from the hinges. I hear more shouting and Stefan screams my name. It feels like a jagged shard of glass tearing through my soul. I hear another huge crash and what sounds to me like loud snarling.

The man I see appear in front of me is no one I recognize. The torn and bloody shirt looks out of place on the raging maniac who fixes his eyes on me where I cower. My eyes register that it's purple; or at least the shirt once was before it was shredded and covered in dark blood. I can't reconcile the creature glaring at me with golden eyes like flame, to the amiable doctor with his family photos. He spares barely a glance at me before he shoulders the door. I'm surprised it holds so well, taking his inhuman attack three times before it crashes in and rebounds off the wall.

The screams I hear are my own as he rushes in and grabs hold of me. His arm crushes me to him and he doesn't even seem to register my weight as he carries me off my feet with one arm. With the glass wall before him he ignores the door and barrels through the wall like a wrecking ball It crashes outward like a movie set; coming apart in huge busted sheets. I barely have time to think as we're racing toward the exit door with a speed that threatens to give me whiplash.

I'm confronted with the rubble that used to be the wooden staircase. They've been destroyed and the door at the top is splintered and hanging by one nail. He pauses momentarily, as if trying to figure out how to get me to the top. Out of the destruction there's movement. A bloodless white hand grasps his ankle in a death grip and I scream. The wood falls away and I see what looks like Stefan...only he's broken and torn. It's impossible that he's still alive considering the way his bones are contorted and the gaping wounds oozing onto his once white shirt.

"Please!" He gasps as Carlisle shakes free of the offending hand. I watch horrified as he stands, pulling himself up onto rapidly mending misshapen limbs. "You cannot take her!" I hear the grating of bones as he seems to get stronger by the moment. I'm suddenly standing on my own feet as Carlisle has released me and turns to face Stefan.

I barely have time to duck behind a crate when I hear them snarl at one another. It's ferocious and inhuman and I know I won't soon forget it. Stefan leaps onto Carlisle and tears a chunk out of his neck with his teeth. I watch in shock and disbelief as Carlisle flings him across the room where he smashes into a wall. The sound is like brittle, snapping, wood, but Stefan barely pauses as he returns, running at Carlisle to crash into him as they both collide into a stack of wooden crates. I look but see no way out of the nightmare. Stefan is pounding Carlisle repeatedly into the stone floor, to the sound of more snapping. When Carlisle grabs his arms in his strong hands his grip is enough to break the bones once again and Stefan howls in frustration as his hands fall away. The advantage changes rapidly and I watch him pick up Stefan and smash him into the floor. I see and hear the bones in his spine compress and crush before Carlisle presses the advantage and begins kicking with inhuman speed and strength. Each blow reports the damage with cracks, grating, and crunching, along with sickly wet thuds.

I can't imagine it's possible for anyone to live through an attack of this magnitude but I'm wrong. From where I cower I see his face, and for one moment his eyes meet mine. He stretches a twisted arm my way and whispers my name. I'm not sure if it's his power or just my desire to go to comfort him, but I leave my hiding spot. I kneel down by his head and reach to touch his face when I am grabbed roughly around my middle. Carlisle pulls me against him with one arm tight around my stomach and his other hand holding my face. He forces my head to the side and back against his shoulder and I'm reminded of watching Lucian die, only this time it's my turn. I can't take in enough air to scream and I feel his lips on my throat, making a seal so as not to lose even one drop of my blood. I feel the teeth against my skin. I reach down helplessly and whisper his name..."Stefan."

The bite never comes. He breaks the seal and he's whispering in words I can barely hear or understand. "Father please forgive me! Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time. Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. Whom resist steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world. But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To him be the glory and dominion for ever and ever, Amen!"

His arms loosen and he picks me up like a child and holds me against his chest. In two steps we are where the stairs would have ended and he leaps to the doorway effortlessly. At the doorway I see destruction. The kitchen is a battle zone, with holes in the walls and the appliance looking as if they have been thrown. He wastes no time surveying the damage as he carries me through the house to the very door I came in through just days ago. My purse still rests on the table and I scoop it up as he carries me outside. He's running and I must not weigh anything to him. The morning sun is out and I'm fascinated as it glints and sparkles off of his exposed skin.

Around the corner of the garage comes the dog. Barking and snarling it races toward us with vicious intent. Carlisle fixes his eyes on the dog's and snarls from deep in his chest. The animal stops dead in it's tracks before reversing and running away, whimpering. He puts me down long enough to throw open the garage door and he ushers me inside where he pauses a second looking at two beautiful cars; one a charcoal gray luxury car and the other a bright red sports car. With a grin he unlocks the red one and hurries me into the passenger seat. In seconds we are out of the garage and flying down quiet streets faster than should be possible without risking life and limb.

I watch him as his body seems to mend even as he drives the car at breakneck speeds. "Do me a favor and see what's in the glove box – I could really use a cloth or something to wipe off the blood." I look and find protectant wipes for the car and he smiles. "That will work for now." He tears off several and wipes his face and other areas that have recently been torn and bleeding. He rakes his fingers through his hair, and except for the tatters of his shirt, he almost looks normal. "I sincerely apologize for my behavior. I came to help you not to put you in more danger. He will follow us, as soon as he is somewhat recovered." He shifts the car into a higher gear and steps down on the gas. "You have to get as far away as possible. I'm taking you to the airport and you will catch the first departing flight no matter where it's going. From that destination you may go home, but I advise you not to stay there. He knows where you live and he will come for you. "

"Why would he do that? Once I'm away I shouldn't have any influence or pull on him." I still can't understand what happened and why I have to flee.

"I know he will...because I would in his place. He has claimed you as his. I'm not sure why he believes he owns you, but he will want you back. He fought me not to take you away, but I had no choice if I wanted to save your life." He doesn't look my way as he weaves in and out of traffic like the cars are standing still.

"He promised me he wouldn't kill me. What changed? I mean he spent the whole night with me and didn't even try to hurt me. I trust him Carlisle...he isn't like that to me." I feel tears in my eyes and I don't understand why I'm feeling so upset.

"You don't get it. You can't trust _any _of us – especially you! I almost killed you myself. It's not what we want, it's what we _are. _Underneath all the good intentions and pretty sentiments we are monsters, and you should never forget it. Stefan sees things different from you. He thinks that he can save you by killing you. He was planning on making you one of us – against your will. I couldn't let him do that." His jaw is set and he drives even faster if that's possible.

"Why would he want me to be something I decided I couldn't stand? I mean I was clear that I won't kill to live. I would kill myself if I had to do that."

He smiles. "I understand you perfectly. I was changed accidentally and against my will. I resisted the urge to hunt for so long, and hid in remote places until I thought I would go crazy with the hunger. I tried several times to kill myself, but we are very hard to kill. I discovered I could survive on animal blood and I have never hunted humans. To my shame I have created others like me, so I know the taste of human blood. I love my family, and I would never say they do not deserve to live, but they were weaknesses on my part. I fight now to save life wherever and whenever I can in hopes of making up for the wrongs I've done and what I am."

"But why would Stefan want to change me?"

"He is faced with changing you or taking a chance on accidentally killing you. Letting you go wasn't a choice he would accept. You know too much to stay with him as a human, since there are laws for our kind; and the punishment is severe."

"The Volturi...I know." I say it out loud and he turns quickly to look at me.

"You most definitely know too much. They would kill you for that piece of knowledge alone...and Stefan as well. You need to get away from him; even if he can avoid killing you, his friend and housemate Vladmir won't think twice about ending you. The two of them once had an empire that would rival the Volturi. They had a large coven and a secure stronghold and they were very powerful. The Volturi tore them down and they were the only two to survive. Vladmir will not risk their wrath again. Stefan wants to keep you, but to do that he would need to change you. Your only hope is to go home; move from your current address and disappear. Do not ever mention what you know to anyone – _ever. _ Don't go back there, and don't try to find me either. What I know can get you killed and what you know can get us both killed." He seems so serious and I'm chilled just thinking about the Volturi lurking somewhere waiting to kill me.

We pull into the airport and he stops in the drop off zone. He pulls out his wallet and hands me a wad of cash that seems to clean him out. "That's $10,000 in U.S. Currency; you may need to exchange it to buy a ticket. Don't wait...go with the next flight boarding, and tell them it's an emergency. I would go with you but I can't be seen like this and I am going back to make sure he's okay and let him know that it will be useless to search for you. You must _make _it useless! If he finds you, you will die, either becoming like us or becoming food. I'm giving you a choice I wish I'd had."

He stares at me for long moments as I try to think about all he's said. I look up at him and try to think of the right words to say thank you for his help. His arm suddenly moves around my neck and he pulls me across the center console and gearshift. When he kisses me, it's like he's parched and I am water. His tongue finds it's way into my mouth and mine responds as he reminds me so strongly of Stefan. He tears himself away and looks at me with wide eyes. "Go! And don't come back! Save yourself Summer. I've done all I can – hurry!" I open the door and as soon as I'm out he speeds off.

Inside the airport I immediately ignore his advice. I stop in the restroom and try to fix myself up. I'm in clothes Stefan picked out for me but other than that I don't look like I've changed. But I have changed even though I can't see it in the mirror. I wander through the airport as people pass me by on their way to someplace else in a hurry. I don't know where to go, and the only bag I have is my purse. I walk past a wall of pay phones and I wonder who I can call. I think about all of my friends back home and know I don't want to call anyone. I'm confronted with my fear of being alone once again. I make a complete circuit of the airport concourse before I go outside and hire a taxi.

I give him the address of the hotel where I'm still registered, and hand him the money from my purse. It's not that I don't believe Carlisle, it's that I can't leave without the one thing that still holds a connection for me – my grandmother's diaries. When we pull up I tip the cab driver and step into the hotel like I've never left. It's a different place than when I left. It looks like normal and safe and comforting – things I may never know again. My key card gains me entry into my room and I step into a place where someone has cleaned up and made the bed but left everything else alone. My suitcase is still on the floor and the case where my grandmother's diaries are stored is still where I left it. I call down to the desk and ask them if it would be possible to move to a different room since I have been feeling very uncomfortable in this one. An hour later I'm moved and I have a new key card.

In my new room I shower and change. I tell myself that it's my choice but I skip the jeans and instead put on a sundress I've packed, complete with sandals. I pace the room and finally have to admit that I can't get him out of my mind. The last time I saw him he looked so lost and broken. I recognize the look because I feel that way often myself. I can't watch television since the language alone makes it nearly impossible even if I could concentrate. Instead I sit at the desk in the room, and one at a time I sift through grandma's journals. From her earliest childhood I read about the house. Mansion is more like it and I finally come to the realization that her family must have been servants since we don't have the kind of wealth in our family to own such an estate.

I read all about her childhood, but now I've got fresh memories to go with her words. I know what the places look like; the stairway in the center of the house, the window she looked out of with her window seat. The small suite of rooms was never mentioned, but it is fixed in my memory as well. I remember a brief mention of the library, something about getting in trouble for climbing the ladder. I smile, thinking about the trouble I got into in the same room.

I flip through the familiar pages as I pull out one book at a time. Next to the last one I find something I have been ignoring for years. There are three envelopes, two with my name neatly printed on the front and one with my dad's name. The writing is different from my grandma's and I know it can only be my mother's. The journals have been a safe refuge, but I've never had the courage to open the letters. When I received them I just brushed them off; what's the point? Why read letters from a dead woman, especially one who couldn't stay around to watch me grow up. But now that I'm sitting in a room contemplating how close I've come to dying myself, I know there's nothing in those letters that can hurt me.

I slit the first one open as they are all dated. I thought they couldn't have power over me, but I'm wrong.

_My Dearest Child,_

_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry and I love you. Summer if you could understand how much it hurts me to know what I have done to you it might make this a little easier. But I'm not going to send this letter since it wouldn't be fair for me to ask you to understand. Even I don't understand, and at night when I'm alone and crying into my pillow I think about just going home. I want desperately to go home and reach into the hands of you and your daddy to collect the halves of my heart I left behind. _

_But I left for a reason and that reason isn't going to change. I have to write to you so that some day you will know that you were loved – truly and deeply loved. From the day I first held your tiny hand in mine. No, even before that, when I first felt you move inside me, I've been in love with you – head over heels, willing to die for you, in love! I have treasured every moment and memory with you. It tears the heart out of my chest to know that I won't get to see you grow up and become the beautiful young woman I am sure you will be. _

_Summer, I'm sick. No, not just sick, I'm dying. I tried to fight it and deny it, but the signs are all clear. I have to do this alone; I can't bear to take you down this road with me for it is a long and dark road. Summer, sweet daughter, I named you for all the joy you brought me. Everything that you are can be found in the season of your name. I won't let that change because of me. I couldn't stand to see the shadows of guilt, suffering, pain, and loss touch you, so I left. I know it will be hard for you with me gone, but you are so strong and bright, and I know it will be easier for you this way. Your father is an __amazing man and he will see you to adulthood with that goofy smile on his face. I envy you both __almost as much as I love you. _

_I'm not completely alone; I have nursing care and I have made some new friends. This little farm is so beautiful, and I just want to pick fruit and dance in the tall grass. Some days I can do just that! I imagine weaving daisy's into your hair and riding you on the pony. I actually bought him with you in mind but I know it's an impossible dream. _

_Some day maybe you'll find this letter, but by then I'm sure I will be just a memory. I'm begging you for forgiveness for leaving you – both times. _

_With all the love I have to give, forever,_

_Mommy _

I barely make it through the letter. My face is wet and my eyes are blurred with tears and all I can do is wish she had sent the stupid letter! The handful of sentences would have changed my whole life. Part of me wants to wad it up and throw it away, but the other part wants to hold it to me forever. The words are burned into my mind no matter what. To know I was so loved is wonderful, but to know she's gone...I finally have to grieve for her! I open the other letter which is dated the same day as the first.

_To the love of my life,_

_I know I made a promise. I know I broke it. In sickness and in health til death do us part were only words when we spoke them all those years ago. I never expected to be tested in such a way. Much more difficult I believed, was the vow to obey. As if you ever held me to that one in all the time we had together! You've made me so happy. The memories are all I have to treasure as I look ahead to the challenges and trials I'll have to go through. I've got a death sentence hanging over me baby. I know you would hold my hand through it all, and that's the problem. I want you to go on without me. I want you to write me off and let me go. _

_But I'm not strong enough to watch while you do that. I pray that your next love is as wonderful as you deserve. I beg God for someone who will treasure our little girl like her own. And I hope that she can mend what my leaving will do to your heart. There has never been anyone but you; another man could never pull me from your arms. You are forever the strongest, funniest, sexiest man I've had the pleasure of loving and I will take that love with me all the way to the end. _

_I know I left my baby girl in the best hands. If you didn't love her so much I could never do this; thank you for that. I feel like I'm taking the coward's way out. When it comes close to my time I might do just that. Please understand I'll only do it if the pain is too much. I would give anything if I could change this – anything. I will always love you more than my own life. It is my hope that your second wife is holding you while you read this and it doesn't still hurt. _

_With undying, unchanging, love forever,_

_Your runaway bride. (Of course I know how that's not funny, but I always did appreciate your weird sense of humor.)_

I'm gone. I can't even stop crying, and I'm curled on the bed in a strange hotel room and wishing for someone to put their arms around me. But there is no one. Her letters have sliced me open and left me bleeding. I want to go back and lament her life and passing; weep at her grave, and memorialize her in some way. I want to scream at her ghost that she was wrong; that she should have never left us. That there would be no second wife or happy family, and no one left to pick up the pieces when all is said and done. I want to know if she crashed her car intentionally or was it because of her illness. I want answers but there is no one to give them to me.

I'm not sure when I fall asleep or what time it is when I wake. My body aches from being curled in a ball and my face is still wet from crying. There is still daylight coming through the windows but it doesn't matter to me. Nothing matters now. It's all changed; my mother didn't leave me, my mommy died! I feel the screams come up through me from somewhere inside I thought was sealed up and healed over. I press my face into the pillow and wail until my throat closes and my breath only comes in gasps. Soon, like a storm it thankfully blows itself out. I get out of bed and look at myself in the mirror. I look like a ghost of myself in a ridiculously pretty dress. I take it off and toss it over the chair. No one is going to care if I wander around in my underwear. Even if I leave the room like this no one will care except that I might offend their sense of decency.

I still don't know if I'm strong enough to think about him. The void within me is open again and pulling on my reality like a black hole. It's only a matter of time before I am pulled inside. I can feel myself dangling over the abyss, holding on with slipping fingers. Would he grab my hand and pull me out? Or would he pull each finger loose and let me fall? I'm not ready yet.

I sit at the desk and stare at the last letter. It's dated about six months before she died. It's my twenty-first birthday. I open the envelope with hands that are shaking. The letter comes out and I'm surprised to see a necklace fall out of the folds. A heavy gold locket glints up at me. I'm afraid to open it and see the picture, so I open the letter instead. The scrawl on the page is barely legible and it takes me some time to sort through the words.

_Happy Birthday Summer Amelia!_

_I wish I could be there to celebrate it with you, but it's too close. My bad days outnumber my good by such a large margin I would only horrify you. I'm sending you a gift I hope you'll accept. My mother gave it to me when I turned twenty-one. _

_I imagine you are a lovely young woman now. Is there someone special in your life? I hope you find someone who will love you the way you deserve. I imagine him to be like your dad, but maybe that's because he has been my everything for so long. I hope you have a bright and joyful life. I want you to get married and have children and grandchildren and put this heartbreak behind you. I'll be looking down on you from heaven if I've earned even a sliver to stand on. I can only hope that God wouldn't take so much from me if there isn't something better waiting on the other side. I will soon find out. _

_I'm going to let Becky finish this letter since she has been a dear and trusted friend, and I can't hold the pen..much longer. Love you more than life._

**Hello Summer. **

**I'm Rebecca and I've been taking care of your mother for the past two years. She is a friend of mine and I'll hate it when she passes. But I will celebrate when she goes as she will be leaving behind a lot of pain and suffering. More than the pain, she feels love for you and your father. She talks to you all the time as if you were here with her. She has bought you a birthday gift and a Christmas present for every year since she left. You have never been forgotten, and even on her worst days she still remembers you. **

**Her condition continues to worsen and most times she isn't herself. Today she insisted on writing. It's her first good day in such a long time. The doctors say she can last like this for years, but I don't think she will. She tries to hurt herself when she realizes her condition. **

**She didn't want me to tell you this but as a professional I think you have a right to know. Your mother was diagnosed with Huntington's Disease twelve years ago. It hit her fairly early and she deteriorated rapidly. You have a chance of having it yourself and there is a genetic test that can tell you. She believes you don't have it so she didn't want you to know, but it can be passed on to your children. They are doing wonderful things with fertility these days and it may be possible to screen an embryo to make sure it's healthy.**

**There is not much more to say. I have tried to talk her into contacting you and your father, but she adamantly refuses. She is a good woman and you would be proud of her if you could see how strong she is as she faces her own deterioration. I wish you luck that you don't have this disease. **

**Sincerely,**

**Rebecca Taylor**

I fold the letter with numb fingers to put it back in the envelope. I put on the necklace without opening it. I get dressed and go down to the restaurant and order something to eat. I don't even know what it is. If I listened to Carlisle I'd be on my way to someplace else in order to save my life. But it doesn't matter anymore. Now it's not about what chance I have to have this disease, but what chance I have to _not _have it.

I eat the salad I ordered and stare around me in a daze. Everything I see is temporary. I don't know how much time I have before all the control is stolen from my muscles and the sense is taken out of my head. Maybe it hasn't started yet, but in all likelihood it's getting ready to attack me as soon a I feel like I don't have it; as soon as I get my hopes up or let my guard down.

The stares feel like an abomination to me where they used to be mildly irritating. The men notice me and stare as I pass. I don't have to read their thoughts since it's plain on their faces what they see as I walk by. I have an insane notion to take one of them back to my room; maybe more than one as if it matters. I could spread myself beneath him and let him satisfy an urge with me; several urges even. I could spend my time in pursuits that would at least guarantee me close contact with someone. The very thought sickens me.

I hurry back to my room as dusk settles over the area. I read the letters again but I really don't need to, they are with me forever. In the bathroom I draw a bath and soak in the hot water wishing I had the courage to cut myself and just bleed out. No, that's not true. I still don't want to die. I know I will, and I wish it could be different. There may still be a sliver of a chance that I don't have the disease.

It's now that I can think of him. Somehow the thought of letting my blood run down the drain makes me conscious of how wasteful that would be. I could buy someone two weeks worth of life just by allowing him to be the one to end it for me.

But that's not what I want from him. I pull the plug and step out and get ready for bed. It's early but I don't have anyone to tell me when my bedtime should be. I lie in the bed and watch the TV in a language I don't understand. When it gets to be too much I shut off everything and go to sleep. I know I have nightmares and dreams with vampires and death taunting me throughout the night. I wake up early the next day and my bed is a tangled mess of blankets and sheets.

I dress again in a sundress and sandals. I brush my teeth and hair and pack up the room. I'm leaving. In minutes I'm in the lobby turning in my key card and calling for a taxi. The looks of the men are harder to handle now that I know I'm pulling them to me somehow. From the clerk to the taxi driver I am enticing them. I need to get home!


	14. Chapter 14 Aftermath

Chapter 14

Aftermath

He had the nerve to return. He dared to call me his friend and try to help me. He explained that he took her to the airport and instructed her to leave and never return. He apologized and tried to help me with the clean up. I know some day I will forgive him and so I try not to burn any bridges, but not today. I have healed and I have cleaned up the mess. I will need to hire someone to rebuild the broken stairway and other damage we caused. But the vision of him with his teeth against her throat refuses to leave me. The terror in her eyes and how she reached for me while I was helpless to save her will haunt me always. He stayed less than an hour. He apologized for borrowing Vladmir's car. He gathered his things and left. I did not care where he was going or how he would get there, only that he left me to my pain.

I move about the house cleaning up the wreckage. It keeps my mind from her at least a small measure. I finally give up and call workmen to come in to fix the damage. Before they arrive I go to the cellar and look at what is left of her cell. It is just as well it is destroyed, since workers would ask questions about it. I lie in her bed and bask in her scent. I wish I could sleep like a human, but even the trance state eludes me. I wonder if I should look for her. I know enough of her personal information I could likely find her in time. But to what end? I asked Carlisle for a solution or to help me set her free. She is free.

I clean up all traces of her from the cellar. I even move the bed back to the guest room from whence it came. I miss her. So much reminds me of her: The food I still have in the refrigerator, the clothes she never wore, and her intoxicating scent which lingers on everything. The workmen come, assess the damage, write up a work order, and tell me when I can expect the job to begin.

I retreat to the library and try to read...try to write...I even consider trying to paint like Vladmir, but it is no use. She is gone. Why is it that one fragile human girl has managed to infiltrate my life to the point that I miss her so much when she is gone? The brutally honest voice in the back of my mind whispers, 'you know why.' But I will not listen It cannot be true, it is impossible – I refuse! And it is too late. It just does not matter. She is gone, and for her own good I must let her go.

The day pushes into the night and there are no distractions from the loneliness. She did this to me! I have never felt apprehensive about being alone. I have never longed for a companion; even with Vladmir we often keep to ourselves in separate parts of the house. We did not even hunt together. And yet I feel alone like never before.

I do not want Vladmir. I want _her!_ I should have fought harder to keep her. Maybe I should hunt. I imagine going out into the night in search of one who reminds me of her. One who is young and soft and sweet. I could satiate this longing for at least a little while. But she has even spoiled that for me. She would hate that she gave me any reason to take a life

I finally settle down to my journals. I fill the book with recollections of her. I record every nuance, and everything I can remember while it is still fresh. I write about the hope I had dared to have. In the privacy of my own journals I let myself dream of what could have been. When I finally look back on the ramblings, I can describe the dreams with one word – happiness. She made me dream of being happy; and that has been taken away from me once again.

I barely notice the setting of the sun as I pour out my heart onto the expensive paper of my leather bound journals, letting the ink flow until I need to open a new pot. For hours I sit and write, trying to capture as much of her spirit onto the page as I possibly can before my deteriorating memory steals her away.

As I write I realize I have come to a decision. I _will _look for her. I have no right to impose myself onto her life, but I cannot take the emptiness her leaving has caused in me. I will search and I will find her, no matter the cost. I stop writing and start planning. When can I leave? Where will I start the search? Who can help me? I think of agencies to contact to find information for me. I start to make a list as the sun comes up on a new day. It is my first full day without her, but it will not be my last. No, I will not miss her forever, I vow!

I hear the dog barking, and I can tell it is the sound of an alarm. I assume it is workmen or contractors who have gotten a day or time confused. Let them deal with the dog for their mistake. I am thinking that I can track the flights that left yesterday. If I cannot figure it out myself, then maybe Vladmir will show me how. I will learn how to use the computer and take advantage of it's information. She is human, and she will have to be listed somewhere in the vastness of the internet. I smile as I feel the seed of hope planted once again.

The dog is beginning to annoy me. Stupid Aro! I put aside my plans and writings to go and perhaps rescue some human from a dog bite. At the back door I hear a sound that freezes me. Drifting from the trees surrounding the property. It is a scream – a female scream. Impossible! I do not think, I run. Across the expanse of lawn to the trees and fence I race, listening to both dog and human cries. The sight I see is burned into my memory as it happens. It is Summer without a doubt, but she is in trouble as Aro is savagely barking and snarling at her. She catches a glimpse of me and screams my name as she turns toward me. She takes one, maybe two steps my way before the dog leaps and takes her down.

A split second later I think that Vladmir is going to be angry with me. But I have forgotten that even attack dogs cannot withstand the way I throw Aro as soon as I reach her. I hear the dog breaking through the trees and then a whimpering thud. I do not have time for the dog now. She is scratched and disheveled, but otherwise unhurt as I help her to her feet. I cannot help but stare at the face that has been haunting me. Her tears trickle down from her bright blue eyes even as she smiles up at me. I am speechless. She starts to say something, some kind of apology or explanation and all I can do is smile. I pull her to me and once again I have to fight not to crush her, but I cannot let her go.

"Stefan, what about the dog? " She seems alarmed but I cannot stop touching her; her hair, her face, her shoulders bared in the dress she wears.

"Do not worry Cara Mia, you are safe now. I will not let it harm you." I smell her hair, the lovely curve between her neck and collarbone. She is so soft and warm in my arms. I kiss her neck...so softly, her chin, her cheek...so beautiful! I savor every moment, but her arms have come between us and she pushes with her feeble human strength against my chest.

"Stefan, the dog must be hurt! Can't you _do _something? I don't want it to die...it's all my fault. I shouldn't have come here like this." She is denying me over a _dog_? I am being forced to stop touching her, holding her, _breathing_ her because of stupid Aro! In my dreams she was not this contrary or difficult! She wants me to take care of a dog before I can fulfill my own desires. I look at her and her eyes are filled with tears. I want to scream, but keep it to a low growl of frustration. She hears me and smiles weakly as she picks up her dropped purse. She follows me in the direction of the stupid dog – the dog which would have been happy to tear her face off I might add. But I'm merely arguing with myself as we pick our way through the shrubs and trees.

It lies on the ground and I can hear it's heartbeat and breathing. It is alive but not conscious and I can tell there are broken bones from the way it's breathing is labored. "Summer, I am not a veterinarian – I cannot fix this." I watch her as she opens her purse and takes out her cell phone. She punches in some numbers then hands it to me.

"I've got information but I don't know the language here. Find out the number for a local vet and then we can call them."

I cannot believe I have her back but I am standing over a wounded dog with a tiny phone trying to get help so she will not hate me for what I have done. But it is not as difficult as I fear when all I have to do is speak the information I seek and a voice tells me what to do. When I dial the number for the animal doctor I explain what I need and they want me to bring the dog to them. I explain that it is not possible and I offer a large amount of money if they will come and get the dog. In minutes we have an agreement and they let me know to meet them out front.

I pick up Aro as carefully as I can and he whimpers. I lead her through the yard to the gate and tell her the code. As soon as the truck comes to pick up the dog I hand it over. The driver asks me questions about the injuries, and I explain that it was hit by a truck. I fill out a form on a clipboard and soon Aro is taken away and I have a card where I can call to get information about him. I lead her back inside the gate and she seems happier. She throws her arms around my neck and kisses my cheek as she whispers "thank you!" into my hair.

I walk with her back across the lawn. She stops suddenly, gasping. I have forgotten that she has never seen me in the sunlight. I turn to look at her and she stares. I can hear her heartbeat and breathing increase and I smile. "Living statuary – I am my own lawn ornament." I strike a pose and suddenly she laughs. I pull her to me and we stand in the sun while she studies my face. "One more myth dispelled; we _can _tolerate sunlight, but it is one of those laws the vultures have instituted; never to be seen in the sun." I cannot resist, I lift my face to the sun and laugh.

I want grab her and twirl her around, but I fear hurting her if I do. She steps close to me and her hands come up to stroke my face. Her fingers trail along my chin and down my neck into the open collar of my white shirt. The kiss she places at the vee calms my euphoria. She looks up at me and I can see it in her eyes; she is mine. But now I know also that I am hers. When we kiss I know there is nothing to come between us. No boundaries. No reservations. All the hope and possibilities churn through my mind. No rescue.

Mmm, she is delicious! Her mouth, her lips, her tongue, all so warm, fresh and sweet. I release her mouth so she can breathe and trail kisses across her chin and down her throat. Her scent, her heat, her pulse pounding against my lips, just one taste of her would be_ so_ _satisfying. _Her arms are wrapped around my neck, pulling me to her as her hands clutch at my hair. It feels like she is offering herself to me, with her body pressed against mine and her arms pulling me closer to her tempting, succulent, pulsing, throat. A wave of hunger takes me. I close my eyes and press my mouth over the place where her blood pulses the fiercest.

I am the monster about to fasten myself onto her with no thought but the need. I feel the urgency as I hold her in my arms so she cannot escape. I cannot resist. I cannot deny the hunger that overtakes me. My rational thought is overcome by the pulsing of her blood beneath the gossamer covering of skin. My tongue touches that skin and traces the path of her jugular in anticipation of the warm sweetness I crave.

Her breath is soft and warm in my ear, and a small part of me can still hear her whisper, "I've missed you so much...I love you Stefan."

The jolt is electric! I am out of her arms and staring at her in horror. She does not know how very close...still too close...I thirst! I must feed _now!_ She steps closer and I can still hear her pulse and smell her, and taste her skin on my tongue and if I do not go now she is dead!

Even in my hunting state I can see her dejection as I turn and run. This is wrong. I should still have time, especially after the thief. It hasn't even been a week, when I should have had at least two. The fight...the healing...maybe, but it has never been like this. It is broad daylight and the thirst is overwhelming. If not for my age, the first human I see would be mine. But even though I can be careful I feel the urgency. So easy to turn around..._no_!

Perhaps it is Carlisle's influence, or knowing how a lost life would weigh on her, or maybe just the urgent need and the seclusion of the barn. I feed as I have not in quite some time – equine blood. I cannot help but feel a pang of remorse as the proud animal falls to me. Quickly the deed is done and the other animals in the barn express their fear over what I am and what I have done. I know I should cover it up, but just this once I leave the remains behind to hurry back.

It is perhaps thirty minutes later when I return and she is gone. I follow to where she has left the yard through the gate. I can track her because I know her scent. I find her down the block at the corner where she sits on a suitcase waiting. As a cab pulls up she is about to leave when I catch her by the arm.

"Do not go." It is all I can say as she turns to look at me with her tear stained face. The cab waits, but as she seems frozen in indecision, I wave it away. Without a word I pick up her suitcase and take her hand. We walk back as I hug the shadows and she stares quietly at me.

Once inside the house I carry her things up to the guest room nearest mine. It is there I can finally trust myself to speak. "It was not you nor what you said that made me leave. I needed to hunt...immediately. I was almost overcome with the thirst for your blood...so close!"

"Your eyes are gold like the doctor's. You hunted...it was an animal?" I can hear the tremor in her voice and I know what she is thinking; that I have just had my mouth on the body of a living animal while I drained it's blood. The visualization is brutal when I consider that I was kissing her minutes before the feeding.

"Summer..." I breathe her name and close my eyes as my fingers sift through her hair. I feel her put her arms around me and rest her cheek against my chest. "Do not leave again." It is not an order but a plea. She pulls away suddenly and looks up at me.

" I need to tell you something; something I didn't know when I left here with Carlisle." She moves away and opens up her bag and takes out some papers. "These are from my mother. I read them yesterday and ….it changes a lot. It changes everything." She sits on the bed and looks at me as if she does not know where to begin. I sit beside her and put my arm around her. I feel her tremble and watch as her tongue moistens her lips.

"Stefan, my father died a few years ago. Recently I found that my mother too had died and I found these letters in a box of diaries that belonged to my great grandmother. What I've always known is that my father died with Huntington's disease. But what these letters tell me is that my mother also had the same disease when she died. It's a genetic disorder, and my father gave me a fifty percent chance of having it, but I'm one of the rare individuals who have it on both sides, so I'm almost guaranteed to have it myself! I can live with the disease, but having no control of my muscles and gradually progressing into dementia isn't exactly what I'd call living."

She breaks down sobbing and I pull her to me to comfort her. For long minutes she cries and I strangely feel the grief myself for her future. I am used to dealing with the frailest of human bodies but to know that the beautiful vibrant woman in my arms will go so quickly to that state is horrifying. Of course I know that I could change her and save her from her fate, but I have a sinking feeling that she did not come to me to change her. I am silent as she spends her anguish in my arms. When she can finally look at me I know I am not going to like what she has to say.

"Stefan, I came back because I love you." She smiles shyly and I feel overwhelmed by emotions I have never felt. "I left with Carlisle to try to save myself from what you had planned, but I realized I don't want to be without you. I know you're afraid of accidentally killing me, but now it really doesn't matter. It's only a matter of time for me. You don't have to worry about taking my life because I don't have all that long anyway. I don't want to live with this disease when it starts to take effect. I watched my dad deteriorate until he barely knew me. He wore diapers and I had to puree his food. I can't stand the thought that someone will have to do that for me." The tears continue to stream down her face.

"Stefan, I need you to do something for me..." She looks at me expectantly and I have a sudden hope that she will allow me to change her. "Let me stay with you. Let me love you and be with you and ….make love with you for as long as I am healthy. But when this disease starts to ravage my body, I want _you_ to finish me." She looks at me with so much love and trust, and I cannot breathe.

She does not seem to understand that she has offered me _everything._ All that she has, her time, her love, her body, and even her life she has placed in my hands. But in exchange she asks me to give her something I am not sure I can give – release. I have already failed at letting her go, so how will I feel if I have years to spend with her? How will I kiss her goodbye after we make love? How can I face the rest of eternity if I only get to have her for a fraction? How could I ever take her life when I know I have the power to save it? And still she looks at me with those pleading blue eyes!

"Summer..." I run my fingers through her hair and touch her face. "I want to lie to you and agree, but I do not know if I can do what you ask." If I had tears I surely would shed them at the distraught look on her face.

"I understand if you don't want me around." She is upset and her eyes fall away from mine. "Before I leave, do you want to ….will you make …. can we be intimate – just once? I promise then I'll leave you alone." Her voice is tiny and it takes me a moment to realize she thinks I am rejecting her.

My voice fails me but my arms do not. I pull her to me, fighting to hold her tight without crushing her. My lips capture her mouth and my tongue seeks hers. Warm and cold come together and it is difficult for me to remember what I want to tell her, and even more difficult to pull back enough to say it. "I will not lie to you Summer; I _want _you. I want to keep you with me and make love to you and spend time with you and show you the world and more. But I will not promise that I will be able to take your life." And I cannot promise that I can let her go either. "Is that enough for you?"

She tucks her head under my chin and wraps her arms around me. "That's all I want Stefan. I'm sure there are others who will do it when the time comes." Her words startle me. She is right. Not only will she be exposed to others like me, but they will be more than willing to feed on her whether she is ill or not. It starts to sink in what I have agreed to do and I am worried for her. How will I be able to protect her from others of my kind, including Vladmir? I will have to protect her. Vladmir at least will hear me out before he judges me. But we will have to avoid the notice of others.

But until his return we have the house to ourselves. I look at my former captive and imagine all the things I would like to do with her, and smile. "So what now? I am new to dealing with human concerns. What will you want or need? What would you like to do with your time?"

""When do you expect your housemate Vladmir to return?" She seems worried and I wonder how she so easily picks up on my own concerns.

"I do not know. He said he expected to be gone at least a month, and that was a week before you arrived. He will likely call me to pick him up from the airport. You cannot be here when he arrives. He may come with others of our kind, and it is too great a risk for you. I will take you back to your hotel when that happens. I want to keep you safe." I cannot resist touching her.

"Can you tell me about him? I mean without giving away secrets or anything." She seems curious and in a talkative mood.

I stand and walk to the door. "Come, I cannot talk in here, my mind wanders to other pursuits." I have to smile at her startled look and she hops up from the bed. I take her to the library which is really _my_ room. She wanders around looking at the only room in the house which has truly been unpacked and put away.

I love this room with its floor to ceiling shelving, the heavy woods and the smell of old paper. She steps to the ladder which reaches high up the wall and she smiles as she touches the hand rail. Amid the old books, wood tables and the windowless task lighting she looks like a butterfly that has flitted in accidentally. Her dress is pink floral, the only such color in evidence anywhere in the room.

I watch her as she steps around the room, running her fingers lightly along the bindings of books with titles long forgotten or in languages she likely cannot comprehend. It surprises me when she comes to a section with leather bound books and no titles on the spines. She glances my way before taking one from it's space for a closer look. I hear her gasp as she recognizes my writing. I come to her and take the book gently from her hands.

"I realize it is arrogance that I put my own writings on display along with the renowned published authors. But I like seeing them, and it makes me feel like I have contributed something to the world even if it is only a historical narrative.

She smiles and asks which ones are mine. I indicate the whole section on the wall, floor to ceiling and her eyes grow wide. "Fifteen hundred years of writings and ramblings, though I admit to rewriting the earlier works about a hundred years back since I like the look of unity among the books. This one is from seventeen twenty one, so it's fairly new." I tuck it back into it's spot as she stares. "Please come and sit, I can see you have many questions."

I lead her to the antique chairs opposite my desk and we both sit after she pulls her chair close to mine. I watch the way she crosses her legs, noting how the light reflects off of her tan skin as she swings her foot. So many things about her are beautiful in their simplicity.

"Vladmir has been my friend for over a thousand years. After my contact with the Volturi I found myself searching for others of my kind and he was the first who was not inclined to raise them up to deity status. I believe he may be the oldest of us. He can tell me of a young and brash Marcus and the way he pursued his wife. He tells of meeting Aro while he was still human." She seems surprised at my revelation.

"However there is one thing about Vladmir all of us know. He is a liar. I do not mean he enjoys spreading falsehood; quite the opposite in fact. But he has a gift for fabrication. It is his talent, as mine is for speaking. He can tell you a story and you will believe it to your core, even remember the details. There are those among us who can sense the truth and lies, and even they are often confused by him. He has a way of weaving fact and fiction until one cannot detect which is which. So while he claims he is the oldest survivor of our kind; it may be untrue as that is what keeps him safe from the Volturi." I smile as I think of my friend. I have read about him in my journals so I am fairly confident he is at least as old as I am.

"The man I know is scrupulously honest. It is the only way he has built trust up between us. He has managed to find ways to use his gift without lying." I have to laugh when I think of his latest endeavor. "He is quite an accomplished actor. He does do theater, but mostly he remakes himself. Ever so often he transforms himself into someone else – like some actors who submerge themselves into the role they are playing. Currently he is becoming a Cullen. He looks like someone caught between looking and behaving like me, and Carlisle. He is currently blond and dresses like the doctor.. I would not be surprised if he is studying medicine to more fully assume his demeanor. This is part of the reason I believe him when he tells me he is the oldest. He continues to renew himself. He is like the snake who can shed it's old skin and move forward in new and vibrant colors."

She takes my hand in her small warm one. "You haven't done that have you? I noticed that you seem almost stubborn in holding on to the past. I mean you don't use contractions or slang very often and the way you dress is so formal. You don't seem to use technology either, which surprises me since you could put all of your journals on the computer and share them with the different libraries around the world and they wouldn't be at risk from fire, floods, insects, or rot." She squeezes my hand. "I find it very charming that you are so unique, but it also makes me worry about you. I mean if you looked like a man in his eighties no one would care. But you look like you're in your early twenties and it makes you stick out."

I had not realized she was so observant. I had not thought that I behaved so old, but things change so rapidly it is difficult to keep up. My clothes were fine a hundred years ago and I saw no reason to change just because fashion moved forward. I had thought that I was classic, not outdated. In all honesty, I failed to care about such human concerns. My clothes and other choices afforded me the things I desired most from humans – respect and distance.

"Stefan, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." My silence must have concerned her. I smiled to ease her fears.

"I am not..._I'm _not offended. Vladmir has told me the very same things. If it were not for him I would still be wearing pantaloons and tights. Such longevity for one who is so resistant to change can be a conundrum I realize."

"So, why do you resist? Is it because you don't want to change, or are you just uncertain about where to start? I can remember my grandma had an old TV from the sixties and she didn't want a new one because she didn't know how they worked. When she finally did get a new one she was so pleased that she could see her shows life sized and in color. She only needed to be taught." She smiles and kisses my hand, momentarily distracting me.

"Stefan, I would be happy to teach you. I'm sure there are thousands of things you could teach me. Can I at least help you come into my century?" I think about her offer. Not that I am all that anxious to come into the era of rudeness and sloppiness as I have seen it so far, but if it would please her I could make some changes.

"Fine. I agree. I will...I'll allow you to bring me up to date if you like. I will not promise to enjoy everything, but I will make the attempt. So my dear, what is the first step?"


	15. Chapter 15 Togetherness

Chapter 15

Togetherness

I am in love! I didn't know it until I said the words. He's an amazing and frightening man and now that I'm with him I feel like I'm finally where I belong. I don't feel the magnetism any more. I mean it's there, but it's like sitting for days in a rose garden, eventually their scent no longer overpowers you. Nothing changes except your perception. Even knowing that I have this deadly disease, the biggest revelation for me is how I feel for him. I've never been in love before and it amazes me how strong the feeling is. I feel like some giddy teenager, and yet I know this isn't a crush.

I feel almost starved for his company. The sound of his voice sends a thrill through me and I want to learn all I can about him. I'm stunned at his depth, and the layering of everything that makes him who he is. I'm sure if I had time to read his journals, I would find reasons for every behavior. Not that it matters, I love all that he is regardless of why. He hasn't told me how he feels about me. Still I feel affection from him as well as desire. If that's all I ever have I will make it be enough.

Sometimes the way he looks at me makes my pulse race. I can feel the passion within him, as if he is keeping a tight rein on his wilder emotions. It's like stepping into the shallow edge of a wave, knowing there is an undertow a few yards out that would pull you out and drown you. I want to go where it pulls me.

After talking with him into the afternoon, we plan to shop. There are a few thing we will need if we are going to bring him into the twenty-first century, and the first thing on the list is a laptop. He claims that Vladmir has all the electronic toys in his suite, but when he suggests we use them I say it would be better if he had his own. I don't want to admit that being in his house mate's territory is frightening for some reason. Plus it would be a good experience for Stefan to go through the whole process of purchase and set up.

He takes me in his overly luxurious car to a local shopping center. We dart through the shadows to a store that sells computers and electronics. As we prowl through the store, I try to educate him on what he will need and he tries to teach me some of the language. I try to tell him about computers and software, and he tries to teach me about the new monetary system. In the end we come away with a decent laptop and hopefully the right software and cables Letting him play the translator between me and the salesman is so funny. We are laughing so much he could have sold us anything.

I ask Stefan if he likes movies, and he looks at me strangely. "I lost interest in movies shortly after the second World War. There are too many to keep up with, and the actors started to blend together. After a while there seemed to be a lack of originality, and I saw the same plots and themes reoccurring."

"Would you agree to perhaps a TV and a DVD player? I could direct you to some great movies I believe you would enjoy." I smile at him, imagining curling up next to him to watch movies when there is little to do.

He looks skeptical but asks, "just where do we shop for these things?" I know he fears feeling foolish going back into the electronics store.

I smile, "we find those things right here." I indicate the box with the laptop he's carrying. "You are going to love shopping online. Choose your language, choose your store, comparison shop, and everything gets delivered right to your door; or wherever you want it."

"All of that is in here?" He shakes the box gently with his brows pulled together as if he doesn't understand or believe me.

"Not really...it's out there, in the world. This is merely your connection to it. This is your voice box to communicate to the world. What you do with it is entirely up to you. Don't let the terminology scare you, you are going to _love _this. As much as you like to communicate I can't believe you haven't done this already. Think of the computer as your translator. It will take what you tell it and turn it into something that others will understand. Even better, it will allow you to see what is happening in the world in small bites."

"You expect to teach _me _about bites?" He jokes. I can't believe he's cracking jokes with me. And that adorable little smile that he gives me is priceless. As we are walking we pass a men's clothing store.

"Stefan, can we go in and look around? Maybe you will see something you like?" He's humoring me as we go inside and I try to imagine what he would look like in the various menswear items. Each display has me shaking my head, from the baggy jeans to the business suits; nothing seems to be right. It doesn't take long for a salesman to come to us. I can't understand his words but his look is clear as he looks down his nose at Stefan's outfit. I have an idea and I smile sweetly at the rude clerk. "Stefan, ask him to take your measurements for a tailored suit." The clerk looks at me with interest and I hold Stefan's hand to show we are a couple. In minutes he is using a tape measure to note all of his measurements while Stefan tries not to allow him to actually touch his skin. With all the numbers written down he hands the paper to Stefan and tries to guide us to a section with high end suits. I smile and shake my head and we go a different direction, leaving the clerk frustrated at losing his potential commission.

"What was that all about?" he asks as we leave the store. "I thought you wanted to... change my look?" I take the slip of paper with the numbers.

"I don't want to change you; I just want to update you. You would look fine in some of those clothes, but they're just not _you_. Your style is more like Italian designers, hand tailoring, wool, silk blends, and linen – not polyester. I picture you in Armani, and not the low end they sell here. Of course that kind of quality costs, but you don't strike me as the type who cuts corners or pinches pennies." We have arrived back at his car which illustrates my point perfectly. We store the box, and he pulls me into his arms.

His kiss is light and cool, but the look in his eyes is intense. "Thank you Summer. I think you do understand me." I want to just stand there like an idiot with my arms around him, kissing him, but he takes my arm and leads me away again. "While we are out, I would like for you to shop for yourself, at my expense of course."

"I don't... I mean you don't need to do that. I can take care of my own needs Stefan." I protest as he smiles and continues to walk. When he stops to pull me against him it cuts my argument immediately.

"I _love _this dress. Your beautiful shoulders are exposed, and your legs are amazing. You must buy more like it. When I get you back home I might just destroy this one." He runs his finger carefully under the spaghetti strap, while the ghost of a smile plays on his lips. My knees are so weak I can barely walk and his smile tells me he knows. How does he do that to me? The desire I feel for him doesn't feel normal. It's intense and I feel like my body temperature has gone up several degrees as he takes my hand and we walk together.

True to his plan we shop and he is amazingly generous as we choose dresses, sandals and even lingerie. I've never shopped with a man before and it's much different than with girlfriends. As soon as I ask him to choose which he likes better, he decides on both. He wants to follow me into the changing rooms and he has no concept of what clothes are best for my body type; only choosing the things that show the most skin, or show off my curves. Still it's fun since he has endless energy, never checks price tags, and he has very descriptive terms for what he doesn't like; which makes us both laugh often.

As we are going back to his car, with him laden with bags he refuses to allow me to carry, he sees a jewelry store. He pauses at the window and I try to hurry him past but he smiles and turns in. I follow reluctantly, recognizing his look as the same he used when he bought me shoes I had decided were too expensive. I sigh with relief as he strides past the diamond displays and casually walks past several display cases peering inside. Of course the salesperson is eager to help him, especially seeing all the bags he carries with him. He speaks to the saleswoman, looks over his shoulder at me and smiles. It doesn't seem to take him long to buy what he wants and she tucks a black velvet case into a tiny bag. Less than fifteen minutes later we are on our way and he is smiling.

At the car the trunk is filled with bags and boxes and he again pulls me to him. "Thank you for a lovely day. I will treasure it always." I want to say something smart and appropriately romantic, but my stomach grumbles loudly instead and we both laugh. "Come, I know where I can take you so you can eat. We find ourselves at a small cafe with outdoor seating. He sits in the shadow of the awning and my seat is in the setting sun. We order two small meals and I eat most of both while he seems happy to watch.

As I finish eating he pulls out the black velvet box and slides it across the table to me. "Stefan, I don't need you to buy me jewelry, I already love you." His smile is beautiful. He moves quickly, stepping behind me to take the box and open it for me. The pendant seems huge to me and it catches the light of the sun in a stunning display. It's a simple vivid blue topaz, but the size makes it unusual. it's got to be at least ten carats and it's teardrop shape is suspended from a diamond cut gold chain.

He quickly fastens it around my neck and when he kisses me near the clasp the thrill of the necklace is easily eclipsed. "I thought it would match the color of your eyes, but I can see now it pales in comparison." I can't help admiring it as he takes his seat again. The chain is long and the teardrop rests right at the beginning shadow of my cleavage. I watch his eyes travel there before they meet mine and he smiles in satisfaction. He has so many of the lustful mannerisms of other men I've dated, and yet it doesn't disgust me or make me angry as it had with them.

Walking back to the car his arm is around me possessively and I like it. The sun is all but gone as he opens the car door and helps me in. And they say chivalry is dead. The drive home – how quickly I have come to think of the mansion as home – is quiet and I can't help but wonder what the rest of the evening will bring. I watch him as he effortlessly maneuvers the car through traffic at a speed that would have had me nervous if he were a normal man.

In a short time we are parked in the garage and it's dark. "Summer, now is the time, if you want to leave you must go." I can't see him in the dark except for the slightest of shadows. "I am not going to lie and promise I will behave myself. And I am not going to pretend this is easy for me or that I know what I am doing. If you come into the house with me, you must know there is danger and risk to you. I will let you go now if that is what you wish; I will not make the offer again."

I sit next to him trembling. Not because I'm afraid, but because he has all but confirmed what is going to happen tonight. "Stefan, let's go inside. I'm not leaving." I hear his breath exhale just before the light comes on inside the car as he opens the door. He moves quickly and he's beside me inhumanly fast. All the packages are forgotten as he ushers me into the house. Inside the door it's dark and quiet and I wonder if he can hear my heart beating as loud as it feels to me. When he kisses me I lean into him and put my arms around his neck. In the dark I can't see him, but I feel his presence so strongly I can barely stand.

He lifts me into his arms and cradles me against his chest. I rest my head on his shoulder and whisper "I love you," as he carries me through the dark house and up the staircase to my room. In my room with the light on it becomes clear what is about to happen. He lets me down beside the bed and we gaze at each other.

"I would have liked a better atmosphere for this; perhaps candles and flowers, soft music, and beautiful linens. But if I have to wait one more night for you I will lose all reason. Nothing can compare to your beauty, and the way I am drawn to you. Anything else would only get in the way."

I close the gap between us. "I love you Stefan. You're the only important thing in the room." I reach up to unbutton his shirt and he watches me as I work my way down to the waist of his pants. "I want to make love to you. Do you want me Stefan?" I can't help but look up at him as I ask.

His hands are on my face and he is kissing me with a hunger I feel myself. He stops long enough to finish taking off his shirt and the undershirt beneath. He slides the straps of my dress over my shoulders and pulls gently until it's on the floor. I tremble, not from cold, but from the way his eyes linger on the sight of me.

We undress together and I'm happy to see he looks more human than I expected. A beautiful, perfect human with all the muscle definition of a man who worked hard for a living, looking as if he were carved out of stone. As a nurse, I've seen naked men, and of course I'd taken care of my father's most basic needs.

But Stefan is beautiful, and I'm embarrassed to find myself staring at him. When I can meet his eyes, it's evident he has been staring at me in the same way. We stand still for a long time, just looking, and strangely afraid to touch.

"I love you. I know you won't hurt me, but I'm... I don't know how to do this."

"I think we've found something that puts us on equal footing. This is a divide I have never crossed. " His smile is tentative, and he takes my hand. He leads me to the bed, and climbs across the sheets, pulling me along, until we're lying side by side, and facing each other.

"I want to say that you can back out at any time, but that would be a lie. Summer, I cannot resist you... I am about to try what few of us have the restraint to do." It's too much warning, and too much talk. I know this shouldn't be possible, but I want it – I want _him_.

I slide closer to him, and touch him. My hand on his chest makes him exhale. I watch, as if my hand has gained a mind of it's own, and it meanders down his body, touching and exploring him. He is aroused, and what my hand touches is not soft and pliant, but hard and unyielding. He groans from somewhere deep inside him, and I am suddenly on my back.

His kiss is passionate, demanding, and hungry, and his hands fondle the parts of my body he's not crushing beneath his own. I feel his hardness pressing against my hip, and wonder if it will leave bruises. I don't care.

I wrap my arms around his neck, petting his hair before my hands begin exploring his naked back. His strong shoulders move beneath my hands, as his own explore my curves. There is too much to learn, too much to feel, and too much to absorb. I'm lost in him, from the taste of his mouth and our tongues moving together, to the feel of the smooth expanse of his back, as my hands glide down below his waist, where I clutch at his muscled behind.

His mouth leaves mine, and his kisses travel downward. He licks along my throat, and moves to capture my breast in his cool mouth. The pleasure is exquisite, and I sigh and hold him against me. I want him! He fondles the other one with his gentle hand. Then he switches, driving me insane with need.

"Stefan, please... " I've never felt this way before. Everything is new, and I feel so naked and vulnerable. Yet I want it – long for it. "I want this... I want _you."_ I feel the heat and wetness growing in the place no man has known. He kisses over my stomach, and when he parts my legs, I tremble and gasp.

My eyes close, and my fingers clutch at his hair. I can't believe he would ever do what he's doing. Ancient and old-fashioned in every attitude but one, it seems. He tastes me, and I cry out. Cool and wet, his mouth is more pleasure than I can stand. My body responds wantonly, flexing against him, and his tongue eagerly plays over sensitive flesh. When he moves away, I am nearly insane with desire.

I smell the latex, and I watch as he sheathes himself three times. He smiles self-consciously. He moves to take his position over me, and between my parted legs. His eyes meet mine and I nod to encourage him. I breathe one word; "Please..."

I feel him glide against me, spreading wetness, and then we both shift, angling our hips for the contact we both need. I expect the pain, but it shocks me how deep, raw, and savage it is. My sharp cry freezes him at the moment when he is deepest within me. I squeeze my eyes closed to keep from crying. I pant, as my body adjusts to him. I open my eyes to see his dark stare.

I reach up to brush the curls from his face, and touch his cheeks. "I love you, Stefan. It's okay... I'm going to be okay.

"My god... your blood is so fragrant. I want to taste it!"

"Please not yet. Make love to me, Stefan. I need this." His hips push against me, and I cry out. "Don't stop!" I want him to stop, but I know to stop him could make him want me in a different way. Push is followed by pull, and I gasp as we move together. I reach up and pull his face to mine, needing to kiss him, no matter the taste still on his lips.

We kiss, and we move together, and the pain is slowly replaced with pleasure. He rests on his elbows, and our bodies are touching and moving together.

It shocks me how good it feels – how right. It's as if history has preserved him for this moment alone. He's my love, and my lover, and I gasp and moan as he teaches my body about joy. Our movements become more intense and demanding, and all I can do is let go and let my body respond to his every demand. I'm swept away in waves of intense pleasure, radiating from where we're joined. I cry out and clutch at him, desperate to hold on to him somehow.

I'm forever changed. I'm forever his. My body moves with his rhythm, his cadence, his driving, pulsing, pushing, pulling, complete possession of me. He is both vampire and man, and I'm completely surrendered to him. I reach my limits, with bliss crashing like waves to swallow me and take me under. I scream at the intensity of ecstasy, and shudder beneath him.

To see him equally undone, as he enjoys an intensely human experience, makes me fall deeper in love with him. I take in his look of wonder and adoration, as his eyes meet mine. Afterward, he settles gently over me, letting his body press against me as I accept his weight. We're still joined, and he kisses me softly, while staring into my eyes.

"It's good to see you're still alive." He smiles, shyly. "I was afraid I really hurt you."

"It was worth it. Next time it shouldn't hurt." I kiss the corner of his mouth.

"Next time? You sound as if you're looking forward to doing this again. Have I not satisfied you?" His eyebrow lifts, and I'm not sure if he's serious or teasing.

"I am very satisfied. And I am looking forward to doing this again." He shifts and slides from within me. He tosses away the used latex as if it offends him.

"Sorry... doctor's orders." He pulls the blankets up over us. It feels strange to be naked as he holds me in his arms. But it also feels natural. We lazily explore one another, until I can no longer keep my eyes open. I close my eyes to sensations of my lover's hands gliding over me.

I wake up to his kisses. The sunrise is a pale promise in the window and the first of the birds is waking. I open my eyes to the searing passion in his, as if it never left. His hands remind me of all we've done the night before and they invite me to an encore. He is breathtaking! His kisses, his touches, his lovely sentiments in a language I can't understand as he explores my body with the lightest of touches. I can't help but go where he leads.

It doesn't surprise me that he wants to make love as soon as I'm awake. What surprises me is that I want it too. He isn't put off by my morning breath, or even my need for a shower. He's quickly learning my body, and in a short time, he has me fully aroused. He again reaches for the condoms, and I help him, shocking him.

He is easily shocked, and my desire to straddle his body leaves him gazing at me in wonder. I guide him into me, and there's no pain, only the joy of completion.

The sun is brighter in the window as I struggle to leave his arms. He seems reluctant to let me go and I have to explain that I need to take care of my human bodily functions. He rises with me and follows me as if to watch, and I hear his laughter as I blush and shut the door between us. When I come out the room is empty. Stefan and all my things are gone, including the clothes that were on the floor. The bed is made and I can't help but feel exposed as well as confused.

He meets me at the doorway of the bedroom and wraps me in his arms. "Sorry to alarm you, I just think a small move is in order now that I know I will not destroy the furnishings." He scoops me up, and carries me a few steps down the hall to his suite, where he's brought all of my things.

"So, do you do this often?" I ask. He looks at me confused and I giggle. 'You know, wander through the house naked." He kisses me with a low growl. He shows no sign of relenting and I have to pull away again. "Stefan, I love you, but I need a shower, or I'm going to start to smell. Not to mention I need a bit more time to recover than you apparently need." He apologizes and reluctantly lets me go.

Inside his, no, _our _bathroom, I find all the essentials. As the hot water washes away the traces of our lovemaking, I can't help but remember how amazing it was. After listening to Carlisle, I was afraid he would hurt me, maybe even go too far and kill me, but he was so gentle.

I'm deep in thoughts of him when I'm startled by the movement of the curtain. Soundlessly he steps into the shower with me and pulls me against him. With my eyes suddenly open I can see the water pouring down his face and through his hair, before streaming down his hard shoulders and chest. In the dim light of the shower he looks normal and I wonder if he could possibly have been this beautiful before he was changed.

I catch the look on his face and realize I should hurry and finish washing. I also help him do the same. Before the water becomes cold he wraps me in a towel and carries me to his bed. "Stefan, I'm going to need another shower if you don't stop!"

"There is plenty more water," he says with a grin. I'm beginning to understand what a newlywed must feel like. I thought that making love would be the final step with him, but it is only the beginning. He has awakened so much within me, I'm again overwhelmed with a desperate need for him. It takes my breath away that he feels the same for me, and he is still able to restrain himself so he doesn't hurt me. I can't believe I've lived my whole life without this.

After spending more time in his bed and in his arms, I need another shower just as I warned. He laughs when he explains that he doesn't sweat and he's free to get ready for the day, while I need to wash again. He tells me he will bring in the things we bought yesterday while I shower and dress. I rush through so he doesn't catch me off guard again. I've just wiggled into my bra and panties when he returns . The look he gives me has me backing away from him as he drops the bags and stalks me from across the room.

I haven't got a prayer of eluding him, and when he pulls me into his arms I want to surrender to him again. But I'm already feeling my limits. "Stefan, not again. I can't... I need time to recover. I love what you do to me, but I'm already tender, do you want to make me sore?"

He looks absolutely horrified and he releases me so fast I almost fall. "I am so sorry! Please forgive me. I never intended to hurt you." He is across the room and looking like he would flee.

I smile reassuringly. "Stefan, don't worry, it's not that bad, it just means I need to wait a little longer. And it's not your fault; I wanted it too. Please come here, you can still hold me, right?" He comes to me and folds me gently into his arms. "I love you, but I'll still let you know if something's wrong, okay?" I sift my fingers through his hair and he pulls me close.

"My dove, you have come to mean so much to me. I will do all I can to keep you safe, especially from myself. So, before I exceed the boundaries of decency you should put something else on." He smiles down at me and then we go through the bags so he can find what he wants me to wear. It should bother me that I've given him so much control, but it's a very small thing, and I love the way he looks when I put on the pink dress he chose.

As soon as I'm dressed I put away the rest of the clothes and then we begin setting up his new laptop. It takes a little time to explain everything to him as well as a call to a help line to get instructions for the air card. Still he seems amazed when we turn it on and it comes to life as it should. I help him configure it, and do my best explaining what everything does. I have one surprise when I realize that he can't type. I assure him so much is point and click with the mouse, and there are no speed requirements for the user. Still he wants to learn, so I set about teaching him typing 101. Once we're connected to the internet I find several online typing programs that teach him better than I can. The toughest thing is for him to learn to use a light touch.

With the laptop sitting on his little desk he stares at the screen while his fingers learn to tap the keys. It is amazing how fast he learns, and I can see his pure delight as he watches his own words pop up on the screen in front of him. I am already anticipating he will need to learn a word processor program next. The computer comes with a good software package and it doesn't take us long to set it up for his writing. I teach him about saving and backing up what he wants to keep. I demonstrate by shutting everything down then walk him through opening it back up and picking up where he left off. He looks like a little boy who has discovered he can do magic.

While he works with the computer I go downstairs to the kitchen to see what I can find for a late breakfast. All of the food is in the refrigerator whether it needs to be or not. I find that the stove works, though there are dents in it. I make an omelet, then clean up the kitchen. Back upstairs I ask him for the information about the dog so I can call and check on him. The vet tells me that the injuries are serious, but he will likely recover with enough time to heal. I make sure they are okay to keep him for at least a week until he is more stable since we don't feel qualified to nurse him back to health ourselves.

With that taken care of, I pull a chair in beside Stefan and watch what he's doing. I'm stunned as I watch his fingers flying over the keys as he taps out a quickly flowing narrative on the screen. He looks over at me without stopping and smiles. "This is amazing! I had no idea it could be so easy!"

"What are you writing?" I try not to read over his shoulder in case it's personal.

"Today's journal entry. I've got six pages already and I don't have to wait for the ink to dry!" He seems so happy I hate to interrupt him.

"So, is it private or can anyone read it?" I stand up and put my arms around him from behind his chair, then kiss his neck.

I watch him hit save then drop it to the bottom of the screen like I showed him. He stands startlingly fast and pulls me to him. "It's very private." He lowers his lips to mine as his hands cradle my face. I'm overwhelmed with his presence and I feel the pull he has on me. "It's all about this beautiful, captivating woman and all the things I want to do to her. Not to mention all I've already done to her." He picks me up and carries me to his bed where he holds me close and kisses me. "Relax, I'm not trying to make love to you – yet. I just want to be near you. I fear with my new toy I am not being a very good host."  
"You've only touched the tip of the ice berg with what it can do. When you're finished writing I'd like to take you and show you some sites on the internet. Anything you can think of can be found out there."

"I disagree." He kisses me and smiles. "You cannot be found out there since you are right here." It's a corny comment but I still laugh.

"I'm glad I'm here Stefan. I didn't think I would ever find love and happiness. Maybe it's a good thing I've got my own special magnetism, so if you get too caught up with your new hobby I can pull you away."

He hovers over me, still lightly touching me while his face looks distant and troubled. "What does happiness feel like Summer? It has been so long since I have felt it I barely remember. I feel peace now, and contentment, and hope. Is that what you feel? I don't know if I would trust happiness if I caught it. I remember happiness can turn on you and bite!"

His words hurt. I wish I could erase the pain from his life, but it's a part of him now. And I truly love him. "I feel those things too; the hope, contentment, and peace. But I feel joy as well. It's a choice to be happy, that way I'm not at the mercy of my circumstances. Even with all the losses in my life, I'm still a happy person. It's always going to be part of my outlook. I guess if I worry about losing something then I can't truly appreciate it while I have it. If I worried about my father dying, I would have missed so much I did have with him. So I guess it's not true that you make me happy, I was happy before you. But now that I've found you, it's like I just can't contain the joy!" I pepper his face with kisses until he sits up laughing and trying to pull away.

"Summer please, you asked me for time, and if you don't stop this I am going to forget and take you here and now." He smiles at me and no matter how much he wants to mistrust it, he looks happy.

"Oh really? Where's that famous control you were bragging about?" I kiss him and smile

"Summer, I'm warning you, I am not the one with whom you can play such games." His arms come around me and his eyes pierce me with their intensity. "Where you are concerned I can control…. nothing!" Our play turns serious as simple as that and I'm not a bit upset. He is everything I've ever wanted, and it is becoming easier to be with him as we learn about one another. Afterward I lie in his arms and he apologizes for losing control.

"Don't apologize, it's what I wanted too. I can't control myself where you're concerned either. Just be glad I don't want to drink_ your _blood." I kiss up his chest to his neck and fasten my mouth onto his invulnerable skin. "I bet you would taste delicious!" I feel the laughter in his chest.

"Little one, you have no idea." He pulls me up against him and holds me. He has a faraway look and I wonder what he's thinking about.

"Does it still hurt as much? I mean Tessa and your old life?" I don' t know why I ask but I wonder if that's what's keeping him from being happy. In a way I think I'm lucky that there's never been anyone but Stefan for me.

"You have helped ease a lot of the pain. It will always hurt, but it does not gnaw at my soul, thanks to you."

"So what is it that keeps you from being happy? I mean there's more to you than Tessa, right? Carlisle told me you and Vladmir had an empire to rival the Volturi, but they fought against you?" It's the wrong thing to say. I feel him tense against me and he climbs out of bed to dress. "Stefan, please don't shut me out. I want to know you."

He looks at me and his eyes soften. "Please get dressed Summer. You have seen me as the victim. Perhaps you need to see me as the monster as well. Come with me, I won't discuss such unpleasant things where I share your joy."


	16. Chapter 16 Love Vilified

Chapter 16

Love Vilified

It seems almost effortless, the way she has slipped into my life. In many ways I am certain it is like a barbed dagger; the damage is minimal when it is plunged in, but it destroys you when it is removed. My captive has captured me. She has no idea the depths of my fears – not that I will kill her – but that I know something will go wrong. I have lived fifteen centuries and each time I allowed myself to hope, it has gone wrong. And still I am helpless to these feelings of wary optimism.

She wants to know what keeps me from being happy. I will tell her, but it hurts me to remember. Some memories are painful, but others are full of guilt and I have worked hard to bury them. So I take her down to the sitting room and she relaxes on the one sofa which was not destroyed when I fought Carlisle. She seems awed by the remains of the other, but she makes no comment. I pull her against me. Somehow speaking such things is easier when I can feel her and touch her.

"You're right, Tessa isn't the only sad story I have to tell." I know she is listening as she rests her head against my chest, with one arm around me and the other holding my hand. "It was not long before I met Vladmir...not long as in around a hundred years. There was a lot of change happening in this area. It was what you now call the middle ages. It was when I still felt I had the power to influence regimes and governments, and I would go to war with this faction or that leader. It has taken a long time for that passion to die.

"It was in the aftermath of one such battle that I found her. I have it written in my journals the exact conflict but it could have been the Cumans or Uzes, it has all run together in my mind. What I will never forget is the ghost.

"I saw her after the first battle as I went out among the gravely wounded. I dressed in black so as not to be seen but she was dressed in white. I observed her flitting among the dead and it looked as if she was doing exactly what I was – feeding on those left behind to die. I tried to catch her, but she fled faster than I could follow.

"The forces marched. I heard rumors through the ranks of the ghost which had been seen, and there was great fear that it's presence could turn the tide of the conflict. For days both armies marched, gathering strength for the next encounter. When it came it was fierce and bloody. By nightfall there was a field littered with corpses and the dying. In those times there was little that could be done for the injured. What can easily be mended today by surgeons was considered lethal then. Infection ran rampant among injured and they would slow armies down if they were taken along. Sometimes allies would go among the wounded and finish them before they left, to save them from the wild animals and collect up needed weapons and supplies.

"But after this battle both sides were still camped nearby so anyone attempting to loot the fallen could have faced attack. Still it was my habit in those days to go out and end their suffering. I saw her again, making no secret of her presence. When a small detail of soldiers came at her I heard her laugh as she easily evaded them. She was fast, even more so than I. I did not chase her this time, but instead I made my presence known and retreated into the forest. She followed me and easily caught me even as I was able to leap into the trees.

"When I first saw her she was stunning. Easily the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen, she had flawless white skin and ebony hair that flowed past her waist. Her eyes were red like mine, and she wore a white silk gown that had fallen to tatters at the hem. When I spoke, she didn't understand my language, but I understood hers. I found out that she was newly created, what we call newborn. For the first year they have greater strength, speed, and stamina, but also less reason and greater hunger. Her name was Cecilia. She had traveled a great distance and she was lost from the one who had created her. I pieced together her story and it seemed that one of our kind had created several newborns to help in a conflict, but she had escaped him.

"She was wary of me but I was able to teach her some things that were part of the law. The way she was openly allowing herself to be seen and her abilities to be witnessed would draw the wrong kind of attention. I found she'd also been stealing from the dead and she'd amassed a small fortune she'd hidden away. When I questioned her about why she needed money, she told me she had a child to take care of back in her home country. She'd been a widow when she was created and she remembered thinking that she would be able to take revenge upon her husband's killer. She had fled when it became apparent that she couldn't remain around her son. She hoped to carry the treasures back home to provide for him.

"In human years she was older than me but I was several hundred years beyond her after the change. We formed an uneasy friendship and I taught her the laws of the Volturi – not because I believed in them myself – but because I had run across a couple groups of hunters they had sent out to enforce their laws, especially those concerning secrecy.

She seemed to grow weary of the battles after our first few months together. The season had turned to winter and it was tedious following the armies. And so I suggested that she could come with me to a place I had away from much of civilization. I had been granted a small keep for helping in some conflict years prior. It was not much, but it was away from the constant misery of war. She came away with me and for six months she shared my home.

"I don't think she loved me. But that did not stop me from loving her. When she came to me as a woman I think it was more out of curiosity than any desire she had for me. But I was in awe of her. Her strength and passion were boundless and I made up my mind that I would do whatever it took to keep her, and to make her fall in love with me. As soon as the spring came she began making plans to leave. She was desperate to return to her son, since she was calmer and able to control her hunger. I was anxious to keep her with me. I invented one excuse after another for why she couldn't go; from flooding of the plains to political change in her homeland. One morning she packed up and kissed me goodbye.

"For a full day I agonized over her loss, then I locked up my home and set off after her. She wasn't hard to find since I knew her hunting habits, but she seemed to be almost upset that I'd followed her. After days of enduring her coldness and quiet, I fought with her. I demanded to know what was wrong and why she was angry with me. It was then that she admitted that she was not just going back home to check on her son, but to change him. She knew the law and she knew if I was involved I would be guilty along with her. I spent the weeks of our journey trying to talk her out of her decision. It was a futile effort.

"When she came to the village where she lived, she kept her presence secret, and instead spent days haunting the home of her sister who was taking care of the boy. When I saw him, he wasn't the young boy I'd expected, but a young man of thirteen. At the time thirteen was considered a man in many ways. He was old enough to become apprenticed in a trade, old enough to court, and old enough to be legally responsible for his actions.

"When Cecilia finally made her presence known, I went with her. Her sister was afraid of us, but her son Daniel was overjoyed to see his mother. She gave her sister the treasures she had collected, but her sister seemed to understand that they came from the dead and she wouldn't even touch them. Daniel didn't want to let his mother go.

"Against the protests of her sister we took him for a walk in the evening and Cecilia explained what had happened. I didn't want her to tell, but what I wanted was not her concern. For a week we took young Daniel on these nightly walks, and I think she was trying to decide if he had a good future with her sister, or if he would be better off with her. I really think she had decided to leave him behind, but on the last visit he protested.

"When he broke down and clung to her, it was more than she could handle. He begged to go with her and she had to explain that it would be too dangerous for a human to stay with us. Then he asked to be changed. She knew she couldn't do it. She knew she was still too controlled by her thirst. She also remembered the pain of the change and she didn't want to be the one to inflict that on her child. So she asked me to do it.

"Of course I made all the appropriate arguments, but I loved her, and I had this dream of keeping her with me. Perhaps with her son we could live as a family. We explained everything to him as best we could. I told him of the laws and about careful hunting and keeping our existence secret. I warned him about the pain, but nothing seemed to deter him from his desire to be with Cecilia. Even stranger was his acceptance of me. In all of our exchanges he had been respectful and treated me almost as he might a father. It must have been obvious that I loved his mother.

"The decision was made and we took Daniel off alone that night. In the quiet solitude of the woods I bit him. There was no temptation to finish him as I had felt before with Tessa, though I had to order Cecilia away when she showed signs of hunger toward him. I held him during the agony of the change. I listened as he begged to die, and I watched him writhe in torment as he felt his body being consumed by fire. And when he screamed, I clutched his face to me so his mother wouldn't have to hear; though I know she heard anyway.

"When the transformation was complete I knew I had made a mistake. Cecilia was no longer the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen, for now it was Daniel. He was an angel of incomparable beauty. His hair lay in dark curls just past his collar, his skin was perfection with still the rosy hint of life on his cheeks. His grace was unmatched by anything that ever walked the earth, and when he spoke it was music. I fell in love with him as if I had given birth to him myself. The joy he felt at his strength and newly awakened senses was magnified to his mother and me. We began to travel back to my home, while he leaped through the trees and ran like the wind. When he first hunted, I steered him to a party of hunters and advised him of which to choose, but he took all three!

"I had time to work with him on our journey and by the time we reached my home he had learned about being cautious and selective when hunting. I warned him to never hunt near our home, a lesson Cecilia and I already knew.

"For a time we were happy. We were a family in every way possible and it didn't take long before Daniel started to call me papa. It was maybe a year we had together – a year of living in bliss with the two people I loved. I thought of them as my angel and my goddess and in many ways I think I worshiped them.

"When Cecilia began taking Daniel out hunting without me I saw nothing wrong with a mother wanting to spend time with her son. She said he liked to paint and either before or after hunting he would spend time painting. She showed me his work and he was quite good, whether it was landscapes or the portraits of his mother. I still have some of them stored around here, since he was quite talented.

"It was while they were gone that I had a strange visit from a group of horsemen. It seemed they were on a hunt for the monsters that had been terrorizing the countryside. The stories they shared with me left me in shock. As soon as they were on their way I left on a hunt of my own.

"I could follow their scent but half a day away it became unnecessary because the smells of decay were everywhere! It was a small village – not exactly in our territory – but close. I was horrified at the magnitude of the carnage. In the fifty homes that were clustered along a dusty road, there wasn't a soul left alive. Men, women, children, infants, were all dead, all drained of their life's blood. Even the livestock had been taken. It reminded me so much of the Volturi, I was actually wary of finding them lurking about. It was a senseless slaughter and to me it looked like it had happened over only a few days.

"When I located Cecilia and Danial they were near another village about five miles away. Daniel was painting a portrait and as soon as he saw me he ran to hug me, calling "papa!' Cecilia was not as happy to see me, since she knew what I must have seen already. I immediately asked why they had done such a thing, and she had the decency to look guilty. But Daniel looked confused. 'They are only humans papa, why do you care about them? They are not in our territory and I wanted them so badly!'

"I tried not to let the horror show on my face. I tried to explain about secrecy and the law and then spun off into what was right and what was wrong. The casual taking of innocent life was the very reason I'd left the Volturi, and here was this boy explaining that the humans were nothing but food for him! To make matters worse, he walked to the nearby village to show me why he felt the way he did. It was there I discovered he had a power that was terrifying in its simplicity. As he walked down the road people came. They ran to him joyously, reaching to touch him and weeping at the sight of him! It seemed I was not the only one to see him as a beautiful angel.

"As I watched I saw a father hand him a child of about two encouraging him to take her as a gift! I saw my son Daniel hold the child and prepare to feed on her even while the crowd pressed in on him, and it was only my voice – my cry of command that saved her. Daniel was no longer a newborn so he should have had more restraint than he was showing. I took him away from the village and I had to use my command on them to keep the villagers from following their angel. I had to keep them from following him to their deaths. I took Daniel and Cecilia a day away from any place where there were people. I tried to convince them how wrong they were and how they couldn't ever do what they had done again. She agreed with me, but Daniel, my beautiful son refused to see reason. The people never fled from him. They never saw him as a monster and he saw no reason to refuse what they freely offered.

"I used my power on him. I pushed my strength, my will and my command onto him. He didn't realize, but she did. I would have done anything to save them. I don't think she realized how dire the situation was becoming. Whoever had changed her had already broken the law and would be attracting the attention of the Volturi. It was likely that they would hear about the monster destroying villages and come to find him – come to find _us._

"We went home and I tried to teach Daniel about respecting human life. I tried to remind him that he himself was human once. And I kept a closer watch on the two of them. A month passed and it seemed to be working.

'But one night while I was caught up in my writing they disappeared. I chased them down and found them at the village where Daniel was considered an angel. I followed the sounds of the screams where the first bodies had already been discovered. I found them sitting by the fire in a small home as one by one it seemed the family came and offered themselves to him. I was heartbroken. Cecilia was with him but she was not feeding. She was the mother giving her son the sweet he wanted. I ordered her away. It took my whole will to force her to leave her son since she knew he was in danger from me.

"With her gone I took him outside and attacked him. He didn't fight back at first; I was papa and he was so saddened and confused at what I was doing. Without his newborn strength he didn't stand a chance against me. The brutality necessary to destroy one of our kind is horrifying even if you don't know the one you are attacking. But to know him and to love him the way I did was more than anyone should ever have to go through. He was my son and I killed him. I destroyed him utterly, and I burned the remains.

"Before the flames even died she came at me. Cecilia came back and she knew what I had done. She flung herself screaming at my back, biting and clawing like a lioness defending her cub. I tried to defend against her attack. I threw her off and tried to reason with her. I tried to command her even, but she was in a state of fury that had no reason. She attacked me again and again. I tried to tell her I loved her but she screamed how much she hated me. I could see she was perfectly willing to kill me, and I finally had no choice but to fight her. The whole time I begged her, pleaded with her to see reason and forgive me. It was no use; in the end her body was added to the flames along with our son. I actually threw myself onto the flames after her. But my body refused to stay there and I went off to heal from the burns.

"I have never returned to the keep. I wandered alone for another hundred years. Later I was able to recover the paintings Daniel had done, but it was quite some time before I could even look at them. I have seven in storage. Two paintings are of her, one is a self portrait, two are landscapes, one is of me, and the most horrifying is the one he did after they destroyed the village, with bodies rotting in the sun. I think a part of him understood the horror of what he'd become – of what I'd made him."

I can't believe she is still with me. She hasn't said a word nor asked a question the whole time I was speaking. When I finally pause and look at her I can see she is crying. Like before she is shedding her tears for my sorrow, only this time I almost wish she would not. This time I have to acknowledge my own complicity in what happened and it makes me feel even more guilty to see her tears. I pull her to me and try to sooth her. "Please do not cry Summer, it's been a very long time." I wipe her tears on my sleeve, and kiss her. She is so fragile as I hold her, and still she cries.

"Stefan, it's not your fault! You didn't make her and you didn't decide to make him either. You tried to teach them and you did everything you could do to make it right. Think about it, if she had tried to change him you would have kept her from killing him, and the results would have been the same. The only thing you did was love them – you can't feel guilty for that."

She touches my face and I want to believe her. I want to take the absolution she offers. But I know that I am the only one who can still remember them and their ghosts condemn me. I found out later that if we had only waited to turn Daniel until he was a little bit older, until his voice changed and there were other signs of maturity, he would have been past the point of his immature selfishness. Maybe six months would have been all he needed. Six months to preserve my family forever. Instead I lost them both.

Summer has pulled herself onto my lap and she is curled against me with her arms wrapped around my neck. I am not sure why this brings me such comfort There is a part of me that dreads this closeness. I have seen so much of my life laid to waste. She is innocence and purity such as I have never known, and it saddens me that my taint has already begun to stain her. She thinks it matters that she has such a limited time to live, and yet to me they _all _are but wisps. But I am weak. To hear her declarations of love reminds me of my own time with Cecilia. It reminds me how I fell so easily to her beauty and her wild aloof spirit. What is love but a snare that captures and binds the innocent and foolish.

In this calm I feel the desire to tell her more. "Summer, there is a part of my life that puts you at great risk. You know I've told you of the Volturi and how I feared they wanted me destroyed. I was wrong in this belief for so long. They feel I have been adequately 'punished' for my defiance. But it is now that they would like nothing better than to be given an excuse to destroy me. Vladmir and I are forever a thorn in their sides with our open dissension and criticism of their leadership.

"But we have not always been an idle threat. You see it was only a short time after I lost Cecilia and Danial, my second family, that I met Vladmir. I was wandering Europe at the time and I kept hearing talk of creatures that sounded like me. But they eluded me each time I tried to search for them. I knew that the one who created my Cecilia was still out there, unless the Volturi had found him, but I never got closer than the rumors and legends.

"I met Vladmir during some conflict or war. It was a time of great change and the borders changed almost as fast as the map makers could draw them. But I did not meet him on the field of battle, but at a large roadside inn on a night when the patrons were gathering for yet another skirmish. The drinks flowed freely for the men who would be facing their deaths not much further up the road. I used to frequent such establishments myself because that was where I could hear the most accurate news concerning upcoming battles.

"At first I did not notice him, but as the evening wore on I noticed a table at the far side of the common room seemed to be getting louder and more raucous. A small crowd had gathered around it. As I listened and watched, I saw that one man was the cause of the all the furor. A game of chance was in progress, and this one man was winning an inordinate number of games. Strangely though the mood was not hostile, but was one of camaraderie and excitement. The man was telling stories, cracking jokes, and treating his fellow gamers with good-natured teasing. He seemed to draw people to him like a magnet; like me.

"I moved closer to observe and that's when I noticed he wasn't a man at all. He was indeed like me! But he fit in so well among the men, it was not easy to notice his lack of heartbeat or his scent. If it took me so long to notice him, I realized immediately that he was already well aware of me. It was in his quick look and the way his lips quirked in a smile only I would notice. I was fascinated and I spent the hours of the evening just watching him. When the men drifted away to sleep or seek the comfort of a woman, I followed him out into the night.

"I expected an adversary but he introduced himself in a friendly manner, with a smile that I did not expect from one of our kind. He had adopted many human mannerisms, and I had to laugh as he explained how he'd taken his name from a former leader of his homeland in Wallachia. He had actually known the entire royal line, but it was Prince Vlad Draculea III who impressed him most.

"As he put it: 'He never gave up and he never gave in. He was a marvelous man in his treatment of his people. He took a lawless country overrun with thieves and uncaring aristocracy and brought law, and justice. But he wasn't one to hold himself above it all; he had higher standards for himself and those in power, and if the rest didn't live up to his example he had them removed and replaced. He was the kind of leader a man wanted to follow into battle; and I do mean follow, as he was out in front facing his enemies. He had a lot of enemies, especially among the Turks. His own brother converted to Islam and joined his enemies. He was a man of unwavering passion and I was happy to choose his name as my own. If I can add to his legend, I consider it an honor.'

"I asked him about his own origins and he simply told me he was too old to remember. I asked if he had known Cecilia and he indeed knew her. His story shocked me as he informed me that the Volturi had created her along with many others at the behest of Pope Pious II. It seems the crusades had only gained limited support against the advance of the Ottoman Empire and other Islamic groups. It was hoped that our kind would be able to support the Roman efforts to hold onto Christian countries and cities.

"Apparently the Volturi were good at creating newborns, but not so good at controlling them. Vladmir laughed when he told me how they'd started with a dozen and had to destroy two and were only able to take six back home with them and the other four disappeared.

"I told him about Cecilia and even Daniel, and he patted my shoulder in sympathy. 'I know all about them, I tracked her and discovered their remains. I have actually been looking for you. I appreciate you telling me her story.'

"I asked him why he was looking for me and he smiled. It seems he'd pieced together a story about one who could draw people to him with the sound of his voice. He could make armies fight for him and convince rulers to take up his cause. He seemed completely convinced that I was that person. He didn't even wait for me to confirm or deny his theory but went on to outline his own plans.

"He was building an empire for himself. He had taken over the abandoned Poenari Castle where Vlad the impaler had ruled, and he was having it rebuilt as his home and for those who would ally with him. There were already six of our kind plus him and he wanted me to join them. His wife was back at the castle overseeing the work, and he'd also found the other three who had escaped the Volturi, and they had joined as well. He was currently traveling and looking for humans with certain gifts or abilities that might come through if they were changed. He thought I would be very helpful in controlling his newborns until they were past their voracious hunger. He was of the mindset that the Volturi did not have our best interests at heart, and he wanted to be able to resist them if they came to enforce their laws on him.

"His plan was to to create a small army, but not to attack others of our kind, but to force political change and help stabilize his part of the country. He could foresee a place of peace and prosperity, where new ideas and philosophies could flourish. He wanted to see advances made in art and literature and science, which was slow in coming with all the efforts going into wars and crusades. I listened to him and it was as if he read what was in my heart. I had seen bits of what was then modern philosophy as I'd traveled and I could see changes occurring in places that were peaceful with stable governments in place. I was at first prepared to deny him and turn him down, but the dream he unfolded was _my _dream too! A hundred years had passed since I'd lost my goddess and my angel, and I was ready to help Vladmir embark on a dream. But it wasn't just his dream, it was _our _dream. In a very short time I discovered him to be not only an ally and a companion, but my friend."

**a/n: Okay I realize I'm riding roughshod over a lot of history and geography in these chapters. I should have researched it and made it more accurate, but it's fan fiction and the specifics are not important to the story, and I'd rather write than research... and I'm lazy.**


	17. Chapter 17 Building an Empire

Chapter 17

Building an Empire

I'm starting to get an idea of just how old Stefan really is. The stories he tells me are so stunning, not only in the savage heartbreak of them, but in the span of history he covers as if it were only a few months. I can't get over the idea that the man I love was alive before the middle ages. It's hard to believe that he's seen the black plague, the Crusades, the inquisition, the rise and fall of nations, and so many other events I have only read about in history books. It staggers my imagination. And still he was able to find love again. I know he told me, so that I would understand the reason he feels he is a monster, unworthy of redemption, hope, and love. But I don't see him that way at all. It breaks my heart to think of the burden of guilt he carries with him.

But then again, I have conveniently overlooked the people he's killed just to feed his hunger. Even if he were able to only kill once a year, over the span of fifteen hundred years that makes him a serial killer of monstrous degree! And I know it has been more; many many more, likely on a scale that would make the loss of life during many natural disasters seem small in comparison.

Even if I can forgive the taking of the lives, how can I reconcile it with what I know myself; that it's not just the one life that's touched. How many widows and orphans has he created? How many leaders, best friends, brothers, sisters, and children were taken from those who loved or needed them? And all to buy him a little more time; a little more time over the span of years, decades, and centuries. Time to bring him to a place where I would meet him and he would be the answer to my prayers.

I want too much to paint him as a bringer of mercy rather than death. I look at his amber eyes and they are so different from the red which frightens me and reminds me of each life lost to him. How many? How many died with his beautiful face before their eyes? Or would he approach from behind like with Lucian, to avoid looking at their eyes.

No matter what I love him. I must be crazy! I snuggle against his chest and there is no warmth except my own. No softness except my own, and no comforting heartbeat. And yet I love him so much that I can't imagine my life; my pitifully short human life, without him. His arms tighten around me and I tilt my head back for his kiss. His mouth has tasted the blood of thousands and now my lips taste his, and I know bliss.

I listen as he speaks, and the vibrations come up through the throat I'm kissing. "Summer I don't know how I can explain to you the empire Vladmir and I built. The castle Vladmir was working on is set in the mountains. It's actually atop a ridge with over fifteen hundred steps to reach it. Our human workers toiled under terrible conditions to reconstruct this place and it took_ years. _ We learned their names, and their families came to work for us as well, and the work continued.

"Vladmir traveled, looking for those he would recruit to join us. Each time he came home to the castle, he came with several newborns. It was getting more difficult to keep the secret as we had to travel further to hunt. Fortunately Vladmir had chosen an enemy leader, and he had allied himself with his opposition as a mercenary leader. I was appalled and impressed when I first lead our small army against the real thing. We'd outfitted ourselves with weapons and armor we didn't need and lured them into an attack as we seemed to retreat from their assault. They outnumbered us six to one and still it was a massacre. We took prisoners to sustain us later, and left no witnesses. By the time the work was finished on the castle we had an army of fifty 'mercenaries' that had been proven in many battles.

Vladmir and I were equals in the sense that we decided together how best to achieve our goals. Sometimes it was through brute force and using our army to attack enemies. But more and more it became the backroom negotiation which was our strength. With his talent for fabricating stories and mine for convincing people our cause was just, we could decide the tide of any conflict or dispute, often before a sword was ever drawn. It was impressive how easy it was to settle our lands in ever widening circles of influence. Those closest to us suspected what we were, but we also began to put our efforts into making life good for those under our protection. We had roads built, and schools of higher learning, and we allowed the serfs to work land they could own one day. The people were protected from the wars that continued to plague the rest of Europe.

"With the schools came great scholars, and the roads brought trade, and people came from other countries to live in a place where they could prosper. And the castle itself was the place where great artists and artisans wanted their work showcased. There were mosaics, and tapestries, and murals on every wall, and statues carved by masters. We invited heads of state from neighboring countries to visit, and each visit was a cause for celebration as we sought to impress upon them how well our policies were working. Of course we were not the leaders of the country, there were those in place who held those titles, but we were the power behind the thrones. It was obvious to anyone who spent time with us that not only did we choose who ruled, but we also decided the focus of their regime. Any who opposed us met with _unfortunate ends._

"Our once newborn army had matured and their talents were evident. They were refining their abilities to do many of the things which are attributed to our kind. We had one who could alter his form into any animal. One who could turn to vapor, One who could put someone into a deep trance, and their perfect counterpart, one who could give an irresistible suggestion to the sleeper. There were two who could spot a lie, even from Vladmir, unless he was pushing his ability. There were several others hand picked by Vladmir for their talents and a couple new ones who were very promising. When the first Volturi guards showed up we were perhaps a little overconfident. We easily defeated the six and two even joined us.

"We knew the Volturi were upset with us, though we had no plans to ever go against them. We had already had over a hundred years of peace and prosperity in the lands we influenced. Many historians and scholars point to different catalysts for the Renaissance, and not one will give credit where it was due – mine and Vladmir's work to stabilize this one area and show people what life could look like once war and human suffering were taken away.

"It was beautiful. I've never seen anything that could compare, though the legends of Camelot come to mind when I think back on what we created. I like to think that whoever created that legend used our realm as the model.

"The best part is that even though we weren't human, the people adored us. We were not worshiped like the Volturi, we were loved. Any who knew us regarded us as their royal benefactors. Our kind always look beautiful, and the impact was not lost on the people of the countryside. Vladmir's wife was the most beautiful of us all, and there wasn't an artist around who could resist painting or sculpting her likeness. She was the only one who could rival me for Vladmir's attention; which was how it should be.

"After we defeated the Volturi who had come to attack us, we knew there would be others. We began training to face those of our own kind. Vladmir was the one who lead that training and I was amazed at how much he knew about fighting our own. He never spoke it, but I understood that somewhere in his vast history he had fought such battles. Of course the inaccessibility of our castle made an attack by humans nearly impossible, but we knew that our own kind would have no trouble with the mountainous terrain.

"We never worried about keeping a human army because we wanted ours to be an area of peace. There was a standing army within the country, but it was almost two days march to the north. The humans nearest us were those we loved: Scholars, artists, musicians, inventors, poets, and other great thinkers. The village nearest the castle was filled with families such as these and we knew all of them by name, and we had seen their children and grandchildren born. Some had even joined us after being changed. We were overconfident and complacent.

"The Volturi have always been jealous of anyone who could become a rival. Even though we were peaceful and had no intention of moving against them, they still took our defeat of their guard very personally. By the time we received word that they were moving it was almost too late. We expected them to send another force against us – a larger force than the time before. What they brought was _everyone_! Their numbers almost matched ours, but what they had in their favor was a human army. They pushed up from the south with an army that numbered in the tens of thousands. We had been kept unaware somehow, and we would find out later they had one with a talent that allowed such subterfuge.

"With an army at our back door they marched down the roads we'd built. They were an army all their own, each of them robed and cowled in shades that ran black, gray, and red. Still not to be outdone we arrayed ourselves along the steps leading to our castle. We didn't bother hiding among our own people, and we stood proudly in our royal dress, with the sun sparkling off of our inhuman skin. We didn't plan to cower and beg forgiveness for breaking their ridiculous laws. We planned to win the day with reason and know that we had the strength to back it up. They were in _our _territory and they and their laws were not welcome!"

He stops speaking. I feel an overwhelming wave of sadness from him and feel the tears come to my own eyes. I want to hold him tighter, but my human arms are too weak. When he speaks again it is a whisper he pushes past his constricted throat.

"We were so foolish. We had built an empire out of dealing with people fairly and treating them with dignity. I had forgotten the terrible depravity at the heart of the Volturi. I had seen Aro's lust for power, and Caius's twisted sadism. What I had not seen was the manipulation Marcus brought to the unholy trinity. Before the battle was even engaged he struck the blow that would end it for us all. We found out later that the man and woman who had joined us from the first Volturi attack were actually spies.

"The woman's name was Chelsea, and she would be the one who cost us everything. My only consolation later would come in knowing she cost Marcus everything as well. She loved him and she had come to us to prove her love to him. The man's name was Joseph and he had a talent he had hidden from us as well; one that allowed him to telegraph his thoughts to another. He had been sending the Volturi information for the whole time they were with us – five years! But still we had talents of our own; especially from two Vladmir had discovered. As it became clear a battle was going to be joined, Vladmir called up his newest find. They were twins; both so small and yet so powerful they could easily win the conflict for us.

"With a nod from Vladmir, little Alec went to work and we watched as one by one the Volturi fell into sensory deprivation; neither hearing nor seeing. With their senses stolen our army attacked. Little Jane, his sister, sent her own attack toward the three in the center, but Aro and Caius were both being shielded by a woman named Renata. Jane's full attack then fell on Marcus, and we watched as he fell writhing in pain and agony. It soon became chaos below as our army clashed with their helpless front line. I watched a dozen or more easily defeated and torn to pieces. But the center of the group held their protective barrier. Aro and Caius were both still standing while Marcus contorted in pain.

"His wife came forward to try to comfort him or shield the attack. It was her talent to make people happy and we all witnessed how she was able to counter the affects of Jane's attack. It was almost touching to see her kneeling on the ground with his head cradled in her lap. But Chelsea was not touched. She became jealous watching him cling to her in his desperate need to escape the pain.

"I myself began my own attack. From my spot high up on the mountain I was able to call out to the army below me and tell them their attack was both futile and unnecessary. I spoke of how they needed to return home and how they would meet with a terrible end if they stayed. I saw the back ranks split off and leave, moving fast as only our kind can. I'd sent about twenty of them away, and the front ranks were down about fifteen, and we became confident we would win the day and end the Volturi.

"It was Chelsea who was our undoing. She slipped among our ranks and weakened the loyalty that bound us together. She went for the twins first, desperate to stop the attack on Marcus whom she loved. Since their strongest loyalty was to one another, they had no real need for us. As they broke off their attack, our fighters in the front started to face real opposition. Chelsea's next attack came against Vladmir himself; or more specifically his wife Sulpicia. I heard him cry out as he watched her leave, running down the mountainside with her glorious blond hair flying. The Volturi parted to accept her and she ran straight for the arms of Aro!

"I watched him fall apart. My best friend and ally was crushed when she left. It wasn't just that she left, but that the bond between them was snatched away and somehow given to Aro, and he _felt _it. He should have been leading our army and instead he was left in a boneless heap on the stairway, watching as Aro kissed _his _wife in a passionate display that was intended for his superhuman eyes.

"Still our numbers were greater, and our forces were cutting into the perimeter of their center. I watched Caius take a defensive crouch and Sulpicia hid behind Aro as our forces threatened. Then Marcus gave a signal and the tide turned against us.

"The human army advanced. Obviously with orders to leave us alone, they flowed into the village with murder in their hearts. The villagers up to that point were hiding, and letting us deal with the threat in their streets. But the army flushed them out and burned their shops and homes, they set about exterminating every one of them. It was horrible and I raised my voice to command that human army. The noise was too great, and the hundred who listened, I commanded to fight against them. But they faced thousands.

"In the time it took for the horsemen to ride from one end of the village to the other, they were gone! We knew their names, their faces, their gifts, and they trusted us to protect them. The slaughter was more than Vladmir could stand and he charged down the mountain toward his enemy, calling those who had been created from the villagers to his side. They cut a path of death through the enemy like a knife leading straight to their black heart, and then I watched him fall. Mere feet from those in command he dropped. He was blinded and deafened by Alec, their newest ally.

"I raised my voice to command them away from him, but I was attacked. Little Jane had turned her talent onto me and I felt pain like I have only experienced once before. It was the burning of my death all over again, only not just physical, but in my heart and mind as well. I felt as if my body and soul were both on fire and I had a clear thought that this is what hell would feel like.

"'Call them back!' Chelsea stood beside my body demanding that I call their back line to return. 'Call them back Orator, and I'll make her stop!' Jane was farther away so I couldn't command her. But Chelsea was foolishly close, thinking I would be completely helpless. I wrapped my arms around her legs and held tight. I felt all the fires of hell come to bear on me and still I held on, gasping for enough air to speak.

"Attack them Chelsea!" It was my command, narrowed and focused through the flames of excruciating pain, the only coherent thought I could focus on – "kill Volturi!" When I released her she left me and I watched her head straight for the Volturi center. With Caius and Aro both protected and defensive, she looked at Marcus, and I watched her hold her attack just long enough for his wife Didyme to come between them.

"Chelsea's attack was swift and violent and the other woman was unprepared for her strength and determination. It was over in seconds and Chelsea snatched the head away and ran to throw it into the fires burning in the village. Marcus was helpless to follow unless he wanted to face our fighters on his own. I didn't watch the aftermath, knowing that Chelsea would continue her attack until someone stopped her.

"Jane kept up her attack on me. But she didn't realize one can become accustomed to pain. I was unable to stand under her assault, but I could crawl, and I crawled down one step at a time even as she focused her attack solely on me. I knew that as long as she worried about me she wasn't weakening anyone else. After about twenty steps I stood. Step by step I got closer, and I did indeed get used to the pain.

"I watched her little face and she couldn't believe that anyone could stand against her attack. She had been with us for several years, and in all that time no one had been able to withstand even her lesser efforts. And she was giving me all she had. I was close enough I could have commanded her to stop, but I wanted her to see me overcome her power. She didn't try to run even though I meant death to her. When I wrapped my hand around her little throat she seemed at peace.

"When she stopped her attack we stood eye to eye, and she looked victorious. It was then I realized my mistake; her brother Alec had a fix on me. I lifted her up by her throat and she focused her power on Vladmir while Alec focused on me. The sudden absence of all my senses was worse than the pain. It left me able to think and reason, but helpless in a way I have never been. I still had Jane, and I felt I would at least end her threat. I bit into her throat, unable to hear and see but I felt her struggles. It's the last thing I remember of that day.

"I was disoriented when I awoke. Not that I was asleep but I had suffered some kind of loss of consciousness. It is rare among our kind but I assumed I had been attacked and grievously injured. It didn't take me long to learn I was on a boat – a sailing ship in the middle of an ocean. The man who had brought me on board was one of our army. It was Nicholas, the one who could turn himself into vapor.

"He explained that we had lost our battle, and I had been attacked before I could finish Jane. 'I stole your body parts before they could burn them,' he informed me. Of the army we'd raised, only nine remained alive. Vladmir had been taken to Volterra under heavy guard. Alec and his sister Jane both joined them. Nicholas had saved me and there were three other talented ones who were also recruited by the Volturi. And of course Sulpicia was saved.

"The human army was being lead to fight and destroy everyone and everything within the borders of our realm – additional punishment for our disobedience. It wasn't enough for the Volturi to destroy our stronghold, they needed to destroy all the work we'd accomplished for the past hundred years. The ruling figureheads were faced once again with petty disagreements and blame over who had started the conflict, and factions would soon start to fight over what we'd left behind.

"I was on a boat somewhere in the Mediterranean. Nicholas told me he had some difficulty booking passage for two, but only being one. 'You packed very easily in a large trunk.' He told me he'd brought my pieces on board and let my natural healing do the rest.

"It was on this trip he told me he didn't save me because he had any particular loyalty or affinity for me, but because of Cecilia! I had forgotten that he had been one of the twelve who had been created over two hundred years ago. He was one of the four to escape the Volturi. He explained that he too had felt love for her, but she had never felt the same. She had only cared about avenging her husband and taking care of her son. 'I knew she would not want to see you come to such an end. I know what she did not – the Volturi were the ones who had killed her husband.'"

"We stayed on board as the ship took us to Italy. Nicholas knew I would want to rescue Vladmir, and he also knew that they wouldn't look for us on a boat. His talent was to become mist and it was what saved us both. We had to be very careful about feeding, and just like my first encounter with the Volturi I was once again on a diet of rats. Funny how every time I think of them I think of rats.

"The boat debarked with only five less crew than it started with; which was a tribute to our restrain considering how long the trip lasted, and the number of rats on board.

"Once in Italy we stayed together for the sake of Vladmir. It seems my friend had helped Nicholas' family with a large amount of wealth that saved their property and titles. Nicholas it seemed came from minor nobility.

"In Italy we made our way to Volterra under cover of darkness. Nicholas discovered Vladmir was being kept deep inside their stronghold in a constant state of weakness. It seems they would dismember him and wait while he drew himself together again, and repeat the process. Without feeding he was kept alive, but too weak to fight. In case you're wondering, yes we do feel pain. What they were doing to him was extremely painful. You can imagine undergoing surgery without anesthetic only to have the wounds torn open as soon as they began to heal. It's one of the few ways to physically torture our kind. He told me they were also taunting him with his wife, who no longer even remembered loving him.

"Between the two of us we devised a plan to get him out. We were able to sneak inside, both of us went unrecognized by any who saw us. Once we had Vladmir we had to run for our lives. Before we made it Nicholas turned to vapor and left me holding Vladmir's pieces in a sailcloth bag. It was my voice that saved us. I used every bit of persuasion to command them to release us and not to follow. Then I used the crowds in the streets to converge on their tower, just as they had used our villagers against us..

"I fled to the sea and any time I saw pursuit I commanded them to return to Volterra. I knew they would not give up so I booked passage on the first ship heading to Greece. Sad to say these sailors were not as lucky as those of the last ship, since it was smaller and faster and required fewer crew to sail it.

"We didn't stay on the mainland, but headed to a small island I knew of to rest and recover. Vladmir once he recovered, was despondent over the defeat. He took the losses personally and was heartbroken over his wife's desertion. He felt that Chelsea couldn't have broken her bond if it was strong, so he felt he must have given her some kind of reason in order for such a wedge to be driven between them. Unfortunately once Aro touched her, he would know of any weaknesses as well and be able to continue to play upon them. She was irrevocably gone.

"When I told him of the destruction caused by the human army he was further broken. He could have taken his own personal losses if it meant that his legacy would endure, but the ruination of his dream turned him cold in a way I never expected. We spent enough time on the island to rest, and heal, and come up with a new plan. At first he asked me every day why I didn't leave him to die. By the time we left the island he was only asking me every few days. We took the boat out on the ocean and sailed for Egypt. It was a tough crossing as we suffered from the thirst and still had to work the rigging like a full crew.

"When we arrived, Vladmir was different. Not just an unhappy version of himself; he was _changed._ I often think of Vladmir as being like a snake that sheds it's skin, but this was not the same. I set sail with a man who was my best friend, who shared my vision of utopia, and I arrived in Egypt with a stranger. From the beginning he shocked and frightened me. He killed and fed on the first dock workers who came to help us with the boat. He did not try to hide his deed but walked proudly away from the scene. I followed after him unable to abandon him, yet I watched in horror as he behaved recklessly, wantonly killing and feeding on any who came close.

"I was able to use my talent to calm him and keep him from killing, but I had to do it every day. In some ways I understood him. He took the death and carnage of our people upon himself. Because I wouldn't let him destroy himself over the guilt, he was becoming a new creation. If he couldn't die from guilt, he would become the monster and assume total responsibility. If I ever thought Daniel was a problem, Vladmir was even more so. I watched as he adopted the dress and mannerisms of the people and I had to follow after him to keep him from killing except when I judged he was truly in need.

"As far as what he thought of me, he ignored me for the most part. I tried to talk to him, to reason with him and to draw him out of his delusion, but he would stare through me. By the time we reached Cairo he even looked unrecognizable. He'd taken to dying his skin to appear brown like the people. The delight he felt at the way his skin accepted the pigment made me hopeful that he was coming out of it. But instead he set about learning their language. I already knew it so I became his tutor. Now that I had a purpose in his new life he began to speak to me again, but only in Egyptian. "As the days turned into months, I lost hope that he would ever become the Vladmir I remembered. He adopted a new name and we traveled from town to town, learning everything about the land and it's people. It was by accident we came to find a strange religious sect that worshiped a blood drinking goddess. It didn't take him long to set himself up as one of her subordinates. In a matter of days he was positioned in a temple with worshipers coming to offer themselves to him.

"It was worse than with Daniel, for they knew he offered them only death. My command was weakening against him – like Jane's ability weakened against me. He was learning to overcome and he began feeding more often. I decided I couldn't stay, but I wouldn't fight him. I truly believe he is the oldest among us – perhaps even our patriarch. I tried to turn the cult away from him but they considered it an honor to die in such a way. It was too much for me to stay and witness.

"I said my goodbyes to Vladmir without using the language he had adopted or his new name. He was perched on his throne, ignoring me as his worshipers fawned at his feet. I looked around and it suddenly hit me, it wasn't what Danial he was mimicking, it was the Volturi! Instead of leaving in defeat I confronted him.

"_So Vladmir, how does it feel sitting here with the beginnings of your own Volterra? How long do you think it will take you to be completely elevated to a god?_ He did a good job of ignoring me, but I could tell he heard me._ I imagine after I'm gone you'll have to turn a few of your worshipers so you won't be alone; maybe build a grander structure to accommodate your deity and protect you of course. How long until you start handing down the law? How long until you have everything set up to revolve around you? Will it take you a year? A century? How long until you are worshiped, feared, and revered by everyone in Egypt? How much blood will it take before you change your name to Caius? Or is it Aro to whom you aspire?_

"I hadn't used my special voice, but when I said the last words I saw him flinch as if I'd physically hit him. 'ENOUGH!' He leaped up shouting at me, and crossed the floor in a flash as his worshipers scattered. 'Never say that name in my presence!'

"_What name? Aro? _ I taunted him, keeping just one step ahead of him as he advanced in absolute fury. _Aro, Aro, Aro! You should get used to it if you want to be just like him! ARO!_ I had to watch my step because he clearly intended to kill me. _Aro defeated you! Aro destroyed your kingdom! Aro killed your immortal army! Aro tore down your castle! And Aro is making love to your wife! The beautiful Sulpicia screams one name in the throes of passion and it is ARO!_ I had to dodge a stature he threw at me along with his blows. He was taking huge gouges out of the temple with each near miss.

"I dodged out of his way as he went crazy. He soon gave up chasing me and instead took out his fury on the stone of the temple. His worshipers had fled at the start of his tirade and the place was empty but for us. His screams tore through the chamber with supernatural force and he expended his energy to destroy the stone structure.

"In a few hours the building was collapsed stone, and a few hours longer even the stones were a pile of rubble. He collapsed onto a stone step that used to lead to the temple doors. I sat carefully next to him and he glared at me. 'He beat you this time my friend. _They defeated_ _us_. But it would be a tragedy if you started to believe that you are not the better man. Aro is nothing! He is a thief and a coward who is not worthy to kiss your feet. If she could not see that then she deserves him.

"'Stefan, why didn't the spy turn you from me as well?' He looked at me as if he were confused. I smiled to hear him speaking his own language and using my name.

_ "Perhaps she tried and failed. We shared the same dream, and you are my best friend. But it's more than that Vladmir – you are my brother. She couldn't break that bond._

Stefan is calm as I hold him. I can tell it took a lot out of him, but I don't feel in danger of being crushed in his agitated grasp. He seems wrung out, and I wipe the tears from my face.


	18. Chapter 18 Love Languages

Chapter 18

Love Languages

It seems strange that I have never told anyone that story. Only one could understand it, and that is the one who lived it with me. He may have told Carlisle or one of the others, but I have never shared until now. How do you describe the death of a dream or the murder of your hope? To any who know us we have a long standing hatred of the Volturi. I am sure it must seem petty that after so much time we still harbor such animosity against the 'benefactors' of our kind. It is no secret that we would like to see them brought down and destroyed, but even among our kind the reason is distorted. The victors write the history, and so our story has been twisted and our purposes maligned .

But now she knows the truth. She does not cry as much this time, and yet I can feel that she has shared my burden once again. For the first time I can feel peace as I think about the losses. I sit with her in silence and I have an overwhelming fear of losing her. Not that I feel I will kill her, or worry that something will go wrong.

No, I feel that her life is far too short. She holds centuries of my memories. If not the actual grasp of events, she knows the impact they have had on my existence. I sometimes wonder if even Vladmir understands me the way she seems to. It would be so easy to change her. I think about it and I kiss her cheek, so soft and warm. Her lips, so moist and yielding. I place my mouth onto her throat and follow her pulse with my tongue. She sighs, so trusting. I think about the burning and the agony and terror, but how horrible could it be in comparison to her own future? If I change her I can keep her forever.

But would she stay? I remember Cecilia and the way she kissed me goodbye. My goddess never needed me, and in the end she blamed me, and hated me. I could not take it if Summer hated me. Would she still love me on the other side of the change? Would we still hold the same attraction for one another if we were both the same?

I will wait.

I hold her on my lap knowing that hours have passed as I spoke. I want to make love to her again but I am afraid of hurting her. It astounds me, the desire I have for her frail human body. I had thought that all such connections to my humanity were gone. This morning I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and saw that more of my age has fallen away. My eyes are clear. That one fact startled me as much as the gold of their color. My skin is still hard and pale, but no longer translucent and powdery. I look more alive – more human than I have in centuries. It should not startle me as much as it does, since I have seen Vladmir go through similar changes in the past. I had simply thought it was beyond me.

When she moves off of my lap she kisses me and smiles. "I hate to be the one to put an end to this, but I need to eat again." That she apologizes for her needs makes me feel terrible, and I follow her to the kitchen and watch as she prepares a simple lunch. The rhythm of life. It has been missing from my existence for so long. We all worry about the meeting of basic needs just to survive. But I have only one imperative, and even that I have pushed out for weeks. My time had been spent in solitude with my books and my writings, and occasionally interacting with Vladmir. There was also my haunting of the places where I feed, to get to know the next one who is ready for death.

But with Summer I need to be aware of the time; time to wake and sleep, time to bathe, time to eat, time to use the bathroom... time to make love. Oh and that is the one that twists my thoughts the most. Every other need she has makes me an observer, but our intimacy is amazing because I can share it with her.

But sometimes I feel so conflicted, knowing what I have become. Incubus. The worst fiend of legends. The legends that are so horrific I wonder how they survive. Yet there must be some truth to them because I exist.

She smiles at me as she consumes her meal, which looks more appropriate for a rabbit. I smile back, knowing she cannot fathom the darkness of my thoughts. She has no idea the way my mind takes her down roads she would never travel willingly with me. To change her. To feed on her. To make love until _I _am fully satiated. To taste just a sampling of her blood, I know I possess the restraint to stop, but that would hurt and terrify her. To impregnate her – oh yes I do still think of it!

But I am perhaps even more concerned with other thoughts. They have been intruding more and more and they frighten me with their appeal. I am used to dark evil thoughts, as they are part of what I am and I have been wrestling with them since the change. But now I am thinking thoughts that make me feel like a dreamer with my head in the clouds.

I imagine a life with Summer. Life. Her pitifully short span of years could hardly be called a life. But like the clock that has suddenly become more important again, I find myself wanting to share those moments with her to the exclusion of all else. Were I human I would want to marry her; lay a permanent claim to her, and keep her with me always. And though I am not human I still want everything I can have with her. To see her blue eyes looking at me every morning when she wakes. To know I can make her smile. To know that I can take her to a state of physical bliss where no other has. Still I fear the word. I will not fall! She is just a human girl!

"You're face looks so serious; I wish I could tell what you're thinking." She presses her body against mine and wraps her arms around me. The smile on her face is light and teasing as she looks up at me.

I kiss her forehead and wrap my arms around her lightly. "Trust me, you would not like to read my thoughts."

"So, what do you do all day? I mean when you're not entertaining unwelcome visitors to your house that is." She grins up at me.

I try to remember what was so interesting before she arrived, and nothing comes to me. "I read a lot. I have subscriptions to several world newspapers and I do a lot of reading. We also watch the stock market trends worldwide; make sure our investments are safe. I do a lot of writing as you know. And I... mostly read. I am not very good company – Vladmir is the more entertaining of the two of us. I also spend time at hospitals and nursing homes; for obvious reasons." She looks away, unwilling to face the way I choose my victims.

"O – kay... well, I hope you don't mind if we do a few new things. Not that reading and writing are a bad thing, but the twenty-first century moves a little bit faster. And next to you I don't have all that much time." She smiles playfully, thinking to make a joke out of her mortality, but little does she know it is becoming a major worry to me.

She takes me by the hand and leads me to my – our – room. She grins mischievously as she walks past the bed to the computer. "How about a little online shopping?" With little more than a credit card number she walks me through the steps of making sure my information is secure and then she encourages me to look at different websites for some of the products she spoke of the day before.

She encourages me to purchase a flat screen TV and a DVD player. Then she guides me to a place that sells DVD movies. She questions me about some of the titles she thinks I might be interested in, and we place an order. She encourages me to purchase movies called: Amadeus, Titanic, The Sound of Music, Saving Private Ryan, The Patriot, Braveheart, the Shawshank Redemption,Wizard of Oz, It's a Wonderful Life, Gandhi, Dead Poet's Society, Ben Hur, Remember the Titans, Star Wars Trilogy, Gladiator, Spartacus, Dances With Wolves, and Enter the Dragon. She assures me the TV should arrive in a day or two and she shows me how I can track it's location with a number.

She also finds a website and she encourages me to order several designer suits using my measurements. When I total my purchases I smile. I now know how Vladmir keeps track of the accounts online, and I imagine he will be frantic with worry when he sees so many expenditures while he is gone. She shows me how to use Google to search for Vladmir and find his email address. I laugh as I send him a message, reassuring him that all is well and letting him know that I've taken my first step into the twenty-first century. She even uses the video camera to capture my image to send along to reassure him that it is indeed me. In no time at all it seems the afternoon has passed.

As I look out the window at the setting sun, I pull her onto my lap. "How did you learn so much about all of this stuff?" I ask, indicating the computer and all it seems capable of doing.

She only laughs as she wraps her arms around me. "It's easy for my generation, since we grew up with it. No different than you knowing how to fight with a sword, or tan leather, or... whatever it is you do." She shrugs her shoulders and giggles. "My dad couldn't do it either. He had to call me every time something broke down or messed up. It's not difficult once you understand the limitations and stop being afraid you're going to break it."

"Now _that_ I understand!" I pull her snugly against me and smile suggestively. I hear her indrawn breath and her heart beats a bit faster. I kiss her soft and light, and it amazes me how easily she still draws me to her. My thoughts have already carried her to the canopy bed behind us when I hear her stomach growl. I want to pretend I don't hear it since normal human hearing would have missed it. But I am once again reminded of the clock. "Isn't it dinner time for you? I encourage her to get up and we leave the room.

There are still plenty of things to eat, but instead I offer to take her out. She catches me off guard when she tucks her hands into my jacket and starts to remove it. I immediately think that she is making a different kind of plan but she smiles at my confusion. "Let's leave the jacket behind tonight, and how about opening that top button or two?" She helps me with the buttons and places a kiss right at the opening. She has no idea how her little flirtations affect me. I feel like I have to be on guard every second with her or I could easily misstep and she would be gone. By the same token, she does not have to show any such restraint to me. Her declarations of love as well as the intimacy we share has removed all of her boundaries. She has given me the kind of trust usually seen only in young children.

I plan to take her to town, without really knowing where to take her. I ask her what she wants and she instead asks me to stop even before we've left the driveway. She leans over and is delighted that the touch of a button brings up the GPS feature. She changes the language to English and in minutes she walks me through the features I never use. It doesn't take us long to find several restaurants that sound promising. The thing even gives us directions. She finds descriptions and even reviews of the different places and chooses one that cooks regional dishes with locally grown produce.

Sitting in the restaurant with her, it feels as if everyone is watching us. I am not sure if it is that they recognize the recluse of the manor or if it is her beauty that catches their eye. When our waiter seems reluctant to leave us, and continues to gaze at her I have my answer. As before she has her choice from both meals and we pass a pleasant evening chatting about many of the things she is trying to teach me. I also begin to teach her Romanian.

I walk her through a phrase to say to the waiter. "It means, 'thank you for your service, everything is wonderful.'" It takes her a bit of time to learn the words I coach from her, but when she gets it right she smiles sweetly at him and says the words as he brings the check. I narrow my eyes at him as we both watch his color pale and he seems suddenly nervous. He races from the table before collecting my payment. She looks at me confused and asks if she made a mistake.

I smile at her. "No il mio compagno bello, you said it perfectly. However I confess I mislead you. What you really told him is that if he did not stop leering at you, your lover was going to kill him." She is so beautiful; her eyes widen in shock and her mouth makes a surprised O.

"Stefan! Why would you make me say that?" She looks a little upset and a little bit amused as she playfully slaps at me before realizing she cannot hurt me. "That wasn't very nice – I trusted you!"

"I've told you to never trust me." I grin at her. "Besides, he was looking at you like he wanted to eat you up. It was inappropriate."

"Oh now that's funny Stefan. You're getting upset with how someone looks at me when _you_ are the one I need to worry about 'eating me up.' So, am I your own exclusive buffet?" She asks as she looks at me with her wide innocent eyes, only partially jesting.

"Absolutely mon morceau délicieux!" I no longer feel in the mood to tease her. I gaze at her across the tiny table and I _want _her. I stand and help her up, pulling her tantalizingly close. I trace my fingers down her arms whisper soft and murmur into her ear. "I want to take you home meu querido , and feast on you." She does not need to answer. I can hear her little gasp and the way her heart races as I brush my lips along her cheek and down her neck. I guide her from the restaurant and to the car, but she is the one who attacks _me._

In my arms, she is kissing me, and pressing her softness to me, with her sweet declarations of love. "Stefan, I love when you talk to me like that." She breathes against my ear. "That's just so sexy. It makes me want to do sinful things with you." She nips along my jaw and down my throat. We are in a public parking place and can be easily observed. I do not want to share even the smallest sight of her with anyone else. I pull away from her and help her into the car. The GPS navigator is unused to the speed I take on the drive home. I'm painfully aware of the way she touches and looks at me on the drive.

I carry her into the house and in seconds we are alone in our room. The sense of urgency is still with me, but I am afraid I will hurt her if I follow my desires and ravish her. Instead I stand still and allow her to work the buttons on my shirt. I fight to calm myself as she kisses me and removes the barriers to out intimacy. Her adoring words of love have brought an idea to me that makes me smile as it grows within me. It calms me enough that I am able to restrain myself as we make love. I am still awed how something that requires such restraint can be so amazing. She seems to grow more beautiful by the day, and it astounds me that I have somehow made her happy.

Later, I hold her as she snuggles against me and falls asleep. Her warmth and her heartbeat alone keep me mesmerized for hours. Each time she turns in her sleep there is something new to observe in the dim light filtering into the room from the bathroom. I memorize the way her hair fans out over the pillow and the way the diffuse light plays over the curves of her body. I realize that I have not fallen into the trance state since she arrived, and I am also aware that I will need to feed again soon – much sooner than what is normal for me.

I think about the need to hunt and in the small hours of the morning I slip from the bed. I tap out a message on the computer to let her know, in case she wakes up. I leave the house and drive away from the inhabited area and my usual hunting spots. I am not so thirsty as to be desperate, but after the last time, I want to make sure there is less risk to her.

I drive into the wooded area and hide my car in a stand of trees. Once again I hunt like Carlisle, this time feeding on the wild animals that are no more a match for me than the horse two days prior. I am already feeling unfulfilled with the dietary change, but I know how my red eyes keep her constantly aware that I am a killer. For my idea to work, I need for her to forget. Perhaps I too need to forget.

I park the car in the garage before the first light of dawn and wander through my own gardens. I pick several dozen summer blooms and carry them inside. I move silently around the house, finding antique vases to hold the flowers and several other things I need for what has now moved beyond an idea to a plan. I can still hear her sleeping as I place my finds where they will have the best impact.

I creep back into the room with her and watch her. I have dressed in a way she appreciates, with my shirt partially unbuttoned. I even roll the sleeves a bit as I have seen Carlisle do. As the sun rises, I see her become restless and she reaches to where I would be lying if I hadn't left. That she desires me even in her sleep gives me hope that my plan will work.

I hear her wake before she stirs. It is in the rhythm of her heart and breathing, then her eyes open to see me sitting on the edge of the bed. "Good morning alla persona che tiene il mio cuore. I have brought you breakfast."

She sits up and smiles at me. "I wish I could know what all those words mean. But then again maybe I don't want to know. You're probably telling me that my breath stinks and I snore."

I have to laugh at her. I lean over the tray and kiss her, thus proving I do not find her morning breath repulsive. "Do not worry, my words are just trifles. Some day I will be happy to teach you the different languages. It has been a hobby of mine."

"I've already seen how your teaching methods work. Maybe I'll use an online program just to be sure you're telling me the truth." She is smiling playfully and I can tell she has forgiven me for the past evenings prank. She sits up straighter in the bed and begins to eat the fruits I've provided for her breakfast. There are soft rolls she covers in honey and I hear her delicate moan as she closes her eyes to show how much she enjoys them.

As soon a I stand, she sees the vase of flowers on the table beside the bed. "Stefan! They're beautiful." She sets the tray aside to move over and smell the delicate blossoms. "Breakfast in bed... fresh flowers... you better be careful or you're going to spoil me."

I wrap her in my arms and kiss her honeyed lips. "You deserve to be 'spoiled.'" I nuzzle her neck and she smells more fragrant than the flowers. "Perhaps if you are _spoiled_ I will not want to taste you so badly." I lock my eyes onto hers and she laughs as she gets the joke.

"I have some things I need to do this morning. I will be finished by the time you have taken your shower and dressed. Perhaps you can meet me in the library?" I kiss her again and leave her to finish eating and get ready for the day. I make some last minute preparations and pace the hallway waiting for her. I hear her shower and dress, then I race down the stairs to turn on the music. I can hear it echoing up the staircase and it's hauntingly beautiful. It feels like I have waited hours to see her and yet I am startled when she steps from our room. She wears a simple dress in a light violet blue and sandals. She is lovely and I watch her come down the hall toward me before she realizes I am waiting for her.

I step out of the alcove by the window that held her fascination just days ago. I pull her to me and she is startled that I am waiting, and she sees there are several vases of flowers arranged around the window seat. When I kiss her, I can feel her accelerated heartbeat.

"Please sit down Summer." I guide her to the window seat and she looks up at me with her wide blue eyes. "I have been trying to decide what to do with you." Wrong! How is it that I can choose just the right words to sway a crowd to follow me and yet I cannot find the words to tell her what I want to say? "What I mean to say is, this situation we have found ourselves in is unusual to say the least. I have crossed so many lines with you; broken so many rules..." She looks nervous and she licks her lips and folds her hands together tightly in her lap. I can see I'm scaring her and fight not to pace as I run my hands through my hair in exasperation.

"Summer, I want you to be mine... I mean more than just physically. I mean I love that... but that's not the point... I want something more!" I follow the script that was written in the time of chivalry. I drop to one knee before her and take her hand in mine. "Summer, I want you to be my wife! Would you do me the honor of pledging your troth to me?" I cannot help but look up into her startled eyes. I bring her fingers to my lips and she gasps.

"Did I hear you right? You want to marry me?" I cannot read her face, but her heart is racing. "You know I love you Stefan. But why do you want to marry me?"

I feel frozen where I kneel. She is not following the rules! It is a simple question and she should give me a simple answer, not a complicated question! "That is how it is done. I want to make you respectable, to give you my name and make you my wife. I have no intention of letting you go. It is only what is proper. I cannot ask you to continue to offer up your body like some kind of... harlot; you deserve better than that."

Her face is confused and her eyes are sad. She withdraws her hand from mine and bows her head. "Stefan, I would love to say yes. But this isn't right; you've missed something very important." I see the tears drip into her lap and I have no idea what I have done wrong. The ring! Of course, women these days place a great deal of importance on the ring; even more than when it became common practice.

"But I have rings for you to choose from – you can have whichever one you want!" I pull out the box and open it for her to see. Inside there are six rings, and all are antique and beautiful but with different stones set into them. She barely glances at them. Instead she looks at me and wipes her tears.

"Stefan, it's not about the ring. And I don't care about what's right or proper either." She lays her palm on my face as her sad eyes meet mine. "I love you. I would gladly marry you for the right reasons." She wipes away more tears that have escaped her eyes. "You've told me of your desire to possess me, and you've told me of decency and propriety. But what about love Stefan? How could you ask me to marry you if you don't love me?"

I have no comprehension of this woman! I offer her my name. My wealth and a place in my home, and she asks for the impossible! I am finally motivated to rise. I pace before her and restrain myself from pulling my hair out by handfuls.

"Love!" I snarl, startling her. "What good is love? Love is a fiction! Love is a trap for the weak! Love is a Trojan horse that brings the enemy to attack you from within! I want to marry you. _Love.._.? It does not matter!"

She leaps to her feet stopping my pacing. "It matters to _me_! I don't care about the trappings; the house, the money, the jewelry... even the respectability you want to offer. I care about _you_ Stefan. I love _you_! Without it none of this makes any sense! If I didn't love you I would have gotten on a plane and left forever! I stay because I love you. I put my life at risk because I love you. I sleep with you because I love you. And there will never be another man for me, or another chance for me to be happy, because I love _you_!"

She is stunning. Her eyes sparkle, her cheeks are flushed, she waves her arms to emphasize her points, and her hair fans around her as she turns during her tirade. She is passion! I want her with every fiber of my being, and yet she has named a price that staggers me. Love. I go to her, pull her to me and kiss her with as much force as I dare. I do not relent and in seconds she is yielding in my arms. I want to take her and prove to her she is mine. I consider commanding her to obey me and marry me. And still there is the temptation to turn her; to show her that love is nothing but a lure for heartbreak.

"Marry me Summer. Be mine. I will give you everything. I will find a way to make you happy." I whisper my invitation to her as I hold her close.

She struggles out of my arms. "Stefan, you already have me. I don't plan on leaving you. I'm not holding my love hostage until you proclaim that you feel the same for me. I did hope that someday you would feel that way about me too, but nothing has changed. There is no reason for us to get married if you don't love me." She is sad again and I cannot help but feel it is my fault.

"Why can you not understand Summer? It is dangerous for me to love you. I have given in to such foolish temptations in the past, and they have all ended badly. Everyone I ever loved is dead! And I don't mean of old age; they all died before they should have, because I loved them. They are all gone!"

Her laughter is bitter. "Oh get over yourself! I've listened to the sad stories you told me, and I get it Stefan. You're afraid. You have had to say goodbye to people you love. Well guess what? You don't hold a monopoly on loss and heartbreak. You want to compare numbers? Yes I'm sure you have lost more, but you've lived a hell of a lot longer than I have! In my 23 years I've lost _everyone._ I have no one Stefan – no one but you.

"But if you want to be afraid and refuse to let down your defenses because you fear you will lose me, then you're right. I'm going to die. And if I'm lucky I'll die young. I want you to ask yourself one question." She advances on me until we are nose to nose. "You have been around for hundreds of years. You have taken thousands of lives to sustain your own. Ask yourself this my love: Is life worth living without the courage to love? Tell me what else makes existence worth while?"

Her eyes challenge me, then she turns to walk away and I catch her hand. "Summer please." I pull her back to me. "You are right. I am afraid. But it is more than fear. You have lost everyone, and you're alone. I think we both understand how that feels. But you are _blameless._ My family died because of me. And those I dared to love... I murdered! Tessa, Cecilia, and Danial... I loved them and I killed them. I wanted forever and I had little more than a year with each of them. The guilt is sometimes more than I can stand. I do not know if I will ever be able to love you like you deserve. You are determined to remain human until you grow weak, but how can I watch you die if I love you? Why would you ask me to do that?"

There are tears again and this time I have to wonder if they are hers or a reflection of my sadness. She moves into my arms and we stand embracing each other and I feel her sobbing against my chest. "Just hold me." She whispers as she clings to me. We stand in the hallway with the flowers and rings forgotten. When she finally stops crying she kisses me. I feel her draw in a deep breath and exhale. "Yes." She smiles at me, and wraps her arms around my neck to pull me close. "Yes, I'll marry you Stefan."

As soon as I realize what she has said, I smile and hold her tight. I want to twirl her around but I know I would hurt her. "Do you mean it Summer? You'll marry me and be my wife? I don't know why you changed your mind and I don't care! When? I mean how soon?" I feel suddenly overwhelmed. I feel... _joy_! I eagerly sit on the window seat and pull her onto my lap. I anxiously show her the rings again. "I can tell you the story behind each of these. They are highly valuable, or if you prefer I will gladly buy you something new... whatever you want il mio fidanzato!" I tell her the story behind each ring and she seems impressed. I am surprised by the one she chooses. It is the smallest, and the stone is a one carat pale blue oval diamond. The setting is ornate filigree and when I slip it onto her finger it fits perfectly. The ring looks made for her and she seems pleased. I want to carry her back to the bedroom and make love to her except there is a sound intruding.

I set her down and hurry to answer the delivery at the gate. I carry the packages up the stairs and find her in our room waiting for me. I set the boxes on the floor and go to her. Summer is now my beautiful fiance, and the boxes go unopened and unnoticed while we make love.


	19. Chapter 19 Many Happy Returns

Chapter 19

Many Happy Returns

I am stunned. Every time I move my hand it catches the light and reflects it around the room. Engaged. I can't believe it. He wants to marry me. A part of me is overjoyed, but the realist keeps telling that part to shut up. He wants to marry me because it's written on who he is, because it's just the way things are done. We've gotten several things backward and mixed up, but he feels that marriage will set it straight. I've gone from fear, to attraction, to confusion, to denial, to love, and intimacy, and now he wants marriage.

He doesn't say he doesn't love me, instead he scoffs at love. He says it doesn't matter, but what really doesn't matter is the marriage I've agreed to. Nothing will change except that I will belong to him on paper. Still, it's worth agreeing to be his wife just to see him happy. I find that I can't deny him a thing, and that should scare me. But it doesn't. In some ways he's right; love is a trap, and I'm caught tight. I feel this almost desperate need to make him happy, like I can make up for fifteen hundred years of heartbreak.

But there are some rare glimpses of the man. Not the monster he's acquiesced to becoming, but the human side of him. It's in his golden eyes. I know he fed on animals to keep me from seeing his red gaze. Maybe it is to manipulate me, but that he is willing to go to that length for me gives me hope. It's in his childlike glee over my agreement to be his wife. This isn't just a convention for him no matter what he says, and I don't even think it's about possessing me. The simple fact is, I love him.

The flowers are starting to wilt, but they go unnoticed in the new arrangement of our room. The flat TV is sitting on his antique dresser and the DVD player is hidden inside a drawer. We sit in a loveseat he's moved in and watch movies until my eyes dry out.

I think he's addicted. I thought he would enjoy the historical dramas I chose, but they only made him angry. He shouted at the screen and pointed out every historical error and inaccuracy to the point that they are impossible to watch with him. Instead he is more of a guy than I ever would have thought. He loves Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee, insisting that 'Bruce must be one of our kind,' and Jackie must have been taught by one. He loves movies where things blow up and men outrun or dodge bullets. Also the ones that have what he calls 'good lines.' He drives me nuts with "I'll be back!" from the Schwarzenegger movies. Every time he walks away from me he says it, and he sounds exactly like the governor. He loved all the Star Wars movies, and he is convinced that the writer must have had the Volturi in mind when he created Darth Vader. He does like personal stories of triumph like Breaking Away and Remember the Titans, but sad stories make him introspective and quiet.

When we're not watching movies we're exploring restaurants, shopping, and looking at tourist attractions. All this is for me of course; his way of trying to keep me interested and fill my too short life with memories. I keep trying to tell him it isn't necessary, but each day he has something planned to show me – some part of his adopted homeland. And of course he's insisting that I learn the language. He's a good teacher, but his hearing picks up every nuance of a word and he will insist I repeat something until it's perfect. I would tell him where to step off if he didn't show such delight when I get it right.

He's already having my wedding gown designed. I have no idea why, since a public affair would be pointless even if it were possible. We have set a date. It's October 16, when my gown will be finished and his chosen honeymoon destination will be at it's best. I tried to encourage him to go for Halloween, but he doesn't appreciate the humor of a vampire wedding on that date. It's hard for me to get excited about a wedding, since I'm really only going through it for him. Every time he suggests a detail for the wedding I simply smile and agree.

I've even seen him looking at wedding sites online though he insists they came up accidentally. I wanted to show him that I can go back and look at all the sites he's visited, but he already knows I know he was lying. Some of the things he wants to do for a wedding surprise me since he knows the historical significance of each tradition. I know I won't be wearing a veil on that date, since it indicates a virginity which is long gone, even though he was my first. I would be happy to just let things stay the way they are: No new language, no sightseeing, and no wedding. I guess I have no room to criticize him for refusing to change.

His own new wardrobe has arrived and it's almost heartbreaking for me to see him dressed so differently. He is so beautiful to me, and the custom cut of his clothes gets my attention every time I see him. His looks are not lost on other women either, and when we go out I have to fight hard not to become jealous over the looks and even the propositions he receives.

More than just his clothes have changed. Physically he's different from when I first saw him. His skin and eyes have changed most notably, but there's also a vitality to him that was missing before. I would never mistake him for a statue today. It's as if he is more alive.

He has taken to the computer very well. I know he sends messages to his house mate Vladmir, though he hasn't told him about me. He gives me updates on where his friend is in the world and I try not to worry what it will be like when he returns. He has an account on Facebook, and his friend recommended a group to join. It seems 'his kind' have their own group where some of them keep in touch. They write in Latin among themselves, which I find so appropriate – a dead language for the living dead. Even Stefan understands that joke.

He has such a dry sense of humor and I sometimes miss his joking entirely with his deadpan delivery. And there are times I want him to understand a joke and I'll have to stop and explain the whole meaning behind it while he looks at me in complete incomprehension – then he'll laugh like crazy long after the moment's passed. A couple times I think he understood perfectly and was only playing with me.

It feels like we've spent a lot of time just learning about each other. Because I'm with him all the time, it's as if we have crammed many months worth of dating into our time together. And I love him, even more than before now that I can see who he really is beneath his beauty.

A few days ago I put on a bathing suit and sunbathed in the yard. I had left him inside with the computer, browsing some site on history or politics; which are his favorites. The lawn is very private and except for the handful of days each month when a lawn service comes to mow and maintain the landscape, it's like my personal paradise. I was lying on a blanket with the ties of my bikini unfastened, feeling the sun warm my back, nearly asleep. I didn't hear or see him, but somehow I knew he was there. I opened my eyes and he was lying next to me, just looking at me. It always takes my breath away to see what the sunlight does to his skin. His face was radiant, making my ring seem dull in comparison. He had come to warn me that the workmen were due to begin repairs on the parts of the mansion that were damaged in his fight with Carlisle. Still when I touched his face he was warmed by the sun, and his fingers were also warm as he tied up my bathing suit for me.

When the contractors came to do the work, Stefan asked that I stay out of the areas where they were working, and I agreed. "I would not want to have to kill any of the men for being improper with my fiance," he joked. At least I hope it was a joke, but with Stefan I am never entirely sure.

The work is finished now and I can go into the basement again if I want to. He has given me permission to look through the boxes and crates around this enormous place and I have spent a little time trying to find the paintings Daniel painted. I've found the ones that Vladmir painted, and I disagree with Stefan; they're actually pretty good. Maybe he was just saying they're good only by human standards. Vladmir seems to like bright colors, which gives his paintings an animated look.

I find that in my explorations I need to be very careful, as some of the boxed and crated things haven't been touched for decades, maybe even longer. I've seen evidence of insects and larger vermin, and I wonder if I find the paintings, will they still be recognizable. I recommend to Stefan that he and Vladmir should have their collections appraised by an antiques dealer. Not necessarily to have them sold, but to get an accurate inventory of what they have and better preserve what they'd like to keep. He only laughs at the suggestion.

I have been with Stefan for almost a month. It's a month that has changed my life, and yet I think I have changed him more. Not just his looks, but his golden eyes tell me that he is hunting animals exclusively. I've learned to discern the intensity of the color to know when he's hunted while I was sleeping. I hate that he kills. I can't help but mourn the animals he's feeding on, but at least it's better than thinking that a human being has died the eight times he's fed since Lucien. I know I've caused that change in him. I remark on his beautiful golden eyes at least daily, and I'm pretty sure he understands why.

One other change is in our lovemaking. The box is almost empty. The one thing that embarrassed him so much in the beginning now concerns him as it relates to my safety. He talks about buying a second box; one hundred more barriers between us, and I assure him that it's unnecessary. I've looked up the specifics on my own birth control and I know I've got almost three months. I think I hate them even more than he does and I am looking forward to their absence. Funny how even with his old-fashioned sensibilities, he has not given up our times together. The attraction that drove us together is still strong between us and shows no sign of letting go.

I have contacted my friends in California and let them know that I'm not planning on returning any time soon. The loft I shared with dad belongs to me, and one of my best friends offered to go in and clean and pack it up. I accepted the offer, warning that the fridge will likely be a mess. I share that I've met someone and we are planning a wedding, which gets me a flurry of messages to my email account. How did I so easily forget the number of good friends I have?

It's these emails that make me believe that maybe a wedding will be possible. I mention to Stefan how my friends might want to come to our wedding. "As guests or part of the menu?" He asks without cracking a smile. Sometimes his jokes are just so _bad_ and yet I have to laugh because I know he is teasing me.

Yesterday we went to the vet to pick up the dog Aro. It is still recovering and limps around the yard with bandages around it's middle and it's leg needing to be in a cast for a few more weeks. I've taken over caring for the animal and made friends with it. Now that he no longer sees me as a threat or an intruder, I have no trouble petting him and being around him. Fortunately he is well behaved enough he doesn't require a cone to keep from licking his wounds.

It's the dog I hear that makes me feel uneasy. Stefan has gone to his post office box because he is waiting for new DVD's. He's looking forward to watching a series of movies I recommended – Indiana Jones. He is never gone longer than an hour, unless he's hunting, which he does late at night. He's made me breakfast and it's on a tray with a note to tell me where he's gone. I'm happy to see his note, in his careful calligraphy instead of a text message on the computer. I finish and set the tray aside and step into the shower. I'll have to check to see what's got Aro so disturbed when I'm dressed for the day..

The dog is quiet as I step out and I put on another sundress, since it's warm today and Stefan seems to like them especially. I take time to dry my hair, brushing it into the long, loose waves he likes. Sometimes it bothers me that I have given over so much of myself to him. But I've discovered that some things just don't matter when I consider how happy such small changes make him. I pick up the book I've been trying to read for days and settle back onto the bed. The sound at the door snaps my head up and I smile at him.

The smile dies on my face as the man in the doorway is not Stefan. He leans casually against the recently repaired door frame and at first I think it's Carlisle. Gray slacks, pink shirt, silk tie, pale skin, and blond hair. But red eyes! He's taller than Carlisle, and his smile is more a parody than the real thing. I've heard him described enough and I whisper his name before I can catch myself. "Vladmir."

Before another thought has time to form he is beside me, sitting casually on the edge of the bed with his arm around me not so casually. He inhales deeply as his other hand combs through my hair and ghosts down my cheek, finding it's way to my throat. "Sweet Goldilocks, I think you have found your way into the wrong story." He smiles at his humor and I'm painfully aware of the threat those smiling teeth are to me. His voice is deep and rich, and with an accent that darts in and out of his words. His arm around me is immovable as I try at first to free myself.

"Of course I had to wonder why there was porridge in my house. But the chairs have indeed been tested and one is indeed broken. And the beds have been tested, and now here you are in Baby Bears bed. Too late for Goldilocks to run away. In this story the bears will have a much better meal than cold porridge." He laughs loudly at his own joke. He pulls my head back to better expose my throat.

"Stefan!" It's all I can think to say, a one word prayer that he would hear me and come to my rescue. Vladmir pauses and looks at me.

"So Goldilocks knows the names of the bears. Interesting. You'd better speak now little girl since you don't have long to live." He doesn't loosen his grip on me, but he lets go of my head and I can breathe a little easier.

"I've been here almost a month, and Stefan knows I'm here. I'm his... I love him. Please don't do this, it'll only hurt him. He's coming right back and he'll tell you I'm not lying."

He presses his nose against my throat. "Oh, I believe you. But you see, you obviously know too much, and I'm afraid that's just not allowed." I feel his lips brush my skin. "There's something about you that's just so... _irresistible._ You're not singing my song, but..." His lips press against my throat.

"Please Vladmir wait." He stops and raises his head to look at me. "I can't stop you; I know that. But don't hurt him, please. Hide my body and don't let him know it was you. Lie to him and tell him it was the Volturi. You're the only friend he has; please don't ruin that. Just don't let him know it was you who killed me."

He lets me go, and I fall back against the bed. He is pacing he room. "You _do_ know him, and if that's not love then it's madness! Who _are _you?" He takes in the room and seems to notice the computer, the TV and all of my things for the first time.

"My name is Summer Browning, and I'm from California. I came to look at this house because my grandmother once lived here. He almost killed me too, but instead he took me captive. We are attracted to each other like magnets His friend Carlisle came and explained what was happening..."

"Wait! Carlisle came here? What did he look like?" He doesn't believe me.

I smile. "He looks like you, only shorter, and his eyes are gold, and his face is rounder. He's warm, and kind and calm."

"What did Carlisle do here?" He is suddenly interested in my every word.

"He examined me and asked me a lot of questions. He observed me and Stefan together. Then he fought with Stefan and took me away from him. He borrowed your car and drove me to the airport and told me to get on a plane and never come back here. He warned me that Stefan wanted to turn me." My words drop his jaw just a bit.

"Why are you here then?" He comes closer to me, like he wants to study me.

"I couldn't leave. I don't want him to turn me, but I couldn't stand the thought of never seeing him again. I was already in love with him." He sits on the edge of the bed again, just looking at me.

"Are you lovers?" My blush answers his question better than I can. "Fascinating!" He looks at me closely. "Is he in love with you?" My head drops and I can feel tears suddenly in my eyes.

"He says love is a trap for the young and foolish. He wants to marry me, but I don't know why." I wipe the tears away.

He looks at me strangely and smiles. "You really do know him. He's been building those walls for hundreds of years, and you've gotten past them in one phase of the moon. I never would have though it was possible." The bed shifts as he moves closer.

"You are such an alluring girl, Goldilocks." He touches my hair. His red eyes are burning so intensely and so close to mine. "Your heart beats so strong." He is in my personal space, hovering over me in a way that makes me want to run, but I know he would catch me.

"You make love with him. I have never taken a human lover... I've never even been tempted... until now." His kiss is not soft enough and I feel bruised. His scent is sweet, but there is a difference I notice and it makes me want Stefan more. He pulls back suddenly, looking at me in confusion. "What are you? I would _never _steal his woman!" I open my mouth to try to explain, but his eyes narrow in anger and I feel his mouth once again on my throat.

"No please!" I feel his lips sealed on me, his tongue and the venom on my skin.

"NO!" The graze of his teeth stops before it breaks my skin as he is yanked back by a strong arm around his throat. Stefan! I'm torn between wanting to run to him and needing to flee from the one who still looks as if he wants to finish me. I'm limited on where I can go since they have the door blocked. I retreat to the far corner of the room where I cower and watch them struggle.

"Stefan, let go of me, I won't hurt the girl... trust me." Stefan loosens his arm from around his throat and I scream as Vladmir lunges across the bed toward me.

"**STOP!**" His command reaches Vladmir an instant before he is able to grab him and fling him back toward the doorway where he destroys the newly repaired wood. Stefan wraps me in his arms, almost bruising me himself.

Vladmir steps slowly back into the room and looks at us. "So _brother_, you've finally let a woman come between us." He makes no move to come closer.

"You lied me. To _me_! How can you accuse me of failing our friendship when you manipulated me so casually?" I hear the hurt in his voice.

"I didn't lie. I wouldn't have hurt her; it would have been painless. It still can be if you'd just see reason. Talk about manipulation – _she _is manipulating _you_! Stefan, stop being a fool and end this. She is trouble. Haven't we had enough trouble in our lives?"

"You don't understand Vladmir. I promised I'd protect her. She's mine... "

"She's _human _Stefan. Oh she has an allure, I'll grant you that, but she's so frail. And if she won't let you turn her then she's dangerous. Haven't you learned? We're not strong enough if they move against us. I won't be able to protect you if they come for you. You saved me from myself once, is it my turn to return the favor?" He steps closer, and his crimson eyes are on me.

"Stop! Don't come any closer Vladmir. Don't force me to fight you."

He laughs; a deep, full sound like the bass notes of an orchestra. "You think your command will work on me?" He takes another step. "Give her to me, old friend." He beguiles. "She's not good for you. Already you're feeding on animals; weakening yourself for her. Her blood will make you strong again. She's dangerous to you – to _us._" He reaches for me and Stefan turns, pulling me out of his reach.

"She's mine. You don't understand – she is not manipulating me. Get away from her Vladmir, I will fight you for her!"

"Why? What is she that you would go against everything we are? All these centuries I've known you and you would test our friendship over... a _girl?_ Stefan, I have to believe that she has bewitched you somehow." I hear his voice drop. "Summer, you know you need to come to me." I feel his words crawl up my spine and reverberate in my head. It is the truth; I _need _to go.

I step away from Stefan before he realizes, and then I'm in Vladmir's arms. I feel his hand on the back of my head, holding me still and in place... "Just like Lucien – Oh god!" I look at Stefan as he recognizes what Vladmir has in mind for me.

He drops to his knees. "Please! I'm begging you, don't do this!"

"What has she done to you?" He looks down in shock and confusion.

"Nothing... Everything... I need her Vladmir!" He looks up at us. "I love her." He looks stunned. "Oh god, I _love _her Vladmir! I'm in love with you Summer – God help us both!"

He lets go of me. In an instant I'm in his arms, holding him and kissing him through exchanged 'I love you's' and apologies. He pulls me up from the floor and we stand together. There are tears in my eyes and a smile on my face and I hold him as tightly as I can as they face each other.

"This can't work, you know that don't you? You couldn't save her from me, what do you think the Volturi will do? They won't be content to merely end _her._ Stefan, you are my brother and you're putting your own life at risk." Vladmir looks at me then and my smile disappears. "Summer, be reasonable. If you love him you should take Carlisle's advice – leave and never come back here. They will kill you. They will kill you both."

"Enough! You don't know that, Vladmir. She's not a threat to them."

"But _you_ are. You know how they work, Stefan. She is an excuse they will use to finish you. They've lost too much to the Cullen's and we have always been against them. They know without you I am not even worth their notice. They know you have the power to turn any confrontation between our kind and they would like nothing better than an excuse to send you to the flames."

His words aren't working on Stefan, but they are working on me. I feel the truth of what he's saying and I can't help but feel that I'm sentencing the man I love to death. "I'll go." I'm already anticipating the loneliness that will crush me as soon as I tear myself away from him.

"No, you're not going anywhere, amore della mia vita. Vladmir, they don't need to know about her. We are away from all the others and they have no reason to even think anything has changed. If they find out I'll take her away and hide her." He holds me possessively.

"So old friend, you would make me complicit in your crime. Your reasoning would certainly delight Aro; two for the price of one. Where do you think you could take her to hide? Demetri can track you anywhere." He sits down by the computer, toying with the mouse to wake it up. "You're wrong too about no one having a reason to suspect anything has changed. This is why I came home early. Stefan entering the modern age is noteworthy to me, I only wonder if it's as interesting to any of the others."

He looks up at me and smiles. "You've been busy. I have no idea how you've gotten him to change when I've been trying for the last ninety years." He glances at the screen . "Of course, a word processor – why didn't I think of that?" He stands again and comes close as Stefan pulls me protectively away.

"Relax Stefan, you know I won't hurt you. If Goldilocks means that much to you then I can't hurt her either." He puts his arm around Stefan's shoulder and pulls him into a hug. When his other arm comes around me I'm wary, but feel he's trying to include me. We stand together in a three way hug and both of their heads are together. "I've missed you Stefan. You're the only family I've got. We'll find a way around this. They won't win, I promise." He kisses him on both cheeks, then he kisses me too; a light brush on each cheek as Stefan stands guard.

He looks me in the eyes. "Summer, you need to always stay with him as long as I'm here. You tempt me like a siren when you're alone, but now it's not much at all." He smiles warmly at both of us. "Let's go someplace where we can talk, we have a lot of catching up to do, obviously." He notes the stack of DVD movies on the way out. "Unbelievable!"

Before we even begin the conversation he asks what happened to the dog, Aro. We have to go and check on him and he's overjoyed to see Vladmir. Stefan tries to apologize but Vladmir brushes away his apology when he hears how I forced him to have the dog treated. He's also surprised that the dog accepts me so completely.

We finally go to the library and Stefan pulls me onto his lap as Vladmir sits close . "This is going to take some getting used to, Stefan. You look so different. Your eyes and your skin, and the clothes – Armani suits you very well. She has good taste." His smile is genuine and I can see why people like him.

"I know you've traced my travels around the world for the last couple weeks, but before that I have made some interesting contacts. There were many of our kind who witnessed the retreat of the Volturi in Washington and I have been able to locate at least a dozen who have been in hiding since then. I've been able to get a little support for our cause from them, but you know how hard it is getting a definite commitment from anyone. Everything is conditional. Of course one of the things that seems to be universal is that no one trusts the Volturi. The way they handled Irina as well as how they all went against the Cullen's. I do believe that family is the key to bringing down the Volturi. They are more highly regarded than the Volturi and I think next time there will be more support rather than just witnessing.

The conversation takes many different twists and turns. Often they talk about things that confuse me and leave me in the dark, but it's fascinating to watch them together. I know that if either of them had been female I would likely be witnessing a marriage relationship, they are so close. In many ways they are as different as night and day, and yet they balance each other out, like opposite sides of the same coin. I love watching Vladmir. He's so animated in everything he says and does, and I laugh at jokes and stories even if I don't understand the humor. By contrast Stefan is so reserved and deep, but nothing gets by him. He's the perfect straight man to their duo, the one who sets up his jokes and asks just the right questions during his stories. It's like watching a dance; Stefan is the one who leads, but Vladmir is the flamboyant showman. I feel a strange guilt knowing I've come between them.

Then he turns his questions to me. He asks me about my life and how I've managed to convince Stefan to give technology a try. He has a way of opening me up with his smiles, the look in his eyes, and even the way his body moves in anticipation of an answer. He's got charisma to spare and I find myself warming to him even though hours earlier he wanted to kill me. Maybe he still does.

From technology we talk about movies and before I know it we are laughing and joking like I am one of them. As soon as Vladmir finds out we were planning on watching Indiana Jones next he insists that we watch it together. "You're going to love this Stefan; it's so much fun!" Because Vladmir is so taken with the new flat panel TV we go to our room to watch. I sit next to Stefan on the love seat and Vladmir stretches out on the bed, which makes him seem uncharacteristically human to me. When Stefan tries to point out the historical inaccuracies of the movie, it is Vladmir who shushes him. We watch the first two of the series and I am the one to break up the party; I'm hungry.

It is Vladmir who suggests we go out to lunch together. And he drives the beautiful red Ferrari, insisting that I sit next to him. "I have never driven this car with a beautiful woman beside me." He flashes me a smile that would have easily won his choice of women to ride with him. As we ride, I reach back to hold Stefan's hand in my right as we speed through the town.


	20. Chapter 20 Problem Solved

Chapter 20

Problem Solved

He must have lost his mind! I thought I had seen Stefan at his most passionate while we were building our empire, but it is nothing compared to what she has done to him. She is beautiful and alluring, and I would never confess that I desire her myself. Never would I act on such a thought – I feel dirty just thinking it. The girl truly does inspire physical attraction, but Stefan has gone beyond the physical. He loves her. Of course I forced him to admit it with my threats. It amazes me that I knew even before _he _did the depth of his feelings for her. That he was willing to _change _for her was the biggest red flag, but the panic I saw in his eyes when he first discovered me with her told me all I needed to know.

Still I wish I had killed her the first minute I saw her. It's not because there is something wrong with her, or even the influence she has on him; it is her refusal to be changed. She's human, and she insists she will stay human, and that could get him killed. Me too if I'm honest – not that I have ever been accused of being honest. Still, it is that very talent which will save me. It's my ability that will give me plausible denial when it comes to how much I know. I consider turning her myself, and though he has begged me not to, I have not ruled that out as an option.

Alive Summer is all kinds of trouble, from her need to eat to her knowledge of our secrets. We are working on a plan that might save them. They have shared the fear of her illness with me and I imagine it will be at most forty years before she is no longer a problem. The Volturi have been known to go much longer before investigating an issue, and if we're careful he could indeed get away with keeping her for that time. But the risk kills me. I won't lose him! We call one another brother, and that is close to how we feel. But we have shared over a thousand years and brother in no way encompasses the depth of our relationship. I love him. Of course not in a mated or sexual way, but he is Damon and I Pythias – I would die for him.

I feel so torn. I plot against her in my mind, and yet she delights me. She has taken my warning to heart and she never even steps out of the room without him. I can't begrudge him the happiness she has given him, he is almost a different person. I watch them together and I feel the double edge of a sword pierce me. He deserves to be happy, as does she after so many losses in her too-short life. I watch them together and it's easy to recognize that they truly love one another. And though I am happy for them, I feel empty myself.

I'm surprised that she has not tried to pull him away from me. We still talk and discuss like always; the girl truly does understand friendship. But she has added something as well. She listens to us, and in some ways I wonder if it was always missing – an audience. Our tired jokes, and stories have found new ears to hear, and she never grows tired of listening to us.

Of course she does grow tired, and when I first saw it I was caught off guard by her yawning and drooping eyes. And when Stefan took me aside and asked if I would mind going for a drive for a bit I was more than confused. It only became clear when I watched her wrap her soft arms around him and kiss him. He wanted time alone with her. Time alone not witnessed by supernatural hearing. And so I start my nightly ritual of driving. When I come back we can spend the rest of the evening as we always have when it was just the two of us. Unless one of us needs to hunt. He needs to go much more often than I do, whether owing to his animal diet, or what I suspect is his increased liveliness, I'm not sure. On hunting nights he asks me to leave as well – neither of us trust me alone with her.

It is on one of these drives that I find the idea that might just save us. As soon as I return home I hunt online for what I want to show him, and the idea seems perfect as I present it.

"You can't stay here, since they will eventually find out. I've made contacts around the world and it's always possible that someone will have an issue with the Volturi and come to find us. It's possible that they will send someone to check up on us, or that a wanderer will discover us. You can't keep her here." I hate to say it. This has been our home for a hundred years. Much of the stuff that clutters the estate is his as I've traveled much lighter in my lifetime – well except for the modern conveniences.

I show him my computer screen and we both smile. "This could work," he grins. We spend the rest of the night making plans and by the time she wakes up we have a presentation.

I watch him as he details all the problems with our living arrangement. She looks upset as she thinks of the risk he's taking to keep her here. I of course have to let her know that Stefan is not impervious to destruction, even after so many years. Of course my lurid tales of our kind being ripped to shreds by others of our kind, and how their still living parts are then incinerated, even as they attempt to escape from the flames, may have gone a bit too far. I can almost see her imagining him ending in such a way, and the horror on her face tells me she is starting to feel some of my own worry.

"Summer..." I know it's up to me to present the bad news. "You can't stay here. Neither can Stefan if he's with you. It's too dangerous and I can't protect you. The truth is, just like Carlisle told you, there really isn't a place where you can go and never be discovered. As soon as you stay in one place for a couple weeks, they can find you. But right now they don't even know you exist. Carlisle won't tell them and neither will I. But it's too easy for you to be discovered. If we get visitors they will hear your human heart beating even if you hide – just like I did." I watch her face. She knows I'm telling her the truth, and Stefan holds her on his lap kissing her neck in a way that should disturb me, but it doesn't.

She looks confused when Stefan smiles at her. He kisses her cheek and takes over the presentation. "We have a plan mi flor delicada, we will just keep moving and make sure they can never get a true location for us. We can go where they won't find us, and if they do we can make it easy to get away." It's then he hands her the sheets we've printed out. She looks at them one at a time, and the corners of her mouth turn up into a smile.

"I love it! This is a great idea... will it really work?" She looks first to Stefan and then to me.

I gather up the sheets with the photos. "Of course it will work. It's going to take a little time, but I imagine in a week we should be ready to go."

"We?" She looks confused. "You want to come too? But you just got back home, you want to go running off again so soon?"

"Of course. It sounds like fun; I haven't had fun in... well not since the Cullen's sent the Volturi home with their tails tucked." I look at her suddenly comprehending. "Unless you don't want me to come with you? Oh, how thoughtless of me... of course you two want to be_ alone._" They look at each other questioningly.

She startles me with her movements as she slides off of his lap and throws her arms around me. I grip the arms of the chair. "Of course we want you to come with us Vladmir!" She kisses my cheek and my eyes lock onto his. He has to know the affect she has on me. I swallow the venom pooling in my mouth and smile. He eagerly takes her back onto his lap and I try not to notice the scent of passion fruit and orchids that drifts away with her. I know that underlying that scent is a sweeter, richer fragrance than anything she wears.

The plan is a simple one. We'll purchase a yacht and set sail. The only thing we need to do is choose the boat. Stefan argues for a sailing vessel, and I of course want something with fast engines, batteries, and modern conveniences. Summer is the one who pulls us together as she negotiates for a smaller boat with both sails and engines. She points out that much of the luxury of the larger boats will be lost on those who don't sleep, cook, eat, etc. "It might become necessary to get to shore in a hurry if someone becomes hungry," she jokes.

We put our people to work right away to find us just the right boat. They send us several choices and we look at them together and in a couple days we have chosen a fifty foot cabin cruiser with new sails and engines. It has many of the modern conveniences I enjoy, two bedrooms, plus a master I assume the two of them will share. The galley is tiny but should serve her well. We book plane reservations to take us to our new home away from home.

We also need to see about having the house locked up. The cars need to be put in storage, and when I ask Stefan which of us should finish off Aro before we leave she gets upset. I mean I like the animal, but she has truly grown attached; something I never do. She calls the animal doctor and makes arrangements for them to take him and find him a new home. It would have been so much easier for Stefan to have him for a snack, and maybe save him a day before he needed to hunt again.

We all pack up our belongings to get ready for the trip. The plan is to sail from Constanta on the Black Sea, through Marmara to the Aegean and then into the Mediterranean. Stefan wants to show her his human homeland. Of course Stefan and I are both accomplished sailors, and Summer claims to have some experience on smaller vessels. It surprises me how excited she is about the adventure ahead. It takes a lot of work behind the scenes to get everything ready. We have a course laid out that will take us into open water for two days at a time, then put us near land on the third day for food and hunting.

The week passes in a flurry of activity, and we take a chartered plane to the airport nearest our boat. The agent in charge of the sale meets us and takes us to sign the papers and make the official transfer. When we get a look at it Stefan smiles broadly. It sits in it's berth and it is beautiful.

It's named the Ladyhawke and Stefan makes noise about wanting to change it. I'll have to talk him out of it since there is a charming movie by that name I recall. A couple in love is cursed; she is to be a hawk by day and he is to be a wolf by night. The only time they can see each other is in the slivers of time between sunset and sunrise as they change. I still remember when someone asked her who she was, she said 'I am sorrow.' I'm sure he'll appreciate it once he sees the movie.

And of course we will have time to watch. I hope to watch many movies, to keep me distracted from watching _her_. They are so _sweet _it sickens me sometimes. Not that they try, in fact they are quite mature in the way they deal with one another. But they are always touching. I know I told her to stay close to him, and he is overly protective of her, even though he is more likely to lose control than I am.

She reminded me to take my paint supplies. She says she thinks my paintings are good, and she would like me to paint something for her. And he rolled his eyes. I know it is the paintings his Daniel did that have soured him on art. The child was indeed gifted.

As we look around the boat, the agent looks somewhat curious that there will be three of us sailing together, until Summer smiles and refers to me as her brother. With my blond hair perhaps we could seem related. It seems to work magic on the agent who warms to us as she shows us all the features. Summer seems most interested in the interior, Stefan is admiring the sails and the rigging, and I look at the navigation systems. We are all pleased. A few signatures later and we carry our things onto our boat.

The first night we spend aboard the Ladyhawke, we are anchored and tied. As the evening passes and our excitement dies down, I excuse myself for a walk along the water. I don't need to explain to Stefan that I'm giving them privacy; he knows. I can't remember what privacy was like when I had a mate, although I do remember for ordinary people there was no such thing as privacy in a family. Most homes were one or two rooms, and if a man decided to take his woman, well there was just no place to hide. Perhaps that's why the barn became such a popular trysting place.

The black sea is lovely in the moonlight. The waves almost have a glow about them and the soft sand gives the only evidence of my passing. Time to think is not what I need. I know that we are just deluding ourselves that we will be able to outrun our foolishness – or I should say _Stefan's _foolishness.

But no, this isn't just his folly anymore; it's mine as well. She is a part of us now, and we are no longer a pair, but a trio. She belongs to us, and I too love her. Of course not in the romantic way _he _loves her, but like she is my sister, just as she told the agent today. Our kind often leave our families behind in the change. So we tend to choose and create our own relationships. Some of us build covens, and some build families. I have done the coven; now perhaps with them we will enjoy being a family. Summer is my sister. I accept that without question. But one of the things I will keep from my dear sister, is that she will one day become one of us. Of course I know Stefan well enough to know that he also plans to change her. But I will be the one to do it; if she must hate one of us, let it be me.

I know that as much as we love the idea of sailing away from our troubles, they will find us. Our absence will be noticed. In many ways we are damned if we stay and damned if we leave. At least the boat will give us some warning when they come for us. And I have no doubt that they will come for us. Likely just Demetri and a handful of hunters; we are so small in number we hardly warrant a full assault like they did on the Cullen family.

"Scuse me friend... can you spare a little change for a soldier down on his luck?" The wretch staggers out from behind a resort umbrella. I should have smelled him before now, but I've been too deep in thought. He reeks – sweat, filth, alcohol, fish, and illness. He staggers and nearly falls but I catch him. He speaks Romanian and I wrap my arm around his shoulders to support him. He's not as heavy as he looks, owing most of his size to the layers of rags he wears. His heart is beating weakly in his chest and I can tell he hasn't eaten recently.

I carry him to the nearby hotel, passed out in my arms. I don't bother with the normal check in – too many questions. It's easy enough to find an unoccupied room, and I wake him up with a hot shower. He fights me as I remove his rags but he can't win. Clean and naked he collapses onto the bed. I gather up the rags and smile as I leave him locked in the room. An hour later I return and he's still unconscious. I dress him in clean clothes before I wake him up. He comes around, at first belligerent, but he brightens as he sees that I've brought him food. I watch him eat, and I remind him to slow down so he doesn't get sick. It's only after he's finished his meal that I bring out the bottles. I let him choose his liquor, and he chooses the Romanian wine. I set aside the vodka and the whiskey.

As soon as he begins to drink he opens up with his stories. I ask him questions about his life, his time in the military, any family he has, any friends. He doesn't make it long before the wine soaks into his brain and his words slur so badly I can't understand him. I make him comfortable on the bed, and lie next to him. I smooth the hair out of his face and pull him close. I think how sad it is, how people such as this man can go for years without anyone being willing to touch him. I kiss his cheek and hold his hand as he drifts off to sleep.

When I take him, he doesn't even wake up. His blood is tainted with the disease of his liver, but it's sweetened by the fullness of the life he lived before his decline. And the Romanian wine adds it's subtle flavor, or perhaps I just smell it on his breath. When his heart stops I pull every drop from him; I can honestly say I've never accidentally created one of our kind.

After being alive for centuries, I have come to realize that it isn't the venom in us that makes us monsters. Indeed it is the venom that makes us hunger and drives us to instinctively feed on humans. But it is the_ human_ in us that makes us monsters. It is the human that gives us such a casual disregard for life. It is the human side of our nature that still harbors jealousy, greed, fear, hatred and lust for power and control. It is the human that wants dominion over everything. The venom merely gives the human the power to take it.

It makes me sad to see him lying cold and empty in the borrowed bed. It's unfortunate that the one who has treated him better than anyone else recently, is also the one who killed him. I look at him and the corners of his mouth appear to be turned up in a slight smile. Before I leave I write his name and his story on a sheet of paper and leave it next to him. He really was an old soldier, and I want someone to remember him.

When I get back to the boat she is sleeping. He notices immediately that I've fed, but says nothing. I check out all the navigation controls and instruments so that I will know what everything does and how to use it. Stefan uses his laptop computer to write. I wonder how long until he wear out the keys on the little machine. Before I'm finished playing with all the new toys, he disappears into the main bedroom. He seems fascinated with her. I can hear them together; his breath, her breath, and her heartbeat. He really should just change her and get it over with, but he insists she is to stay human.

The sun as it rises is beautiful on the Black sea. I can hear them below speaking softly to one another. It is a sound that goes well with the gentle swoosh of the waves. Eventually they come up, and they make plans to purchase food for the trip. I don't state the obvious, but I know that he will hunt before we leave.

She is again excited as she stands on the deck of the boat and looks out over the increasingly blue sea. "It's so beautiful! It reminds me of home, only I don't think the Pacific is this _blue._" I look at Stefan and I can see he's about to launch into an explanation of the mineral content of the water and the way it interacts with the sun to give it such a deep, rich, color.

I smile as I steal his platform. "It pales in comparison to the color of your eyes, my dear." Her eyes widen at the compliment from me. She still doesn't know what to make of me sometimes. I know she realizes I am still a threat to her, but she has relaxed her guard so long as she's with Stefan. She so completely trusts him to protect her. It is her trust in him that keeps me in line more than anything else. It is unspoken that he expects me to protect her as he would, and it would be a betrayal of my friend if I allowed her to come to harm.

Still it surprises us both when she kisses my cheek at the compliment. The little bit of softness and warmth unexpectedly bestowed on my hard, cold, face, sends a shard of jealousy slicing through me. For just a second I am overwhelmed with the realization that he enjoys her touch, her kisses, her warmth, her lovemaking, and her deliciously fragile human body, yielding and comforting next to him at all times. I turn to face the sea before he can see the guilt I feel over such thoughts.

We spend the early part of the day collecting supplies for the boat. Stefan wants books to read and I look at restocking my paint supplies. Summer insists that he dress more casually than he is used to, even though the white button down shirt is nearly formal by the beach standards. I myself keep covered up as well since our skin is quite distracting in the sunlight. Fortunately with my new blond hair, I can claim I am albino and it also explains the red eyes.

By noon Stefan has left Summer to enjoy the sun on the beach, and gone off to hunt. I keep an eye on her from a distance beneath the safety of a large beach umbrella. I wonder if I will ever get used to seeing people – women especially – wearing next to nothing as they expose their bodies to the sun. I remember days when a woman would be flogged for exposing even her ankles in public. Still the girl is lovely to look at, and her skin becomes a golden brown as she lies on the beach. Her hair even becomes lighter; though I'm sure only my eyes can see the slight change.

I am torn between wanting to be gone – out on the open ocean where we will be safe – and to staying here at the beach where I will not be confronted with them both in such close quarters. The day passes into evening, and we gather back at the boat. We go over our charted route and check the weather reports. There is a perfect window to leave right around midnight, when we will draw the least amount of attention, and all weather threats will have passed. I take one final walk on the beach, allowing them one last precious sliver of privacy.

Like a ghost, I step into one of the casino's and win several hands of blackjack before I become bored. It's easy for me to read what the other players are holding with my superior senses. They may present no 'tell' but I can hear their heart and breathing as well as catch the movements of their eyes. It's an unfair advantage I use shamelessly; even though not always to win. I've lost thousands to players who were interesting to talk with, or seemed especially desperate for the money. Tonight's vacationers are not very sparkling. I win a large sum and pass the winnings out to the wait staff as I leave.

As I approach the boat I can tell they are still... coupling. I turn and head back to the sand and lie back in the soft powder to gaze up at the moon. It's three quarters full and lends enough light I can see the landscape as if it were daytime. In the distance I see bottle nose dolphins leaping through the calm waters. I can see the shimmers below the surface of the fish they chase.

Summer's presence has brought back uncomfortable memories of her – my Sulpicia. It is my memory of her that allows Summer to remain human even though I know it is foolish. Even Stefan doesn't know that I was the one to turn her. I still remember her as the human I'd discovered in a farming area a weeks journey from Volterra. She was on a pilgrimage to the "holy city" and I remember thinking that she would likely be one of those the Volturi fed upon, as so many travelers were at that time. She was traveling with her crippled mother, who was obviously hoping to find healing in the infamous place.

The girl was easily one of the most beautiful human women I'd ever seen. Her pale hair stood out among all those of Mediterranean descent and I wondered where they came from originally. Of course I followed them – stalked them is more the case. I saw the care she took with her mother, and similar kindness to strangers along the way. Her laughter was almost musical, and she often sang as they walked the road. It was easy to see she was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside, and I_ wanted _her.

I joined their group in the evening, and took her place helping her mother along. Releasing her from her burden gave her permission to talk to me, and I discovered that she had a sharp wit as well as all her other qualities. Before much time had passed, I found myself singing along with one of her sweet songs, and it struck me that our voices blended beautifully.

That evening the group bedded down at a campsite along the road to Volterra. I knew that in a few days she would likely be shown to the circular room where the leaders fed. Aside from her extraordinary beauty, she and her mother were both unremarkable and had no one to worry over their passing. They were exactly the kind who would be separated from the rest of the group as they passed by Aro and he took the hand of each petitioner. She didn't know it but she only had days to live.

It was easy to get her attention and take her beyond the camp in a forbidden unchaperoned walk. A girl of marrying age as poor as she seemed, was wise to encourage the affections of a man such as myself, who had means and showed interest. She went with me willingly, with a promise that her virtue was safe with me. I lied. We traveled to a distance where her screams and cries wouldn't be heard, and I bit her. My venom has always been very potent, and the change happened quickly. Before morning, she knew what she was and had already fed. I was shocked at her choice – she'd fed on her own mother!

It was a side of her I hadn't had time to discover. She had been kind and sweet, but she was also practical, to the point of seeming cold and calculating. Her mother was a liability once she made the change, and she ended it. Oh she rationalized it; claiming that no one would carry her mother further and she was too frail to make the trip without her support. But I don't think I ever got over it. Sulpicia had a duality of nature that sometimes caught me off guard and left me in shock. It was that part of her that allowed her to go off into the night with me in the first place. She had a sharp mind for making the best of a bad situation.

Still she was mine. She came to me as a lover almost immediately, and her beauty allowed me to overlook any disquieting feelings I might have against her. In hunting I often look for those who have lived fully and are nearing their end. Sulpicia hunted the weak. It could mean they were old, crippled, ill, or even young and orphaned. She was a lioness when she hunted, seeking those with the least protection. But soon it didn't matter because I was in love with her.

After her change she became even more beautiful, and the things I appreciated in her grew even stronger. Her laughter was enough to quiet a room, and her singing was the most beautiful I'd heard up until Stefan. And she was still kind to those she saw as less fortunate. She once scoured the hills for a family of farmers who had lost their livestock when their fence failed. She brought back each animal and helped them make the fence stronger. And yet it wouldn't have surprised me to see her return that evening to feed on one of them. She ran hot and cold; she loved you or hated you. For a time she loved me.

I thought she shared my dreams, but I was wrong. I discovered Stefan and knew the difference when _he _truly shared my dreams, and was even able to expand on the ideas I'd had I only wish I'd recognized the jealousy in Sulpicia. You would think as beautiful as she was jealousy would be alien to her. There was no one who could compare to her, and I was her devoted servant. She never said a word. She never made it seem as if anything had changed, and she still behaved the same way she always had toward me. Still it was what Chelsea had worked on – that one chink in her armor.

It still hurts. Not the pain of losing her, but that I allowed it to bring me so far down. In looking back, I often wonder how I could have been so surprised. The woman was pragmatic to a fault, and she simply went with the better odds. I can't help but realize she found a soul-mate in Aro, who is arguably one of the most calculating creatures to infest the planet.

Still it's thoughts of my Sulpicia that keep me from transforming Summer. I worry like Stefan that she would be angry and rebellious, and want to leave or harm herself. But more, I worry that the very things which are sweet and charming about her would be magnified to a degree as to become monstrous. I imagine that one of our kind with the ability to draw men to her on a supernatural scale could be a horror beyond any that Daniel ever presented. I have no doubt that the Volturi would be interested in one like that, but would they want to keep her or destroy her? Either way it would destroy Stefan.

When I finally brush off the sand and go back to the boat she is sleeping. We cast off the lines and set out to sea without fanfare. It is a relief to finally be underway.


	21. Chapter 21 Sailing

Chapter 21

Sailing

I wake up in his arms, feeling like I'm being rocked like a baby. At the first mention of sailing off on a yacht I'd imagined having lots of time with Stefan alone. When I found out that Vladmir would be joining us I was a little surprised and disappointed. Not because I don't like him – I actually do like him quite a bit. It's just awkward. It's no problem during the day and we all get along just fine. It's difficult at night when I want to, _need to, _be close to the man I love. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but I like knowing that what we share is private, and no one else shares that part of me. I know he can hear me. Just like Stefan, he can hear the beating of my heart, my breathing and of course any sounds I make.

When we were back at the mansion, I'd taken to singing during some of my personal moments; most often in the bathroom. As soon as I get up out of bed I am the only one who needs to use the bathroom and I begin singing a fairly loud rendition of California Dreamin. I Get dressed and as I climb the steps I'm singing Southern Cross. I stop as I get my first view of the open ocean. It takes my breath away. The water is deep blue and there is no sign of land anywhere. The sails are full with the light breeze and the sun is glowing in the distance.

Vladmir's voice echoes over the water as he picks up the words of the song I'd been singing; "I have been around the world; looking for that woman-girl."

"Who knows love can endure," we sing together.

I sing, "And you know it will..." and he echoes me in his lower baritone. It gives me goosebumps the way he's able to blend his voice with mine. Stefan comes from where he's just secured the sail and wraps me in his arms.

"What is that you were singing?" He looks at both of us.

"It's a song I heard on the radio last time I was in America; Summer knows it too." Vladmir shrugs his shoulders. "I liked some of the words."

I hurry off to use the laptop to bring up the song and lyrics so he can hear it. Because the words scroll across the screen we soon find ourselves singing along. I know Stefan's voice is amazing, but to hear him with Vladmir it almost breaks my heart. It's beautiful and it carries across the water in a way that's haunting. I harmonize with them and have to smile when it seems like we've been singing together for years. I look up several different songs about sailing, and we pass the morning learning to harmonize even when there's only one voice singing the original. I'm delighted how the words to the songs almost force Stefan to use more modern language and contractions.

I pull up one of my favorite songs and this time I'm quiet as they hear the Sound of Silence for the first time. It's not difficult to find a karaoke version and when their two voices blend on that song it sends chills down my spine. Stefan is impressed by the eerie poetry of the song, and I remember another song by Simon and Garfunkel and I pull it up.

"This one reminds me of your friendship." They listen, and I can tell Stefan wants to sing that one as well. It's written for his range and most of it's a solo until the end when Vladmir adds his lower voice. I find tears streaming down my face as they sing Bridge Over Troubled Water; at the beauty of the song, their singing, and the ways I know their friendship has been tested and grown. I leave them looking up music on the computer since I need to eat. I occasionally hear their voices drifting down to the galley and I have to smile. I never would have guessed that they would be able to sing so beautifully.

After one full day of sailing we head for shore. Vladmir needs to buy some things, and after a few hours we are underway again, sailing into the night. His desperate needs surprise me – three guitars and earplugs. "Oh I just know there's a joke or two here, but it's just too obvious! Do you seriously expect us to play these? And do you really think earplugs will help?" I have fun picking on him .

"You doubt? We have lots of time on our hands, why shouldn't we learn something new? And the earplugs, combined with my headphones, are for your bedtime." He smiles and raises one eyebrow suggestively, and I hide my face in embarrassment as soon as I get his reference.

I guess it is a good thing to have something to do since I quickly discover that I can't play cards with Vladmir since my heartbeat and breathing tell my strategy no matter how good I am. And many of the books Stefan brought aren't in English. They have both set about teaching me Romanian, but I still do better with my online programs. The music is actually a great idea.

I'd had some lessons while dad was alive. One of his many friends was a musician and he tried to teach me how to play acoustic guitar. I learned a few chords and how to tune the silly thing, but I never learned a song. For a day I am actually better than they are. But they learn so fast they quickly leave me behind. Not to mention the strings hurt my fingers, but they have no such issues. When we have to go to shore for Stefan to hunt Vladmir buys strings and other things for his guitars. I try to stay far enough away from him that he doesn't feel drawn to me. I slip into a cafe to eat a late lunch since we'll likely leave at dusk again. I replenish my food supplies and wait.

As soon as Stefan returns Vladmir drags us to a hotel restaurant and bar. It's Karaoke night and he wants us to enter the contest. All the hours of practice is worth it since not only do we win the contest, but everyone is enthusiastic about our singing. Vladmir gives the prize money to the busiest waitress in the place and we head back to the boat. "I don't know why you wanted to do that?" Stefan confronts Vladmir once we're safely on board.

"Because it was fun! Because it's something different and I don't feel like stagnating, do you?"

Stefan pulls me into his arms and grins. "No, you're right, it was fun. I don't want to stagnate either."

The next three days drift by in music and sun, and we stop as soon as we clear the Bosporus Strait into the Sea of Marmara. When we leave the boat again Vladmir asks us to take the guitars since there's a storm coming that may delay us for a day. He's so sure of this he rents two rooms in the best hotel in the area. When Stefan returns from his hunt, Vladmir has another of his "anti-stagnation" plans and we take the guitars down to the hotel lounge.

There is no act scheduled, but we sit on the tiny stage like we have every right, with guitars in hand. Before we start to play the manager comes over to us to see what we're up to, and Vladmir clearly uses his ability to convince him that we are supposed to be there. I am stunned as I watch him work what looks like magic to me. By the time he finishes the manager announces our group to the patrons of the bar. We are called Twilight Trio.

When they start playing I can't see how we're going to pull this off. But the first song we do is the one we've practiced the most, and Southern Cross grabs the attention of what has gone from a bar crowd, to an audience. When we do our version of Come Sail Away I'm impressed with how good the rock song sounds on acoustic guitars. The crowd is in the palm of our hands as we sing The Sound of Silence, or I should say, as _they _sing it. I'm so much a background singer I'm considering buying a tambourine. Vladmir leads into a song we've just learned, and several people in the audience start to slow dance as Stefan sings, I Can't Help Falling In Love With You. He looks my way as he sings the beautiful words.

We go through California Dreamin, Closer To Fine, and Blowin In the Wind. They back me up when I sing I Honestly Love You, and I can't help but look at Stefan as I sing. We do All I Have To Do Is Dream, You've Got a Friend, Bridge Over Troubled Water, and Kokomo. Then Stefan nearly drops me to my knees when he turns to me and sings Play Me, a song I haven't heard for years. Tears flow down my cheeks as he sings such descriptive words of us.  
When we leave, the crowd applauds as if we were actual performers. We escape to our rooms as the storm unleashes its fury outside, and Stefan pulls me into his arms and kisses me fiercely. We make love to the sounds of the thunder crashing over the ocean, and the lightening in the darkness highlights his stark beauty.

Vladmir's room is as far from ours as he could get, and Stefan stays with me through the storm. He wants to talk about the little show we put on. He seems excited and it takes me a while to understand why.

"It's like when I used to draw crowds with my oration; only the influence is more subtle. But the influence is there – I never realized music had so much power! It's still about the different volumes and inflections of the voice; and the _words – _Summer, this is amazing! When I heard you sing I wanted to drop the guitar and pull you into my arms!" I love seeing him so passionate about something.

For a second I feel jealous, like I've never felt over Vladmir for introducing him to the music, then I realize that I'm the one who changed him. As surely as if I'd bitten him myself, he is changed. He's no longer the cold killer I met not that long ago. He's no longer stuck in the past, and no longer waiting to... end. I love him so much, but he is so deep, I feel like I keep discovering new layers to him, and I need to keep getting to know him over and over again. There is a definite spark in his golden eyes, and I'm happy that this time I can share his passion with him.

In the morning the rain has passed and we meet Vladmir before we go to a restaurant so I can have breakfast. It seems Stefan isn't the only one who's excited by our singing debut. Vladmir is coming up with ways we can do it again as we travel. Before we go back to the boat we shop for a keyboard, since Stefan wants to learn to play. What we find isn't ideal, but he plans to order one online and have it delivered somewhere along our route.

Once we're traveling again we spend even more time with the music. Stefan is learning how to play the keyboard so fast, and Vladmir tries to coach me on some of the finer points of guitar. They learn music with phenomenal speed, and I find that I'm the one who needs to have sheet music and words printed out since my memory isn't as sharp as theirs. I suggest that I should back out and let them be a duo, but they insist my voice fits with theirs and I'm important. It makes me work harder on the guitar so I can live up to their confidence in me.

Three days later we're docked again and Stefan disappears to hunt. I've noticed that my magnetic pull isn't affecting Vladmir as much now that he's getting used to me. We can hang out together in public, and he's good company. Not to mention I like having the protection if anyone else feels drawn to me. Together we look for a place for the Twilight Trio to sing in the evening before we leave.

When Stefan returns we set up in a hotel lounge and begin with some of our favorites. Stefan has an affinity for Neil Diamond and sings Longfellow Serenade to a room that quiets to hear him. We add Sailing by Christopher Cross, and Stefan sings Open Arms and the only thing that keeps me from crying is the music is difficult to play on acoustic instruments. Stefan encourages me to sing one we've just learned, and I only agree because it gives me a chance to sing with him. The instruments are what's hard, but the crowd loves Need You Now. Vladmir finishes with I'm On Fire, and I think it's a bit of a joke between him and Stefan. The crowd is bigger and the applause louder as we take our leave.

Back on the boat I notice that Stefan has a large box he's picked up while we were on shore. He smiles as we sneak off to our room and he opens it. At first I think it's just a box of white packing material, but then I see it a dress – a fabulous wedding gown to be exact. It's the most stunning creation I've ever seen and he smiles triumphantly at my delight. "I hope you haven't forgotten I want to marry you, Summer." His smile is so beautiful and I remember it wasn't that long ago when he rarely smiled.

"Of course I remember! I was just wondering how it's going to happen, with all the traveling." I hold the dress up to me and imagine walking down the aisle of a big cathedral, or maybe even in tiny little chapel. It doesn't matter to me so long as he's waiting for me at the end of the walk. Maybe we could even get married on the beach or in a garden somewhere. The gown is extravagant and I want to try it on to see if it fits.

"Well, go ahead and see if it fits." As if he read my mind. He looks at me expectantly and I have to laugh.

"Don't you know it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her gown before the wedding? Besides, how did you know what size to order?"

"The same way you ordered my suits, I used your measurements. And if we're talking about luck, don't you know it's bad luck to keep company with our kind? It has a tendency to end badly." He gives me a small guilty smile.

I lay the dress aside and wrap myself in his arms. "I know it's going to end badly; aren't all endings bad? I just hope to have a few amazing years with you until that happens. And even if all I had were the last couple weeks, I'm still happier with you than without you."

"Chanteur de mon âme, I wish you would let me change you. You speak of years as if that's a long time, but I want you for decades – centuries even. If you knew how deeply I loved you, you would never make me say goodbye to you. I had Tessa for less than a year, and she still haunts me I knew Cecilia for less than two years and she nearly tore my heart out. Summer, if I marry you, and spend years with you, I won't be able to say goodbye. You have to know that if you don't join me, then I might join you." I see the raw pain on his face and know that he believes what he's saying. But I'm not willing to go there.

"Stefan, you can't decide to live or die based on someone _else._ If you had ended it after Tessa or Cecilia, I never would have found you." I am fighting not to cry; I hate how the tears seem to be my first response.

"You cannot possibly believe that I will find another love after you. Summer, I was almost dead when you came along. My body heals. You can wound me almost any way and this body will repair itself. But _I _don't heal! I grieve my losses, magnified by the number of years I live. My love, time does not heal those wounds; time stretches the holes within me until I'm empty inside. You are already all I have to look forward to. Some day you will be my wife, and you will be a part of me, and I won't be able to tell where I leave off and you begin. I've already ordered my life around you, and yet you won't even consider becoming like me!"

I look at his sad eyes and feel so torn. "Stefan, if this is where this is going, then maybe it's a bad idea for us to get married. I mean, you seem to place an awful lot of importance on that union. Maybe if we just... didn't make that commitment it would be easier for you." I look at the froth of white on the bed and I hate that I might not be taking that fairy tale walk. "I don't want to be the one to condemn you to death; that's why I don' t want to be... one of you."

He pulls away and scoops up the dress. "Marrying you is the only way I can justify making love to you. Making love to you is the only way I can keep from being driven insane by my desire for you. And now you think you will lessen your hold on me by not getting married? Summer, I am a man in _love_! That's not just something I feel when I look at you; it's something that's _in _me. It runs deep, and strong, and powerful – and it's not going away. Whether or not you wear the pretty dress, or say the vows, I love you. I will love you forever, or as long as I live. I just want you to try to think about living forever with me." His words make the tears spill down my cheeks. I cling to him, completely unable to think of the right words to say.

When he pulls away again he wipes the tears from my eyes and takes the gown to hang it in the cedar closet. He pulls me to him again and rests his forehead against mine. "Let's worry about this later. I don't want to make you unhappy." The moon is a pale sliver as we come up out of our cabin. The sails overhead ripple in the wind and Vladmir comes out of the control room.

"I hate to say this, and I hope I'm wrong, but it looks like we may have some trouble. There 's a boat that's been following us for about an hour now, and it's just been joined by another one. If my eyes weren't so good I wouldn't be able to see them, but they're keeping just out of normal view and matching our speed. Pirates are not known for this area; it's too easy to catch them in the straits. But we do seem like easy targets if that's what they're up to. This area may not be known for pirates, but it _is _known to be dangerous to sail." Stefan looks along the horizon and he suddenly looks frightening. "It might be a good idea to find a place for her to hide, just in case, they probably won't wait long since it's fully dark now."

"I'm not going to cower someplace if we're coming under attack!" I feel the fingers of anxiety pulling at me and Stefan takes me aside and gathers me in his arms.

"Summer, you don't want to be here if they come for us. I want you as far from any fighting as I can get you, but not because I think you're weak, even though you are." He smiles apologetically. "Remember Lucian? Do you want any more images like that in your head?" It shocks me to remember that this is the same man who killed so efficiently in my presence. I let him lead me back down to the cabins and he opens a built-in storage trunk and has me lie down inside. I can breathe through a decorative grate, but I can't see much more than what is right in front of my eyes. "Don't come out, no matter what you hear. If we win, we'll get you out. If by some chance we lose, stay where you are. You are valuable and they can ransom or sell you – or worse. He kisses me fiercely and closes the cover.

I expect that because of the distance of the other boats it will be a while before they catch us, but I'm wrong. I can hear the motor boats racing alongside us in the otherwise quiet night. The shouting is in a language I don't know and I wish I had worked harder at learning what he'd tried to teach me. I hear gunshots and more yelling, and I'm more scared than I've ever been since meeting Stefan. I hear his command, and it gives me chills as he directs them to come to him. The shouting turns to pleading, then I hear nothing for quite a while.

When the compartment is opened I'm afraid of who it will be. I should have expected it, Stefan looks down on me with his bright_ red _eyes. He offers his hand, but I struggle up on my own. Even still I see the hurt on his face and I can't help but wrap my arms around him. He leads me above, and I'm shocked at what I see. Two small boats are tethered to ours. There are two who are obviously dead lying on the deck, and four tied up lying nearby.

Vladmir has two holes in his shirt, with dark stains on the fabric. The position suggests two lethal gunshot wounds, but he's sitting on the steps glaring at the four captives. "Summer, do you have something in the galley maybe, that's long and thin and metallic? Something that might be good at pulling out splinters?" I hurry down the stairs and return with a pair of tweezers, a knife and a pair of scissors. When I come back Vladmir has his shirt off and it's clear he's been shot. The wounds are ugly, but they're not bleeding or anything.

Stefan takes the things I offer and as I watch he digs into one of the wounds and pulls out a bullet. Even as I watch, it seems the wound has begun to heal. Vladmir explains; "the other bullet went all the way through, but this one didn't. It's not like the movies where it magically gets pushed out. My body would heal around it, and it can be very uncomfortable when that happens. I carried a musket ball in my gut for years until I met Carlisle. The stupid thing would move around; it feels like having a rock in your shoe. Of course in time most of these things will dissolve, but I don't like waiting while that happens."

The four captives lie on the deck with gags in their mouths. "What are you going to do about them?" I ask Stefan. He looks off into the distance and doesn't answer.

Vladmir pulls his shirt back on and answers me. "We're going to keep them until we get hungry again." His answer shocks me, and I see four sets of eyes widen at the revelation.

"You can't do that! That's _murder_! I mean I understand, you are what you are, but... No! This is _wrong._" I feel ridiculous arguing to save the lives of the pirates, but they're helpless on the floor and I can't help but notice their eyes pleading with me.

"And just what should we do with them? Hmm?" Vladmir turns his anger on me. "Should we just slap their hands and tell them 'no!'? How about we let them swim for shore? What do you suggest my dear? Give them back their boats so they can kill the next boaters who happen by?" His voice is filled with contempt and scorn. They know the rules! They deserve to die; it's only what they would have done to us! Well, not you sweetheart – they'd _rape _you first!

Stefan comes and silently puts his arms around me, but I don't back down. "Fine, maybe they deserved to die when they attacked. But they're helpless now. Now it's not defense. At best it's punitive, and at worst it's murder of those weaker than you!"

"So, what you're saying is that we need to let these fine upstanding citizens go, and when I need to hunt in a few weeks I'll need to go find someone _else, _right?" I look into Vladmir's angry red eyes and bury my face against Stefan's chest to keep him from seeing me cry.

"I don't know! This is why you can't change me, since I could never make life or death choices like this. Haven't you come up with a better way after all these years?" I can't stay one more minute looking at the faces of the would be pirates. I go and hide in our cabin, but all I can think about is the families the men might be leaving behind – their children. I'm not sure how long until Stefan comes in to find me lying on the bed.

He lays beside me and pulls me close, but I can't even look at his eyes. He tips my chin up and holds me. "Summer, look at me. I haven't changed; I'm still the man who loves you. You need to ask yourself if you really love _me_, or just an ideal. I try not to lie about what I am, and even though I've been hunting only animals, I am still a killer." He won't let me turn away, and even though I don't want to see it, no matter what color his eyes are, I still love him.

"I'm sorry Stefan. I'm trying to walk a very fine line here, and it's starting to get a little blurry. I love you and I don't want to judge you. But life is very precious to me. Those men are helpless and all I can think about is how they may have families and loved ones wherever they came from. And yet I know if they go free they'll probably do this again. I don't usually have to make those kind of choices, and it's agonizing to me. How have you done it for hundreds of years? I would go crazy. It's too much like playing God."

"I think my love, you are beginning to see what we really _are._" He kisses my lips, even though I am reluctant to allow it, knowing he's so recently drained a human's blood with the same sweet mouth I've always hungered for. I expect there would be a trace; like the taste of my breakfast lingers until I brush, but there's nothing but his usual delicious scent and flavor.

"Vladmir loves you too. You know he would have kept them, incapacitated so they no longer posed a threat to you. But instead he has taken them in their boats back to the shore. He's going to sink the boats as soon as he gets back. Now don't look so happy. He's letting them live, but if I know Vladmir, and I do, he will likely break their legs before he leaves.

"He did that for me?" I don't know if I should be delighted that I saved four lives, or if I should worry that I have such influence on these men.

"Of course he did it for you. He loves you, and if I didn't trust him I would worry he would try to take you from me." His smile seems lighthearted, but I can see the truth in his face. This freakish pull I have on men is intruding on one of the best friendships I've ever witnessed.

"Stefan, I'm sorry... I'm not trying to attract him."

"Of course not. I trust you both, I just wanted you to know he loves you like... a friend, or a sister." He smiles. "If he's not careful, you'll have him hunting furry animals as well."

We are alone while Vladmir takes care of his task. In a matter of minutes Stefan's kisses become more insistent and it surprises me how my body responds to him; how it _always _responds to him. For the first time I am conscious that I'm making love to a killer – that I'm _in love with _a killer. I look into his terrifying red eyes as he shreds through every last reservation I have. I don't care. I don't just love the man, I have to love the monster too – and I do.

Knowing what Vladmir has done for me changes things. Not only did he not kill the pirates, but he also protected Stefan from the gunfire. When he returns he's fully healed without even a scar. He tells me that a venomous bite is the only thing he's seen that can leave scars, and Stefan has a faint scar from Caius who changed him. Vladmir claims to have no such scar, though he doesn't tell me it's because he is the original.

I trust Vladmir. As we travel through the Sea of Marmara and into the Aegean, I am less stuck to Stefan's side, and I'm relaxed either on the boat or on the shore. He's my friend and I understand that he wouldn't hurt me as long as he has control of his will.

We continue to practice and perform our music, and we're getting really good. We are starting to find people in the crowds who've heard of us, and there comes a time when the hotel has actually heard of us and we get paid for performing. It makes the wait staff's night when we divide it among them. I've finally given up offering to pay for anything since Stefan looks offended, and Vladmir waves away any offer like he couldn't possibly accept. I'm starting to get the idea that they have more money than we could ever spend.

Two weeks after the pirate attack, we're docked at a resort town when Stefan goes off to hunt, leaving me with Vladmir again. I'm shocked when he informs me that he too needs to hunt, and I am going to go with him. I try to walk away from him, but how do you walk away from someone who has superhuman speed? "Keep fighting me Summer, and someone will see me for who I am, and I'll have no choice but to end them." He takes my hand and smiles down at me with his crimson eyes fading to black. "I won't hurt you Summer. The younger ones of our kind fall into a kind of feeding frenzy when they hunt, but I have more control than that, and you'll be safe. You need to know the kind of family you're marrying into."

I try to pull free, but he effortlessly holds me. "I already know. You don't have to do this; I've seen him kill before, and I know it's horrible."

"You see, that's where you're wrong. It's not always horrible, and sometimes it's a good thing. You need to see that death is coming to everyone; all we do is change the timing." He smiles as we walk. He purchases flowers from a street side vendor as we go. It's about a mile inland that he finds what he's looking for. It's a squat, ugly, brick facility that stretches along a single story. "Seaside Nursing Care" he reads from a sign out front. He leads me inside, and the odor is overwhelming; urine mostly, but other unclean smells fight for dominance as we walk among people tied to chairs or wandering about in different states of confusion.

He seems to know where he's going, but then he tells me he's following the scent of death. We walk down a hallway that's quiet except for the noise of the TV's spilling out of the rooms and into the hall. He peeks into several rooms as we pass, then steps into one, taking me with him. There are two occupied beds, and the one closest to the door holds a woman who stares vacantly through us as we step to her bedside.

"Look Summer, no flowers, no family photos, no get well cards, and no personal items. She's here to wait on death – alone." He looks at the plaque on the door and turns to the woman. "Hello Louisa." The woman turns her head his way as her eyes roll in cloudy sightlessness. Her mouth is hung open in a large toothless O, and a moan comes from her throat. He puts the flowers in a large styro-foam cup. He pulls a chair up close to her bed and takes her hand which is clutched in a fist.

He glances toward the door, then puts down the safety rail and slides an arm under her shoulders, pulling her closer to him until they are cheek to cheek. It scares me to think that he could kill her at any moment, but I can't take my eyes off of the _loving _way he treats her. He kisses her cheek and speaks softly to her in what must be her language they way her eyes finally focus on his nearness. "Summer, pour me a cup of water with a straw please." I do as he asks and he brings the straw to her lips and she drinks. He hands me the empty cup and continues to whisper to her as his fingers comb gently through her hair

The woman in the other bed is oblivious to us and the wall mounted TV mumbles a news program no one is watching. I step around the bed and my foot nudges a catheter bag clipped to the bed rail. From the other side of the bed I watch him as he lavishes attention on the woman. "What are you saying to her?" I whisper.

"Nothing much except the things we all want to hear. I'm telling her she is a good person and that she mattered. I'm telling her that it's going to be alright. I'm talking to her of the things she's probably seen in her lifetime... I can remember them too." He looks at her with such kindness, I can't believe he's going to do what he's planning.

He puts the rail up and moves to the foot of the bed where he uncovers her feet. I'm stunned to see him massage her feet from her toes to her ankles. She visibly relaxes, then he starts to sing to her. Soft and low, and in her own language. I feel uncomfortable around her, but his attention makes me want to give her comfort as well. I rub her shoulders, lightly at first, but working into a soft, gentle massage of her paper thin skin stretched over her bent frame.

He smiles at me. "She may have raised a whole family. She may have taught school. Maybe she was a nurse, or a farmers wife. At her age her children could have died already, and certainly her husband.

"Outside, in the back of the building, there's a garden with lots of trees and shrubs. I'm taking her there. You should leave here first since you don't move like I do." He clamps off the catheter, and unhooks the bag. I head to the door and leave as he suggests. He's right, the back has an expansive lawn and pretty gardens dotted with benches and seats no one seems to be using. I look for the most hidden area, and there they are. He's sitting on the ground and he has her cradled in his lap, rocking her gently. Her eyes are closed and she rests her head against his shoulder. I look around to see if anyone could be observing, but all I see is the beautiful garden, with the bright sun above.

Vladmir strokes her cheek and whispers her name. Her eyes drift open and she looks at his sparkling skin. "I'm going to ask her if she's ready to die, Summer." He speaks to her, and she doesn't say anything, but her hand drifts up to touch his cheek. He again sing to her and holds her close. I almost don't realize what he's doing since it looks like he's kissing her, but I notice the way her eyes close as he holds her tight. I feel my own throat constricting as her hand falls from his cheek. I'm both horrified and mesmerized as she dies.

When he's finished, there's no mess, and he arranges her as if she's curled up and fallen asleep. He covers her with the blanket he's brought, kisses her cheek, and we leave her there. I look at my watch and realize we've been with her for three hours. We hurry away, keeping out of sight.

"So Summer, no words of condemnation? I thought for sure you'd have something to say, after the pirates."

"No." I feel small in the face of his question. "I hope it's that peaceful for me when my time comes." He gives me a look I can't read as we walk back.

**A/N: I am in awe of musicians and song writers. Some of this story takes place to music, and as I edit, I'm removing the lyrics, as they are typically copyrighted. I'll include the song titles here, and the artist who made it famous, or at least the one in my mind as I wrote it. So many of the lyrics take on new meanings when I apply them to this particular story, and I hope you'll take a minute to look them up if you haven't heard them. **

**California Dreamin, 1965 by The Mamas & the Papas. Southern Cross, 1982 by Crosby, Stills, & Nash. Sound of Silence, 1962 by Simon & Garfunkel. Bridge Over Troubled Water, 1970 by Simon & Garfunkel. Come Sail Away, 1977 by Styx. Can't Help Falling In Love , 1961 by Elvis Presley. Closer To Fine, 1988 by Indigo Girls. Blowin In the Wind, 1963 by Bob Dylan. I Honestly Love You, 1974 by Olivia Newton-John. All I Have To Do Is Dream, 1958 by The Everly Brothers. You've Got a Friend, 1971 by James Taylor. Kokomo, 1988 by The Beach Boys. Play Me, 1972 By Neil Diamond. Longfellow Serenade, 1974 by Neil Diamond. Sailing, 1980 by Christopher Cross. Open Arms, 1981 by Journey. Need You Now, 2010 by Lady Antebellum. I'm On Fire, 1985 by Bruce Springsteen.**


	22. Chapter 22 You Can't Go Home

Chapter 22

You Can't Go Home

Our days and nights fall into a routine as we travel the coast of Greece on the Aegean. Every three or four days we dock so I can hunt, and that evening we sing songs we've been practicing for a surprisingly short time. One night Vladmir surprises me when he sings a song by someone called Billy Joel. I have to wonder that there is such a perfect song for his lost mate Sulpicia, but she is there in almost every word of She's Always A Woman. What surprises me most is the way the song is so open and honest in a way that Vladmir has rarely been where she is concerned.

I know how they ended, but he has never told me how they met or even how long they were together. She was his before we met, and I know from his choice of the song, she is still very much a part of his ancient memory.

Speaking of ancient memories, I am surprised at the different towns and cities of the coast. They are all unfamiliar to me, even though I know I have seem them all before. The modern buildings have completely replaced what I recalled so fondly. The tourism industry is hard at work corrupting the coastal towns with tall hotels, piers, and nightclubs. Each time we go ashore I am forced to see again and again how much my homeland has changed. Still when we near Thessaloniki I feel anticipation for my old home.

We dock the boat and travel inland, and the whole time I'm hoping to see something I remember, but it's all different! We travel through farming communities and the roads are all paved and the signs speak of names I've never heard of before. I thought I would always remember! I can't even guess within a ten mile radius where my family's home was or where my Tessa is buried. Summer seems captivated with the beauty of the land, but she has no idea that the place used to be wild and untamed and untouched by machines and concrete!

I ask that the driver turn around and take us back to the coast. Vladmir looks at me with concern, and Summer puts her arms around me comfortingly. I cannot stand the thought that my Tessa may have had her grave violated. That her bones may lie beneath a modern road or building is more than I can stand. Summer is perceptive and she slides her hand through my hair before she taps my temple with her delicate fingers. "She's here Stefan. It doesn't really matter where her remains are; the best of Tessa is always going to be with you." She kisses my cheek and snuggles against my side.

Once we're back on the boat we sail into the Mediterranean. I want so much to see the Greece I remember, but even when we go ashore for historic tours, most of the history is later than I remember. Even the language is different, with adaptations from the Islamic and Jewish inhabitants. Still along the coast there are enough English speaking tourists, we are still able to preform our music in the small clubs and lounges. It's one of the things I look forward to each time we come ashore since it helps me forget about the disappointment of losing my homeland. Perhaps in truth I am Romanian, as I have claimed that country as home far longer than I've ever lived in Greece.

I have been so preoccupied with mourning the loss of my home, it took me a while to see the bond that has formed between Summer and Vladmir. She is not afraid of being near him, and when I go to hunt I know that they spend time together. I might be jealous, but not only do I trust them, I can feel no change in the way she reacts to me. She tells me she loves me more as the days go by, and sometimes when we are alone she is so passionate I have a hard time restraining myself with her.

With the disappointment of my homecoming, we have to make decisions of where to go next. For about a week we sail aimlessly, following the reports of the best weather and seeking out the best beach resorts. It's in one of these resorts where we go to perform that I hear something that starts to make me feel wary. Two people in the audience are talking about us, commenting on our paleness in an area where the people are different shades of brown. "It's almost like those two who were in here last night asking questions."

Back on the boat I tell Vladmir and Summer what I overheard and I recommend we give up performing and try to stay hidden. She seems to think that I'm overreacting and it could be just some fans who have followed our route.

I don't think she understands the threat of the Volturi. "Summer, you may be right. But if there's even a chance that it's one of our kind it's not worth the risk. I love performing, you know I do. But I would have given anything to be able to undo my last speech before I was arrested and then changed. I'm not so arrogant as to think I can't be caught. We need to be far away from here." We changed our course and planned to find a smaller place next time we docked.

Fortunately the Mediterranean has many islands, both developed and private. We sail for the next two weeks and hear nothing about anyone who could be Volturi. We don't plot our course with any kind of reasoning, but pick random places and only go ashore when I or Vladmir need to hunt.

We start to feel confident we have lost any who would be hunting for us. We spend a lot of time practicing our music and even watching some of the movies Vladmir and Summer want me to see. I really do enjoy the movie Ladyhawke, mostly because the actress reminds me of Summer. It starts to sink in how difficult this existence is going to be for us if indeed we are being hunted. We start looking ahead to sailing on to the Atlantic and perhaps crossing the ocean to America. Vladmir likes the idea of being near the Cullen family, but Summer suggests that we could also lose pursuit in Africa.

When we get close to Athens we stop in a smaller port so that I can hunt in the less populated area. The animal diet isn't difficult for me like it might have been at one point. It also means we're tougher to track through mysterious deaths. I've left Summer behind with Vladmir since he fed the last time we came ashore. The place where we've docked the boat has little traffic. Ours is the largest, and it sits at the end of the pier.

As I return something feels off. I see two people fishing who don't look right. As soon as my senses tell me the truth I run. I have to pass the "fishermen" who are merely disguised as such and my command to "**stop!**" freezes them in place. I leap onto the boat and see a sight on the deck that horrifies me. Demetri holds my Summer in his arms while Felix watches over Vladmir. I can see signs of a struggle on the boat, including lines that have been snapped as if for a quick escape.

"Orator, you need to release the others or I'll be forced to do something horrible to your lovely companion." Demetri smiles as he runs his fingers over her throat. How many times must I see this woman at risk before I realize that I need to change her? I turn and give the word for the others to be free to move again. They're young and I don't recognize them.

They come aboard and we all stand looking at the only one among us whose heart is still beating. "**No one can hurt the girl**!" I put everything into the command, and Demetri smiles.

"Ah! I was wondering if I would get to experience the power of the Great Orator." He gives a signal and the two younger ones cast off the remaining lines from the dock. In minutes one of them starts the engine and we are moving away from our only hope of Summer's safety. "We're going to Athens where our plane is waiting. Who wants to introduce me to this beautiful..." He places his nose near her neck and inhales deeply. "...heavenly smelling woman?"

Vladmir moves forward before Felix can catch him. "Let go of my fiance' and maybe I'll tell you her name." We all hear her gasp, but I don't think anyone hears me. I have no idea what kind of game he's playing, but I have to trust him. "Please let her go, you can still threaten her with your mere presence, unless you fear we two can defeat you four before you can hurt her." He smirks as if he thinks we could do just that.

Demetri smiles and relaxes his grip on her, and Vladmir pulls her to him. She clearly looks terrified as he puts his arms protectively around her and presses her head against his shoulder so she can't look my way. "Her name is Summer Browning, and we're on our way to Monaco where we're getting married. I'm sure you can understand why I would want to marry the girl before I change her." He smiles as he runs his fingers through her hair. "I don't think you were there when my last wife ran off. She ran out on me in the middle of the Volturi attack on our coven. Perhaps that's why Aro hates me so much; I've had carnal knowledge of his wife because she was mine first!"

"Sulpicia? Oh that's priceless!" Demetri looks at the younger ones, who don't seem to get the joke. "This is Pietro and Vittore. If you can't tell it, they're newborns. Just in case you don't feel threatened enough by the two of us, you know what will happen if she springs even a tiny leak." I lean against the rail all but forgotten as he casually threatens the woman I love. I know I could take out one or two of them, but she is the target if there is an attack. There would be no contest if Summer was safe. My command would hold them, but I've never tried to command a newborn during a feeding frenzy; one scratch and the two of them could kill her in seconds.

Once we're in open ocean the one called Vittore pushes the engines to a high speed. Summer hasn't looked my way once, which is good since her reactions could easily give away the lie. When she turns to face Demetri her eyes flash my way for the briefest second. "Please, would it be okay for me to go and rest, or sit down; I don't have superhuman strength." She gives a small smile of apology.

"Felix, why don't you escort them down to their cabin and keep an eye on them." I watch them disappear below, fearing that her magnetism will pull one of them to her. I worry that Vladmir will change her, but the newborns make it too great a risk. I want desperately to be with her, but instead my best friend is in our cabin with her. I hear the springs of the bed as they lie down together, and I am focused on the sound of her heart beat. Demetri speaks Italian once Summer is away. "So Orator, if Vladmir is getting married, why are you here? Three's a crowd, don't you know."

I smile. "It's a big boat and she's not very strong, so I sail the boat when the two of them want to be... alone." Just saying the words is difficult as it brings up the image of Summer and Vladmir in an intimate embrace. Fortunately I know that Demetri's gift is for tracking and not lie detection; but I'm not sure about the newborns. "Besides, if my best friend is getting married, I want to be there." I smile like I mean it.

"Pity the nuptials will have to wait." He looks around him and smiles. "The boat wasn't a bad idea; you've been very difficult to track. Imagine how foolish we felt when we went to your home only to find it locked up and empty. It's taken a bit of time to go through your human contacts to track your movements. To be honest I didn't have as much to do with that as you might think. The new one Pietro was a bit of a computer genius in his lifetime. His talent has strengthened quite a bit with the change; the man has a mind like none I've ever experienced. Once we found out you'd been looking for a boat, it was simple to know where to look for you. Well, not exactly simple; your erratic course has left me weeks behind our schedule."

"Why?" I ask the question that has been bothering me since the first notion that they could be following us. "Why have the Volturi – I try not to snarl as I say the name – come to look for us?"

At first I don't think he will answer, but then he smiles. "You're going to find this amusing. It's part of the plan of the three leaders. After the visit to the Cullen family and the misinformation that nearly caused the destruction of that family, they want to reassure everyone that all is well with our kind. Many of us have been making contact with those of our kind who are known. The goal has been to renew friendships, strengthen ties, and reassure everyone that the Volturi can still be trusted to maintain order and keep us all safe."

My laughter startles him, and I feel he truly must believe the lie he's just tried to feed me. I forget he's young; only a few hundred years have passed since his creation. Not long enough to understand the depth of corruption within his chosen organization. It takes me several minutes to get my derisive laughter under control. "They sent their best hunters out after us merely to 'renew our friendship and strengthen our ties?' I don't think even Vladmir could make me swallow that lie!"

He smiles as he delivers the news that he knows will hurt the most. "They didn't send us. They originally sent the two new ones. To be honest they didn't think you would be that much trouble; two old recluses hardly warrant much attention. We were called in once they realized you'd set sail and were traveling along the coast as the Twilight Trio with a human girl. That's when we got the order to bring you in. I would think you understood the rules better."  
"Oh please! _Rules? _ As if any of us have ever given them the right to govern our lives! What is it we did that was so wrong? How is it a few songs in a beachfront hotel are supposed to threaten our kind? And since when is sailing on a boat against the rules?" I have to rein myself in to keep from using my influence on him.

"Stefan, it's about the attention. You were already gaining fans. How long do you think it would take you to become really good at what you're doing and have humans following you, paying to see you, looking to sign you to contracts and book engagements, and of course finding out who and what you really are? Our abilities could make us superstars in their world, but that would mean attention. We are not so numerous that we want them to know we exist. Which is of course your second problem – the human girl. You know of course that the human girl Bella was allowed almost two years before she was changed, but she still had some human milestones to reach. Vladmir's fiance is a bit older if I haven't missed my guess. As long as she is human she is a threat."

"Ridiculous! Summer is no more a threat to you than the birds flying overhead!" I glance up to see the gulls which mean we are nearing shore again.

"Still, you know we have the rules for a reason." He speaks like he is explaining something to a child.

"Of course I understand why the Volturi have rules. How else could they control and subjugate our kind if not by rules? How else could they continue to hold dominion over the most powerful beings on the planet if not by rules? And how else could they make any who would oppose them believe it is for our own _good _that they are in charge, except through the very rules they have decreed? "Have you ever asked yourself why they are in charge? Who elected them? Who appointed them? Who has given them their godlike authority to rule over us all? I'm here to tell you if you look below the surface you will find they are not followed out of respect, but out of fear! They have carefully built an empire based on keeping them powerful and protected. Every bit of talent in Volterra is there for their protection, not for the protection of our kind!" I feel the touch of influence in my words even though I am not trying.

The sight of an Athens resort gives me hope. Perhaps on land we can escape with Summer; now that I don't have to fear her drowning. Vladmir comes up from the cabins with Summer and three of our bags as well as a large garment bag. If they allow her baggage, I have hope that she will live long enough to need clothes. Someone must have called ahead because there is a car waiting for us. I feel sadness at leaving the boat behind. It feels like a small chapter of my life is being closed; one of the few happy times in my memory. This is the fourth time the Volturi have interfered in my life, and I have no doubt there is pain in my future.

In the car Summer is seated between Felix and the newborn Vittore, and it doesn't take long for her magnetism to start pulling at them. Felix is powerful and could likely destroy us all in a fight. But it is Vittore who touches her first, brushing his fingers down her face and neck before putting his arm around her shoulders. Felix takes hold of her arm and pulls her roughly to him, and I can see the mark on her arm! I'm seconds away from watching them destroy her in a macabre tug of war. "**That's enough**!" I again command them and Vladmir pulls her from between them and I push at Demetri to take her place. Once she is between the two of us I pat her shoulder reassuringly, careful not to touch the bruises evident on her arm. I fight the desire to kill him for what he's done. Vladmir makes all the appropriate comforting words as he puts his arm around her, and I have to allow him to pull her against him. At the airport we are seated in a chartered plane and we make sure she is between us again. Demetri doesn't like this but Felix surprisingly backs us up

"Keep her away from me, è una strega!" He calls her a witch, but Vittore looks at her with open lust. She is both the carrot and the stick to get us to comply with their demands. Demetri is smart enough not to let her out of their reach, knowing that we will follow wherever she is lead. He also knows that continuing to threaten her will keep us from attacking them. Felix may be starting to understand that she's not normal, but Demetri hasn't been close enough to her yet.

Once we're in the air I bide my time and keep my eyes open for any weakness in the group. Vittore worries me, as he rarely takes his eyes off of the woman I love. I notice he swallows an inordinate number of times; clearing his mouth of the venom, which is a clear indicator of his desire to take her. Demetri and Felix notice as well, and send him to sit further away from us.

Summer opens her bag and pulls out a notepad and begins to write. For a few minutes we are all frozen and watching her. When she finishes she looks at Demetri and smiles her beautiful innocent smile. "I know we don't have any music, but can we sing? There's a song I want to hear from them before I die." Her words shock me. With all the threats and danger she has gotten the clear message that they are going to kill her. I want to hold her and comfort her and assure her that she is safe – but she is right. And she is so calm, even her heartbeat is normal as she gives me the paper with what she's written on it. It's song lyrics or a poem, and it's beautiful.

Demetri waves dismissively and she starts to sing the tune, substituting da da de for the words. She doesn't realize how lovely her voice is, even in its human weakness. I have the words memorized and hand the paper to Vladmir. When we sing I can almost hear what the music should sound like, and I wish that we had our instruments. Our voices blend as we sing the words: "Come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody get together, try to love one another right now."

They are listening to us and I can feel the tension on the plane come down just a bit. Even as she sings she begins to write again. Vladmir recognizes the next one and smiles. She hums the tune for me and we sing a song I wish I had heard before. The refrain of From a Distance is so reminiscent of peace and brotherhood, I can feel the sentiment given life as we sing.

Our voices blend effortlessly without having to worry about the instruments. I wonder what affect the mention of God will have on our captors, but considering their association with the Catholic church, it is more profound than I expect. Her next song makes it clear to me what she's doing. She scrawls the words to a song called Peace Train, and we're making our approach for landing as we sing the song about coming out of the darkness to live in peace. She remembers what I told her about the music having power, and how it feels similar to when I speak. She has guided me to a subtle way of influencing our captors. I only hope it's enough, because there is a limo waiting for us on the ground and we are mere hours from the meeting I've dreaded for so long.

We sing as the car takes us to Volterra; songs of peace, love and good will. Summer then sings one she obviously doesn't want me to sing with her. The words are negative, but the message is so beautiful I wish I could cry as her lovely voice is raised in a song called One Tin Soldier.

We fall silent as we pass through the gate in the wall. Of all the places I've seen in the past two weeks, why does it have to be that this one is unchanged? It is painfully familiar, and Summer takes my hand unconsciously as we travel over the cobbled roads past ancient stone buildings. The driver lets us out at the modern facade of the ancient headquarters. Demetri pulls her from us as Felix guards us to prevent our escape.

We follow Demetri as he takes Summer through a labyrinth of cold hallways both modern and ancient. Too soon we are ushered into a room I recognize. It is their throne room and it has changed little in the past fifteen hundred years. My feet want to stop, but I'm drawn in because he has pulled her inside to stand before those I despise. They are all there and I feel my nails digging into my invulnerable skin. I want to go to her, but it is Vladmir who stands at her side, with his arm protectively around her.

As if he has been waiting for us, he stands at our approach. Aro, completely unchanged from the last time I saw him, except he is dressed in an ornate black costume, and his hair is shorter.

"Oh how wonderful to see our_ old friends_!" He smiles, with his arms flung wide to take us all in. I stand beside Vladmir glaring at our captors – our judges. Caius watches alertly from his chair, and Marcus slouches, trying to look bored and uninterested. I know better. "Please, Demetri, introduce us to our human guest, for I am certain we are all most anxious to meet her!" He smiles and Summer's heartbeat races.

"This is Summer Browning; Vladmir's human fiance'." His words are simple, but they bring a movement to my attention. A beautiful blonde woman steps from the shadows to peer around Aro's chair. Still as lovely as I remember, Sulpicia looks at the woman I love with hostility and jealousy, before her face falls into its mask of impassive perfection. I don't need to read minds to know there are several in this room who want to kill her; who are simply looking for an excuse, and topping the list now is Sulpicia.

"Vladmir's human fiance'?" Aro questions loudly. "Come here my dear and let me read your thoughts." He holds out his hand for hers.

"**No!**" Vladmir steps forward protectively. "You're not touching her! You've stolen one woman from me, you'll not take another! Read _my _thoughts, if you dare!" He holds his hand out to Aro whose face registers surprise, anger, and amusement in quick succession.

I take his place beside her as Aro beckons him forward. Their eyes lock onto one another as Vladmir grasps his hand in a firm grip. Aro is forced to pull his away as Vladmir sneers at him before turning to take his place at Summer's side. "So, you're planning on turning her as soon as you are married? Why Monaco? I would imagine you would rather stay in your own country."

"She wants to marry where Princess Grace was married. I want to give her everything she wants." He turns and tips her face up to his, and kisses her on her lips. I know we can all hear her heart beating faster, but I hope they don't know why. I look away from them and catch a slight grin from Marcus. He knows! If he can sense relationships, I wonder what he's feeling; that Vladmir is being fooled, or that Vladmir has stolen her from me. If there's anyone here who has reason to hate me, it would be Marcus. He must think I'm losing her to my friend, or surely he would say something.

Aro seems to accept his answer. "Monaco is a lovely place. So how soon after the wedding will she be changed?"

I can't look as he kisses her again. He smiles wickedly and says, "it will happen on the honeymoon, of course." I close my eyes, and try to keep the image from intruding into my mind.

"So, are you in agreement with him Summer? Are you ready to become like us?" His eyes fix onto her as she looks his way. I glance around the room at the others, and wonder which of them can tell the truth from a lie.

"Of course she is, haven't I said as much already!" Vladmir answers for her, but Aro is still fixated on Summer.

"I want to hear it from _her._" His eyes flash angrily at Vladmir before he turns his forced smile on her again. "I'm still waiting for your answer, Summer."

She holds tightly to him as she speaks. "I have many reservation about being changed. But I love him, and I haven't been able to deny him anything. I'll do whatever it takes to be with him." She didn't lie! Even I could tell her answer was completely truthful.

"Wonderful!" Aro seems pleased with her answer. "So, what other business do we have to discuss?"

Caius speaks up. "The law; specifically the ones they've broken!"

"We haven't broken any laws!" Vladmir speaks with confidence, and I am convinced that he is right; we haven't broken any laws.

Felix steps forward. "There is another matter than may be of some concern." If it would protect Summer, I would gladly kill him, but instead I watch helplessly as he touches Aro's hand, sharing with him all his thoughts and experiences, including her strange attraction.

"Oh my, yes I can see where that might be of some concern. Take them to a holding area until we can further discuss the matter." He waves us away with a hand, as if we are a nuisance. They usher us down several more hallways and we are put into small rooms, which could be considered cells or waiting rooms, depending on which side of the bars you were on. They lock me into one, and Vladmir and Summer are in another across from me. We are left alone, but Vladmir gives us a quiet warning that we may be observed. Summer looks longingly at me from where she sits, and I test the bars of the cell to make sure they're strong enough to hold us – they are. A noise makes us all look up. The door opens and a woman comes gliding in, and stops to look into the cell across from me. Sulpicia.

"You forget I can tell when you're lying." She accuses Vladmir as Summer moves to wrap her arms around him. "You don't love this... _human girl_. It's not possible; you're still in love with me. A woman knows these things, I see it in the way you still look at me."

He laughs, loud and bitter. "Sully, you are truly more in love with yourself than I could ever be. I couldn't take the competition!" He locks eyes with her, and his voice is calm and cold. "I am over you."

She laughs, and the sound is so enchanting, it matches her beauty. "You can't lie to me, don't you remember? I can see through you Vladmir. If you're over me, come and kiss me – prove it." She steps closer to the bars and beckons him enticingly.

"Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you; give Aro an excuse to kill me. Or is it that _you _haven't gotten over _me_? No Sully, I'm all for Summer now." He turns and pulls her close. His kiss is intense and I can't stand to watch. I hope this plan of protecting her doesn't backfire because it's hard enough being apart from her, let along watching him behave as if they are passionately in love.

"Vladmir, I have missed you." Her voice is soft and sultry. "I do remember what we had together. Chelsea is good at what she does, but it doesn't last forever; eventually I remembered everything. It did come back,Vladmir. Are you going to tell me you don't feel anything for me?" I can't help but look, but he hasn't turned her way. Instead he has his back to her with his arms around the woman I love. I see Summers eyes over his shoulder and the fear and uncertainty gazing at me is killing me! I turn to pace the width of the cell. "Vladmir, do you still want me?" Sulpicia tries once more to entice him.

I hear her heartbeat and her breathing telling me something is wrong. A tiny sound escapes her as Vladmir kisses her with an intensity reserved for lovers. His hands are on her possessively and I can see her trying to push away from him.

"Vladmir!" I call out loudly, but he ignores me. "Vladmir please! You're going to hurt her!" I can hear the panic in my voice and Sulpicia looks my way suspiciously. "**STOP!**" I command.

**A/N: More music to look up. **

**She's Always a Woman, 1977 by Billy Joel. From a Distance, 1990 by Bette Midler. Get Together, 1967 by The Youngbloods. Peace Train, 1971 by Cat Stevens. One Tin Soldier, by Dennis Lambert and Brian Potter. **


	23. Chapter 23 Secrets

Chapter 23

Secrets

I know I'm going to die. I've known it since the strangers got onto the boat. Not strangers – _vampires._ I thought I had years but now my life is measured in hours; maybe minutes. Volturi. The very word brings terror to me, and not because of my own experiences, but because of Stefan. I listened and committed to memory every detail about the elite, vampire enforcers. Worse than being in their captivity is that Vladmir has claimed me. Stefan kept silent and let him and I think there's some kind of plan at work here but no one can tell me.

I look for opportunities to get free, but they don't allow me more than a few steps distance from them. I watch Stefan assess the two older ones, but it's the younger ones he fears – the newborns. They're faster and stronger than any others, with voracious appetites and eyes that look at me with ravenous hunger. I know he could command them, in fact I'm waiting for his command, but he won't risk it as long as they're within striking distance of me.

All the way to Volterra I wait for just one opportunity. I've even considered making my own attempt at escape, knowing that it would mean my death, but at least Stefan would be free. I can't stand the thought of what they will do to him, but I can't let him watch my murder either. And Vladmir continues to pretend he loves me. Dying has been on my mind since I met Stefan, but I always thought I would die in his arms – not Vladmir's.

Italy is beautiful. I've dreamed of visiting, but my dream has become a nightmare as we get closer to the remote Volturi city. We sing all the way; songs of peace and love, and unity. He can't command them, but I see they are calmer, and even the newborns don't look like they want to tear me apart. The walls of the city steal the song from our lips. I wish I were simply a tourist so I could admire the beauty of the architecture and the simplicity of cobblestone roads that are not built for cars. But the minutes are ticking on my life.

Demetri takes hold of me and his iron grip propels me through the building. Stefan follows close enough to blunt the pull of my magnetism, as it's him I want and long for, not the beautiful creature holding my arm with enough power to tear it off if I slow him down. He pulls me into a room, and it's just as Stefan described –_ they _are just as he described. I could name them before any introductions are made; Aro, Caius, and Marcus.

I am introduced and it's then their plan becomes clear. Vladmir is poised to intervene for me and Stefan. Aro doesn't read our thoughts, and doesn't know that I won't let him change me. He won't find out all the secrets Stefan told me, because Vladmir has lied even in his _thinking. _ But Sulpicia knows. I see her almost immediately, and the way she looks at him – it is a woman obsessed. Her eyes devour him, even as he holds me and kisses me. It's not love I see though, but possessiveness. The hatred in her eyes directed at me is more threatening than the newborns – how dare I mess with what is_ hers._

Vladmir tries to cover for me when Aro asks if I'm ready to be changed. But my answer is honest; it's just that the _he _I speak of isn't Vladmir. I start to feel maybe we will escape with our lives, but Felix conveys some kind of information that has us put into prison cells. I sit confined with Vladmir and I just want Stefan. When she comes in I do my best to play my part, but it's not working. Vladmir can lie to the world, but he can't lie to her, and he clearly still feels something for her. He kisses me and I know he is thinking of her. He holds me and I know he is holding her – so tight I can barely breathe.

I hear Stefan calling to him; I hear the panic in his voice as I look over at him before Vladmir makes it impossible to draw a breath. When he commands him to stop we all freeze, even Sulpicia. I still can't get free and I can only breathe a little bit better. "**Let go of her Vladmir**!" His voice amazes me. I've heard him command me to stay away from him when he was trying to keep me safe, but this time I'm on the outside of his command and I can see its power. Vladmir releases me so abruptly I stumble. I rush to the bars of the cell and gaze at him. I mouth the words "I love you" for him to see.

At first I don't realize that if I'm free of the first command, then so are they. She moves faster than I expect, opening the door and pulling me out before closing it again.

"Careful Stefan, you know I'll kill her." Her hand on my throat is pale and delicate, and strong as steel. She stands behind me, pinning my arms and holding my throat. "Stefan, would you like to tell me why you care so much if Vladmir squeezes the life out of his fiance'? Wouldn't that make things easier for you? You could go back home and keep company with your books and your writing."

She looks toward the other cell. "And V., why would you come so close to killing the poor dear if you love her so much?" Her voice is saccharine sweetness, and both men watch her every move.

"It's not his fault." I barely dare to whisper the words.

"Summer don't!" Stefan cuts his warning short as her hand squeezes my throat, closing off my air. She glares her warning at him before she relaxes her grip.

"Explain yourself!" She doesn't ask, but demands.

"All men act that way with me. They both want me. Even Felix and Demetri want me. Any man who comes near me feels that way. And your kind... they want me even more because of their thirsts. I can't explain it, but it's true. And it's not their fault; the more nervous and afraid I get, the more it draws them to me."

"Is this true?" She glances at both of them and they both look away ashamed. "So tell me Summer, where do you belong?"

"I love them both." Both heads snap up to look at me. "They are both my family. They're all the family I have left in the world, and I love them."

"That doesn't answer my question. After all the time I spent with an accomplished liar I can tell an evasion when I hear it. Which one do you adore? Which one makes your heart beat faster? Which one do you long for at night?" She turns me to face her, and her red eyes lock onto mine. "Tell me Summer..." she coos her questions to me face to face. "...which one of them shares your bed? Or have they found a woman they can share the way they share_ everything else_?" Her sneering voice mocks the relationship between the two friends

"Stop it!" I can feel the tears on my face over her callousness. "How can you be so cruel? He _loved_ you. Do you have any idea what that means? You walked away because you couldn't be his _everything_, when just a fraction of that is enough for me." She has relaxed her hold on me, and I place my hand on her cold, hard cheek. "Agape. You had that. It means everything to me and you walked away."

"Summer, be careful..." I look at Vladmir and he's watching us both. "Don't taunt her, she isn't like you. Sulpicia, let her go. She's nothing compared to you."

"Il dio mio – you do love her!" She looks at me, her red eyes wide with shock and obsessive jealousy. "I will kill you!"

I hear them both in stereo screaming "NO!" But it's too late as her fingernail slits a deep gash in my wrist. She holds my arm up and catches the first drops of my blood in her mouth, and all I can do was watch in fascination as the drops become a trickle then a stream she eagerly swallows. There is noise; yelling, screaming and crying, as she fastens her lips onto my wrist and sucks with more force than I ever imagined, pulling against the beating of my heart.

I fall to my knees, and just before I die I look at his panicked face and whisper, "I love you Stefan." Then there is blackness.

I'm startled to see fuzzy white shapes. I can hear voices speaking in buzzing whispers. I feel heavy and I can't move. For a few minutes I even wonder if I'm dead. But I know I'm not because he is with me – Stefan. I can smell him, and feel his arms around me, and his soft voice is whispering endearments to me even though I can't understand the languages. My eyelids are almost too heavy to open, but I force them apart so I can see his face. I feel the corners of my mouth turn up weakly as his face comes into focus, inches from mine. It takes me a few minutes to take in everything. I'm in his arms, but I'm lying on some kind of chaise. My wrist is bandaged in a wide bracelet of white gauze. There's pain in my other arm, and it slowly registers that I have an I.V. in my arm refilling me with donated blood. I almost laugh at the ridiculous turn of events.

"Stefan, what's happening?" I can barely form words and he cradles me to him and kisses my face.

"Hush love, I've got you now. I am not letting you go again." I try to pull myself up to see where I am and whose voices I'm hearing. I'm back in the throne room, and the three are sitting like royalty watching us. I can see her too, Sulpicia, ghosting along behind Aro as if it's perfectly fine that she tried to kill me. Maybe it is fine, as her eyes flare at me with the fresh red pigment of my blood. I struggle to sit up and he helps me until I am sitting on his lap in my familiar way. I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head on his shoulder.

"Is it okay to say I love you now?" I can't take my eyes off of his beautiful face, even with the worry evident in his features.

"Oh how_ touching._" Aro stands and commands attention. "So are we all in agreement that she is going to live and Sulpicia has not broken any laws?" He looks around dramatically and no one says a word, though Caius harrumphs. "Now perhaps we can discover what exactly happened here today and why we were deliberately being mislead. Vladmir, old _friend;_ would you like to explain why you deliberately lied to us?"

"No I don't think I want to." He speaks up from behind us. Aro looks stunned, and Caius snarls in anger. "Oh, are you requesting that I tell you? I was only being honest; I_ know _how important honesty is to you all." He's mocking them; playing word games and teasing them as if they are spoiled children. "Do you really want the truth?" He eyes the three on the dais, then glances around the room at the others who are pretending not to listen. "The truth about how no one can trust the mighty Volturi, or the truth about how we were brought here against our will? Does anyone care about the truth, that even though we are hundreds, if not thousands of years old, our activities are being monitored as if we are reckless newborns? Or perhaps we should explore the truth, that not one of us has ever given _you_ the right to govern or control us!

"Enough of this!" Caius jumps to his feet. "You're clouding the issue, which is that you deliberately tried to deceive us!"

"Of course I did! We should all be trying to deceive you! We should_ all _be joining the resistance against the corruption of the Volturi!" He walks around us, stepping closer to the three. He points and his voice rises. "You have _absolutely no right_ to judge me! I was old before you were born, and I will be here long after you have gone to the flames!" Another woman drifts to the three and puts her hands on Aro and Caius. "Oh Renata, do be a darling and lend your shield to them; we wouldn't want any of my words to penetrate their thick skulls." He smiles at her and Caius snarls, clearly losing his calm. "I don't have to lie to prove this is nothing but a sham! There is no reason we should be here except that you have been spying on us. So what if we brought a pretty girl on a trip? So what if we sang a few songs in some resort lounges? Why should that warrant a trip to Italy against our will?" He is on a roll and everyone is watching him.

"Oh, let me guess. Is it the precious secrets? Is that what everyone here is afraid of? Terrified of this little girl?" He gestures grandly my way. "Look how scared she is. She knows everything! She knows about the murdering, lying, conniving, megalomaniacs known as the Volturi! But please, cower if you will, that she knows those precious secrets. Surely she is only one step away from bringing us down!" He laughs as if he's made a joke. I draw my knees up and hold tighter to Stefan.

"You want the truth? She's pure and innocent, and the very idea that she's here with us and in danger of losing her life sickens me! Her only crime is coming to see our house. And the only reason we are all here is because my best friend has fallen in love with her; much as Edward Cullen fell for his singer. If you want to claim laws are broken, then take it further and admit you're looking for an excuse to bring us down." He spins and looks at the others in the room. "Make no mistake, if we are not safe, then neither are any of you."

He turns and sits on the chaise with us. I reach out and pat his cheek and he takes my bandaged hand and kisses it. "Thank you." I whisper with as much of a smile as I can give.

Aro comes closer. "I take it we're finished with the posturing and grandstanding?" He looks at us with his piercing, cold red eyes. "I will have the truth – all of it – from _her_." Stefan's arms tighten around me as he approaches.

"Please don't do this!" I beg him, still with my hands around Stefan's neck. "What we've shared is intimate and personal, and he trusts me. I'll answer any of your questions, just don't steal what he shared with only me." I feel a sense of unreasonable panic blossom in me and I can't shake it as he steps closer.

"I'm afraid the time for questions is over. You won't feel a thing, I promise." He reaches for me and it's as if my nightmare has come for me.

I pull away from him, backpedaling and flailing. "Oh god Stefan don't let him touch me!" And still his hand is reaching for me. I scream, and it's as if a dam has broken and all of my fears and terrors come pouring out in a rush, and I can't stop screaming. Stefan moves to get between us but I've reached the end of the chaise and I'm still not far enough away. I feel myself falling, slipping over the edge and trying to grab onto something. I feel the I.V. pull out of my arm just before my head hits the stone floor.

I know there is blood; more blood than safety allows. It drips from the I.V. line, it trickles from my needle-less arm, and it is pooling under my head and making me too weak to move. I see his face above me, and I smile; Stefan. But there is chaos, and I can feel I am surrounded on all sides. He is in a defensive crouch over me and his voice commands them not to touch me. "Vladmir, can you help me?" I can hear the plea in his voice, and then they are both working over me. Stefan effortlessly tears his shirt into bandages for my arm and my head, and my elbow which has also been scraped. When he moves me to get to my head wound his hands quickly become covered in my blood and I realize I'm bleeding more than I first thought. I fight to stay with him, but the world spins away from me.

I am surprised when I wake up again. I'm in a room; a small one by the sounds of the voices. I feel like I'm in a bed this time. I'm so cold even though I can feel blankets, and my head is throbbing with the mere movement of my eyes under my lids. I must be alive because I'm in a lot of pain. When I can finally open my eyes, his is the face I see – Stefan. "I love you." My voice sounds raspy and weak, and he guides the straw to me so I can drink from the water glass.

He kisses my cheek. "I almost lost you – again. Do you know how close you've come to waking up on the other side of the supernatural/human divide? I've heard your protests, now you need to hear me my love; I won't lose you. If it comes that close again, I'm going to change you."

"No!" My voice is still weak. "Stefan, if you change me, you'll find out just how resourceful I can be about ending it. I won't kill to survive."

"I'm afraid that's just a chance I'll have to take my love. I'm going to do everything I can to save you. I love you. No, it's more than love, it's agape – you know the word; it's what you mean to me. Everything! If you end yourself you end me too."

"Oh this just gets better and better!" It's the voice I'm starting to recognize. Aro. He steps into my field of vision and looks down on me. "I can see why you wanted to keep her testimony a secret. Not only does she know too much; she refuses to become one of us. Oh Stefan, you do know how to pick them." He's laughing and Stefan hovers protectively over me. "Relax, no one else can hear us in here. How are you Summer? Are you finished trying to kill yourself, or do I need to give you another chance and see if Stefan can keep his word?"

"Don't touch me!" He still terrifies me, but I'm not strong enough to get away.

"Shh, it's okay il mio caro, he's not going to touch you."

"Of course not, I already learned all I needed to know the first time." His voice is taunting and I look at Stefan horrified. "Oh don't look so shocked. You're not the only one with secrets to keep; and yours just might save your life." He touches a button on the bed and my head raises.

I have no idea how or why they have a hospital bed, but my head is pounding as it raises me to a sitting position. It's only then that I see why I hurt so bad. I have the I.V. back in my arm, my elbow is bandaged as is my head. My wrist is still bandaged, but I also see ugly bruises on my arms and legs, and the marks are clearly hand prints, as if I have been the rope in some kind of tug-of-war. There are only the three of us in the room, and I look to Stefan in a panic. "Is Vladmir alright?"

"He's fine." Aro answers me. "I didn't permit him admittance here so that we could have a talk. He's likely off somewhere reconnecting with my _wife. _ I know that's what _she_ wants anyway." I'm surprised at how calm he is considering what he's revealed. "I can see that shocks you. But I know my wife better than anyone, and I know exactly what kind of woman she is, and I know that when Vladmir leaves here he will be leaving without her. He may have had her first, but she will always be mine. And if she can keep him... distracted while we speak, I will forgive her indiscretion."

"That's so sad." I can't imagine staying with someone whose loyalty and love was so divided.

"I'm sure you believe that. I've seen enough of your thoughts to know that Stefan has indeed made a rare find. In another lifetime I might be jealous, but I fear that I wouldn't be able to deal with such love and devotion even if it were offered to me."

He turns and looks at Stefan. "You do realize you three have broken several of our laws, and by rights we should be mourning your deaths after a time of voting. But what I've seen shows me that it would be a mistake. The animosity and hatred you have for us is well deserved. I had no idea what our justice looked like on the other side. I've only had half of many stories for centuries, and this young woman has given me answers _you _would never give.

"On the surface you seemed like a rebel, which is why your family was eliminated – I had no idea it was our way of life you hated. Similarly when you and Vladmir began your "empire, " we worried about the challenge to our own. Your goals have never been made clear to us until now. And more importantly if what you've told her is true, you have been following our laws faultlessly as far back as your own creation. Not that you realized they were laws, but they were your own choices; most notably Daniel and his mother. Stefan, you may be surprised to find we want the same things."

He pulls a chair up and sits beside my bed, looking at Stefan's guarded form. "There is a TV show in America called Survivor. They take a group of random people and put them someplace remote to see who will be the last one standing. It would seen that the one with the most strength and skill would be the one to survive, but then they add in voting. Every few days there is a vote and someone has to leave; either the weakest player or the strongest, depending on how different alliances form. There are also two teams, and they compete and live near each other but totally separate. Near the end, the two tiny teams are merged and in this end game there are often two or three who depend on one another. The survivor is often not the one with the best skills, but the one who forms the best alliances.

"Stefan, I know you think the Volturi are cowards who are struggling to create a strong empire and subjugate all others of our kind. You believe our laws are cumbersome and serve no purpose. Maybe in some ways that is all true. But there is a reason behind our machinations, and what I'm going to share with you will remain a secret, or I will have your life. We, all of us, are on one team in a game of survival. We are assembling the Volturi to be here for the end game. There will come a time when humanity becomes aware of us, no matter how many laws we make. In this age like no other they have the power to destroy us. The myths we've spread about wooden stakes, holy water, sunlight, and various other harmless methodologies will no longer work in our favor, and they will come at us with rending and flame; incineration, explosions, and nuclear weaponry. They've already used these weapons on their own kind, and when they ally against us we will be vulnerable in a way we've never been before.

"When that time comes it will be critical that we are ready and that we have gifts they won't know how to counter. We'll need to have our own alliances and know our own strength. Marcus, Caius and myself know this is coming. I know that I will be here for the end game, but I don't know in what capacity. Marcus will not make it that long, and he knows this. It's why he seems so bored, since he has no stake in the outcome. And Caius... I know everyone wonders about Caius; the only one of us without an obvious power or gift. Tell no one what I am sharing. Caius will be here for the end game. The best way I can describe his gift is to say he is a prophet. Caius has his hand on the pulse of our kind, and he can sense the vibrations of our upcoming conflict with humanity, and in his own way he is guiding us to a position of strength. His gift has been confirmed, but never announced.

Stefan sneers. "If Caius is going to lead us, I'm joining the other side."  
Aro laughs. "I agree. But Caius isn't going to lead us, and I don't believe I am either. The Volturi leadership triumvirate will be different when it becomes clear that there are two opposing teams. Every time I see a new power or gift, I wonder if that one will be the one to take Marcus's place, or mine. We held hopes that you would join us, just as I had hoped to recruit from the Cullen family. I'm sure you can see why a gift like young Alice's would be so useful for us, or a shield like Bella's. There is much that bears watching with that whole group, and they may be destined to lead us into a future where humanity seeks to destroy us."

"Do you really think people will find out and try to wipe you out? Why?" My voice is returning. "I can't imagine that future, except in movies."

He gives me a genuine smile, and I can see how he may have once been considered beautiful. "In every legend about us, we are monsters. Soulless demons who prey on all things sacred. They are indoctrinated to hate and fear us, and we do kill – breaking the one law all humans hold most sacrosanct. Once our presence is confirmed, they will try to exterminate us. Except for those who believe the romanticized version of the stories – they will want to join us. Immortality, strength, youth, and beauty are a powerful lure. Either way we need to be ready, and currently we are not. We created the laws to keep us from being discovered and postpone the conflict until we are ready. But the very laws are creating dissension among us and making us weak. And so it seems that we are manipulating the laws for our own benefit – and we _are. _ Though not for our individual gain – for everyone."

"Maybe you shouldn't win." I can't believe I'm saying it aloud, but all I can foresee is a horribly bloody conflict which could easily push either race to extinction. "Maybe people are not meant to consume one another to survive." I look at Stefan and take his hand. "I love you with everything in me. But if I could change you to be like me instead of the other way around, I would do it. I would measure our years together and I would say goodbye to you at the end. The killing changes you, more than the metamorphosis. It puts you in a position to play God, and to decide who deserves to live and who deserves to die." I look at Aro. "Don't worry, I won't be involved in this conflict, but I hope you lose. Even if you win you will lose, because your existence is based on humanity and fed by humanity. When humans are gone, you will die out. And before they are gone, what will you have? A slave race? Will you keep them like cattle and breed them for your dining pleasure? Will it be worth it to win if that is what you become?"

Aro is staring at me like I'm speaking another language, but Stefan's expression looks more pained. Stefan traces his fingers lightly down my face, and kisses my hand.

Aro looks instead to Stefan. "Stefan, surely you can understand; we cannot close Pandora's box once it's opened, and it is most definitely opened. Part of the reason for the Volturi is to keep us strong, while keeping us unnoticed. This is the very reason we will not be taking your lives today or any other. As I so recently discovered, you and Vladmir have potential we have never understood. You have the kind of gifts that will be useful in the future conflict. That you were able to build a kingdom that rivaled our own – no – one that _surpassed _our own, is a tribute to your abilities.

"That you walked among them undisguised, and they loved you – this is something we may need to explore further once our existence becomes known. And even more recently you've used the power of music to sway them and make them adore you. Summer, you have to know that the extermination of humanity is not what we seek, and for the very reasons you listed."

I don't know why I'm not afraid to disagree with him, but I answer boldly. "You might honestly believe that. But you keep talking about us like we're the enemy. You talk about manipulating us and finding ways to fool us and strengthening your own_ side_. You've already chosen sides, Aro. For the rest of us there are no sides to worry about. You're preparing for an end game that I hope never comes. And if that end game comes, shouldn't we all try to be on the side of right versus wrong, rather than vampire versus human?" My head is throbbing and I am feeling like I want to go to sleep. "You didn't come in here to talk about some future plan that I won't be alive to see, so what are you here about? What's the big secret?"

"Perceptive. No wonder she has changed you so much Stefan. But she's right, we have to move forward in the present and let the future take care of itself – for now. The Volturi needs to clean up our image. We need to keep a place of trust and respect, and having our brethren running and hiding from us is not what we need. To remedy that we are going to mend fences with two of our biggest adversaries, and remind everyone that Volturi stands for respect, honor, nobility, leadership, power, and decorum." He smiles at us, and I can almost feel the steel jaws of a trap closing.

"We're going to have a major event here at Volterra. It will involve many of our kind as well as many humans. We're going to present a softer side to the world; a forgiving and unifying side that has been missing for much too long. It will be a lavish event that will be talked about for years. We're hosting a wedding here at Volterra. _Yours!" _


	24. Chapter 24 Machinations

Chapter 24

Machinations

How I hate him! The way he postures and gestures in a way that makes everything seem like high drama. Not Vladmir of course, for whom such a display is elevated to an art form, but Aro. It's been so long since I've spent time with the ancient creature, I can now watch his movements and see them for what they truly are; a poor imitation of my friend. I don't even think he realizes what he's doing as he punctuates the announcement of my upcoming wedding with a grand flourish of his hands.

I don't know what kind of reaction he's expecting of us, as he behaves as if he's presenting us with a gift. I'm sure he doesn't expect the coldness and confusion we stare his way. How could I respond any differently as my Summer lies in the bed clinging to a life she so nearly lost. She doesn't know how close she came to dying, even if the pain is an indicator.

She doesn't remember that as soon as the scent of her blood reached past the ancient ones closest to her, the new ones attacked. Only four came, though I expected many more with the way several others eyes glazed before they fled. Vladmir and I protected her as best we could as she struggled weakly. Her movements telegraphed the most dangerous situation I could imagine, and it wasn't her bleeding that drew them. It was her weakness and helplessness that brought them, like chum in a pool of sharks. She was the perfect lure and they came to feed. She doesn't remember my command, for her to sleep, pushed with enough force it worked like an anesthetic and knocked her out immediately.

Even without her weak movements there were still four newborns ready to tear her apart and fight over her life and her blood. I was able to command two to leave and not return, but the others were too close and all they did was pause until her scent broke through my command.

Oh, and her scent was luscious. I know that a part of me opposed them because I wanted to feed on her myself and I didn't want to share. We had to leave her lying there bleeding while we fought them. They were so strong! Fortunately newborns aren't too bright when it comes to fighting others of our kind, but one got past us momentarily and we had to wrestle Summer away from the sinuous young woman before she could bite her. It was close.

But now Aro is looking at me like he needs me to play my part in his little drama. "You want us to get married at Volterra? Why?" I hear my dead voice asking the question I already know the answer to. He's seized upon an idea to elevate the Volturi's status among others of our kind. He wants to whitewash their image, even though I don't believe they can ever remove so many bloodstains.

If he would only touch me he wouldn't smile like he does. But like a practiced carnival barker he raves, trying to sell his idea to a couple very reluctant customers. I would shut him up, but Summer watches his every move, hanging on his every word.

"We found the wedding dress, and it doesn't take a genius to see the ring she wears. Besides, Vladmir always spins his lies as close to the truth as he can, so it's clear you are planning to marry the girl. And considering her fragile state and that you are sexually intimate with her, I believe you are planning it to happen soon." She blushes at his words and I want desperately to push the snake oil salesman out of the room.

"No need to be so_ sensitive. _ It's a tribute to your restraint that you can do such.._. interesting_ things together and not kill her." He's speaking to me, but he's looking at her like he wants to test his own restraint – with her.

I move to his side as he stands up. I don't even try to hide my animosity as the growl escapes my throat. "You should be careful of what you speak, and of what you think! You and I both know that I am yet younger and stronger than you are, and you are conspicuously unguarded at the moment."

"Stefan, it's not a good idea to make threats you cannot possibly make good on. You know if you were to attack me, you would never make it out of Volterra alive." His smile is as much for bravado as false sincerity.

My smile is an answer to his. "Do you know how often I've imagined just such a scenario? I know without a doubt that I wouldn't survive such a move, but there are times I believe it would be worth it. If you hurt her, I would most definitely consider that my best option."

"Touchy touchy! I can see you're going to make this more difficult than I expected. Let me put this in a different light. Right now there is no reason at all to save you – any of you. By our laws, Summer is a threat and if she's not changing then you are flouting our laws. We can perhaps get around the legality if you agree to marry her as soon as possible.

Because of your command and control we can assure anyone concerned that you have her in a place where she can be watched and guarded against ever giving up our secrets. And because of her illness we can even grant her a grace period that would outlast her good years. But you have to meet us halfway."

"Why? Why now Aro? What's so important about saving us? I've seen the callousness of the guard, why not take the opportunity to eliminate a threat to you?" I want to force him into admitting his plan, but what he says surprises me.

"We could, in fact we should get rid of all three of you. But I'm looking to the future where we may need your strength and your power. Not to mention we need to improve our image. But it's more than that... I'm curious to see what happens if she changes her mind. I've seen her magnetism through her eyes as well as Felix and Demetri, and she is fascinating! I want to change her myself just to see what happens, but we have had enough unexpected drama for a while.

"Still, I'm not willing to throw away such promise just to take out a couple old enemies. And there are still those who would be upset if we ended you. Vladmir is old enough many feel he's the oldest among us, and when you're as hung up on history as we often are, you can understand why that might bother some of us. And in case you didn't know, Vladmir would die for you – both of you! It's why he was able to fool me when I read his mind; he loves her too."

He puts on a smile worthy of a celebration rather than the threats he's toying with. "Besides, a wedding will be such fun! The city has a cathedral worthy of Rome itself, and we can have guests flown in and make this a celebration that everyone will remember for years! Of course there is still the vote, but the others should go along with me. As soon as we decide to let you live we can start the planning. We should be ready for the nuptials in a week or two, then you'll all be free to go!"

"Does this mean we're not free to go until you put on your show?" I can't help but sneer.

"Stefan! Surely your bride is worthy of a fairy tale wedding. We will need to keep you here so you can be on hand for all the preparations. We can take care of both of your dietary needs while you are with us, and we have guest quarters for any of her friends who wish to come. And of course, until you are married she will not be under your will. We couldn't just let her leave." His smile is condescending and I glare at him.

"Stefan." Her soft voice catches our attention. "I like the idea. If it means we'll be safe and we can be married, I'll go along with it. And maybe the bruises will be healed in two weeks." Her reminder of her injuries sends a brief look of contrition flitting across Aro's face.

"Are you sure?" I would do anything for her, and that she's going along with a plan that isn't her own just to keep me safe cuts deeply.

"Of course I'm sure. All of my girlfriends will be so jealous that I'm getting married in Italy. I hope they can all afford to come." Her smile is the brightest thing in the room, and I wish I could be alone with her.

Aro seems overjoyed at her answer and he claps his hands together. "Wonderful! We will get busy right away – I mean after the vote that is. Of course your friends will be our guests, and their expenses will be covered. And they will be as safe as possible here, have no fear."

"When is the vote?" I can't imagine Caius going along with Aro's plan, and I can't help but fear that our safety still isn't assured.

"As soon as she's well enough to come back into the audience chamber; perhaps another six hours for her blood to be transfused. I'll have food sent up for her, and you can stay with her if you wish." Finally Aro leaves and I am able to put my arms around her. I cover her face with kisses as she tries to hold me with a strength she doesn't have.

"Lie still il tesoro mio, you need to save your strength." I advise her to rest, but what I want to do is pick her up and run with her until Volterra is so far behind us they could never catch us. She looks at me with such trust and I am aware of all the signs of tiredness. "You need to get some sleep. I'll watch over you and keep you safe."

"I don't want you watching over me, I want you beside me. Please, there should be enough room." She moves over and pats the space beside her. I would rather be in a place to better defend her, but I cannot resist the invitations to lie next to her. I share her bed, and I cannot help but wonder if it is for the last time. I hold her frail body against me and she falls asleep in my arms. If I could weep I would weep for all the hell I've put this woman through, and that she still trusts me. I am still terrified that everything will still end badly, but I will fight to my last breath to protect her. I would rather face whatever torment I've earned in the afterlife, than continue to walk the earth in a life without her.

I watch as the bag suspended above her slowly empties. I can almost feel her strength renewing with the donated blood. How ironic that I have brought her so close to what I am, and given her a need for someone else's blood to survive. As she sleeps I can't help but touch her, softly brushing her skin with my fingertips and holding her as close as I dare. I kiss the softness of her face and smell all of her wonderful human scents. I want to absorb her, and I can't help but imagine turning her; not because I want her to be like me, but because I want her to be strong enough to defend herself.

All too soon she wakes. Her smile and her whispered 'I love you' is almost more than I can stand in our current situation.

"Shh, be still and rest." I want her to sleep longer, to postpone our upcoming confrontation. But the bag is empty and she is awake and moving. She asks for water and I find a glass for her on the table. Someone must have been monitoring her progress because the door opens and the doctor comes in. He's one of our kind and it surprises me to know that Carlisle isn't the only one with such knowledge. He removes the needle from her arm with steady hands, and checks her physical progress. Of course I have to leave my place at her side as he examines her, but I refuse to leave her room. The bruises on her body look horrible, but she doesn't seem to mind as the doctor checks to make sure there are no hidden injuries. He also checks the head injury which is stitched closed.

"Can I wash my hair?" She asks the question and it strikes me as odd that all the dried blood in her hair hasn't registered with me. The hair on the back of her head is matted with the sticky dried blood she'd lost earlier. Her lovely blond hair is ugly brown with it.

"You can if you get someone to help you so you don't disturb the stitches. And be careful when you brush it too, if you pull them out you'll bleed again. I don't need to tell you how dangerous that can be." His attitude reminds me of Carlisle, but his red eyes tell me he doesn't have the same compassion.

When Aro comes back Summer asks him if she can clean up and wash her hair before we have to go back into the audience chamber. "I don't know if the dried blood bothers them, but it bothers me, and I'm already the least attractive one in the room."

He laughs, and reaches out to touch her face. She flinches and I move to stop him. "Calm down, both of you!" His order stops me; he doesn't intend to hurt her. She watches him warily as his fingers brush down her cheek several times, as if he's stroking a pet. "So soft and warm," he sighs. "You are mistaken, Summer. You are far more attractive than you know. I can see from your own thoughts the way other people react to you. You are a beautiful woman by human standards, and even among our kind you are like a delicate flower next to polished gemstones. But I believe you should wash before we convene; no use taunting the others with the scent of blood, dried or otherwise." He looks my way. "We'll meet in two hours."

I carry her in my arms as the guide he sends shows us to a spa-like bathroom. Someone has even provided her with clean clothes to put on afterward. She wants to shower, but I don't think it's safe as weak as she is. Instead I run a bath for her and help her in her washing. It reminds me of our first days together, though I can no longer remain impassive at the sight of her. She smiles and tries to entice me to make love with her in the private room, but seeing all of her injuries is a reminder of how weak and fragile she is. I help her wash and take care her personal needs. When she is dressed I gently brush her hair for her, and dry it with the provided appliance. She has never looked more beautiful to me, and I wonder if it is because I've come so close to losing her.

She insists she can walk, but I still carry her back to the room where there is food waiting for her. One advantage to Aro reading her mind is that he knows the foods she likes, and that she doesn't eat meat. Her choices barely fit on the tray and I have to laugh remembering how I fed her at first; completely unaware of her human capacity and desires. All too soon she is finished with her meal and we are lead to the audience chamber. I carry her in my arms, not because I fear her weakness, but because I want to be as close to her as I can for as long as I'm allowed. When we finally stand before the three, I have to let her stand. I have my arm around her and I'm startled when Vladmir puts his arm around her also. Not that she needs both of us to hold her up, but it sends a clear message that the three of us are linked.

When Aro stands he commands attention and continues with our hearing as if he's never been interrupted. He fills everyone in on the truth and the plan he's come up with; leaving out all of his reasons of course. "...So in light of what we now know I propose that we let them live on the condition that they proceed with the wedding. The girl will be no threat to us and our two... old friends will be in good standing once more." He smiles and looks to Marcus, expecting he will easily follow his lead. "Marcus, is it yea or nay?"

His face is passive and bored, but then he looks up and his eyes scan over Vladmir, and Summer before they come to rest on me. It is sheer hatred I see in that look for just a second before the mask is back in place. "Nay. They are clearly in violation of our laws, and I see no reason to grant them amnesty. My vote is NO!" I can see Aro is shocked at Marcus's dissenting vote, but I am not. He still blames me for the death of Didyme. And I can't blame him, knowing how long I have carried a hatred of them over Tessa.

When Aro looks at Cauis I can see his plan beginning to unravel with the smug superior look Cauis wears. "Caius, you've heard _my_ proposal to let them live. Are you going to stand with me or follow Marcus on this vote." It is clear Aro is making it a choice between Him and Marcus rather than life or death for us.

Caius stands. "I am not sure that your plan is sufficient to assure compliance and obedience to our laws." He walks to us and stares down at us, and I cannot understand how I ever saw him as an angel, for he is a spawn of Satan himself, staring judgment down on us through evil red eyes. "I too want to spare them." His lie is so blatant I can easily pick out those who can hear the falsehood, by the way they flinch at the statement. "But perhaps we should be thinking about punishment rather than rewarding them with a wedding celebration." He turns to face Aro. "I just need more assurance that they have learned their lessons and will be more respectful in the future." He turns my way and the sneer on his face reminds me of the night Tessa died. I can see it in his eyes, he's going to vote no, and I'll lose Summer too. Worse, he may vote to have me punished by watching her die, now that I can see he was likely the one who recommended my family be killed.

"Coward." One word spoken softly cuts through the audience chamber like a scream. He turns to face me, and even though his face can no longer turn red, I can see the rage in his features; so can everyone else. "You hide behind your laws and your vote, but you are afraid of me; you always have been, isn't that the truth Caius?" I step away from Summer even though she tries to hold me. "You're afraid of my power and my strength, even though you were the one who turned me!" I step closer to him. "Even now you want to lash out and destroy what I hold dear in the hope that you can somehow ease your fear." I step closer still and I can see behind the fury on his face, he wants to retreat.

I stop almost nose to nose with him and smile. "Now is your chance, Caius. Now is your chance to face me and defeat _me_! Go ahead Caius, take me out; no one will stop you. Hit me if you dare. Come on_ coward._.." I clasp my hands behind my back and raise my chin as I give him my own sneer. "...hit me if you dare!"

Even as he snarls and all semblance of reason drops from his face, I stand passively. He launches himself at me, with his fingers curled into claws. I feel him tearing at me, gouging my flesh and leaving huge gashes. I smile and hold my attack. He's weaker than Carlisle, but my smile makes him even angrier. His backhand to my face rocks my head around and I have just a glimpse of a distraught Summer being held securely by Vladmir.

I hold still and he grabs me and throws me across the room. I hit a pillar and fall to the floor and hear Summer scream. He's on me again, he kicks me and lifts me over his head to slam me into the floor once more. I feel bones break. He picks me up once more, still raging, and I make a feeble attempt to hit him. He flings me to the back wall and my spine is crushed. In my ears there is only one sound; Summers cries. I smile as Caius tears my arm off. I close my eyes as he continues the dismemberment that has her screaming and pleading for them to stop. I know I've done all I can when I fall into nothingness.

The hunger wakes me. There is pain of course, but there is hunger above all else. I hear his laughter; it lets me know that I'm still clinging to this life. Caius is in the room with me and as I open my eyes I can see I'm in one of the holding cells. He stands over me as I lie on the floor. I've clearly had to reassemble my limbs and I can feel I've lost most of my fluids.

"Do you have any idea how easy it would have been to destroy you?" His kick breaks a couple of my ribs. "It's a pity you missed the rest of the meeting. You really should know how benevolent I'm being." He stomps my hand and I can feel several bones snap. "You are going to live, Aro and I were both in agreement on that point." He kicks me in the face, breaking my jaw and knocking out all my front teeth. "And Vladmir also will live." He raises his foot as if to stomp down on my face, but stops. "But I'm afraid our kindness isn't enough to cover your woman."

At the mention of Summer I force myself to stand. If he's hurt her I will destroy him. Maybe he can see it in my bloodshot eyes, or hear it in the grinding of my mangled jaw and teeth as I grimace at him.

"Oh she is yet unhurt, you have misunderstood me Orator. What I mean is that she is not _our _responsibility. Aro wants a wedding, so he may get what he wants. But that is entirely up to you Stefan. You want to prove you have such a strong bond with her; that you can control yourself where she is concerned, and that your love is strong enough to overcome her human frailty. Well, you will have that chance." His smile is more a sneer.

"Until the wedding, which Aro has kindly set for two weeks from now, she will be in your care. Neither of you will be permitted to leave this room, nor will you be permitted to hunt. If she still lives in two weeks, you can have her. So, you can stop blaming me for what happens to the women in your life, this time it's all on you." He smiles as he reaches for the door. I almost attack his retreating back, but I'm distracted when they bring her to the door. As Caius steps out, Summer is pushed into my cell and the door is locked.

I back away from her, looking at the horror in her eyes at what must be a frightening sight after the beating I've taken. "Stay away from me Summer; I need to feed and they hope it will be you."

"But Stefan, you're hurt!" She acts as if she would come closer and I put up my hand, noticing the compound fractures that are only starting to mend.

"Yes, I'm hurt, and I'm thirsting, and you can't do anything about either one. Stay away from me!" I push my will, hoping it's enough. She steps back against the far wall and slides down until she's sitting on the floor. She buries her face in her hands and cries.

I stand and watch her. I want to go to her, to comfort her and kiss away her tears. But I also want to feed on her, to tear her open and drain her dry. I can hear the pounding of her heart and smell the sweet fragrance of her blood. It's gnawing at my resolve and I don't dare move closer. The beating I've taken has made me weak and given me a need I haven't felt since she returned to me to stay. Caius may have sentenced her to death, just as certainly as he did Tessa.

But this time I am determined to control my thirst. We stay in our opposite corners, each of us longing for the other, but for different reasons. I try not to think about her, but her scent is enough to drive me crazy. Instead I think of nothing but her, reminding myself of all the things I love about her. I can stand the smell of her, and I can even take the sound of her heartbeat. But her magnetism is chipping away at my sanity.

We are alone; Summer, me, and my voracious need. I close my eyes and pray. Prostrate on the floor I murmur the chants I learned after Tessa's death. I let the sense of mourning I felt then wash over me and I am able to resist her. For hours I kneel, reminding myself that I have been able to easily last two weeks between feedings. I lose track of time as I pray, and it's only the interruption of Aro's visit that brings me out of my meditations.

I don't move; I don't dare as he stands outside the cell. I hope he doesn't realize how much his presence strains my control. To think he would put her at risk intentionally, angers me just to think of it. "My this is an unfortunate turn of events." He speaks to Summer, knowing I'm listening. "I had no idea Marcus would dissent; it appears he can hold a grudge as long as the rest of you." He laughs at the remark; like he himself has never held on to anger or resentment. "Antagonizing Caius was a brilliant move. It's a pity it wasn't entirely successful, but still it's given you a fighting chance. Summer dear, Caius has stipulated that I am not to provide you with anything to aid in your comfort. You will be allowed food, drink, and opportunities to take care of your personal needs, but nothing else. I apologize for the lack of hospitality; I had hoped it would work out differently."

"He's hurt Aro. What does Caius hope to accomplish?" Her voice is thin, and I can hear the fear and the sadness in the tone.

"He's absolving himself of blame, my dear. He can say Stefan earned the punishment he's been given. To those who don't understand the closeness of your relationship it seems as if Caius has upheld the laws by punishing him. It also looks as if he's shown mercy by not destroying him. But we know that your closeness makes this punishment more a torture. We also understand that failure could easily mean the death of all of you. We've had to imprison Vladmir as well, so he cannot aid you. If Stefan had not provoked the attack, Caius would have demanded your deaths, and I would have been outvoted. But in challenging him it would have been seen as a weakness for Caius to use the passive vote to end him. If Stefan had won the fight it would have meant your deaths, even though the oldest among us understand that he could have defeated him easily."

Perhaps it is the humor in his words, but I suddenly understand that Aro is pleased with the way things have turned out. Not because we face death, but because my confrontation has revealed weaknesses in the other ancient. Anyone who saw the fight would know that I allowed him to win. A weakened Caius could mean strength for Aro. So that's why he didn't stop me from taunting him. If I had fought to win he would have had to stop the fight, which would have shown he was stronger than Caius as well.

"Can I ask one favor, if it doesn't add to my comfort that is?" Her voice is stronger. "Can I have my guitar in here? It's not as if I could defend myself with it, and he's the one who's voice has all the power. Please, I need something to keep my hands and mind busy. Two weeks may not be much to you, but for me it's a very long time."

"Perhaps I can do you a favor if you will do _me _a favor in return. I'll bring you your guitar now, and in two weeks you allow me to walk you down the aisle and give you away." I can hear her surprised gasp, as does he. "Oh come on dear, I've read your mind and I know there's no one to do you the honor. Vladmir will have to be his best man, and you have more than enough girlfriends who will stand up with you. Besides, I've never been a father, and I already feel protective of you."

"From where I am now I don't _feel _very protected." I chant softly, as her agitation is pulling stronger on me. "In fact it feels like this has been a part of your plan all along. I mean if I survive, you get to have the big wedding and whitewash your image. And if he slips and bites me, you know he won't kill me, or maybe you've got someone poised to intervene and save me. Either way I'll become one of you, and you'll get to satisfy your curiosity and see what new magic power I have. It's a win/win situation for you. In fact, the only ones who can lose are your old enemies, and the way you've set it up, it will look as if it's all his fault."

I can hear him laughing. "Summer you are such a jewel! Do you know how long it's been since anyone's spoken so boldly to me? Oh they smile to my face and speak so politely, and then when I read them I hear a whole different story. You are delightfully honest. And you're right, you know. I hope he does bite you; such a precious flower shouldn't fade away and die. You belong with us, and once you see with new eyes and feel your strength... you won't want anything else.

"You're wrong. I belong with him, and I'm going to stay human all the way to the end. If he understands that, why can't you?" I can hear the conviction in her voice, but I know Aro doesn't care what she wants. I wish I could warn her not to challenge him, but it's all I can do to keep away from her. The thirst burns.

He laughs. "You think you will still be human in two weeks? You have obviously not spent much time with a hungry vampire." He's playing with her – taunting her! "I'll make you a deal Summer. If you make it the whole two weeks and remain human, without any outside help that is, we'll wipe the slate clean. You can get married and afterward be free of the Volturi. We won't hunt you or force the three of you to comply with the laws – within reason of course. If you want to travel and sing in every hotel lounge, we will turn a blind eye. If you live to be a hundred years old, you'll be safe from us. We won't interfere in your lives for any lesser offenses.

"That's what I'm offering if you win. But if you lose, if he bites you for any reason and you wake up on my side of the vampire/human divide, then you have to give _me_ something. If you win you get your freedom, but if you lose, I want a year for each of you. Whether you give me three years, or the three of you each give me one, that's up to you. Three years of obedient service to the Volturi in whatever capacity we see fit." I hear his amusement, and it takes a while to realize what he's trying to get her to agree to do.

"No Summer – don't do it!" I can barely gasp the words past my parched lips. I look her way to see that she's heard me, and it chills me to see him standing so close to her even though the bars are between them. "Don't trust him Summer." I hear my raspy voice and realize that the thirst has stolen my power away. I couldn't command a flea to bite a dog as shriveled as my vocal chords must be.

"I don't trust you Aro. It seems like it would be very easy to trick him into biting me. He's weak and almost defenseless."

"Are you suggesting that I would cheat?" I can hear the exaggerated outrage in his voice, and I'm surprised to hear her laugh.

"Of course you would cheat! You like to win, so not cheating would go against your nature. I may have been born yesterday compared to you, but I'm not _stupid._" His laughter surprises me, and it sounds different. It takes a second to realize he's not mocking, deriding, or condescending, but honestly laughing.

Her counter offer shocks me. "I'll tell you what, I'll offer you a similar deal. In two weeks when I'm still human, we get the freedom you mentioned. But if you don't cheat, and he bites me, I'll give you two years before I put an end to myself. You have to let them go, this is just between you and me. If I wake up on your side of the fence, I'll know whether or not you cheated, and if you didn't, I'll be one of you for two years. You think I'll want to live like that, but I know I won't have to worry about it because he won't slip. I trust him."

"I'll have it written up and you can sign it." I want to protest, but I can barely breathe with her scent flowing over me.

"I don't need a contract, I'll accept your word – unless you need _me _to sign something."

"Humm, you are a trusting little thing. I think in two weeks you'll feel differently. I'll hold you to your two years; you do know better than to test me on this. It's good he's told you so much about our laws; it will be easier for you when you become one of us."

"It's good that you've given me your word. In two weeks we'll get our freedom."

"I've never heard of marriage referred to as freedom, but you can delude yourself on more than one point if you like."

"So you're going to hold us to getting married here whether I'm changed or not?" I hear the worry in her voice. I hate that I'm forced to listen to their conversation as if I'm not even here

"Of course. Your marriage has already been announced, and it's a term for your release. I can't go back on something that's already been decided. Besides, I've always wanted to have a wedding at Volterra, and you will make a lovely bride, especially if you're one of us."

"Well, I hate to disappoint you, but I will be human when I get married."

"So, we have a deal? Two weeks, no cheating, freedom if you win, two years if you lose?"

I try to protest. I fear drawing enough breath to speak as long as her scent is tearing through all of my defenses. The urge to protest is being overridden by an urge to pounce on her and feed. It takes every bit of my will just to remain in one place – silent. If only I didn't have to hear her make her pact with the devil. "We have a deal."


	25. Chapter 25 Hunger

Chapter 25

Hunger

It seems that all vampires can do with me is throw me in jail. First Stefan and his little cell, and now here in Volterra I'm once again being held captive. This time it's for the horrific crimes of wanting to stay human, and singing some songs – I am such a threat!

I can't stand what they've done to him. A human wouldn't have been able to withstand even the first attack, but he took several minutes of brutal punishment, even while laughing and goading Caius into a frenzy. I know he can heal from almost anything, but I also know he's not immune to the pain. He endured it all to save me. Not because my crimes should have earned me a death sentence, but because I'm merely a tool to punish him. I don't matter at all to them except for how they can use me.

I can't believe that Aro has been so honest. Well, not exactly honest, but at least he's opened up about wanting to see me turned. It scares me, since he's so used to getting what he wants. He holds his hand out for me to shake on the deal we've just made. I hate touching him. The idea that he can read my every thought at a touch disturbs me more than the deal itself. But I reach through the bars and he takes my hand. His twisted smile makes me wonder what memory he's latched onto, and I try to yank my hand back.

He continues to hold my hand, easily resisting my effort to pull away. "It's so interesting the way your mind works. You've watched everyone around you suffer and die, and yet you resist the gift we offer you. You are an amazing creature, but still you consider yourself below even the animals in your worthiness to live."

He smiles at me, still holding my hand. "I know you would want to end your life if you become one of us. You think you can deceive me with your promise of two years, when you would plan to end yourself as soon as possible." He squeezes my hand uncomfortably. "You need to know Summer, if that were to happen, I would make them both pay, at least two fold. Just think of it; Stefan mourning over you, and having the_ pleasure _of serving the Volturi for four years in your place. But then you and I both know if you ended yourself, he would follow you into his final death."

He draws me closer, pulling my arm through the bars as his other hand slips around my neck and we are almost nose to nose. "You have made a deal with me, and if you lose, I _will _collect, one way or another." He holds me longer than necessary to make his point, and I feel the fear building in me. I also feel the anger that he is able to read this from my own mind. With his red eyes gazing into mine I fight to control my fear. He smiles triumphantly, and I feel him start to relax his hold.

Before he releases me I feel his fingers on the back of my neck, no longer holding me, but now touching and _caressing_ me. "You are such a lovely girl, and oh the things you've done with him – even the thoughts are tantalizing." Rather than releasing me, he pulls me even closer, and his face is almost touching mine. His scent is drawing me in, but everything in me wants to pull away from him, and I stand almost frozen in place. Even Aro is not immune!

He laughs then. The sound is beautiful and it sends shivers down my spine. "How wonderful! Your magnetism even works on me. Even though I know what's happening, I still can't resist you. And I can see in your mind how it upsets you, and you still can't contain it. Remarkable! You have such a gift! Il dio mio, I want you!" He moves with hypnotic grace, slipping his arms through the bars to pull me as near as he can with the metal between us.

"No! Please don't do this Aro, I can't resist you." His lips brush my cheek, and I can't help but think that he's really a vampire, and if he wanted to, he could open the door and pull me out to feed on me, or worse. Our eyes meet in sudden understanding. "You can read my thoughts – oh god, no! He pulls back a bit, obviously trying to decide the best way to get me out without letting go of me.

It's then Stefan attacks. I barely hear the low snarl as he launches himself at Aro, who still has his hands on me. With his hands and teeth, he tears into his arms with a speed and fierceness that catches Aro off guard. As soon as I can tear myself away, I back up to the far wall. The two stand glaring at each other, and so many things are communicated but not spoken. Even as they face off, I can see that Aro is losing interest in me. Stefan is clearly a threatening presence as he guards the door in case Aro opens the cell. Eventually Aro glides to the other side of the holding area.

He looks past Stefan, to me. "You almost had me... no, you _did _have me. You just might win our bet. Well, that depends on whether he saved you, or merely saved you for himself. I think I need to go find my wife now. You have a pleasant evening." He strolls out of the area, and I'm left looking at Stefan, who isn't looking at me intentionally.

I slide down the wall and sit on the floor, which is the only seat they've left me. It seems like hours that we each stay where we're planted, until finally a woman comes in. It's the one they call the shield, Renata. She opens the cell door and takes me out. She explains as she leads me away that I'm allowed a certain amount of time to take care of my human needs. I'm given food, and allowed to use the bathroom and bathe quickly.

When I'm taken back he's kneeling in the corner, again chanting or praying. Because his words are so fast and muted I can't tell which. He doesn't look up as Renata closes me inside with him. The lights of the cell are turned off one by one, and I think they're trying to do me a favor and give me time to sleep. I'm exhausted, but there's no bed, nor even a soft place to lie. I stretch out on the cold, hard, floor and close my eyes. My body still hurts from everything that's happened, and I can't get comfortable.

I try to sit up in a corner, but all it does is remind me of how cold and hard it is in the cell. Even Stefan when he planned to end my life, was more conscientious than the Volturi. And the worst prisons back home at least afford their prisoners a mat to sleep on. I'm a prisoner. In the dark it hits me that my life is once again in someone else's hands. Only this time I don't even have the freedom to use the toilet when I want, and no one cares if I live or die. No, that's not true, they only care if I_ die._

I curl into a ball and close my eyes. It's only two weeks, and I'm sure I can get used to it in time. The memory hits me like a sucker punch. My mother... my mommy, back before she left me and I was still little. It was a nightmare that had me calling for her; one about bugs crawling out of the dark to get me. I remember her holding me and comforting me, and singing her favorite lullaby; 'All the Pretty Little Horses.' She had such a soft sweet voice, and I can remember the sound like I haven't been able to for years.

I feel my tears, cold and wet, and trickling in uncomfortable angles across my face. My body shakes with my sobs, and I almost scream at the touch of his hand. Stefan is kneeling beside me with his hand on my shoulder. "You're crying." His voice is a shadow of what it should be. "I'm so sorry." His hand traces lightly down my arm. "Can I hold you?"

"You tell me. If you can, I would... I would like that."

"I don't know if I can resist you. But I can't stand to hear you crying all alone. Come." He moves slowly, and it takes a minute to realize he's removing his shirt. He wraps me in the borrowed silk, and pulls me against his bare chest. "You're almost as cold as I am." I feel his arms around me, and somehow feel warmer even though he doesn't offer heat. It surprises me how naturally my body conforms to his, and how much I've missed being held in his arms.

"I remember my mother. She used to sing a lullaby to me when I was little... when I was afraid. It was called, "All the Pretty Little Horses," and I loved the song so much I began to love horses too." I'm resting with my head against his chest and my body curled against him. I can feel his hand stroking my hair, as his other arm holds me close.

His voice is weak and quiet, but he sings to me; "Hush a bye, don't you cry, go to sleepy little baby..." I may not wake up in the morning, but it feels right that I'm with him.

"I love you Stefan. Don't be sorry, I don't blame you for any of this." He doesn't answer, and I close my eyes and drift off.

I actually do make it through the night. I feel unreasonably happy to wake up in his arms, even though I can see he's struggling with his hunger. I wish some of the vampire books I'd read had been true, and I could give him small amounts of my blood. He's not exactly withering away, but he looks hollow. He's losing his vitality, and he looks like a human who's been rescued after being lost in the woods for days; hungry and tired.

I try to sit up from where we're lying on the floor, but he holds me tight. "Not yet. Just let me hold you while I can." I relax against him with a smile. "I think I may have been wrong. I don't think it helps to stay away from you. You can't get far enough away from me in here to keep me from wanting you. But when you're with me, you at least seem calmer, and I don't feel you pulling me so much. I love you, Summer."

I can feel him press his cheek against the top of my head. "You can see now that I'm not human, and I'm never going to be completely safe. Right now it's all I can do to resist taking you. But I feel more peaceful too while I'm holding you. Across the room I feel like stalking you and feeding on you. With you in my arms I don't feel like I'm hunting."

"But you still feel like... feeding on me."

"Oh yes!" His arms tighten around me. "But it's not driving me. I feel like I can... save you for later."

"I hate what they've done to you!" I raise up to look at his face.

"This is nothing new, my love. It's always been in the back of my mind that I could... feast on you. It's part of what I am, and what I'll always be. I pray that my will is stronger than my nature. It's our only hope."

"I know you're stronger than that. I'm in love with the man you are. I know that you're never going to be human, but it doesn't matter to me." I kiss his neck and he groans.

"I wish we had privacy. It would be nice to satisfy at least one of my hungers for you." It's nice to know he still has his dry sense of humor.

"Me too. But at least in two weeks we'll be able to take care of all of our needs. Do you still want to marry me? I mean after all this craziness I can understand if you've changed your mind. It seems it would be like me wanting to marry a chicken or a cow. I mean talk about playing with your food."

"Summer, I don't see you as food, I thirst for your blood There's just not enough for both of us," he chuckles.

"I wish I could give you some. I mean, I know it's more than just the blood, but even a little would help, wouldn't it?"

"You've just had a transfusion yourself, and you'd still give me your blood? I don't deserve you."

"I quite agree!" Aro has slipped in silently and his words startle me. "Oh how cozy you look – still human I see. But then again if you were to try to give him some of your blood that would be all over. He'd be like a shark, and finish you off in one bite. Or he might have more restraint, and stop himself; essentially poisoning you and turning you into one of us. I encourage you to try it."

Stefan sits up and looks at Aro with disgust. "Haven't you got something better to do? Some little children to frighten, old women to harass, or puppies to torture?"

Aro laughs. "I hear lately you're the one torturing puppies. Or do you prefer your fuzzy animals a bit larger? It's so nice to see you're not suffering too badly; I was quite worried yesterday."

"Go to hell Aro. You can save me a place. Tell me, is it part of your plan to freeze her to death? Or do you just hope to keep her from recovering by forcing her to sleep on the stone floor?" He stands and pulls me to him. "Let me put this in a way even you can understand. In two weeks of treatment like this, she is going to be a horrible looking bride. She already has dark circles under her eyes, and she will get sick if you continue to mistreat her."

"As if you've done better yourself. I know all about that squalid little cellar room you kept her in. And at least we haven't drugged the girl."

"_The girl _is right here, and that's not your memory!" I was afraid Aro would use my memories against him, and now he is doing just that.

"Oh please! You can't expect me to allow him to look down upon me from his high horse. I will talk to Caius and convince him to at least give you a place to sleep and a way to stay warm. Or maybe I should have him spend some time with you himself and let you charm what you want out of him." He grins maliciously at Stefan. "It would be be interesting to see both of you fighting over her, but I fear there wouldn't be enough left to turn if you did."

"Why are you here?" Stefan has his arms protectively around me

"I'm glad you haven't disappointed me by feeding on her so soon. We do still have a wedding to plan, and it's so difficult to work with newborns. Not to mention having to wait for that inconvenient time during the change to pass. But I'm here for invitations. Specifically, I need to know who you would invite, and who you would ask to stand up with you?"

It is almost impossible to concentrate on what seems to be trivial details when my life and safety are constantly at risk. Finally Aro just asks that I allow him to touch me. With Stefan by my side he reads the details from my mind as he asks me questions. There comes a moment when he strokes my hand affectionately, and Stefan pulls me back away from him.

"Don't be ridiculous. If I want her I could easily have her at any time! Aro looks almost angry. His eyes are a dark red, and I know enough to understand that he will soon need to feed. Someone is going to die soon.

"Easily? I think you overestimate your power." Stefan's voice is stronger as he confronts Aro. "Unless by easy you mean to use the guard to do your bidding."

"Why don't you just save us all a lot of time with all this protesting and posturing and just bite her. She's delicious – my mouth waters just smelling her – no one would blame you. Get it over with Stefan, you and I both know that in two weeks you'll be more dead than alive. You may be able to resist her now, but in thirteen more days you won't be able to see beyond her pulse, or hear more than her beating heart." Aro's laughter is musical, but his words chill me. Not that it's news he wants to turn me, but because he doesn't care at all what I want. As a human I am nothing but a bag of blood.

I can't take much more of the sniping. "Please, just go away. If you really believe I've only got a short time left to live, then at least give me some peace to enjoy it."

"My, my, my, the way you two try to protect one another is so touching. And I've gone out of my way to bring you a gift." He waves, and Renata comes in, carrying my guitar. As the door opens, she sets it inside, and takes my hand.

"It is time for you to eat, and take care of your needs." Her English is spoken with a heavy Italian accent. She leads me out and I've learned the way to the bathroom and where they allow me to eat. It's odd how they've tried to provide for me, and yet they forgot things a human would not. They've given me a toothbrush, but no toothpaste. I have shampoo, soap, and thick, fluffy, towels, but not a razor or deodorant. And what passes for toilet paper is so harsh I have to wet it before I can use it.

I linger over the breakfast, hoping to give Stefan as much time as possible before he has to worry about killing me. I try to talk to Renata, "How long have you been one of them?"

"I have been with the Volturi for over twelve hundred years." She seems proud of it, like it's an achievement.

"I bet you get to travel a lot, and see the world. Where's the best place you've ever been?" I nibble the cheese while she watches.

"I have only left Volterra on a few occasions when I was needed. This is my home and I love it here. I have lived here since I was changed, and I don't have any desire to leave." I have to wonder how much of her desire is hers, and how much is the influence of Chelsea and others who can create binding ties to this place. I wonder if I would feel the same if I were changed while I'm here.

"You need to finish, it is time to go back." As we walk I think about spending four hundred years in the same place, doing the same thing. It sounds like a nightmare to me.

As soon as we're back she puts me into the cell, ignoring my delaying tactics. Stefan has to get used to me all over again, and I hold perfectly still to wait for the predatory look to leave his eyes. When he finally takes me in his arms I relax into him. "I love you." I whisper against his shoulder. He's once again wearing the silk shirt, and I slowly put my arms around him.

"I'm so sorry Summer. It's all my fault you're in this mess. And I still don't know if I can resist you for two weeks. Aro is right, in two weeks I won't even know you. This thing that I've become, it wants to survive above all else. I would rather die than hurt you, but the monster inside me will think nothing of killing you."

I look up into his beautiful, haunted face and put my hands on his cold cheeks. "You're stronger than that. I know you're the one in control. The man I love isn't a puppet, and I know you can make it. But if something happens, and you don't..."  
"Don't say that!" He interrupts me. "I don't need you to give me permission, or forgiveness."

"I'm not... giving you permission that is. But I love you, and if you lose control, I want you to know I'm here because I love you. It's been my choice ever since Carlisle left me at the airport. My time with you has been the best time of my life, and I wouldn't go back and change it even if I could. Even if it means that this is the end of me, I know you'll remember me forever."

"Shh, you're wrong. I will only remember you until I can end myself. You are the last woman I will love. But you are also the last woman I will lose. I won't live without you." He holds me so tight I can't breathe, then he relaxes with an apologetic look on his face. "Sorry."

"You won't have to worry about ending yourself, I know you're stronger than you think. And now we have something to keep me busy." I look at the guitar and smile. "I have two weeks to practice so that I don't sound so terrible when we play together next time."

We sit together on the floor while I play. The time passes quickly as we sing together. For the first time his voice doesn't overpower mine, and we sound good together. When Renata comes to get me for lunch I kiss his cheek before I leave.

When I come back the cell is a bit different. There is a small bed inside with a couple blankets. There is also a chair, and it's resemblance to the one in Stefan's cellar is a reminder that Aro has read it in my mind. Again I wait for him to adjust to my presence, but instead he comes to me and wraps me in his arms. "I've missed you. You're right, I'm not a puppet, and I will not kill you." He carefully kisses my cheek.

"What's changed your mind? When I left you were convinced that I was about to expire."

He points to the chair. "Aro is taunting me. I think that's why he keeps visiting you; he knows I won't kill you in his presence. He keeps reminding me that if we lose, he will own me. But I think he wants us to win. He's sending Renata in to take care of you, and she's the only one who can resist us both, and she's loyal to Aro."

"But he wants me turned! He doesn't want us to win." I can't see it the way he does.

"You're thinking like a human. Aro is ancient. If I'm weak enough to turn you, then he wins in the short term. You'll be one of us, and we'll owe him our service. But if you win, he gains in the long term. It looks bad on Caius and makes Aro look stronger. We then have the agreement of our freedom, and the wedding which will do wonders for their image. If we're free to live without the influence of the Volturi, it's the kind of thing that will shake up our world. What we've already done could put us on the path to the conflict with humans he's predicting. Cauis is a legalist, and Marcus is... fading. Aro wants change. But not because he wants things to be different, but because he seeks more power."

"That's quite a convoluted theory. But if it works for you, I'm happy." He surprises me when he pulls me close and kisses me, not on the cheek but the lips. It's a reminder of how long it's been since we've been alone together, and I cling to him.

When he pulls back he smiles down at me. "Aro has never seen Star Wars. I'm going to take my philosophy from Yoda: 'Do or do not, there is no try.' I've been trying to resist feeding on you, but it's not about trying. That allows for failure, and I can_ not_ allow myself to fail. I will not feed on you Summer. I don't care if you are reduced to a scent and a heartbeat, and I forget your name, I will not!" I see the determination on his face, and I know he's once again resolved. "And since that is no longer an option, I can see no reason why I can't hold you and kiss you." To prove his point, he kisses me again, and his hands travel over me in a way that makes me wish we were alone.

At night we both sleep in the small bed, but he insists I use both blankets to keep warm. When I wake up in his arms I'm startled to see he's in a trance like state. As soon as I move, he comes out of it with a smile. "I used to rest like that all the time. It's one of those things that comes with age, and I used to think it was a bad thing. But I think I can use it to help me conserve what strength I have left. It used to be impossible to do it with you so near, but when you're asleep I think I can distract myself enough from you to make it work."

We spend long hours during the day playing the guitar and singing. I also do some exercises to keep from wasting away. It's in this way that a week passes without any instances of Stefan trying to kill me. Aro makes daily visits to update me on the wedding plans, and ask my ideas on different details. I'm especially surprised when he tells me that I have so many friends who have accepted the invitation to come. I've chosen my best friend back home to stand up with me, and there are several others he's chosen to be bridesmaids. The plans make it seem much more elaborate than anything I ever would have planned, but he insists.

"So what are you going to do when my girlfriends arrive and insist on seeing me and meeting my fiance?" I hope my question challenges him, but it doesn't seem to even give him pause.

"Oh they'll meet him at the party I've got planned. In three days you'll both go to the party to meet with your friends and socialize. Of course he won't be safe, but that's just a chance we'll have to take. There will be several of us on hand to make sure he doesn't eat your bridesmaids, but it promises to be an interesting evening!"

I want to argue with him, but considering the laws of Volterra I'm sure my friends will be safe. But they may get to witness him biting me if we're not extremely careful.

Later I talk to Stefan about it. "It won't be easy, Summer. I have gotten used to your scent and your presence. But it's all about my control. It's my decision, and I'm not willing to lose so close to our wedding. Just don't expect me to be pleasant company."

The three days pass, and we are both allowed to bathe and dress in elegant party clothes. Someone does my hair and make-up for me, and when I see Stefan again he looks elegant in a dark suit. I'm worried about him; he looks different than when we first arrived. He's almost gaunt, and his skin is dry and papery feeling. His smile is still beautiful, but his eyes are black and piercing. I start to worry that my friends won't like him, but then I realize that they shouldn't. I'm the only one who needs to like him, and I know exactly how dangerous he is.

I was thinking that the party would be in the same building where the Volturi live, but instead we're driven to a hotel where the affair has been organized, planned, and catered. The room is large, and well decorated. There's a buffet with all kinds of food, and tables for everyone to sit. I've got thirty people I know, and they've also brought date's, spouses, or guests. I can also tell there are an equal number of his kind mingling with the human guests.

As we make our entrance, Stefan walks arm in arm with me, and I'm so proud of his restraint. Of course Aro is attending; giving orders and making last minute arrangements for this or that. He greets us as we enter with a smile as fake as the towering floral arrangements flanking the door. "Summer, you look absolutely beautiful! And Stefan, you... look like you're not feeling well." His words are a reminder that we are planning on telling my guests he's not feeling well. Emma, my maid of honor is the first to greet us and she rushes to my arms and we hug as she squeals her delight.

"Oh my gosh you look so beautiful! I'm so glad you finally found someone to be good to you!" She looks expectantly toward Stefan for an introduction.

"This is my fiance, Stefan. He's not feeling well, so you might not want to shake his hand." She looks at him, and suddenly looks wary. "It's nice to meet you." She speaks with a timid voice and a nod of her head. I glance at Stefan, and he looks like he could devour her where she stands. "Excuse me, please." I take his arm and pull him away from the other guests, to a table in the corner. "Are you going to be okay? We can go... I don't care about this party as much as I care about you."

"It's so difficult! I'm so thirsty, and they are so... " He wraps his arms around me tight and buries his face in my hair. "I know I won't hurt you, but... "

"Stefan, this is part of the Volturi plan to win. If you take one of the guests, you lose. You'll be breaking the law, and they will feel they have the right to end you. And I will be without your protection. You have to resist! Tell me what I need to do to make this work."

We spend an hour of the party meeting my friends and guests. He stands behind me with his arms around my waist through each introduction and while I do most of the talking. To most of my friends he looks completely enthralled with me, often burying his nose in my hair or kissing my neck. Any time someone asks him an uncomfortable question, he lapses into speaking Romanian with some words of broken English thrown in. Later when everyone is sitting to eat, I stay with him at our corner table, sitting on his lap. For the most part, my friends are charmed by him, except for Emma who likely thinks I've found an unfaithful, lecherous man.

The last hour of the party is the hardest. The music begins to play, and we are expected to dance. At first Stefan whirls me onto the dance floor, and I'm impressed with how fluidly he moves. He's an amazing dancer, but as we glide across the dance floor I realize we've lost the excuse that he's too ill for this.

I feel my stomach drop as a couple of my friends try to cut in. We stop, and Stefan holds me tight. "I apologize, but I just cannot bear to part with her for any reason. Perhaps I will feel differently after the wedding." We leave them watching after us as he twirls me away. "I'm sorry to seem so rude," he whispers in my ear. "But if I hold another woman in my arms... I don't know what will happen."

With the dancing so limited, it doesn't take long for the party to break up. I have a little more time to chat with my friends, but then Aro comes to let us know our ride is waiting for us. It doesn't take long before we are once again in our cell. It seems so odd to go from a fancy party, to a prison cell.

The next day is not much different, except that Aro comes to chat about all the things he learned during the party. He shares that my maid of honor is very worried about me, thinking that Stefan had looked at her with lust. I'd been so caught up with watching Stefan, I'd missed the fact that Aro had danced with all of my girlfriends. "I've learned so much about you. I never imagined that you dated so many unrestrained, lecherous men. For the most part they are happy for you, though some of them are jealous as well. Today we're going to be fitting your wedding party.

Stefan leaves my side and he confers with Aro in the fast way they are able to hear and understand. I can pick up on some of the words, and I'm reminded of how he was planning our wedding before we were captured. I forgot that I should have consulted with him concerning the details which are so much more important to him than they are to me. I sit and strum the guitar, as they go on for quite some time.

With two days left until the wedding Stefan is weak. Not in his resolve, but physically. He lies in bed in a trance-like state more and more, and I'm afraid that soon he just won't come out of it. His every word is now whispered, and the sunken look of his face looks nothing like him. He still wants me close, but I can feel the way his skin hangs from him and I'm actually afraid I'll hurt him.

On the day before the wedding we have an unusual visitor. Caius stands outside our cell and observes us from the other side of the bars. "I never would have thought it was possible. You should have been dead long ago." Stefan is weak and he doesn't even get up from the bed. I stand to face him, and I'm surprised that for someone who has impacted my life so much, I've spoken very little to him.

I walk over to the bars and fearlessly look him in the eyes. "Why do you hate him so much?" I look at his face, his beautifully childlike face. I can understand how Stefan once thought he was an angel.

He doesn't even look at me. He looks at Stefan as he answers me. You couldn't possibly understand. I have no use for the emotion of hate. It is the law which matters most.

"You can tell yourself that, but I saw the fight, and I saw the rage and hatred on your face. It had nothing to do with the law."

He looks at me. His cold eyes regard me like some kind of insect that has crawled into his presence. "It isn't natural, the feelings you have for one another. Quite honestly it makes me sick. Aro is having so much fun toying with you, but I'd rather kill you, I'd still like that." He steps close to the bars. "You are blurring the lines between our kind and humans. That should never happen! Stefan has always elevated humans above what they deserve; first with his human fiance and family, then with the humans we preyed upon, and of course all those who allied themselves with him and Vladmir."

His smile twists and he looks down his nose at me. "His so-called son Daniel had the right idea, though he needed to be schooled in restraint. Stefan destroyed him, when he merely treated humans as they should be treated." He narrows his eyes at me. "You are food, nothing more. You are simply not worthy of his devotion. Evolution has favored us with greater strength, intelligence, speed, ability, and longevity. It is laughable that any of our kind want to protect you rather than feed upon you. It is a perversion of all we are, and I despise it! This wedding is a mockery. For him to marry you is no different than watching a human marry a cow."

"I love him. And he loves me... doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Love is merely an emotional response to a physical stimulus. He loves you because you are frail, and pretty, and look at him with doe eyes. He has always enjoyed being adored. It doesn't surprise me that you love him; he is so far above you. It could just as easily have been me, or Aro, or Vladmir, or... any of us. You are not special, you're merely lucky he didn't feed on you when he should have. If you want to call it love, I can't prevent you from deluding yourself. But for him to call it love is blasphemy!"

I don't notice he's so close. He reaches through the bars and grabs my arm with the speed of a striking snake. He pulls me against the bars hard enough to hurt, and I'm so close I can see every detail of his face. "You might have won your bet with Aro, but don't think for a second that you'll ever be above the Volturi! You are nothing but prey, and he should have had the good sense to feed on you. You despise our laws, but if it were not for those laws, I would feed on you myself!" He holds my face in his hand, and he licks me from my neck to my ear. The smile on his face is far from angelic

The lock clicks, and the door swings open even as he still holds me through the bars. He pulls me into the area outside the cell, and Stefan remains still. I want to call out to him, but I'm afraid of what will happen if he confronts Caius.

"I fail to see what all the fuss is about. It's all Aro could talk about – how alluring you were and how he would have taken you himself." He pulls me to him, and I try unsuccessfully to struggle free. He tangles his hand in my hair and pulls my head back. "If I changed you, we could watch a newborn bride walk down the aisle and try to eat her guests. Then the law would be on my side!"

I hear him laugh; cold and unsympathetic. "I feel it now! Aro was right... you are such a temptation! Stefan must be dead if he doesn't want to take you." His hands are moving over me and molding me to his hard body

"You're married. Caius, you're breaking the law!" I struggle, but it seems useless in his iron grip.

"You are only human... it won't mean a thing to my wife. I can play with my food all I like." He kisses me. His mouth is hard on mine and his tongue forces between my lips. When he stops I see there is an arm around his throat.

"Come old friend, this is not the way you would want to go out." It's not Stefan, but Aro pulling him back from me. "Let her go, she's won her freedom." Caius relaxes his grip on me and I pull away. I slip back into the open cell to see what's wrong with Stefan. He's still and unresponsive, and I think he might be gone already. I put my arms around him and try to lift him, and he's so weak he can barely sit.

"It's over, Stefan. We're free! Wake up... are you okay?" He slumps against the wall, and his eyes are cloudy as he looks my way.

"Love you..." He whispers before sliding sideways in the bed. His eyes are open but they don't focus on anything. I didn't even notice them come in, but Caius and Aro are standing on either side of me, and all I can do is cry.

"I have never seen anything so ridiculous!" Cauis looks almost shocked. "He's ignoring the very meal that could save his life!"

Aro looks at me and shakes his head. "He's too weak to hunt. One of us will have to hunt for him."

"Will my blood help him?" I ask Aro since Caius won't understand what I'm suggesting. "Not all of it, but a little? Enough to get him up so he can hunt?"

Aro's face is unreadable, but he takes me outside the cell and closes the door with Cauis inside. I hand him the cup I've had for water. "Just like Sulpicia did... no venom." I hold out my wrist and he effortlessly slices across it with his fingernail. The blood trickles at first, but as he manipulates my wrist it pours steadily into the cup. As soon as it's full he wraps my wrist in fabric strips and advises me to keep pressure on it. He opens the cell and pulls Stefan to a sitting position and forces him to drink like a child. It seems odd watching him drink my blood, and crazily hoping he likes it.

Before the cup is half empty, he takes it from Aro and tips it up, greedily emptying it. He seems more alive than he has in days, and his eyes find mine. His voice is ragged as he snarls. "Make her leave before you open the door. I know she gave me her blood, and I want_ more_!" In minutes Renata is there, leading me away from him. For hours I wait and wonder, and I suffer through a visit from their doctor who stitches up my wrist. When finally Aro visits me I'm a nervous wreck.

"He is fine. He has hunted and he's as good as new. He's with Vladmir right now. You'll get to see each other tomorrow, at the wedding. I know it's a quaint old tradition, but it was actually his idea. We have a place for you to stay until then, and you can see your friends." Aro and Renata stay for a few hours, discussing all the specific details of the wedding. I wonder why Renata's there since she clearly doesn't care about such things, but it's obviously so Aro won't feel my attraction.

As soon as it's dinner time Aro disappears. I'm in the middle of eating when Vladmir finds me. I'm so happy I throw my arms around him and kiss his cheek. "I'm so glad to see you!"

"Well, that makes two of us. I thought for sure you'd have joined us by now. You're lucky it was him, I couldn't have done it."

"I didn't feel lucky. But is he okay? I mean really? He looked like he was almost gone. Is that possible?" I have a million questions about Stefan.

"He's fine, except that he misses you. He made me promise to tell you, he thanks you for your blood. And I don't think it's possible to starve us to death, but we can starve to the point of helplessness. Sort of like a sponge we can dry out entirely and not be capable of hunting. It's been used as a punishment before. When we come out of such a state it takes outside interventions to revive us. Stefan was that far gone. I'm glad you both made it out alive." He hugs me and kisses my cheek before glancing at Renata. "Don't you go anywhere, it wouldn't be a good idea for the best man to bite the bride."

When Aro returns he looks a little surprised to see Vladmir with me. Then he smiles. "I should tell her what I've read in your mind. After what you've done with my wife, it seems only fair."

"No! I don't want to hear whatever it is you've read!" I come close to putting my fingers in my ears, no matter how childish it would look.

"Fine, I won't share." He gets past his miffed look and hands me a small fabric bag. "I brought you something to wear tomorrow. It's only borrowed, so you can return it whenever you like." Inside the bag is a bracelet that looks like it would match my engagement ring perfectly. "Wear it over your bandaged wrist." I slip it on and it's the perfect cover.

"Thank you. The doctor said it was a clean cut and it should heal fine."

"I've never seen anything like what you two did. That he starved himself rather than feed on you was phenomenal. But then you offered your own blood to feed him... Let Caius mock what you two have, but to me it looks like love. I had thought I'd seen restraint before, but Stefan has shown me a whole new depth of control. I am looking forward to giving you to him tomorrow. You two belong together."


	26. Chapter 26 Dum Dum da Dum

Chapter 26

Dum Dum Da Dum

I never knew sheep could taste so good. It wasn't as if I had been permitted to hunt, they were provided for me, but after so long thirsting they were heavenly. At least that's what I try to tell myself as I wait alone in my room. Heavenly... that would be the taste of Summer's blood. Just when I thought I was fading from life, the sweetest honey touched my lips. Barely enough to bring me back from the brink, but enough to create in me a craving – a_ need_ that sheep will never satisfy. I only wish I had more time. Tomorrow I have to face her, and once again conquer my thirst. She had no idea such a small taste would magnify the need as it has, but Aro knew.

I can't believe today I will be getting married, and yet I feel more like a puppet in Aro's show. I will do it for her. I will do all I can to make the day exactly what she never dreamed she could have. That of course means restraining myself, which should be no problem during the ceremony. It's when I can finally be alone with her that I will be tested like never before. How will I control my craving when she is alone with me, and expects me to be her husband in every way?

I wonder why I ever thought I could join with her in unholy matrimony, when the only other to do so killed his precious wife. Should it matter that he brought her to our side afterward? That very act of saving her could make me lose my Summer forever.

The day is full of preparations, since we will be getting married in the evening. The outfit I'm expected to wear looks more like that of a mid-century prince than a wedding tuxedo, but I'm told it is befitting my rank. As if we worry about such things among our kind. My hair is trimmed and my nails are manicured, and I insist they stop as they are about to add perfume and make-up. If they are attending to me in such a way, I can only imagine what Summer is having done.

Of course it was my idea to observe the tradition of not seeing the bride before the wedding. But that was before we were put through our two weeks of confinement and torment. I am desperate to assure myself that she is alright, even though everyone tells me that she is doing well.

"Today's the day brother. How are you feeling?" Vladmir slips into my room with a genuine smile. He of course is my best man, and I think he is looking forward to the wedding more than I am. "Your bride is going to look stunning! I never knew there were so many things they could do to one girl. I finally had to leave when they brought in all of her human girlfriends. There is so much activity and preparation, you'd think instead of a wedding they were going to sacrifice her."

He's joking, but I groan and fall into a chair. "It could very well be that they are." His concern is touching, and it reminds me that he too loves her. "I've tasted her blood!" I feel sadness and shame as I look up at him. "You know what that has done to me, old friend. All the time we've had together, I have gotten used to her. I have even starved rather than feed on her... but this... how do I get past this?"

"Why would you do such a thing? I heard she wanted to give you her blood, but I didn't realize you _accepted _her donation!" He can't understand why I would do something so dangerous. He understands how unnatural it is for us. It's one of the reasons we don't drink donated blood, aside from the chemicals. We are made for all or nothing feeding. In Volterra, several often feed from one victim, but the victim never survives. It's one way to keep from accidentally creating another of us, if they should escape. A part of us can sense the life of the victim and it_ calls_ to us. Aro has turned Summer into my singer.

"I was too far gone to know what it was. She thought she was helping me, and Aro - he helped her do this. He wants her to be one of us, and he doesn't care about her life."

"Careful old friend, you don't know the whole truth. He wants her turned, but he also wants her for himself, and not just for her ability. I can't read his mind, but I know he and Sulpicia are not happy together. She's as jealous of Summer as a woman can be, since it seems Aro is so fascinated with her. We've spent a lot of time together in the past two weeks, and Aro has been completely unconcerned. She's actually a little heartsick over his lack of interest." He too seems upset.

"Are you trying to win her back?" I set aside my own troubles and pay attention to his.

"I don't think so. I've enjoyed spending time with her, she is such an amazingly interesting and complicated woman. And of course there are none more beautiful, and she truly sees right through me. But just when I start to feel like there could be more between us, she'll do something so cold or uncaring it will remind me that she's the same girl who ran from me when I needed her most." He looks me in the eyes. "Be very wary around Aro my friend. Summer has many qualities Sulpicia has, but she also has selfless compassion."

"I know – I love that about her. Unfortunately her innocent donation puts her at risk. Even now I feel her drawing me." I turn and point. "She's up one more floor, and to the northeast. If my door wasn't guarded, I would go to her."

"You won't hurt her. I know you. I mean look at all you've already withstood. I would have fed on her the first moment I saw her, but you've resisted all this time. And you make love with her, and never hurt her. And during your captivity you starved yourself to keep from killing her. No one has ever seen that accomplished before." He smiles then as he pats my shoulder. "You and I also know it's been done before. Edward Cullen resisted his singer for almost _two years_. And I know you're stronger; he's practically a newborn next to you."

I groan again and shake my head. "He had fifty years of denial before he met her. He hadn't fed on humans for so long he wasn't as tempted. But I have not had that kind of a diet. I know exactly what I'm missing. She's up there Vladmir." I point again. "I could tear through this ceiling and be on her floor before my guards could catch me. I know I could have her - I can still taste her! But it's not protecting her that keeps me here instead of changing her. It's that I would break so many rules of Volterra they would have no choice but to destroy me. That would leave my newborn bride completely at their mercy. And you old friend, I couldn't do that to you either."

"See, I told you you can do this. You fear you can't resist her, but you _are _resisting her. Those reasons are not going to change, no matter how close she is. You're going to marry that girl, and then we're going to get the hell out of Volterra! And by that time you'll be getting used to her and you'll know you could never hurt her, and she'll be your wife." His words give me a bit more confidence. I only wish they were enough to drown out the sound of her blood gushing through her veins.

He stays with me most of the time, but there's one thing I forgot about – feeding time at Volterra. I should have known that they would want to feed before the wedding, and I can hear the commotion of the "tour group" coming through the building, being lead up to the circular room where death awaits. It's then Vladmir leaves, and I'm not sure if he's going to feed, or to protect Summer and her guests, in case someone mistakenly thinks she's on the menu. I don't ask. I'm not there, but I can hear it. The beating hearts, the adrenaline infused blood, and then the screams. It's the silence afterward that is the most horrifying. Where once there was life, now there is nothing. Even though I know the room is full of my kind, they are nothing. It's why I left Volterra in the first place. Some can feel elevated and superior to the humans while they're here. But it always reduced me to feeling somehow worthless. Useless eater is the term that comes to my mind.

I hear the preparations going on and I almost wish I could be more involved. I'm sure this ceremony will be a far cry from the simple wedding I would have preferred, but it's too late to worry about it now. Soon I dress and someone comes in to attend me and make sure I look the part.

They lead me from the room and it's a short drive to the the cathedral. Because Volterra has become sort of the vampiric Vatican, they long ago had an impressive cathedral built where the visiting humans could go to worship the god the Volturi pretend to represent. It's a beautiful replica of what it should be, and we go inside by a side entrance. Vladmir joins me in the small room where I'm to wait. I glance in the mirror on the wall and it startles me to see myself.

They have me dressed as some sort of prince in black military style regalia, complete with a red sash, gold buttons, medals, and epaulettes. I have held military rank, but it was before pants were worn by men. But for the first time I see what Summer will see as she comes down the aisle. My coloring has changed from what it has been in years past, even after two weeks without feeding, and my hair is dark and lustrous. It's my eyes that catch my attention. The iris's are golden, but there is a thin red circle around them caused by Summer's blood.

I hear her enter the cathedral. She's on the other side of the building, but I can feel her presence and hear her heartbeat. When they come for us we are lead through dark narrow hallways. Vladmir separates from me, and I emerge at the front of the sanctuary and I step to my place to wait on the entrance of the bride and her attendants. I am stunned as I look around and see the whole place is bathed in candlelight, both real and electric. There are more flowers than I've seen even in a garden, all gathered into bouquets and placed throughout the sanctuary. I am free to look out over the guests as ushers are still helping people to find seats in the overflowing pews.

The grooms side of the church holds so many of our kind I am shocked. Not since the Volturi visited the Cullen's have I seen so many in one place. They are all dressed elegantly, and they present as a beautiful still life portrait when compared to the other side. It's as if there's a divide, and only humans populate the bride's side, though only the handful in the front are actually friends. The others are tourists, each one granted permission to attend, contingent upon their good behavior. I stand placidly while I imagine what would happen if one side were released to feed upon the other. In the loft behind me a small orchestra begins to play. I listen to the violins, flutes, cello and piano, but the beating of her heart underscores every note.

Behind me I hear movement and I turn to see Vladmir and Sulpicia moving to the front of the musicians. They meet in the middle and sing a song I've heard only once before, and it's perfect for our wedding. With the musical ensemble backing them they raise their perfect voices to "One Hand, One Heart," It has been centuries since I've heard them sing together and their voices blend so beautifully it makes me sad that this is likely the last time I will hear them sing together.

They then sing a song that I've never heard, and I wonder if it's for me and Summer, or for both of them. They look more like a couple than a duet when they sing "Endless Love." The way they look at each other makes me glad Aro isn't there to see. They leave, and the ensemble plays again. I can hear her moving, slipping down hidden hallways until she's at the back of the sanctuary . Her heart is racing, and I feel the anticipation in the air as everyone seems to be holding their breath.

When the organ plays, it almost startles me. The sound is loud enough to match the cathedral, and as I hear the first beats of the wedding march I can hear Summer's heart beating nervously. I'm surprised to see the first two to come down the aisle, smiling proudly at me. Jane, being escorted by her brother Alec since they're both small enough to represent the flower girl and ring bearer. I want to be angry, but all I can feel is relief that there are no children involved.

The first bridesmaid is a friend of Summers, dressed in a lovely red gown. The usher on her arm isn't a friend of mine, but he's one of us. He escorts her in proper fashion, but she looks nervous. There are three more such couples, each with a human girl and one of the Volturi escorting her. Vladmir escorts Summer's friend Emma, and it seems she's charmed by my friend – at least until she looks ahead and sees me. They fan out in neat lines flanking me, and we all wait expectantly.

The notes of Trumpet Voluntary ring out in the cathedral, and we all hold our breath. A human would have to wait for her to get closer to actually see her, but my eyesight is much better. She is beautiful! Aro escorts her, and I hate that he's touching her, likely reading her every thought and reaction. But I can't take my eyes off of her. It's all I can do not to rush down the aisle and snatch her away from him. She is so stunning, it's as if she has been changed into one of us, but I know she has not since I can hear her, indeed, I can smell her.

She is more than I could have imagined a bride could be. Instead of a veil, she has her hair loosely piled onto her head in curls, with flowers and strings of pearls woven throughout. Her face is radiant, and her incredible blue eyes haven't left me yet. Her gown is old fashioned by today's standards, with a high collar, lace sleeves, and a full skirt with glittering embellishments. But to me it's perfect. I can now see why they wanted me to look the part of a prince because she is truly a princess.

The aisle of the cathedral is long, and it seems to take forever for her to reach me. But when Aro places her hand on my arm I'm so overcome for a few seconds I can only stare at her. Her smile melts me and I can finally move, and we step up onto the platform. The priest who will perform the service takes his place, and begins the ceremony with a prayer, and we kneel. When we are again standing he lets everyone know that we will be singing to each other, as well as together. I don't know what song she has chosen, but she uses a tiny mic since her voice doesn't carry like ours.

She gazes at my face and holds my hands as she sings "The Rose." Her voice is beautiful, and as she sings the last line she reaches up and lays her hand on my cheek. I feel the warmth, and I hear her heartbeat, and feel her blood rushing through her veins. But I love her _more. _ The idea that I could feed on her is beyond ludicrous.

When it's my turn, I sing to her the same way she sang to me. I of course don't need a mic, but I soften my voice so it's more for her. The song "If" feels like it was written for us.

Even before I finish singing, she's crying. With a smile on her face, the tears trickle down her cheeks, and I can't help but reach up and wipe them away. I look down the row at her bridesmaids, and they are weeping too. It takes a minute for her to regain control of her voice, before the music for our duet starts. It's from a musical I actually did see because Vladmir insisted. I had so enjoyed the Phantom of the Opera, that I was singing the music for weeks. Vladmir insisted it was the last time he would ever recommend a musical for me to see. As much as I love the song "Music of the Night," Summer insisted we would do better with "All I Ask of You." We've arranged the parts to better fit us, regardless of whose part it is.

We're holding hands as we finish singing, and the instruments continue to play. She is everything in the song and more. I have to release her hands as her maid of honor hands back her bouquet. We turn to face the priest, who begins a traditional Catholic ceremony, though we have not been asked of our preferences. Much of it is to put on a show for the tourists who would know the difference. The priest reads aloud from the Bible, speaking in Latin, Italian, and English, to suit those who have come to watch. There is another long prayer with us kneeling, and more scripture reading.

When it comes to the vows, we'd thought about writing our own, but I enjoy the simplicity of the traditional words. Anything we could write ourselves would likely have to take into account our differences, which would not work well with our audience. Still we had to modify it slightly. Instead of promising "until death do us part," we promise "for as long as we both shall live."

We have chosen to memorize the vows, so we don't have to repeat them after the priest, whose human voice doesn't carry far. I take her hand first and I know my voice carries as I make my vow. The ring I slide onto her finger is a simple gold band, though I might have chosen something more elaborate if we'd been given the chance. When it's her turn, she looks into my eyes as she makes her promise, and I can sense the solemnity behind her words. She is mine. The ring she slides onto my finger is a heavy gold band, and it startles me. Out of the three women I've loved, this is the first time I've made such a commitment, and it is suddenly very real to me. I am _hers._

We are pronounced husband and wife, and I am given permission to kiss my bride. It feels like forever since I've been able to hold her and kiss her. But I have to restrain myself as my mouth touches hers. The urge to feed on her is strong, but this is my Summer. More importantly, she is now my wife. I caress her cheek as our lips meet, and her arms circle around my neck For a second, feeding on her is _not _the most inappropriate thought that passes through my mind. I want to scoop her up in my arms and flee with her; skipping the receiving line, reception, and anything else that promises to get in the way of making love to her.

Instead, I play the part, and we turn as the priest presents us to the watching crowd. She's decided to take my last name, and we are now Mr. and Mrs. Vasilakis. We smile as the congregation stands for us, then we process to the back of the cathedral with the rest of the wedding party. We stand in a proper line as people file out and greet us. The Volterra tourists gush over the musical ability of those who sang, and Summer's friends have kind words and warm wishes for us. The Volturi and others of my kind are formal, and they look at Summer and her attendants sometimes with barely concealed hunger.

There is rice thrown as we hurry to a car waiting to take us to the reception. It is being held at a banquet hall, which was built for human visitors. The room is elegantly decorated, with flowers on the tables and candles everywhere. I can smell that there will be food served to our human guests. We are guided to a table for the wedding party,and I can hear music being played. We are seated together where we can easily be observed. She holds my hand with a strength that tells me she is nervous. There are speeches and toasts, and Vladmir has everyone laughing at the stories that poke fun at me.

When the music starts, we are expected to lead the first dance. I escort her onto the dance floor as a waltz is played. She laughs and admits she doesn't know how to waltz. I tell her quickly where to put her hands, and talk her through the basic box step. She relaxes, and in minutes she is following my lead as we move across the dance floor. She has a natural grace, and dancing comes easily to her.

As soon as the music ends I'm surprised when someone cuts in, and Vladmir takes my place for the next dance. I instead ask her maid of honor to dance. It gives me the chance to apologize for my behavior at the party when we met. She seems embarrassed over her own negative response. "Summer has had such horrible luck with men, I confess I thought the worst. She's crazy about you, and I just want her to be happy."

"That's all I want as well. She is my life." I think my words have made her introspective.

"Will you still be staying with your friend Vladmir?" She again sounds worried, and I have to laugh, as it seems Summer has found another mother.

"That will be up to her. If you saw where we lived you would understand, it's a very big place. It's more like we live in the same apartment building, and sometimes we can go for days and not see one another. But there will be plenty of time to decide where we live after the honeymoon."

"Any chance you'll be moving to California?" I can see she clearly misses her friend, and I feel sympathy for her.

"I'm sure no matter what we decide, you'll be more than welcome to visit any time you like." The music ends and I take my turn dancing with each of her attendants. I worry as she is partnered with different members of the Volturi. When the song ends, it signals that we have danced with each one of the other's attendants, I am looking forward to reclaiming my bride. Instead Sulpicia takes my hand for the next dance. I feel apprehensive as I locate Summer, in the arms of Aro.

My low growl wouldn't have been heard by a human, but Sulpicia laughs at my irritation. "It's a little early to be jealous. Trust me, even Aro wouldn't be so bold as to make a move on her,_ in public." _She whispers, for my ears only. I'm beginning to think the goal is to keep her away from me as the next dance finds her in the arms of Marcus, as Jane pulls me into a dance. The petite woman doesn't even try to talk with me, but instead shows off her amazing dance moves. I'm forced to pay more attention to her than I like, to keep her from either falling on her face, or giving away the fact that she's so strong she could easily perform each move without someone to hold her hand or catch her.

The music seems to go on forever, as do many classical pieces, and I am resolved to claim my wife for the next one no matter who cuts in. At the end of the dance, there is actual applause, and Jane forces me to take a bow with her. When I let her go, I scan the floor for Summer, but I can't see her. Someone tries to take my hand, but I easily lose them. She's not at our table, and she's not with her friends. I tune out the music and the noise, and listen... she's not in the room! For a minute I wonder if she's just being human and using the bathroom, but as I listen again, her heart is racing.

I follow the sound – the sound of her blood calling out to me. In the hallway outside the banquet hall, I hear her scream; one wail cut short, drifting through the doors leading outside. I'm fast enough I can see the car pulling away in a hurry, with part of her white dress caught in the door and trailing the ground. I'm fast, but I'm not as fast as the car speeding off, expertly dodging pedestrian traffic as it maneuvers down the narrow, twisting streets. Humans don't drive that well, and I am horrified to realize that Summer; my wife, the woman I love more than my own existence, has been taken by one of our kind.

I rush back inside and with all the power of my voice I announce that she has been taken. "If you have information or if you can help me find her, I'll speak with you.. Everyone else should go home or stay out of my way!" In minutes I'm surrounded by several who offer me their cars, two Volturi trackers, and Vladmir trying to reassure me that she'll be found. Aro joins the group as I'm deciding whose car to take.

Aro gives me the bad news. "Marcus is missing, and so is Demetri." I feel as if someone has tied a weight around my neck and pushed me over a cliff. If anyone has a reason to hate me, it's Marcus. I'm the reason his wife is dead, and now he has _my_ wife, and the only tracker who could find them quickly. I collapse into a chair, suddenly overwhelmed. There's no doubt in my mind he intends to kill her. "He must be leaving the area around Volterra; he'll be destroyed if he harms her within our borders." Aro seems to be a step ahead, and I am sure he either knew or had an idea this was going to happen.

Vladmir pulls me up by my arm. "Don't give up, we can still find her! Aro, tell us where he would take her!" We both look at him as he tries to pretend innocence.

"How should I know where he would go, he is here all the time." I catch sight of one of the Volturi who can detect lies. It's the way he looks away that lets me know Aro is lying.

"He has a villa three hours to the north." I hardly notice the woman who skulks at the edge of the group. As soon as I look at her I realize she's one of the ancient ones. I knew her when she was much younger, and I'm not sure I should trust her. "He sometimes takes people there so he can _play_ with them. It's far enough away from Volterra he isn't breaking the law."

Vladmir catches Chelsea by the arm as we hurry from the building. She obviously doesn't want to go with us, but he hasn't exactly given her a choice. Outside there are three cars to choose from, and Vladmir passes by the fastest one in favor of one with more seats. I shake my head and take Chelsea to the fastest one, and strap her into the passenger seat. "**Stay.**" I take the keys offered, and Vladmir gets into the other car with two of the trackers to follow. I hope no one's on the road as I race off in the direction she's gone.

Chelsea looks almost terrified beside me as I push the limits of the Lamborghini. "**Tell me what you know.**" I don't even look her way as the headlights don't show far enough ahead for normal human reflexes.

"He wanted me to tell you. I'll tell you which way to go, but it will be too late. He's going to turn her first. He wants you to watch her die, just like Didyme." She sounds almost distraught.

"So, he's forgiven you, but he's held a grudge against me for all these years. I should have known."

"He didn't forgive me." Her voice is timid. "He hates me even more than he hates you. Part of me_ wanted _to kill her; I loved him, and he loved her. I keep trying to make it up to him. I've been his puppet for so long, I don't even think I could move without him pulling the strings. But it's never enough! I was supposed to stay behind, so he would have enough time to let her go through the change. He plans on making Demetri kill her, since he knows how to handle newborns."

She is quiet as we fly around a curve with the tires screaming. "I hope we make it in time." She doesn't sound confident that we will. Something about my iron grip on the steering wheel becomes uncomfortable. I look down and see the gold band cutting into my finger as I'm holding on so tight. I know without a doubt that there will be no recovering from this loss. Marcus now has the power to end me; he's got my_ wife. _

**A/N: One Hand One Heart, 1956 by Leonard Bernstein. Endless Love, 1981 by Lionel Richie. The Rose, 1979 by Bette Midler. If, 1971 by Bread. All I Ask of You, Andrew Lloyd Webber**


	27. Chapter 27 Broken Bonds

Chapter 27

Broken bonds

I'm married! I can't believe it, but there is more than enough proof it's true. The ceremony was more than I could have ever dreamed, though not as simple as I would have chosen. At least we had the music as we wanted it. The reception is beginning to tire me out after so many preparations. I just want to be with Stefan. I want to take his hand and sneak off and hide somewhere and be alone. But after only one dance, these silly traditions are keeping us apart.

At first the dancing is fun, but I'm starting to get the feeling that it could go on all night. When Aro takes me in his arms, there's something that bothers me in the way he looks down at me, almost like he owns me. I notice that Stefan is dancing with Sulpicia, which shocks me since she tried to kill me. Aro laughs, making me remember that he's likely reading my thoughts. Creep - read that!

"Summer, my dear, you are always so refreshingly honest." His laughing voice is too close to my ear.

"I'm sorry I can't say the same Aro." He laughs and twirls me around the dance floor, lighter on his feet than any ballerina ever dreamed.

"Why thank you." He acknowledges my unspoken compliment.

"Stay out of my head, or I'm going to think some truly nasty thoughts." I imagine the most vile rest area bathroom, then go on to think of a porta potty ripening in the sun.

"Is that the best you can do? I was around before indoor plumbing, when sewage ran in the streets; I've seen the death from the bubonic plague, where bodies were stacked up and burned. You should be glad I can't _send _thoughts."

I smile sweetly and think of kissing Stefan. I think of undressing him, and touching him, and looking up at him as we make love.

"Fine – you win! I'll leave you to your own thoughts Mrs. Vasilakis." He comes to a stop and twirls me once more, then bows and steps away. I am still grinning at the victory when he takes my hand. Marcus pulls me to him just as I'm heading to sit down. "One more dance, please." He's formally polite, and I'm afraid of offending him by saying no. We move along the edge of the crowd, and I see Stefan dancing with a petite woman. It takes me a few seconds to realize it's Jane; I recognize her from his vivid description of the sadistic teenage vampire. Her dancing has everyone's attention, including mine, and I suddenly realizes I'm no longer on the dance floor.

"I have something important to show you... come this way." He again doesn't wait, but leads me through the guests and out into the hallway. "Can you see that car outside?" He pulls me to the doorway, and I notice his mask of polite formality had slipped. He looks at me with intense hatred and frightening maniacal glee. "That's the car I'm driving when I take you to the place where I'm going to kill you." His arms are like steel cables wrapped around me, and his hand on my mouth cuts off sound and almost my air. So fast we are out the door, but I manage a scream as he throws me into the car and locks me inside.

I want to open the door and jump, but he drives so fast and with such precision I instead use the seatbelt to keep from being tossed around the car like a rag doll. I try to take the keys out of the ignition, but he easily catches my hand in a vise like grip. He barely glances my way as he threatens me. "Do not try to thwart me! If I have to crush the bones in your hand first, I will still accomplish my goal. Your well-being is not of my concern."

"Why? Marcus, why are you doing this?" I try to stay calm, but I can hear the panic in my own voice.

"You could not possibly understand. Only one of my kind even has a hope of understanding the depth of my loss. He will know!"

"You're wrong. This has nothing to do with Didyme." His head snaps my way so fast I worry he will wreck the car.

"You have no right to say her name!"

"What are you going to do, kill me deader?" I laugh. "Do you really think she would want this? It seems to me that a woman who could inspire such devotion would be above taking revenge."

"Shut up! You didn't know her!" Marcus looks like he's coming apart at the seams.

"I'm sorry." I try to calm him. "Will you tell me about her?"

His supernaturally beautiful face contorts into an agonized grimace of horror. "I... can't! Don't you see?" His words seem to tear up out of him as if they cause him extreme pain. "I can never... ! There is nothing but pain! She's GONE!" The agony is as real to him as it was when it happened. I had once thought that Stefan held on to a lot of pain and horror, but Marcus is trapped in a moment that defines him.

"It's not his fault." His red eyes glare my way and he snarls through gritted teeth. "You don't want to hear it, but Chelsea was supposed to kill one of _you._ One of the three Volturi."  
"I KNOW!" His hands grip the wheel and squeeze, and the metal bends. "I couldn't save her – she died for me." He glances at me. "Just like you'll die for him."

I ride silently into the dark with him, trying to think of a way to lessen the pain for Stefan when he discovers what's happened. I take the time to pull all the pins out of my hair and let it fall. I run my fingers through the curls that are no longer piled on my head. I also pull off the high heeled shoes, and reach up under the dress to untie the crinoline slip and pull it out from under the gown. Without asking I roll the window down and toss out the slip. I look his way and he grins.

"Leaving a trail for your husband to follow? Please do. You are such a pretty woman. Tell me, why would you want to be with a killer?"

"I love him."

"Oh come on, I already knew that. Why put yourself at risk? I imagine you could have any man you desired... any human man that is."

"I thought you knew. I guess Aro didn't share all my secrets after all." I sigh. "Even before you took me, I didn't have long to live. I've got a disease that will weaken me and leave me wishing I were dead. With Stefan, I know that when the time comes, he'll end me, or someone he knows would be able to do it."  
He laughs derisively. "You're with a killer because you've got a death wish. You should know he won't do it. He'll make you one of us first. Not that he will get the chance now. But he loves you too much to let you go. I can sense these things... and he's so connected to you, this will kill him for sure." His voice is cold and detached, and even a little amused.

Tears trickle down my face. "Is there anything I can do to make you change your mind?"

"Oh how touching that you want to spare him the pain." His voice is poisonous with sarcasm. "I used to know someone like that, but he took her from me."

'You've done worse to him." He's making me angry, sitting up on his high horse like he's the only one with a right to his misery.

"You have no idea what you're talking about. You cannot possibly think that squalid little community was worth the life of my beloved. The beginnings of an empire they say – it was foolishness! He had no right to kill her." He's almost foaming at the mouth he's so upset.

"I think he did. I think if anyone had a right to seek revenge it was Stefan." I've forgotten how strong and fast he is. His hand is on my throat, cutting off my air, and I realize he's holding back as he could easily snap it. "Do it." I whisper with the little air I have left. I don't want to die, but if it means that Stefan won't have to witness it, this would be better. Instead he lets go. As soon as I can breath normally I continue where I left off.

"You've already done this to him once. How many times do you get to take revenge Marcus? Did you forget about Tessa in your scheme? You must have been there when his whole family was _slaughtered. _ Did you get a vote when Caius came up with the plan that would make him kill the one he loved? Which one of you brave souls fed on his infant son?"  
"That's enough, I don't have to listen to these lies!"  
"Are you kidding me? Are you going to deny that you knew the way they tried to break him? You took everything that mattered to him. _Everyone _who tied him to his humanity. You lost a wife, and I am sorry, but he lost his love, his son, his family, and his home! And that 'squalid little community' was his hope and his dream... so of course you destroyed that too!"

"But now he has you. He was able to move on... I have not!"

"Do you know what he was doing when I found him? Noth-ing! Absolutely nothing...except waiting to die. He was hidden away with his books and his writing, and his collections of memories, gathering dust. He was a living relic... just like you. How arrogant of you to think you have a monopoly on pain. I don't care how perfect she was or how much you loved her, you made a choice to be miserable. And it's incredibly selfish of you to want everyone else to suffer like you do."

"Do you ever shut up? Madre del dio, how can he stand you? You keep chattering over things you know little to nothing about. Do us both a favor and save your air for the screaming, you are going to do quite a lot before I'm finished."

I don't think I'm getting through to him, so I sit back and worry in silence. The miles of the countryside disappear at speeds that no one should be able to drive, but he does so effortlessly. I'm not sure how long we drive, but the silence wears on me. "Talk to me Marcus... please. You don't like to listen to me, but I can't take the silence." I put my feet on the edge of the seat and hug my knees.

"I prefer silence." He drives without even looking.

I sing instead. I wish for Stefan's voice, or even Vladmir's as I softly sing The Sound of Silence, one of Stefan's favorites. "Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again..." I continue singing, and he doesn't seem to mind. The words are somehow soothing, even though the song is far from cheerful. The song that comes to mind next is one that reminds me of my dad and my grandmother. I fight not to cry as I sing "One Sweet Day."  
I finish singing and I swear he grins as he looks over at me. "I'll have to remember that one, maybe we can play it at your funeral. You think you're going to change my mind with pretty words? My kind are masters of beautiful words."

"That one's not for you. I know I won't reach you because you don't want to be reached. You like living in pain. You've put on sackcloth and ashes and you don't want to change. It's pathetic, really. I don't understand why you just didn't follow her into the flames. Find a live volcano and throw yourself in – save a lot of lives in the process."

"When that day comes, you will be long gone." With those words he turns onto a gravel road, which goes about half a mile and ends at a secluded home. He's at my door even before I realize he's parked, and he lifts me out of the seat. He carries me to the door, and I'm shocked when Demetri opens it without even a knock. "Looks like I'll be carrying the bride over the threshold."

He steps into the room, and I'm surprised how welcoming it feels. There's a fire in the large stone fireplace, and the lighting is soft and warm. He continues to hold me as he glances around.

"Careful, she has some kind of weird power that makes men want to be with her." Demetri speaks over my head like I'm not real.

"She doesn't affect me. I almost wish she did. My ability lets me know there's no real connection between us. But maybe you should keep your distance. Have you found a victim yet?"

"Of course, he's right back here." Demetri leads, and I am carried along with Marcus. In a bedroom at the back of the house they have a man tied up. He's sitting on the floor of an empty room, with his mouth taped shut and his hands bound behind him. As soon as he sees Demetri he scoots as far away as he can, clearly terrified.

"Oh my god!" I try to struggle, but Marcus holds me tight. "Why do you need him, I thought the idea was to feed on me?

They laugh as we move back into the main room. Marcus puts his nose close to my throat, and inhales. "Ah, that would be tempting. But that's not exactly the plan. I want this to be an equal trade. If I kill you now, Stefan will miss, what, thirty good years with you at best. But if I want him to know true suffering, he needs to know that he could have had forever. I'm going to change you first, Summer. The man in the room back there isn't for us, he's for _you._"

I fight, I scream, I beg, and he laughs. "Marcus, Demetri..." I look at both of them in a panic. "I'll do anything... _anything,_ if you don't change me! Please don't make me a murderer! Let the man go, you want to kill me anyway, why do I need to feed after I'm changed?" Marcus finally puts me down and I collapse onto the floor. "Demetri, don't let him do this... please!"

"I think she's forgotten who's the boss." He laughs. "Marcus clearly outranks me, I can't directly disobey an order, even if I wanted to. And I really don't want to."

"I could be yours." I look up into his eyes and stand. "He may be in charge, but we all know, you're stronger." I step closer to him. "I can be yours, Demetri... any way you want." I reach out and tentatively touch his chest. One more step brings me close enough I can slide my hands up his chest and I touch his face. "Protect me Demetri, I'll make it up to you any way I can."

I know he's a hunter, and he's the reason I've been brought to Italy in the first place, but he's my only hope. I feel his arms sliding around me. My body trembles at his nearness, and he leans toward me as I close my eyes. I feel his lips touch mine, and he's not Stefan. I want to pull back, but he pulls me to him almost painfully, and his mouth possesses mine. The hunter knows how not to break me, but as his lips leave mine I hear him growl from deep in his chest, as his mouth moves over my throat. He wants me in an even more visceral way than I offered. If he kills me now, Stefan won't have to see it, and I won't become a killer.

"Do it Demetri." I wrap my arms around his head and hold him close. I hope it won't hurt much. The pain I feel is from my head instead. Marcus has me by the hair, pulling me away from Demetri, as he pushes the hunter out of the way.

"Demetri, maybe you need to go patrol outside!" It's not a suggestion, its an order, but he looks at me with longing as he heads for the door. The door closes and I'm left with Marcus – bitter, angry, vengeful, hate-filled, Marcus. He drags me through the house to the bedroom furthest from the prisoner. "Is that what you've done to Stefan? Did you offer up your body and trap him in some kind of sick sexual snare? How laughable. He loves you so deeply it's painful for me to even feel his connection to you. And you're nothing more than a common whore!"

I slap his face, but I remember too late it's like hitting a stone. The pain I feel tells me that something is broken, but I'm so angry I don't care. "I was a virgin when I met him! He didn't fall in love with me because of my body. You have no idea what love is, you're nothing but a monster!" I look around the room for some kind of weapon to use – not on him, but on myself.

He pulls me to him, and holds me tight, before I can throw a statuette into the mirror and turn it into glass shards. "Why does he love you? What did you do to him? You are such an annoying creature, tell me what it is! What turned the living relic into a lovesick fool?" He's angry, but he's desperate to know as well.

"Absolution."

"What do you mean? You can't give that." He's angry and confused, and I'm afraid he could break me in half in his distress.

"Why do you even care? You never wanted to get over Didyme, or you would have after all this time."

His hands hold my face close to his own, and his red eyes bore into mine. "I have _tried._ I can't do it. I can still see her face... her eyes. She is always... "

"She is always with you. I know." I lay my hands against his cheeks and remember how Stefan told me about Tessa.

"How could you know? How could you know how her face haunts me?" He still holds me, and he sinks to the floor, taking me with him.

"When we love someone, they always stay with us. But this isn't love this is guilt, that's why she haunts you. You're afraid that if you let go of the guilt, you'll lose her." I put my arms around him and whisper in his ear. "Tell me about her Marcus, aren't you ready now."

"I don't know_ how!_"

"Tell me some little detail. What color was her hair?"

"It was light brown... it was bronze in the sun, and it was so long and thick it took all day to dry after she washed it. She kept it braided most of the time, but when it was free... it was the most beautiful sight. She was so beautiful, and not because she had a perfect face, but because she was so happy. She was light like I've never seen, even when she became one of us. Aro changed her because I was afraid to do it myself. I held her through the change as she begged me to kill her." I'm crying, sitting on his lap with my head resting against his chest. It's like a dam has broken and his words gush freely. He tells me so much about her I feel as if I knew her.

"It's my fault she was with us. She didn't want to go to war, but I didn't want to go without her. She was supposed to stay in the back where it was safe, but when Jane attacked me, she came to my rescue. Her ability wasn't enough to counter Jane, but she helped me endure. In that moment I was reminded of how I'd been with her when she was changed, and how we would always be there for each other. I loved her so _much. _ She was my reason for being."

I can feel his hurt resonating within me, and I cry. Deep wracking sobs pour out of me as I think about all he's lost. I can imagine the happy, innocence of her, and the way she was so brutally attacked.

"Shhh, Marcus... you've carried the guilt and the hatred for too long. You've showed me her gentle spirit and the love you shared. She would never want this for you. There are some rare souls who gladly sacrifice themselves for those they love. She was one of those. Your not honoring her memory by holding on to the guilt. Tell me, wouldn't she rather you plant a tree or a garden in her honor? She would want a bright warm place where you could go and think of her."

He laughs. "Remarkable! She would have loved that. She was always in the gardens. How could you know that?"

"Because you remembered her to me. You've defined her for so long at the moment she died. You haven't let yourself remember her_ life_. Marcus, getting revenge won't bring her back to you. But if you let go of your guilt, you can honor all those wonderful memories she left with you. The song comes into my head, and I sing "In the Arms of an Angel," softly as the tears roll down my cheeks.

He strokes my hair and wipes my tears. For the first time I think he really sees me. "You did this for him? It's not possible he had a loss like mine."

"He's had several. Tessa was his human fiance. Cauis tricked him into trying to turn her by himself, but he killed her instead. They came that night and killed his whole family, including an infant son he'd just found out about. He met Cecelia, and she was your kind, and he loved her. He turned her thirteen year-old son, to save her from doing it herself. The boy couldn't control his thirsts, and Stefan had to destroy them both, even though he loved them.

"And of course you know about their own budding empire. He knew everyone who was killed that day. He'd seen them grow up, they depended on him for their safety and protection. Some of them had been turned, and fought alongside him that day. He watched everything he loved once again being destroyed by the Volturi. And he ordered Chelsea to 'kill Volturi.' He was horrified that she did what she did, but he had nothing left."

"If I could do it over again, I never would have left home."

"We don't get a do over, or at least most of us don't. How many years have you wasted in this one moment? You've been agonizing over her death, instead of celebrating her life. Marcus, you still have time." I reach up to touch his cheek and there's pain in my hand that makes me wince. "Some of us don't have that luxury."

He takes my hand, so gently in his cold ones. "It won't hurt once you're changed."

"My god, you're still going to do it! Hasn't anything I've said made a difference?" I struggle, trying to get up and away from him, but he easily holds me.

"Of course it makes a difference." He smooths my hair, tucking the curls behind my ears. "I'm not going to kill you. You're far too precious for that." His arms slide around me and he presses my head against his shoulder. "You're mine now. You are so like my Didi, I know I can be happy again."

"No! Marcus I'm _married. _ I love Stefan. You don't really feel anything for me, it's this stupid attraction curse." I feel panicked at the thought of him taking me away from Stefan and turning me into a killer.

"Calm down my dear. You've not consummated your marriage, it can be easily annulled. And I know you will love me... Chelsea can make you love me. She will be glad to finally repay what she owes me. We have a connection now – a bond I can feel. It may take time for me to learn to love you, but we will have forever! I'm sure once you learn proper behavior, it will be easier for me to appreciate your physical qualities. Aro will marry us quickly. He will of course remember taking Sulpicia from Vladmir. Would you like to stay human for our wedding night? I can't promise to show restraint, Didi always said I was a passionate lover. No, I should turn you first. We'll go someplace remote... someplace tropical where your screams will blend in with the wild sounds of birds and monkeys..."

He's rambling on, planning a future I don't want, and all I can do is mourn over the thought that the love I feel for Stefan could somehow be given to Marcus, like a shiny bauble he has decided he must have. I fight to get away from him, and he notices my struggles. "I won't let this happen Marcus. Even if you change me, I'll take my own life. I won't live as a killer. And even if you find a way to force me to love you, it won't last. Ask Sulpicia if she still loves Vladmir. She does. I'm always going to love Stefan... he is_ my _reason. You know what I'm talking about."

He smiles down on me and kisses my cheek. "Our kind are the most powerful creatures on the planet. You will be married to one of the most powerful of us. The world will be at your feet. I'll show you things you never dreamed existed. You will forget him. Once you're changed, the things you knew as a human will seem so pale and inconsequential. With your new eyes you'll look at me, and love me like no other. The memories of your humanity will fade, and I won't make the same mistake Aro did and let your old flame near you."

He stops talking and is suddenly alert. I listen and a few minutes later I hear a car outside. He stands and pulls me to him. "Looks like your old flame has made it in record time. Come my dear, I can't wait to share the good news!" I try to refuse, but he easily lifts me, just with his arm around my waist. We step outside as the doors to the sports car in the driveway open, revealing Stefan and Chelsea of all people.

Stefan takes several steps towards me and stops short as Marcus places his mouth against my neck. "I love you Stefan." I whisper, knowing he will hear me.

Marcus lifts his head and glares at my husband. "Make one wrong move and I will be forced to cause her great pain. Chelsea, so glad you came. As you can see, there's been a little change in plans. Summer has convinced me that she would make an excellent mate – for me. Your debt to me can finally be paid in full. You cost me a loving wife, now you can give me back what you've taken."

Stefan looks her way in horror. "Chelsea, you can't... "

The pain in my arm makes me cry out as Marcus twists it up high behind me. "I mean it Orator, don't interfere. I'll break her into pieces while you watch." I think that he is about to charge Marcus, but Demetri shows up, silently guarding Marcus from the shadows. "Chelsea, do what you do best, break her ties to him and give her to me."

"Noooo!" His voice cuts into me like a blade that hurts worse than my arm being dislocated. The popping noise stops his cry, but I can still see the grief on his face.

Chelsea steps closer to us. "It's good to see that this is finally going to be over." She looks me in the eyes, and I try to turn away, but Marcus won't allow it. "I don't have to look at her for this to work, I just wanted a good look at the one who's gotten through to you where no one else could." I look away, and my eyes find Stefan, staring my way, with fear, love, and loss all taking turns on his face. I feel her then, probing into my mind, seeking a weakness to pull on. _Is it his love I doubt? His loyalty? Does he put Vladmir ahead of me? Am I jealous of his past? Do I want something he can't give me? _ I can feel each test as she tries to find something to pull me from him. She renews her efforts. _ Am I afraid of him? Do I want him to change me? Do I not? _ She digs harder. _He's a monster, a killer, an evil creature who will possess you and take you to hell. He will destroy you, he will forget you, he will leave you alone and broken. _She has found my weakness, but she doesn't realize that I've already overcome them, and I love him anyway. I know who and what he is, and I love every part of him. I've even accepted that he may some day try to change me, and it doesn't make me love him less.

"I will always love you Stefan." I can ignore her now. She can't turn me.

She looks at Marcus, defeated. "I can't. She loves him with everything in her. She's like Isabella Swan or Mary Alice Whitlock; I can't do anything with such strong devotion."

"You're just not trying hard enough. Your stupidity is costing me what I want!" He drops me when she punches him in the face.

A split second later I am in Stefan's arms as he quietly warns Demetri "**don't touch us again.**" Chelsea's scream of rage cut the silence of the night.

"I've been your puppet for hundreds of years. I've tried everything I can to make up for my one mistake. I love you Marcus! You more than anyone should know it's true. And now you parade this human woman in front of me and tell me _she _will be your wife? You are insane! We belong together, we always have. Don't you remember how good it was between us before she died? You loved me then, Marcus. You know I can't steal loyalty for myself, it has to be freely given, and you did that. Your wife was sweet, but she didn't understand you. She had the power to make you happy, but it wasn't working on you anymore. How could you have forgotten?"

Stefan moves me slowly to his car and holds the door as I slip into the low seat. The pain in my arm makes me gasp, but he fastens me into the seat and closes the door. On the way back down the drive we meet up with Vladmir. "I've got her. I don't know about you, but I don't have any reason to go back to Volterra. I'm taking her to the airport, and we're getting the hell out of Italy!"

Vladmir looks my way to reassure himself that I'm okay and smiles. "Looks like you can finally start your honeymoon. I'll go back and tell everyone you're both okay, and let then know they can pick up the car at the airport. Send me an email when you want to meet up again. I think I'll head back to the boat after I tie up everything here. Good luck my brother."

We drive into the darkness as he clutches my hand like he'll never let it go. I try to explain all that's happened, but I realize after the first dangerous detail he hears, it is best to leave out some parts of the story.

"I can't believe it. You go to Volterra just one time, and now Marcus wants you, Aro wants you, and Caius wants to kill you. We are definitely getting as far away from here as possible!"

"Stefan, how are we supposed to do that? We left with nothing."

He grins. "It's the information age. I have my account numbers memorized. Someone showed me how easily everything works." By the time we park at the airport he's been to a bank to withdraw money from his account. As soon as we get out he pops my shoulder back in place like an expert. It hurts like crazy, but the pain passes quickly when he pulls me to him and kisses me.

I'm suddenly reminded that we are married, and he is my husband. He leaves the car locked up with the keys under the mat. We attract a lot of attention in our wedding outfits, even though my gown has quite a bit of dirt on it.. We stop in a gift shop, and buy jeans and souvenir T-shirts. I have to buy shoes since I don't have any. I hate to abuse my gown further, but I have to wad it up and stuff it into a carry on bag, or leave it behind.

We charter a private plane since our passports are back at Volterra. Stefan grins as we board our flight back to Greece. "It may not be my homeland any longer, but I think it's appropriate that we honeymoon in the country where I was born." Once we are in the air I can finally relax, and I realize how nervous I am about being followed or captured again. It's late and I'm so exhausted I snuggle next to him and drift off to sleep.


	28. Chapter 28 The Beginning

Chapter 28

The beginning

She sleeps against me and I know peace. I can still feel her blood calling to me, but it is a call that will just have to go unanswered. Again and again I have come so close to losing her, but now I am the only one who can put her life at risk. And I refuse to hurt her. I'm convinced I will have to change her, but not yet. I want time with her. I want time where I won't have to guard against her thirst and worry constantly about her hungers. I want a honeymoon with her, and time to be alone and not have to worry about anyone but ourselves.

While she sleeps I use the in flight phone and make plans and reservations. Where to stay, what do do, and even what to wear all need to be planned. I had wanted our honeymoon to be different. I'd had plans to take her around the world, and show her so many things I remembered. But considering how long it's been since I've visited those places myself, I'm not even sure I could be a useful guide. The past two weeks have shown me that the most important thing for our honeymoon is her. She's the only attraction I want to see. I love her more than I ever thought possible, and I know she feels the same.

I still can't believe Marcus wanted her for himself. I know Chelsea tried to give him what he wanted, and she failed. Marcus will likely think that she didn't try hard enough, but along the drive she shared how many things she'd already done for the one she loved. Chelsea would have given him anything, even my Summer if that was what he demanded. I imagined somewhere in her twisted reasoning she believed that if Marcus had another wife, she could again play the mistress like she did when Didyme was living. Maybe she was right since Marcus had conveniently forgotten his affair with Chelsea as he played the grieving husband. What they'd both failed to grasp was Summer's love and devotion to me. Even I didn't know that Chelsea could fail.

She is the glue that holds the Volturi together, and I thought it was impossible to defeat her. I laugh to myself as I think of how badly Aro wants the powerful Cullens to join him. I am sure he's not above weakening or breaking their bonds in order for them to leave Carlisle, but with Chelsea working for Marcus, maybe she didn't really try. Marcus would hate having Bella and Edward within his perception every day. The same would be true of Alice and Jasper, not to mention Alice might see a future with no Marcus, and Jasper's emotional manipulation could potentially undermine the Volturi like nothing they are prepared for. I can't wait to share my findings with Vladmir.

Summer stirs against me and I pull her close. I remember how she used to pull away from my chill, but now she seems to seek me out, even in her sleep. There are only four of us on the plane, including the pilot and co-pilot. When we land in Thessaloniki she wakes and stretches in her unique way. It is early morning and the sun is just coming up. We leave the plane and the chauffeured car I requested is waiting for us. It takes us to the hotel where I've already reserved our suite. We have no luggage and not even a change of clothes. Still I carry my bride over the threshold and into our honeymoon suite. I lie beside her on the bed just gazing at her.

I tell her of my plans to take her shopping when the sun sets so that we will both have what we need. I tell her of the many places we can go and things we can do, from great restaurants to the theater. And I offer to order her room service. "I know it's been a long time since you've eaten and you must be hungry."

She shocks me when she rolls over onto my chest. "I'm hungry... but not for food." She kisses me and I am reminded how long it has been since we have been alone. The restraint it takes to stay calm in the face of her passion is something I was forced to learn at Volterra. She is so incredibly beautiful, I peel her out of her clothes and kiss every tender inch of skin as I uncover it. She is finally mine, and no one can take her from me. Only death – and I will deal with him later.

The sunlight splashes across our bed in the early morning, and I relearn her body. She is beautiful with her bronze skin juxtaposed against the pale cream which has been hidden. I still find it amazing that I am permitted to see everything. I go slowly, committing each moment to memory, even though I can sense how much she desires me.

I expect her to be weary and need rest. I can't get over all she has been through in the past few weeks. She is soft and feminine, and her human weakness should define her. But she has a strength within her that humbles me. I stare at her – my wife. Just looking at her in all her glory makes it suddenly real. We've come through the fire, and we're on the other side – together.

I brush the hair from her face and fight to slow down and savor the moment. "Are you sure you're up to this? We have lots of time now."

Her arms twine around my neck. "Good, that means we can enjoy it again..." She kisses me. "...and again." She kisses me repeatedly; soft, warm, and yielding. I capture her face in my hand, and hold her still. My lips meet hers, and I feel the blood just beneath the thin skin. I tease her tongue with mine, and taste all of her human flavors that so tempt me. My arms move around her and pull her close, and I can still feel every bone in her body. Her heart beats strong, and I hear the blood rushing through her body. It's the sweetest sound I know. It means she's alive.

I'm conscious of her allure, pulling me and holding me fast. But it's minor next to the love I feel for her. Her eyes are my favorite shade of blue, and I reach for the teardrop pendant which can't match their luster, no matter the facets. I touch the gem, and slide my hand over it's resting place. My fingers explore the valley between her soft womanly curves, and she sighs. I touch her gently, molding my hands to her soft feminine peaks, and she gasps and arches against me. I touch and fondle, as my hands warm slowly.

She holds me tight, kissing me with a passion that never ceases to amaze me. Her soft moans incite a response in me that is no less urgent than the desire to feed. I need her as a man needs a woman. The scent of her own perfume tells me she is ready to be claimed, but I've been too long without her, and I need to savor every delicious inch of her. I trail kisses from her lips, along her cheek to her ear. I whisper my words of love and yearning, before I take her delicate lobe into my mouth and suck gently. My hands roam freely over her body, and each touch brings a new part of her to alertness.

I continue to kiss her, moving downward. Her neck is sweet temptation! Her pulse throbbing beneath my lips, begs me to taste her. I lick her instead, trailing my tongue teasingly lower, away from the temptation of her blood. It's a new temptation that makes us both moan. Her soft, yielding flesh rises to my lips, and I taste her. My tongue swirls over her pink bud, before I hungrily take her into my mouth. I tease and taste her, then move to explore the other in the same way, as my hand caresses away the wetness I've left behind.

"Stefan! Oh please... it feels so good, my love." She cradles my head to her, with fingers clutching my hair. Her fragrance is driving me mad, and I must taste her. I leave her soft mounds and kiss downward. My tongue delves into her navel, and my hands grip her hips. She knows my intention, and she wiggles in anticipation. I bask in her sweet sighs and moans, as my hands splay over naked skin no other man has enjoyed. I lick further down, and her legs part with only the slightest urging of my hands.

I touch and open her, waiting tantalizing seconds in anticipation. The lure is irresistible, and I taste her fully. She bucks against me, and her savagely wanton cry is for my ears only. My tongue plays with her, teasing and driving her into a frenzy of need. She is awash in sweetness and I eagerly drink from her, as she cries and begs for more.

I raise up quickly, hovering over her face to face. If she weren't vulnerable enough, her legs part more fully to welcome me. I know to be careful and gentle, but I also know there is a certain amount of forgiveness in her body. The dance is as old as time – older even than my kind. I slide hard flesh against wet womanly need, and she gasps.

"I love you, my darling wife." I've claimed her with my words, and with a shift of my hips, I press forward and claim her with my body. Soft, warm, wet, and yielding... she is perfection! I wait, just memorizing the moment. I am a man more in this moment than any other, and I drink it all in.

"Stefan – my god, I love you so much!" Her hands move over me, touching me with familiar intimacy. I love the feel of her hands, urging me on. I move with her, and her sighs turn to moans and gasps. I love every human element, from the warmth that surrounds me, to the wet sounds we make, as I claim her with a rhythm that makes her cry, and writhe, and beg me to never stop. She doesn't know that it's possible for me to never stop. But I can feel every movement of her body, and I delight in taking her to the edge of her release and keeping her there. I love the way she's so unrestrained, and when I finally take her fully into bliss, I can't help but enjoy my own release. I hardly recognize the feeling that washes over me; it's happiness!

We lie relaxed in the afterglow of lovemaking, and I can't help but smile as she nestles beside me. "Stefan, I've been meaning to ask you, why don't you have fangs? I mean none of you do, and I just thought it was funny since all the stories say vampires have fangs."

I have to laugh. She still doesn't know so many things about us, and yet she pledged to love me until we are parted by death – which I refuse to let happen.

"Why would we need fangs? Would you need fangs to bite into a soft, ripe peach? We are perfectly equipped to hunt our chosen prey; fangs would only destroy the illusion of harmless beauty. We look good, we sound good, we smell good... we are the perfect lure. I have enough strength in my jaws to crush bone, and fangs would only get in the way." Her blue eyes widen at my revelation.

"I never thought of you as that kind of _hunter_. Why would you need to be a lure if you're so fast and strong?"

"Exactly." I pull her to me and kiss her softly. "I don't know why we are the way we are. We are truly wolves in sheep's clothing. I wish I could be more like the fictions that have been written. I don't even care about being able to fly or change into an animal. Just being able to take a small amount of blood would be – _wonderful._ I think I'd give up sunlight if it meant I didn't need to kill."

"But I thought you could take a small amount... you took blood from me and didn't kill me. Sulpicia did it too."

"Sulpicia still wants to kill you, don't ever trust her! Summer... anytime you're close to her, and by close I mean in the same neighborhood, she will know. If she hadn't been standing so close to Vladmir at the wedding, I wouldn't have let her near you. She would be destroyed if she attacked you again in public. But it is a miracle you escaped Volterra with your life. Because our bite brings on the change, we can sense those who live and are somehow not changed. It's how we catch _prey_ that escapes; the blood calls to us almost irresistibly. It's the real reason we don't drink donated blood, we can sense the life of the donor."

"But you drank my blood, I saw you."

"That was a mistake, Summer. Aro knew what it would do to me. I was so far gone I couldn't even _think._" I kiss her lips and her cheek. I want to hide my face in her hair, but I meet her eyes instead. "Ever since the day you walked through my door, I've been fighting not to kill you. I have been tested so many times I feel my will must be at least as strong as Carlisle's. If I had been thinking, I would have refused your blood. It was sweet, and rich and pure like you. It has become the most delicious taste to ever pass my lips, and I know I can never taste it again if you want to live. Aro's trick has made sure that I will be fighting not to kill you for as long as you live."

"How do you resist? My god, this is horrible, I'm so sorry... I didn't know. Is there anything I can do to help?" Her concern is touching.

"I will resist because I have no choice. It's part of the reason I'm going to stick with the animal diet. It actually helps me resist you if all humans are off limits."

"I'm glad to hear that. I'm sorry Stefan, I love you and I want you no matter what, but I'm glad you're not hunting people." She looks thoughtful, then looks at me hopefully. "What if you had a_ lot_ of my blood? I mean like enough to feel like you've drained me dry? I could donate that much over time, and you could drink your fill... " I kiss her lips to quiet her.

"I love you so much. You are the most incredible and giving person I've ever met. But it won't work. Remember, it's not really the blood we feed on, it's the _life. _ I'm not taking your life Summer, and you can't donate enough blood to make me feel like I have."

"Some day you can." Her words are so soft against me, I want to pretend I don't hear her. "I want you to be the one... when the time comes. Just let me fall asleep in your arms and never wake up again. Would you do that for me Stefan?"

"No!" I would give her anything she asks, I would lay down my own life... how can she ask me? I get out of the bed and pace the room as she watches. "You don't understand... I'm not going to live without you! You could ask Vladmir to do it, or Sulpicia would gladly finish you. But there is no future for me without you. When you are gone, make no mistake, I will follow you. There are fires hot enough to consume me before I escape."

"But why? You don't have to die!" Her voice pleads with me.

"Neither do you!" I've raised my voice and she is startled. I join her in bed again, and take her gently into my arms. "I love you, Summer. It's different for our kind... we don't ever forget. Time does not dim the pain. I will never forget how you feel right now in my arms. I will never forget how much I adore you. I will never lose the intensity of the way I feel for you. I will feel this way forever – or until I become ashes or dust. This love is carved into my soul; it's part of who I am. Tessa, Cecelia and Danial, and even Vladmir have impacted my life in such a way too. But you are my_ wife_. I know I have a heart now because it beats in _you._ I will always love you; strongly, passionately, deeply, and I cannot tolerate a life with that kind of intense love for a woman who isn't with me." My words have made her cry and I kiss her tears away.

"I'm sorry." She snuggles into my arms. "Maybe one of us will change our mind by the time I get sick. We still have lots of time, and I don't want to argue with you."

I teasingly touch her body and smile. "If we're not arguing, does that mean it's time for make-up sex?" She giggles at the term I've only recently learned from one of the movies we've watched.

"I think it's definitely time." The look of love and bliss on her face makes it worth all the restraint it takes not to hurt her. I don't know if I will ever get used to the way we can come together as a couple, even though we are so different. In her arms I'm not a monster, I'm not an ancient killer, I'm just a man in love with a woman.

Afterward we shower together and order her something to eat from room service. While she eats I call home and leave a message for Vladmir on the answering machine to let him know we're alright. We lounge in the rooms wearing nothing but thick robes provided by the hotel. I hold her and ask her to tell me of her life. She tells of a happy childhood with parents who loved her. She tells of the emptiness when her mother left, and how she always hoped she would come back. The sadness of her mother's death is still fresh and I hold her as she cries. She wishes she could have seen her as a bride. She Also wishes her father could have been there to give her away.

"He would have liked you Stefan. He had a sense of humor like Vladmir, only a little bit goofy. He was so kind and loving, and we had friends by the dozen. There was always a guest or two at the loft. And he was such a talented artist. He could see the hidden potential in everything." She smiles as she shares her memories. "And he was such a storyteller. If he hadn't been an artist I know he would have been a writer." Her eyes suddenly fill with tears. "He deserved a longer life. He deserved to have grand-babies to rock to sleep. He didn't deserve to die the way he did. I miss him so much. I miss them both." She clings to me as she cries, and all I can do is hold her and sooth her.

She pulls away and wipes her eyes before giving me a small smile. "Thanks for being with me. I'm sure this isn't exactly what you thought your honeymoon was going to be like. I don't think I've cried so much in my entire life as I have recently."

I pick her up and hold her against me like I did when we were back home. "I'm glad you trust me with your memories. Besides, I have no idea what a honeymoon is supposed to be like. I just want to be with you."

"Well, I think we're supposed to... go to exotic places, and dine and dance together, and …. of course make love all the time. And we're supposed to be blissfully happy and do everything together."

I kiss her, and just enjoy caressing the softness of her skin. "Greece is not exotic, but the Mediterranean is very beautiful. We can dine together... sort of. And I can absolutely dance with you." I lay her on the bed and smother her with kisses. "I really like the part about making love all the time. And I am blissfully happy when we are together. So what more is missing from your perfect honeymoon?"

She giggles and wraps her arms around my neck. "Nothing."

The suite has a large whirlpool tub we enjoy together. She likes the way the water heats my skin, and I worry over her reluctance to get out even though she is turning wrinkled. When we finally drain the tub, she lets me dry her off with thirsty towels. I brush her hair for her while she tells me about her home town. Such simple pleasures I have never known.

We dress in our only clothing and when the sun sets the car arrives to take us shopping. Like our first time shopping, I again know the language and she does not. But the shops are unfamiliar to me, and even though she doesn't know the language, she is more at home in the stores. She chooses clothes for me, and accepts many of the choices I make for her.

She requires many more things for her feminine care. She laughs when I ask what everything is for, but she patiently explains when she sees I really want to know. There is perfume, lotions to do different things for her skin, deodorant to cover her scent – which thankfully doesn't work in my opinion, paint for her nails and chemicals to remove the paint, cottony things to catch her menstrual flow, vitamins to supplement her vegetarian diet, a curler for her lashes, different make-ups to add unnecessary color to her lovely face, a rinse to freshen her breath, thin string to pull between her teeth, and razors to shave the hair from her skin. She needs so many things because she is so_ human._ I want to suggest that she wouldn't need so much if I changed her, but I don't want to argue with her again.

We arrive back at the hotel with a carload of bags as well as two suitcases to pack. I encourage her to wear a white dress I helped her pick out. It reminds her of the first one I gave her which she hated. This one covers a little more of her, and floats around her when she walks. I dress in a light gray suit the likes of which I've never owned, and I wait for her to get ready. We have reservations for dinner at a fine restaurant that offers dancing. When she finally appears, I have to rethink my opinion of her grooming necessities. She is stunning. One of my kind could never hold a candle to this woman, and she is my wife.

I take her arm and escort her to the restaurant which is walking distance to the hotel. The music, the smells of food, and the crowd are a lot to take in, but nothing compares to her. I can see the eyes of many men gazing at her, and I keep her protectively close. She orders her food for both of us and I push the meal around my plate as I watch her.

"I'm starting to feel like there's something wrong with me, Stefan. You haven't stopped looking at me since we got here." She smiles self-consciously and her blue eyes lift to mine.

"Every man in here has taken notice of you. Several continue to watch you even now." I smile as she glances nervously about her. The restaurant is busy and the noise easily covers up our conversation. "Relax my love, I will not allow anyone to take you from me." I reach for her hand across the table, just needing to touch her. "I wish I had killed Marcus for what he did. Chelsea told me what he planned to do to you. I was prepared to kill him even though it would have meant my own death as well; Demetri is quite powerful, as is Chelsea." I can see my words have disturbed her.

"Please Stefan, don't talk about dying. We're safe now and they can't touch us."

"You're wrong. They can get to us anytime they wish. You need to know these things. Demetri doesn't track by scent, he can sense the patterns of your mind, even where there is no trail. I don't believe they will come for us again, but you need to know they_ can._ There are so many things from which I cannot protect you. But at least I am not powerless against Demetri, or Chelsea, or even Sulpicia. I can watch over you in a room like this, full of ravenous wolves who would tear you from me." I know it might anger her, but I can't help saying again what is always on my mind. "But the one thing that threatens you most, leaves me helpless, because it's inside you. You're harboring the very killer I cannot save you from, and you won't _let_ me protect you." I expect her to be angry, but instead she holds my hand in both of hers.

"Stefan, I'm sorry this causes you so much pain. I understand why you want to change me, and the idea of having centuries with you... makes me want you to do it. But it wouldn't just change me into a resilient woman who would live forever, it would change who I _am_. Every time I look in the mirror I see my dad's blue eyes looking back. I love the look of my skin when it's brown from the sun. I even like the limitations you don't have. I have to practice to learn a new skill, I have to work out to be strong, and I know that there are things that will always be beyond me. But it's a part of who I am, and I have accepted it.

"But more than all that, I've seen what becomes of those who are like you. In Volterra I had the chance to witness the beautiful and the inhuman. They're cold, Stefan. And I don't mean temperature, I mean cold-hearted. When I met you, you were just like that. I love you, and I know that you're warm and passionate, and you love deeply. But all that was buried under ice. You almost killed me without even a thought as to who I am, or that I had any value whatsoever. I don't want to become like that."

I'm stunned into silence. She's right... I would have killed her if not for her seductive attraction. She would now lie buried in the woods next to the thief, and I would have gone on with my pale, lackluster existence without ever knowing I could have more. How could she love such a monster?

"Stefan please... I'm not trying to make you upset. I just want you to understand that part of what you love about me – a big part – is my humanity. It's the part of you I love the most even though it was buried and hard to find. I don't want to lose that and I know that I would. I've seen it over and over again in the Volturi."

"Summer, they're not a good example." I want so much for her to believe it doesn't have to happen. "You're right, they are cold. But it doesn't have to be that way. The Cullen family and the Denali coven in America... they're different. They don't hunt humans and they are more like you. We could be like that. I would never feed on another human... _person,_ again if you would join me. You worry about becoming a murderer, consider this... you could stop_ me_ from being one. Summer I promise, as long as you're by my side I'll never take the life of another person."

"Don't you _hear_ me?" I've upset her. She sits back, letting go of my hand as she tries not to shed the tears in her eyes. "Stefan, I know Carlisle and his family are different from the Volturi. But even he said I should never trust them. He said it's not what they want, but who they are. We are different. You want to change me into one of you, but doing so will change who I am. People train tigers to behave a certain way. They play with them, put their hands in their mouths, and even lie on the ground with the animal on top. But that doesn't change them from tigers into people. And every now and then, someone is bitten, mauled or killed because the tiger is still a tiger." She looks at me with sad eyes.

"You don't trust me, Summer. You think I am no better than an animal." I can't find it in me to be angry with her, but it hurts in a way I never expected.

She leaves her chair and momentarily I worry that she is leaving. Instead she comes to sit on my lap with her arms around me. "I love you Stefan. I don't think of you as some kind of animal. But I don't entirely trust you either. There's a part of you that is not trustworthy, and you can't help that. I fully trust the man you are, but we both know you're not entirely a man. But I don't have to trust you to be with you. I'm all in and I have no reservations. If... if anything bad happens to me because of that part of you I don't trust, you need to know I don't blame you.

I know that as long as it's in your power to control it, you won't hurt me. Every minute I'm with you, I know you have to fight to control... the part of you that sees me as consumable. I know there's always a possibility that you could momentarily lose that control, and as fast as it takes a tiger to pounce, it would be over. But it's a chance I'm willing to take to be with you. My life without you would be unbearable; I'm lost in you Stefan. When you first held me in your arms I finally started to live my life."

She looks up at me with her beautiful blue eyes, and I _want _her. I consider rushing her back to our hotel to make love with her, and she smiles coyly. The little minx knows what I'm thinking. She slips off my lap and takes my hand. "Will you dance with me?" she asks. She leads me to the dance floor, and I'm helpless to follow after the swirling skirt and her tossed blond tresses.

The music is modern, but with a slight touch of my old homeland in the way it's played and some of the instruments. I hold her, at first just swaying to the beat of the music. But she changes her hold on me, mimicking the other couples on the dance floor. It doesn't take me long to pick up the different movements, and soon we are dancing as if we have always known the unfamiliar steps. She is graceful and I love to watch how her body interprets the music, even more than those who are used to the dance.

The leader of the band announces a change and the women leave the dance floor. Summer and I begin to leave, but my hand is caught up by one of the men as the notes of the Syrto dance begin to play. She smiles encouragingly as as I'm drawn into a dance barely recognizable as one I remember. It's almost effortless for me to follow the hops, skips and grapevine steps. The line leader calls out the various steps, which is not enough to keep my mind occupied as I try to keep my eyes on Summer.

As soon as I consider breaking from the line, she too is caught up in a similar line; one with women only. I smile as I watch her learn the unfamiliar steps, all the while with a smile of pure delight on her face. Our line leader snakes the processional around until we face the women and the line becomes a circle as the music and steps change. We dance different steps and different music for almost thirty minutes before we can finally leave the floor.

I can't help but smile as it hits me again that the lovely woman sitting across from me is my wife. She is laughing and her cheeks are flushed and her eyes sparkle as they meet mine. "You are so good at this." She reaches for me across the cluttered table and I take her hand. "I think you could dance all night, and you never get tripped up over the steps." Her pulse is racing and her temperature is slightly warmer. I leave my seat to sit beside her so I can put my arm around her and pull her close.

"Dancing is easy. What's difficult is watching you from a distance, when all I really want to do is take you in my arms. Are you ready to leave yet?" She blushes, knowing that leaving will lead us back to our suite, and being alone together.

"Yes." Her soft whisper makes me want to scoop her up and race her back to the room with all inhuman speed. Instead I pay for the meal and we take our time walking back, hand in hand. In our room once more I restrain myself to relax on the bed and just hold her. There are no words to tell her the depth of my love for her, so I sit in silence, stroking her hair, watching every slight move she makes, and raining soft kisses onto her face, neck, and shoulders.

With the curtains drawn the darkness is total, and she comes to me with her loving desire. She is my wife and I know I've never loved another the way I love her. Tessa was a dream, and Cecelia was a fantasy, but Summer is my _everything. _ I have to be especially careful when we make love, and it would be so much easier for me if she were changed. But she is right, she wouldn't be the same person if she was one of us. I finally come to realize that I can't take away her humanity. I listen to her soft cries of pleasure and know that I need to treasure every moment with her, because she will be gone long before I'm ready to let go.

In the morning it's hard for me to let her go. She has so many human needs that keep us on a schedule. The hours of our honeymoon tick by in sightseeing, dining, shopping, theater, plays, concerts, and making love any time she wants. After two weeks I receive a message from Vladmir that he is growing impatient waiting for us and he wants to know if we'll be meeting him, or going off on a more lengthy sabbatical. When I relay his message to Summer she lets me know she would like to meet with him again.

"You're going to spoil me if we keep living like this. I haven't had to wash clothes or cook for over a month. And I would love to spend time in the sun again, I'm going to be as pale as you if I stay inside for much longer." She wraps her arms around me and kisses me. I can see what she means as her tan skin stands out against my white. I wish she could have known me in my life when my skin was brown from the sun like hers.

We make plans to leave in the morning. It has been a blissful time to be with her and become comfortable with one another. We pack up the many things we've bought and in the morning we board our flight for Athens. I expect that once in the capital city we would drive to the harbor where the boat is located.

In the airport it doesn't take me long to notice him. I've been on guard since we left Volterra, and his stillness is notable. I take hold of her arm and guide her eyes to the one waiting for us. She squeals and runs to him, flinging herself into his arms. Vladmir seems almost helpless as he catches her and looks over her shoulder as I walk his way grinning.

"I believe this belongs to you?" He passes her into my arms and the three of us hug. "Did you miss me, or is Goldilocks wishing she had run off with the_ best _man?" His smile is teasing and I realize I have missed him.

Summer kisses his cheek. "Of course we missed you! It's good to see Sulpicia didn't eat you alive."

"Ah, Peaches wouldn't have 'eaten me alive.' The way I see it, you're the only one who needs to worry about that. Why don't we invite her to dinner and see which one of us she wants for dessert?"

"I fail to see the humor in Sulpicia wanting to feast on my wife." I have to be careful that my voice doesn't carry. Vladmir only laughs.

"You're right I suppose. Still the thought of one beautiful woman with her arms around another beautiful woman, with her lips..."

"Vladmir!" Summer interrupts his teasing rambling. "Don't make me sorry I missed you."

"Sorry sweetheart, it's been too long since I've been around real people. I think the vultures rubbed off on me." He kisses her cheek and pats my shoulder. "Let's get out of here!"

It's a short drive back to the boat and it seems strange that it's been waiting for us all along. I hardly feel like the same man who left here a month ago. We need to resupply the boat and Summer is thankful that Vladmir cleaned out the galley and got rid of the spoiled food before she returned. Vladmir has already hunted, and I need to as well before we leave again.


	29. Chapter 29  The Honeymoon's Over

Chapter 29

The Honeymoon's Over

It seems funny to think that my honeymoon is officially over when I still feel like I'm walking in bliss. We spend several days on the boat just getting it ready to sail again. I'm still not sure where we'll be going next since we've kind of got permission from the Volturi to go about our business without their interference.

I'm happy with the way things are. I'm still surprised to be married, but I love him more every day. Maybe I should be a little less welcoming of Vladmir in our lives, since we are still newlyweds. But there's just something about the dynamics between the two of them. They are friends and brothers, but they are also a couple. In a way it's as if over time they've grown into two halves of a whole. I might eventually take Vladmir's place, but I really don't want to. I've created my own place in his life , and now that he's letting go of the pain in his past, there is plenty of room for me.

I also know that there will come a day when I won't be here, and he will need Vladmir more than ever. We don't talk about it, but it's always there; my unknown expiration date. I try to assure them both that I have years, maybe even decades before I need to worry, but they they look at it as if I _only _have years or decades.

Once the boat is ready to sail it becomes clear we need a plan. We could continue sailing the Mediterranean and then plan to head back to Romania when the weather gets cooler. I again suggest traveling the west coast of Africa, but they both agree it's too dangerous. It's only after several ideas are ruled out that Vladmir introduces his plan: He wants to cross the Atlantic! The route from the Canary Islands to the Caribbean can take three weeks in good weather. Vladmir is sure of their sailing skills, as well as knowledgeable on repairs and maintenance. But all I hear is _three weeks_. Stefan has been hunting every five days. Vladmir can easily make it three, but that still leaves us stranded in the ocean with a thirsty vampire for over two weeks. And that's if the weather stays calm and the boat doesn't break down.

Even after all our protests, Vladmir continues to try to convince us. "I want to visit the Americas again. We can take the Panama Canal and sail right to your doorstep, Summer. I know I'm starting to sound repetitive, but the Cullen family is the key to destroying the Volturi...'

"No!" I'm not used to going against what they want, but the mention of the Volturi, after all I've been through is just too much. "If you want to engineer a way to bring about the end of the Volturi, I understand. But you're going to have to do it without me. I'm not going to do or say anything that will put me into further contact with them. If you want to risk an ocean crossing just so you can try to build some kind of offensive force to take on the Volturi, then count me out. I barely got out of there with my life."

I try a different tactic. "Stefan, Vladmir... I love you both, but if you want to work on some kind of empire or revenge plan in hopes of going against the Volturi, just leave me behind." I turn away to head to our room. Stefan catches me before I make it below. He pulls me into his arms and strokes my hair.

"I'm sorry … I just can't... I won't... Stefan, I don't want to lose you – either of you. You know how bad they are. Did you see how their whole organization is based on little power struggles, deceptions, and secrecy? They're so corrupt... and you're better than that. If you still feel like you're going to accomplish something by playing their game, then I can't be with you. I won't watch you go down that path, I know where it leads." He continues to hold me, and I feel a hand on my back and realize Vladmir has put his arms around us as well.

"She's right... we can't play their game. Not that I was planning to, I just thought it best that we find a position of strength." Vladmir tries to explain, and I look up at his face, perched over Stefan's shoulder.

"I will go anywhere you two want to go; any part of the world. I've married into this family, and I'm happy wherever you are. But there is no position of strength they can't tear down. It's those very positions of strength that attract their attention and make them want to strike out." I pull away from them both and find a seat, dropping my head into my hands. When I look up they're both watching me.

"If you want to attempt to cross the Atlantic, I need a better reason than to ally with the Cullens. And I need to hear some kind of plan that doesn't make me think you've lost your mind."

Vladmir comes and takes my hands in his, and squats down in front of me. "I want to get as far away from this area as possible. I don't trust them. You know too much, and even though they promised they wouldn't harass us, they are better liars than I am. They will wait, and bide their time, but as soon as the interest in the Volterra newlyweds dies down, they may come for you. Aro wants you. And now that he's seen the way we built our stronghold before, he's once again interested in us. You are the key, Summer. If he has you, he gets Stefan and me as a bonus."

Stefan comes to sit next to me and wraps his arms around me. Vladmir's eyes are penetrating as he tries to convince me. "I've had a little time to ask questions while we were there. Sulpicia is a complicated woman. She is not quite happy or satisfied, but she won't leave... she told me things that Aro would not have liked. It seems they are outgrowing Volterra. The power of the church is waning, and they are thinking of branching out. They've already started looking for new sites on different continents. If they start another city like Volterra, they're going to need someone who can pull people in and convince them to stay. Aro knows we can do that. I know they can find us anywhere, but I want to make it as difficult as possible for them. I'll come up with a way to make it work, Summer, but I think it would be best to put an ocean between us."

"So, why don't we just sell the boat and fly? We can be in California in a day." I don't understand why he wants to take such a dangerous trip.

"It's the ocean. There's only one tracker who can find us once we take to the water, and he's likely not going to want to come after us. The stunt Marcus pulled cost him; apparently there are rules that weren't followed. But even if they can track us, the boat gives us a measure of mobility the Volturi aren't known for. The boat gives us a place to live and a means to be anywhere where there's water. It gives us the opportunity to be ourselves and not have to worry about being seen in the daylight. It's a kind of freedom we usually don't have." He smiles up at me, and I realize his red eyes make me just a bit more wary of him.

"But it's so _dangerous. _ I mean, not just for me, you too. Boats have been known to sink; what happens to you then?"

He grins at Stefan. "You haven't told her much about us have you?" He pats my cheek. "It's too sweet that you're so concerned about us, but we can survive much worse... trust me. We just need to answer the question of how Stefan is to feed, right? If all else fails, I can sail the boat alone... I'll just throw him overboard to save your pretty skin." He shrugs and laughs as Stefan harrumphs. "There are certain supplies we can take... animals, donated blood,..."

"But I thought you couldn't drink donated blood? And that if you did it wasn't enough to live on?" I'm confused by it all.

Stefan speaks. "We can drink donated blood... sometimes the chemicals make us sick, but we can actually purchase it without those additives. And we can survive on it for a short time. It's not pleasant, but it would work." I get the feeling he's trying to support Vladmir in his effort, so long as it doesn't put me at risk.

"We can also join a large regatta," Vladmir explains, "and as long as we don't lose the group entirely, we'd have people we could call upon for help."

"How's that go? 'Mayday, we're hungry and we need a few people we can suck dry?' That might work for you, but not for me!" The thought of putting someone else at risk horrifies me.

"No, I mean help if something broke, or if we needed a rescue. It's not difficult for those with experience. We sail down to the Canary Islands, supply the boat, join a regatta, and after the hurricane season passes we set sail. We catch the trade winds, keep a steady pace and arrive in the Caribbean in a few weeks. Simple." He says the last with a flourish of his hands

I look between the two of them. Vladmir is clearly the leader in this dynamic, and I get the feeling that Stefan is the one who makes his decisions work. I hate being cast as the naysayer. "I tell you what... how about we do the preliminary work. We can sail the Mediterranean and through the Strait of Gibraltar. Make our way down to the Canaries and just see how things look? It might give me a chance to take a class or two on sailing once we get there. We can see how rough the hurricane season is, and ask around about groups making the crossing. If it looks too chancy, Stefan and I can fly across, you can hire someone to help you sail across, and we can meet you in the Caribbean and try not to look too smug about our weeks alone in paradise."

Vladmir takes my face in his hands and kisses my forehead excitedly. "You're beautiful! Stefan, you better keep this woman happy, or I will steal her away from you." He's off and running, making preparations to set sail.

Later that night when we're alone in our bed I list my worries. "It's my fault you're having to feed more often. If we do this, I could easily push you over the edge and you'd wind up having a funeral when you arrived instead of celebrating." I think for a minute. "Why don't I fly across alone and you two can sail? Minimal risk for everyone involved."

He growled. "It leaves you alone and unprotected. And if I fly with you it leaves him alone. Not that he couldn't sail alone, but if something were to happen, we might never find him." I could almost feel the sadness he has over that thought.

"So why don't we all fly across, and... hire someone to bring the boat across? We might get stuck in the Caribbean for a couple weeks, but at least we'd be alive and well." I could see he's considering my idea.

"We will see. I like your idea, but I'm not sure Vladmir will appreciate it. He's got a more adventurous spirit. He will think that you don't trust in his abilities."

"I trust him, but he's immortal and indestructible, and I'm not."

"You don't have to keep saying that!" He sounds angry. "I know you're going to die. I live with that knowledge constantly. Every time I see you smile I have to wonder if it's the last time. Every time you wake up in the morning I'm relieved that you haven't died in your sleep. I fight a constant battle with myself not to be afraid to love you, and enjoy being with you. There is a fear in me that watches over you, just waiting for you to get hurt, or fall ill, because I know then I could lose you, and there's not a damn thing you'll let me do!"

I hold him as tightly as possible. "I'm sorry." I don't know what else I can say. It's starting to feel like this is our only conflict, the one thing we can't resolve or really get past. "I love you, Stefan. I'll try to remember not to bring it up. I kiss him softly, and he holds me possessively and kisses me with a passion that takes my breath away. When we make love, it's a struggle as I try to make him relax, and he fights to maintain control. It's a dance that never ceases to drive me crazy and make me happy to be his wife. Once we returned to the boat after our honeymoon, I was no longer concerned if Vladmir heard what we were up to or not. I'm so beyond being embarrassed by the way I feel for him, my only regret would be if it hurt Vladmir's feelings. I lie spent and naked in his arms and fall into dreams that I won't remember in the morning.

It surprises me that overnight we have set sail. Vladmir smiles down from the captain's chair as I step out from below. We're in open water, and the sun is bright overhead. I stare in stunned disbelief as both of them are wearing nothing but bathing suits. Stefan in black trunks and Vladmir in a red Speedo that makes me look away embarrassed as soon as I get my eyes under control. They both laugh at me, and Vladmir happily explains that they are enjoying a time of being free of Volturi law. I duck back below and change into my own bikini and join my husband above. He's warmed by the sun, and I can't help but stare at him before he rubs lotion on my shoulders and back. The way his skin shimmers makes him seem almost like an angel. But the way his hands slide over me reminds me that he clearly is _not. _

We lie in the sun while Vladmir sails the boat. His little touches and the way he looks at me are doing more to warm me than the sun. When I sit up and take his hand he seems confused for about three seconds, then he follows me down to our room. He's so warm, I don't waste any time losing the bathing suits. I want him. He's so beautiful in the daylight filtering in through the narrow windows. Our skin tones contrast so much it actually looks sexy to me. I push him back on the bed and take possession of him like I never have before, and I love the look of awe on his face.

So much about our time together is about learning each other. Just as he used his mouth to excite me, I intend to return the favor. I kiss down his sun warmed body, and encircle him with my fingers. When I take my first experimental taste of him, he falls back against the pillows and groans deeply. I had heard that it could be nasty, but it's not – at least not with Stefan. I enjoy the feel of him beneath my hands and tongue, and he even smells and tastes good. But what really makes me enjoy it, is the way _he _enjoys it. His small hip gyrations, his hands petting my hair, and his sounds of pleasure, are all the encouragement I need.

Before he can lose control, I climb up my husband and take him in a way he doesn't expect. Just feeling him beneath me, makes me eager to feel him _in _me. I guide him until we're gently joined. That's where the gentleness ends. From where I sit atop him, I can move in a way that he can't. I give in to the side of me that wants to be wild and unrestrained with him. The way my body conforms to his makes me sigh. Sweet rising and falling again and again, as I watch his face, and his look of wonder. His hands move over me, touching and caressing my skin, almost reverently.

His hips rise as he fills me, making me gasp and cry out in abandon. I have no shame, as I strive for my release. He sits up and his arms come around me. We move together in a tangle of limbs, frantically kissing and touching as we're both carried away. We collapse together, still wrapped up in each other.

He is a man frozen in time as everything moves forward around him It delights me to behave so wantonly, knowing that such behavior is unfamiliar to him. And he knows that he is the only one who will ever know me in such a way. I sprinkle his face with kisses and whisper I love you's, as I enjoy the remnant of the sun's heat between us.

As we snuggle together I whisper to him: "I wish these days would never end. I'm so happy now I'm afraid the only way to go is down from here."

His smile is wistful. "I too fear this. But I would not change a thing if it meant I wouldn't have you." His kiss is once again beginning to cool, but I don't care. "I have not been happy like this for centuries. I didn't know it was possible to feel so... light. If there's anything you desire, my love, I would move heaven and earth to..."

"Shh... Everything I want is right here I'm crazy in love with you, Stefan. I even love that insane person who's your best friend. You're both my family now, and if I were any happier I'd probably explode with it. And while I'm gushing, can I just say how much I _love _the bathing suits. I could just sit and stare at you!"

"Now you're starting to understand how I feel about you. When I was human, even a slave girl would not dress like that." His hands move over my body, making me sigh.

"Do I need to wear something else? I don't want to be improper as your wife." I raise my eyes flirtatiously.

He growls deep in his chest. "Summer, your wardrobe used to concern me more than it should have. Wear whatever you like, I'm interested in the woman inside the clothes. But those bathing suits are so... they make me..."

"Should I stop wearing them? I don't want to make you... suffer in any way." I smile teasingly.

"No! I love the way you look. Your skin turns such a lovely golden brown, and when you take it off... " He kisses down my body, lingering over the places he's uncovered. "You are the colors of fresh baked bread, but more tantalizing than bread ever could be." I pull him back up beside me. It takes so little to make me want him, and yet it feels almost naughty to be slipping away in broad daylight.

"We should probably get up. It's not very nice to leave Vladmir all by himself while we're so obvious about what we're doing."

"Let him suffer! I simply consider this recompense for pretending to be your fiance' and kissing you. Not to mention the close call while we were locked up." He looks at me like he'd gladly make love to me again, but I pull away instead.

"Stefan, he was only trying to protect us."

"I know him Summer. He may have been protecting us, but it also amused him that he could do those things with you. Ask him, he'll tell you." He kisses me and pulls me to him. As much as I want to make love with him I want to clear the air even more.

"Stefan... I don't want to come between you." He looks at me like he's confused. "You two have been together a lot longer than we ever will. I don't ever want to be a problem, or something that separates you. I love you, and I'm committed to you, but I know he's part of the deal. I think of him like a brother, or maybe a brother-in-law. He's family to me too. I'm not Sulpicia and I won't feel jealous over your relationship."

"You are my_ wife. _My loyalty is with you. Vladmir will understand – we know each other well enough." He kisses me, almost distracting me.

"That's what I mean. I don't want you to change your friendship. You don't have to get even for what he did. I never feel like you're neglecting me, and I don't want you to think you have to put me in his place. I don't want to have to follow traditional roles. I just want to be with you, and I don't want to see you twist yourself into something you're not in order to satisfy me. We didn't create a family, Stefan, I joined yours, and I like it that way. I like being part of a trio."

He pulls away from me and sits up. Whatever goes through his mind makes him stare at a space on the floor. "I am unfamiliar with modern relationships." He takes a deep breath before asking, "Summer, are you trying to tell me you want him to... share our bed?"

Oh my god! "No! No, no, no, no, no! I'm a modern woman, but not _that _modern!" I try not to laugh at his obvious concern. "Stefan, it's only _you _I love that way. Only _you. _ You're the one who makes my pulse race. You're the one who holds my heart. I feel agape for you...eros for you. I only feel philia for Vladmir."

He grins over his shoulder. "Your Greek is weak, but I understand. You had me worried for a minute. I don't think I could share you, even if that's what you wanted. And he would be insufferable if he thought you wanted him."

I giggle. "Careful, he might hear you"

"I hope he does hear me!" He raises his voice and looks to the ceiling. "I won't share you, you're mine!" He reaches for me and we tumble back into bed. It is quite a while before we both come up out of our room.

Up on deck there is no sign of Vladmir, and I start to worry that he was offended and somehow left. It's the tiny flash of red in the corner of my eye that lets me know where he went. He's at the top of the main mast, not in a crows nest, but balancing on the tip! As we look up he raises into a handstand, then waves at us, balanced on one hand.

"Show off." Stefan mutters, before pulling me into his arms for a kiss. The splash is loud, and I pull away to see Vladmir in the water, swimming along beside the boat after diving from the mast. Stefan grins. "You should get out of the water, you're going to scare the sharks.

"You should come in. The water's very... wet!" Vladmir easily keeps up with the boat even with his lazy backstroke. As we watch he ducks underwater and we lose sight of him. When he surfaces he leaps into the air, clearing the surface like a dolphin before jackknifing and diving back in.

"Such a show off." Stefan smiles at me. "Would you like to swim with us, Summer?" Vladmir leaps again, rotating several times before dropping back in. "We'll keep you safe."

"What about those sharks you mentioned?" I hadn't seen any sharks, but I've always been a little afraid of things you can't see in the water. In answer Stefan only grins wickedly. Oh yeah, my husband is at the top of the food chain. "Let's go."

At first it seems odd to be swimming alongside an unmanned boat, but both of them can swim like fish and easily swim circles around it. The water is calm and warm, and they both enjoy treating me like a big bathtub toy. I'm lifted and tossed into the water so many times I feel like I'm swimming with dolphins or seals. After a minor protest, Stefan paddles along slowly and allows me to hold onto him like a human buoy.

Vladmir swims alongside us and asks, "Stefan, remember our first trip to Australia?"

He laughs. "Leave it to you to bring that up. Summer, this man has an evil sense of humor. Our ship hit a reef and went down, and we had to swim a few miles to shore. Instead of coming up on land like normal people, he suggested we wash up on shore like corpses. There was so much screaming and panic when the waves brought us in. Vladmir didn't even bother to close his eyes, so you can imagine what we looked like when they finally came to drag us up onto dry sand. We were cold and still, and they dug holes to bury us. We were in the holes, and they were throwing the dirt in on top when we just climbed out and brushed it off." He's laughing so hard he can barely speak.

"The gravediggers had to go home and change their pants!" Vladmir finishes the story, also laughing.

"I guess that's just one of those 'had to be there' stories." I don't think the story is funny, but the way they're laughing about it is amusing.

"Aw come on Summer..." Vladmir cajoles. "...can't you just imagine it, with Stefan all covered in seaweed..."

"No, I don't think it's funny!" I don't know why it bothers me, but I don't feel much like swimming, and I head for the boat. Even before I'm up the ladder Stefan has gone before me and helps me up the steps. He pulls me into his arms and holds me next to his cold, wet, body. Inexplicably I feel like crying.

"I'm sorry! I just... I mean... Usually it doesn't bother me since you're so alive and vibrant. But I just don't want to think of you like that. That you can look and feel so much like a corpse, that someone could throw you into a hole... it's just too much. I love you Stefan. You're so alive I don't even think of you that way. But if you're a walking corpse, then what's that make me – a necrophiliac? I just don't think it's funny." I try to let go of my hurt feelings as I'm looking up into his serious face.

"I'm sorry." He kisses my forehead. "Sometimes I forget how different we are. I think the reason Vladmir has survived for so long is because he loves the way he is. He doesn't worry about not being human, in fact he will exploit every advantage, like you've seen recently." He looks up at the main mast as a reminder.

"I'm sure what_ he _didn't think of, _you _did There are probably just some things I don't want to know." I pull him close and kiss him, and he tastes like salt water. "I think I'll just change clothes and maybe make some lunch. I didn't mean to stop you from having fun in the water."

"It's only fun with you. Do you need any help changing?" He grinned mischievously.

"I think I better do this myself." I pat his cheek as I go below and quickly wash my hair. I put on shorts and a top before ducking into the galley to make lunch.

It seems the swimming is over and they are both dry and dressed when I come up. I'm a little sad to see the bathing suits are put away, but I guess it's just as well I'm not tempted by my husband after all we've done today. We decide to practice our music since we haven't had much time since we've reunited. I have no idea if the Twilight Trio will play for an audience again, but it seems to be the safest thing we can do together. I'm not sure why I'm letting so many little things get to me. Maybe it's all the stress of being kidnapped and held captive finally catching up with me. The music is even more beautiful than I remember, and it calms me like nothing else. More than that, it helps me see once more that my husband has depth and beauty within, no matter what he is.

We play through the afternoon, and I'm glad I'm finally learning to play better. I hate to stop, but my stomach growls almost as loud as my singing. I'm putting together a salad when Vladmir joins me in the galley. He slips in so quietly a startled squeal escapes. He watches me with interest as I toss mixed greens with chick peas, feta cheese, tomatoes, black olives, and avocado. I sit at the tiny table to eat, and he sits opposite me, making a disgusted face as I take a bite.

"How do you eat like a rabbit?" He sniffs the bowl and flinches away.

"It's simple, I just open up and chew." I stab another forkful to prove the point.

"I still don't know how anyone can survive on _that_! His face is looking theatrically more grossed out by the minute.

"Vladmir, what do you want, since you're obviously not here to share my food, or watch me eat?" I set the fork down and wait patiently.

He looks across the table at me for several long moments. "I just wanted to …. um... apologize... I think." He looks uncomfortable, but I'm confused. "The old jokes between us... I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"Don't apologize. It's nothing... I'm just being overly sensitive."

"But you said it makes you feel like a necrophiliac." He reaches across the table and grabs my arm. He holds my hand and looks at me with his intense red eyes. "We're not dead Summer. We may be cold, and our hearts don't beat, but there is life within us. If you could see with my eyes and hear with my ears you'd understand that this life is intensely powerful. When I can remember what it was like to be human, I'm stunned at how much_ more _I have now. My vision is perfect. I mean there are parts of light we can see that you can't. My memory is so sharp, I can recall every note and word the first time we practice. And with my hearing I can pick up so many things you miss."

He lowers his voice then, even though we both know Stefan can hear us. "I heard what you talked about this morning. He was right, I liked kissing you." I try to pull my hand back but he doesn't let go. "Relax, you're safe with me, or he would be here to put me in my place. I take opportunities when they are presented to me. Some chances only come along one time, and I don't do well with regrets. I would never try to take you from him, but I wanted just a taste..." He laughs and releases my hand. "I apologize for that also, but if you had died at Volterra, I would have regretted not kissing you when I had the chance. He's very lucky to have you, and I'm very happy for both of you." He looks uncomfortable again.

"I also heard you tell him you didn't want to come between us. I love you for that. My Sulpicia never understood our bond. Now we have this regret we both share."

"How does Chelsea's ability work? I think it exploits a weakness, but I thought it also wears off. Why doesn't Sulpicia leave and return to you?"

He laughs. "Chelsea's ties eventually wear off, but while they are at work, real ties are formed. She may tie someone to Volterra, but they are integrated into the whole hierarchy and soon those bonds become real. Peaches loves me, not Aro. But she will never leave his side. She will continue to be his dutiful wife in all ways. It amuses me that Aro knows she loves me, and I could have her back if I really wanted her. But she can't be assured that I would take her back if she left. I don't even know myself. She will never take that risk, and she can never understand the bond I have with Stefan."

He looks at me with honest eyes – if that's possible. "You seem to understand." He reaches out and lays his hand on my cheek. "It's a pity you two don't want to share your bed with me... mmm, the things I could show you!" He pulls back and laughs loudly as Stefan's growl carries down to even my ears. "Relax, you know I'm only joking... mostly." He leaves me there feeling surprisingly relaxed considering his blatant flirting. It was more of his complete honesty Stefan mentioned.

Several days later, we make it through the Strait of Gibraltar before we need to moor the boat for more supplies, and Stefan needs to hunt. We dock in Barbate, Spain even though I try to convince them we should head down the coast of Morocco to Casablanca. They laugh at my romantic notion since Casablanca is one of the busiest ports in the world. Stefan shows no reluctance leaving me behind with Vladmir even after our uncomfortable conversations. As Stefan seeks his next meal, Vladmir and I check out the shops and restaurants. We've decided to wait on a storm system before traveling further, which gives us a chance to check out some of the tourist spots and beaches while the sky is overcast.

We're back on the boat, and I'm storing a few things away when I stumble in the galley. I hit my head on the table, and my cry of pain brings Vladmir almost instantly to my rescue. He helps me from the floor and looks at me strangely. A small trickle of blood oozes down my temple. I can see the indecision on his face, but it's not the blood lust I've seen in Volterra. It's as if he's trying to decide if he should wipe it with a cloth, or lick me like a melting ice cream cone. I try to stand to pick up the towel on the sink, but my feet don't respond fast enough and I almost fall again, but he catches me.

He wipes my head with the towel and smiles. I stand again, and this time I don't move. My equilibrium feels off even before I try to take a step and I collapse back onto the chair, stunned.

"Just relax, the cut is minor, I'll get your first aid kit and take care of it for you." He's charming and sweet, but my horrified look stops him as much as my hand clutching his arm. I feel the tears in my eyes, and his confused look overwhelms me and I break down sobbing.

I've forgotten all about my head injury as he puts his arms around me. "I need to see a doctor, Vladmir... it's starting." No need to say more, he knows all I've told Stefan, and I feel his arms around me tighten. I cry against his strong chest, feeling the unfairness of it all crashing down on me. I was supposed to have years! Stefan... oh god... it's just too much to think about how my new husband is going to take the news that I've got the early onset strain. The tears I wail into the iron embrace of his friend are not for me, but for the one I love with all my heart and soul.

"Summer..." His voice is soothing, and he lifts my chin and dries my tears on his T-shirt. I don't know how long I've been crying, but the front of his shirt is wet and I feel wrung out. He lifts my chin and both of our red eyes meet. "Let me change you." His voice is soft and compassionate, but his words shock me. "Let me fix this. It can be over before he returns, and he won't even have to see you in pain." His fingers caress down my neck, as if he's drawing a map of where he'd like to bite me. "He doesn't have to see you suffer if I do it now."

I try to pull away from him or push him away from me, and it's clear that he's not ready to let me go. "NO!" I start to feel panicked that he won't let me go. "Vladmir, you have to take me to a doctor now! I'm not going to die right away, first I'm going to... degenerate." Just saying it makes it feel more real, and I feel more tears on my face. "Please! You can't turn me. I'm not going to be one of them." The memory of the Volturi is still fresh in our minds and it's enough to make him back off.

"It's against my better judgment... but I'll find you a doctor." He lifts me and carries me back to our cabin and settles me in bed. I try not to think about how dad spent so much time in bed. He goes to make the calls, and in a surprisingly short time, he comes back to get me. "I've got you in to see one of the best doctors in the area." He picks me up and carries me, from the boat and to a waiting taxi. We make it to the office, and he carries me into the waiting room.

"I should go find Stefan and let him know what's happening." We're in the waiting room, and I wonder if he's not trying to find a way to get out of an uncomfortable situation.

"No!" I hold his hand and try to keep my voice down, forgetting how good his hearing is. "I don't want him to know yet. There may be something they can do for me. There are dietary supplements that can slow it down, and there are always clinical trials. I'm not giving up without a fight, and I don't want him to know until he has to." He only growls in response. "You know how he'll take the news. He's happy right now... let's just let him be happy for a little while longer."

"I won't lie to him." He looks almost angry that I would ask. "But you're right; he won't take this well. _ I'm_ not taking this well. If he asks me directly I will tell him the truth. But I won't volunteer anything... I'll give you that much." I hug him and kiss his cheek, and then they call my name and he can't come back to the exam rooms with me.

There are tests, from urine to blood and blood pressure. I've had to fill out the medical history forms and it seems to take forever even before I see the doctor. When I finally meet him he's a pleasant man in his early forties who speaks fluent English. He'd gone to school in Ohio and studied medicine at the Cleveland Clinic – small world. The things he tells me leave me shocked, then he pats my hand and asks if I'd like to have my husband come back with me while we go over our options.

I slip into the waiting room and sit next to Vladmir, trying not to cry. "I need you to find Stefan. I don't know if you can get back here in time, but I need him, now!" To his credit he doesn't ask questions, but leaves immediately. I sit and wait, while people come and go. My head is spinning and I feel numb. I have no idea how everything went so wrong so fast.

When Vladmir and Stefan walk through the door a little more than an hour has passed. My husband's eyes are light amber and full of concern. With his arm around me we head back to meet with the doctor, and he's almost holding me up. I don't know how I'm going to keep from breaking down when he learns what's happening.


	30. Chapter 30 Diagnosis

Chapter 30

Diagnosis

Vladmir comes to find me. I'd just fed and I am on the way back to the boat when he catches up to me. He doesn't need to say anything, I know Summer's in trouble, and we run. Inside the clinic Vladmir waits while we are lead back to a small exam room. When the doctor comes in I shake his hand and he smiles weakly.

"I've already shared the news with your wife because there are some decisions that need to be made in a fairly small amount of time. She came in presenting with what she believed to be the first symptoms of Huntington's Disease. We've run the tests, and I'm sorry to tell you, she does carry the gene; though she is asymptomatic as yet." All along I knew it was likely, but hearing the news feels like I've been hit. She's going to die. I have to remind myself to loosen my grip on her hand before I crush her fingers. The doctor is still talking, but I'm just caught up in looking at her; my beautiful wife, the woman I'd die for, is dying.

"...diet and exercise plans to prolong her active years. But during the exam we ran several routine tests, and your wife is also pregnant." Impossible! I look at her and I hope my face looks suitably concerned, because what I really feel is joy. "...problems with carrying to term should she develop active symptoms. It's still too early to tell if the pregnancy will progress normally. There are tests that can be done to see if the child carries the gene. They're not always reliable, but you would need to do it soon so that you could decide if you wanted to terminate the pregnancy.

"No!" Her strong denial comes before I can voice my own. "We're not aborting my baby!"

"No one is going to pressure you into anything. I'm merely trying to present you with all the options so you can make an informed decision. Some of these things have a very small window, such as the amniocentesis." The doctor looks almost defensive.

"I don't want any tests! And I don't want to hear any more talk about terminating my baby!" I'm sure somewhere there are mother bears that would envy her fierceness.

"If that's your decision, I'll note it in your records." He smiles. "Now, let's see if we can give you a due date." He questions her about her last menstruation, birth control methods, and other personal details. When he finally orders an ultrasound to measure the baby, I'm surprised they allow me to stay in the room with her. I'm even more surprised when she lies back and pulls up her shirt, there is a small lump where none existed the last time I saw her.

I'm appalled at their chosen method for the test. With her feet in stirrups they probe her with an internal sensor. With her eyes glued to the monitor screen she tries to pretend the device doesn't cause her discomfort, or even pain, but I can see it's hurting!

"It's okay Stefan. If I can't take a simple test, childbirth will be out of the question." She takes my hand to reassure me, and I can't help but admire her strength. Still what concerns me is her belief that she will go through childbirth. I know she's heard Carlisle's description of what Bella's child did to her. Does she think this will be any different? She smiles up at me, then winces as the woman using the probe tries to maneuver the thing which seems to not be working. I'm getting a clear picture of her frame from the inside, but there is a large gray mass in the center.

"Take that thing out of her!" I can tell the woman senses the menace behind my words and she looks apprehensive. "I mean it, take it out, you've done enough already!" She complies, making feeble apologies about how it doesn't seem to be working. The woman watches me warily as she wheels the machine out of the room.

I help Summer to sit up and pull her clothes together. "It's time we should go before they come up with some other barbaric torture."

"But we need to know the due date. Maybe they've got another machine that works... Stefan we can't just leave!" She sounds confused and frightened.

I pace the tiny room, feeling frustrated and overwhelmed myself. I don't want to explain things to her here and now, but she is quickly running down the wrong set of ideas. I do my best to calm myself and I take her delicate face in my hands and lock my eyes onto hers. "Summer, you need to hear me, we may not have much time. The child you carry is not going to be normal. Their tests won't work, and if they figure out why, they won't let you go. We must leave now, do you understand me?" Her eyes are wide, but she nods. With my arm around her she leans heavily on me as we walk out of the room and past a window where a woman waits to check us out. I don't stop even though she tries to call us back.

In the waiting room Vladmir comes to flank Summer, lending his own shoulder to lean on as we hurry to the door. There is a commotion behind us as someone tries to follow us, perhaps to sign something or to pay a bill. I turn on the two clerical workers and narrow my eyes. "Leave us alone. Your services are no longer required!" I use my command, and they quickly turn around. At the corner we're met by the taxi Vladmir has called.

In the backseat she breaks down and weeps against my chest. I do my best to comfort her, rubbing her back and whispering soothing words to her. Vladmir catches my eye over her head. He's unsure of what's wrong with her, and he can read the shock of it on my face.

Once we're back at the boat I carry her from the taxi and settle her into our cabin. I lie with her, promising her everything will work out, as she cries herself to sleep. I place my hand on her stomach as she sleeps, There is a definite mound growing there. I'm no longer feeling joy at the thought of the child, but fear of what it will do to the woman I love more than my own life. If there's a choice between my seed and her life, there's no doubt which I'd choose. Still, the thought of holding my own child feels like a hope too forbidden to wish for, and yet I almost dare.

I leave her resting and go to find Vladmir. I don't have far to go as he's waiting outside our cabin. We move to the other end of the interior so we won't disturb her. I don't have to mince words with him. "She has the disease, and she's pregnant." After all these years I didn't think he could be surprised, but he is clearly taken aback by the news.

"I thought she was sick, but _pregnant_? I didn't think it was possible! Is it yours?" I glare at him that he could even ask. "Is it too late to get rid of it?" It takes me a second to calm myself and not strike him. I don't expect such callousness from him.

"She - _we_ don't intend to 'get rid' of our child!" I collapse into the nearest chair. "Heaven help me, I want this! What kind of a monster would do that to her?"

"I thought you were taking precautions. Hell, I thought you were too old!"

"We were, and so did I. She's been on birth control... supposed to be 99 point something percent effective. Must be that even my seed is more aggressive. Damn it, I shouldn't even be fertile!"

"For someone who professes to want to be a father, you sure don't sound happy." He takes a seat opposite me

I look him in the eye. "This could kill her. Every other half vampire child killed it's mother. Isabella Cullen was changed after hers was born or she would have been gone too. Summer won't let me change her."

"You can't seriously consider her wishes in this matter! Of course you'll change her."

"I promised her I would not." I look at him for a long moment. "She doesn't want this. Even if she could get past the horror of killing, she saw what it did to the Volturi... they scared her. I won't change her."

"Then I will!" He obviously doesn't see the point that I promised to keep her from being changed, not just refused to bite her.

"I won't let you." I don't have the courage of my convictions, but I know it's true. I will protect her from him if necessary.

"You can't be serious. You would let her die? She could have mere months left. By your own admission her odds are not good. Even if she survives the birth, she's still sick. You can't just let her die, Stefan – be realistic!"

"I am. I _know_ her. I know she would end her life before she took another. I won't make her into something she despises. And I won't let you do it either."

"You can't make that decision for me. I love her too Stefan."

"I know." I stare at him for a long moment. "Even if she didn't end her life, she would hate me. She would never trust me again. I would lose her."

"You don't know that for sure. We all change when we're brought across. I won't promise that I won't change her. I'm not going to let her go. One thing she doesn't understand is that if she dies you'll be right behind her. No – I won't let that happen!" He stands and runs his fingers through his artificially blond hair. "One thing's for sure, we need to call Carlisle. He's the only one who can help us now."

"He may not want to help. We parted on some very bad terms the last time I saw him."

"Did I say I was going to give him a choice? I'll call. He may not want to help, but he will." He leaves me then to make the call. I sit and hold my head in my hands feeling hope and despair at war within me.

I can hear the conversation with Carlisle; his shock and anger, his insistence that we end the pregnancy, and Vladmir's assertion that she will not. I hear his rant about why we were not using birth control, and Vladmir's assurance that we were. The words Carlisle utters would have truly upset his own father were he still living.

"Bring her. Now. Drop everything and get here as fast as you can. It's already stealing everything it needs from her, and in a few days she'll be too weak to travel. Don't stop in Forks, come right here. Get it out of your head that this will end well; she's either going to die or become one of us, there's no other option." He ends the call and Vladmir dials the airport. He charters a plane and I set about packing up our things in the boat.

When I hear her wake I rush to her. I hold her, kiss her, and reassure her that she's going to be fine. I lie. She seems upset at our plans to leave so soon. She is sorry to disrupt our plans to cross the Atlantic in the boat. She either has no idea of what's about to happen to her, or she's trying hard to bury the knowledge. As we pack up the last of our things I look around the boat. I know we won't be coming back, and it hurts to say goodbye to the dream.

We leave the instruments behind, and Vladmir mentions that he will have them shipped to Romania. In the taxi she leans on me as if she hasn't slept. On the plane she sleeps, and when I place my hand on her stomach I can tell the lump is already larger..

I spend the flight praying to a god I have never believed in, but I can see nothing else that will save her but divine intervention. It doesn't help that I've known all along she will die. I now know what even Vladmir does not; she only has weeks to live. I thought the pain of losing Tessa was the greatest I would ever feel. I was sadly mistaken as the mere contemplation of losing Summer has my mind experiencing a jagged agony that makes me want to end my pitiful existence to make it stop.

She had hoped that having Vladmir at my side would make her loss more bearable, but again we have all misjudged. I can see the suffering on his face as he looks at her sleeping form. The love he feels for my wife is stronger and deeper than that of a friend or a brother. It's as if she is the embodiment of all women to him, and the love he has for her is purer than what our kind are known to experience. Her impending death is tearing him apart.

The plane stops to refuel in Florida, and she wakes while we're on the ground. She is hungry, but the typical food she eats seems to make her ill. I remember Carlisle mentioning Bella's diet of blood, and I offer her a steak; rare and bloody. She refuses at first, but the smell so entices her she places a tiny nibble in her mouth, making a face as if she held a live insect on her tongue. She gulps without chewing, and the look of astonishment on her face almost makes me laugh – as if she has found she has a taste for live insects. She devours the steak and even tips the plate to drink the bloody juice. I offer her a second, this one uncooked. She seems even more horrified as she realizes it's what she wants; it's what _our child _wants.

Once more in the air she leaves her seat and instead curls on my lap. I hold her with her head cradled on my shoulder and my arms around her. I never knew I could love so deeply and completely. My hands stroke over her as if to soothe and protect her. But I can't protect her from that which she carries inside her own body. A part of me hates what's growing inside of her, as I know it's stealing her from me. It's consuming her in a way I have resisted, as if my hunger has been given a life of it's own and been placed within her. In the end, I will be the one charged with caring for this voracious child.

We arrive in Port Angeles with a car to meet us. From the car Vladmir calls to tell Carlisle we've arrived. No, we shouldn't go to a hotel, nor the hospital where he works, he wants us at his home where he can monitor the situation. We don't have a pregnancy or a child, we have a 'situation.' Still, I'm grateful that he's agreed to help, I only hope it's enough.

We pull up outside the enormous house and they are there to greet us. Carlisle doesn't say a word to me, but goes immediately to Summer, helping her from the car and into the house. Esme directs us on where to take the luggage, and Emmett helps out. I see him there, hovering near the door; the only other one who could possibly understand what I'm going through – Edward. I move to enter the house and he steps into my path.

"Let's go for a walk." he invites. "Don't worry about her, there's nothing you can do now anyway, and Carlisle will make sure she's taken care of." We walk, down the driveway and off into the woods. Once out of sight and sound of the house he stops and turns toward me. "Carlisle seems to think you planned this." He pauses and looks me in the eye. "That's not true though, is it?" I forgot he can read my mind.

"You know I didn't plan this. Maybe if she was a different woman... but I couldn't do that to her. I thought she was protected."

He laughs without humor. "I think there's something about us that overcomes the protection. It happens at the first opportunity – it overcomes all obstacles and..." He shrugs.

"It's going to kill her." I'm simply stating a fact he must surely hear inside my head; it's all I can think about.

"Yes." He doesn't try to hide it. "You'll be surprised how fast it happens. She's probably got a month before it tears it's way free. Don't fight with her, don't waste time trying to talk her out of it. Don't waste time."

"How can I watch her die? This is impossible! All of our superior strength and skill, and our years of wisdom and experience, and we can't save one little human girl! What use is it all?"

He pats my shoulder. "If you think you hurt now, I'm here to warn you it will get worse – much worse. She'll need you to be strong, at the same time she'll make you wish you'd never been born. This is going to ravage your beautiful wife in a way that will make her look like someone else. Near the end she will look like the walking dead, except she won't be able to walk, at least not on her own. It will break her bones, but not until it's taken what it needs from them. And when the time comes, it will tear itself out of her, like a chick from an egg."

"Stop! Why are you trying to torture me? Do you think I want this?"

The corners of his mouth turn up. 'You didn't plan it, but yes, I do think you want this. I just want you to know what you're trading to get it. If she won't let you turn her, she'll be dead in a month. If I were you, I would plan to change her without her consent. Carlisle won't support that, and neither will Rosalie, so if they're nearby it might be impossible. You also can't turn her while she's pregnant; the change will kill the baby – and then your newborn bride will likely kill you."

"You've thought of everything, haven't you?" My voice sounds bitter and resentful.

"I've been where you are now. There is nothing I wouldn't have tried to save my wife. I even told her if she got rid of my child she could... never mind, that really doesn't bear repeating."

"You told her she could have another man's child. I've thought about it already. But she never wanted to have children. She carries a genetic disease that will kill her even if she manages to be the first to survive childbirth. Talking to the young Edward makes her condition even more real to me. I'm already starting to grasp the certainty of losing her, even though he stands before me, a living testament to a positive outcome.

"I need to ask you something – a favor if you will." He looks uncomfortable. "My daughter is going to be curious about the guests who are here. You've met her before and she will remember you and Vladmir. She will know your wife is here, but I'd like to keep them apart if at all possible. She's still very young and this could upset her quite a bit, especially considering what's going to happen. She knows what happened during her own birth, but witnessing it first hand is more than a child should... more than anyone should actually see."

"I will try." I can't say more. We walk back to the house and I easily find the room we've been given. She is resting, and I slip in and lie down beside her. One month. It's not enough – not nearly enough!

In the quiet of the house I hear Carlisle call my name. She doesn't stir, so I leave her side to find him in his office. He doesn't mention our last meeting or our confrontation. Instead he consults a file in front of him.

"These are the notes I took while Bella was pregnant." He comes around the desk and spreads several sheets out before us. As you can see, she was pregnant for almost a month to the day. We were fortunate to be able to note the exact day she conceived. We need to try to pinpoint Summer's date as closely as we can. If we can do that, I've calculated the length of time she will need to carry the baby before it can safely be delivered. My hope is that we can deliver a healthy premature infant, long before she goes into labor. In this way we should be able to save her life."

I fight to keep a grip on my hope in light of the grim look on his face. "There's no guarantee it will work even if we get the dates exact. The baby is encased in an invulnerable sack that I won't be able to cut through. I'm investigating lasers, but of course this is all new, and it's a gamble."

He looks at me with guarded concern. "My son tells me you didn't plan this. I'm glad to hear it, especially after we spoke at your home. My goal of course is to save your wife _and _your child. But I'll be honest, it might not be possible. She's adamant that she is not be changed, and she's equally insistent that I save the child over her.

Because she's my patient, her wishes will come before yours, and that includes the decision to deliver preterm. Bella wouldn't hear of it, even though I tried to talk her into it. I'll be honest, from what I've seen and even what I've heard from Nahuel's aunt, it seems like these babies not only take over the mother's body, but also exert some kind of control on their minds. Bella had dreams of her child, and everything we tried to do seemed threatening to her. She insisted my daughter be with her at all times to guard and protect her, just in case someone tried to take the baby while she slept. If Summer becomes overprotective like that, my hands may be tied."

He looks at me solemnly. "I want you to be her biggest supporter. She cannot think you wish her baby any harm. You have to be the most loving and doting father, even if it's the best acting job you've ever done. If she thinks even for a minute that you want to harm the baby, she may fight you on everything you try to do to save her life. Make no mistake, in her mind this is_ her _baby, and you could easily be cast as the enemy."

He sighs. "My granddaughter has been a great joy to me. But I've never deluded myself into thinking that she's not as much a predator as we are. If not for our own animal diet she would likely be feeding on humans like any other vampire. She's a hybrid, but the human side seems to give way to the survival instinct of our side in it. The baby your wife carries may turn out to be a loving little angel after it's born, but before then it's only interest is it's own survival." He gathers up the papers and places them back in the file.

"I'm going to try something different with Summer than I did with Bella. Bella was able to drink donated blood to keep the baby alive and keep it from draining her of everything in her own body. I want to try to give Summer I.V. nutrients for her own body, along with the blood for the infant. I've also been considering a different delivery system that would get more to the baby without having to go through digestion. But keep in mind everything I do is experimental and may not work; including the laser assisted delivery." We talk about several of his ideas, and I try to follow along, but I really just want to get back to my wife.

"Just do whatever you think is best. I know you're dedicated to saving lives. I do appreciate your help." It's as much of an apology as I can give for our fight over her earlier in the year.

"Have you thought about what the Volturi are going to say about this?" Of course he's heard about our marriage at Volterra, and his own granddaughter was the cause of a nearly catastrophic attack by all of them. They will not be happy that another hybrid is in the world. They are the least of my worries.

"If Aro keeps his word, we should have nothing to fear from them. But even if they did want to intervene, by the time they get here it will be over, come what may." He pats my shoulder as I turn to leave.

She sleeps most of the day away and I lie awake next to her. Carlisle comes in and sets up his I.V. to begin giving her nutrients. She wakes up briefly, then falls back asleep cuddled against me. I touch her stomach and the lump has continued to grow. I can't imagine that in a month that tiny lump is going to be a full sized child. Full sized and capable of tearing her apart to get out.

In the afternoon, Emmett and Jasper ask to come in. Already the room is our own space and they are respectful of our privacy. They go about installing a flat screen TV so that she will have something to distract and entertain her when she is awake. The plan is to keep her in bed at all times, except to take care of her personal needs. I spend my time not watching the distractions on the screen, but watching her. I don't want to waste a precious moment of our time together. I see her eyes moving under her eyelids as she dreams and I wonder if it's those dreams like Bella had, where the child seeks to bond with her. I touch her; her face, her hair, her body, and the protrusion that is the part of her that will live on when she's gone. Hour after hour spent just observing and absorbing this woman. I love her so much it's almost unbearable to see the trusting way she rests against me, knowing I caused this in her.

In the evening she wakes. She's hungry and she wants her vegetables at first. She can't even keep them down, and afterward she wants them gone. Carlisle brings her the donated blood to try. The smell of it in the room sets my teeth on edge, but I stay to encourage her. Just a tiny taste on the tip of her tongue is enough for her to declare it delicious. She drains a full glass and asks for more. We try to feed her the raw steak, but she isn't interested. Carlisle leaves more of her chosen beverage in a cooler near her bed.

After he leaves I help her take care of her needs. She's unsteady on her feet and the I.V. is a bit of a problem. All propped up in bed her visitors come by. Rosalie is the first to come, and she's more excited to look at her stomach than her face. Summer of course wants to hear all the talk about the first baby, and what she might need to expect. I try to do as Carlisle instructed and be the proud papa, but the woman is grating on my nerves with her single-minded focus. She does not care at all about my wife. I suggest she should go spend time with her husband – I use my ability to insist.

Bella visits. If Rosalie was overly concerned with the child inside her, Bella is the opposite. "Carlisle has you drinking blood already. Ugh! I hated that part. The baby needed it though, and as long as she did, the stuff tasted pretty good. Of course it would probably taste better to me now, but I haven't tasted human since the change."

Summer seems very interested. "Is there anything you'd have done differently?"

Bella smiles. "I was lucky that everything worked out for me. I wanted to become what I am. Well... not really the vampire part to be honest. I just knew I wanted to be with Edward forever. There was no price too high for that. I've been in love with him since the first time I saw him."

Summer smiles and squeezes my hand. "I know how you feel. But how... I don't mean to sound rude, but how can you stand having to kill just to survive?"

Bella's eyebrows draw together. "I guess it's because I've never looked at it as wrong. I don't take human life, but I guess I've never considered animals off limits. The only difference for me now is that instead of buying the animal in a store, I hunt it myself. And like I said before, there was no price too high to be with the ones I love."

"Was it hard? I mean the pregnancy and the birth." She rubs her stomach as she asks.

"Yes. It was hard. We didn't know what to expect and she grew so fast my body didn't have time to adjust. She cracked my ribs and she... made herself quite at home." She seems embarrassed to have let so much slip. "I don't remember much about the birth. I know I died, and Edward injected my heart with his venom – it's the only thing that saved me. The birth was nothing compared to the change." Summer looks at me, clearly remembering my story.

"Can you think of anything you might have done differently that could have saved you? I really don't want to die."

Bella looks at her in shock and horror. "You're not going to die! You can change as soon as the baby's born!"

Twin tears roll down her cheeks. "I'm not going to change, Bella. If I can't live through this I want them to let me go. So I need to know, is there anything different I can do?" I pull her tight against me.

"That's ridiculous! You have to let them change you! Stefan, you have to convince her... " She looks back and forth between us. "Summer, your baby will use up everything in you, and tear you apart when it's finished. I love my daughter and I would have gladly made the sacrifice, but I didn't have to – _you _don't have to!" She seems distraught and she excuses herself before fleeing from the room.

I don't say a word, instead I dry her tears and kiss her. It surprises me that I can taste the blood in her mouth. I hold her and touch her, and press little kisses to her face whenever she looks at me.

"Stefan, would it seem weird to you if I wanted to make love with you?" Her words startle me and I have to look at her face to see if she's teasing me. Her look tells me she's serious, and even a little aroused.

"Wait here, I'll be back." I find Carlisle in his office and pose her question. He is almost as astonished as I am.

"If she were carrying a human baby, I'd assume she was in her first trimester, and normal... activities are acceptable. It's not as if she can get pregnant again." He grins "But since this is a hybrid baby, you might want to be careful you don't get bit!" I know my face must have registered the shock since he laughs loudly. "I'm only teasing, Stefan; impenetrable membrane, remember? But that was priceless!" He stands up and hands me a DO NOT DISTURB sign he has on the back of his office door. "You might want to borrow this."

I slip the sign on the door and lock it behind me. I worry that this is the last time I'll be able to make love with her as I take her in my arms. The house is full of my kind, and only Vladmir has a hope of having earplugs, but I don't care. I love her so much, and when we move together she is unrestrained, passionate, and _noisy_. In a strange home, a strange bed, with an I.V. in her arm and donated blood in her stomach... oh, and our child growing inside her, we have one of the best intimate moments of our lives. She is phenomenal, as if she's rested up all along for this time of togetherness.

Afterward she rests in my arms and I swear she is glowing. Her smile is radiant and her blue eyes sparkle like my skin cannot. "This might sound really weird, but I think the baby liked that too. I love you Stefan. I hope you don't think I won't change because I don't love you enough to be with you forever. Even if I could live only on animals I would still know I was a killer. I would still be dangerous – it's just not who I am. But I would stay with you if I had forever any other way."

I can only stare at her. She's still trying to win the point that means her death. "Please, I don't want to talk about it. We don't have time to argue the point. I love you for as long as I have you, and I'll remember you until my own end."

She giggles and smiles at me. "You sound so dramatic, like I'm going to kick off any minute. This disease can take decades before it shows symptoms."

I gape at her. "Haven't you been listening? The baby will kill you long before your disease shows it's first sign! Summer, our child will be born in a month or less!" I kiss her lips and bury my face against her chest. She looks shocked.

"That's impossible! I've just discovered I'm pregnant... I should have at least six months! I'm not even showing yet!" She places her hand on her stomach and feels what I've been watching for so many hours. Her hand caresses over the little protrusion. Her eyes find mine and I see panic in them. "Stefan... what's everyone trying to tell me? All I've heard is that this baby will grow fast and can't be born normally. She sits up in the bed and I hurry to provide her with a nightgown to wear.

Carlisle taps at the door before he comes into the room. I feel somewhat embarrassed at such proof that our activities have been heard. But he doesn't say anything about it as he busies himself adjusting her I.V. tubing, taking her temperature and blood pressure, and pulling a chair to her bedside.

"I don't mean to interrupt, but I think it's time we all discussed what we're going to do as your baby develops. Summer, Stefan is right; your baby isn't normal, and it isn't going to grow like a normal baby. First let's try to pinpoint when you conceived." They went about talking about when her last menstruation cycle was, and to my own chagrin, the number of times we made love. He also asks her about any strange dreams she's had, or any emotional outbursts. He's not asking about months ago, or even weeks, but within the last seven days. Seven days – impossible!

She smiles at him. "Funny you should mention it. I've been hearing music in my sleep. I thought it was Vladmir and Stefan practicing or maybe looking online for new songs we could sing. But it's been different than that kind of song. It's very pure and sweet, and so lovely I don't even want to wake up." She smiles at me. "Is that our baby? Oh Stefan, this is wonderful! I wish you could hear it!" Her hand moves over her stomach unconsciously and I smile even though I want to snarl and tear the thing out of her. Carlisle was right, and it's already starting to work on her thoughts and even her sleeping mind. That it has my voice – is using my voice against her – is proof that the abomination comes from me. The blame is all mine.

"It sounds wonderful!" I place my hand over hers and look Carlisle in the eyes, feeling panic and dread to know that he's been right all along. "I'll get to hear our baby soon enough, right Carlisle?"

He makes some notations on her chart, then moves to measure her stomach, again taking notes. "Well, it looks to me as if you conceived five to six days ago." I stare at her as we both look backward to what was happening five or six days ago.

"The day we went swimming!" She looks at me with absolute certainty. Remember, it was during the day and you were wearing that... bathing suit, and you were so _warm._" She blushes. "Remember, I was all upset over your joking around with Vladmir? It wouldn't happen that fast would it Carlisle? You're trying to tell me that I can feel this baby and it's only been five days?" She seems overwhelmed at the speed it seems to be progressing.

"Tomorrow morning will be your sixth day of pregnancy. In roughly 20 to 24 days this baby will be... born." His words steal the air from the room. He's just told me when her execution date is, and the look on her face is one of terrified expectation. She still doesn't understand the damage that our offspring will do to her body. She still doesn't fully understand that it will kill her.

Carlisle looks grim. "When Bella's time came, it caught us all by surprise, and Edward was forced to deliver the baby himself. To say it was primitive would be a gross understatement. I don't plan on that happening this time." He shows us a chart with a time line for her pregnancy. "As near as I can tell, the pregnancy should follow the same progression as a normal baby, only much faster of course. I've made this comparison and determined that we can safely deliver the baby a week before it's normal due date. It will be fully developed, though it may be smaller than a full term infant. It would be the equivalent to having a baby in seven months instead of nine. We do this kind of thing all the time with normal babies, especially in order to reduce the risk to the mother."

She's listening raptly as he points out the exact date he wants to deliver our baby. Please let her agree, I pray silently. "Why can't I just wait until I have problems? I mean a week isn't that long, couldn't we just wait and see? I just want to give the baby as much time as I can." She doesn't seem to understand that the longer she waits, the more time it will have to try to kill her. She doesn't understand the way that I do, that Carlisle's dates are not written in stone, and the baby could decide even earlier to rip it's way out of her and end our chance to save her life.

He smiles and pats her shoulder. "Of course, if everything goes smoothly I'll be happy to adjust the date. But this baby is going to be vampire strong. It will have the power to break your ribs with a kick, or even your spine and pelvis. You won't go through the normal process of childbirth, and your womb won't open. It's going to tear it's way out of you as soon as it's strong enough to hunt on it's own, or as soon as it can't get anything more from you. Your baby is a predator, and you are it's first prey. I want to make sure you're around to mother and guide it, not just incubate and feed it. Do you understand?"

She cries and I hold her. Her little nod of understanding gives me hope.

He pats her hand as he continues. "I want a good outcome as much as you do. There are only a handful of children like yours, and unless the Volturi put a stop to it, I suspect there will be many of our kind attempting it. There's a strong desire among our kind for connections and family since it's the one thing we have to leave behind when we're changed. You understand this yourself more than most. This is your due date." He circled the day on the calendar, a week before his projected full term date. "And this is your death date." He circled the date our baby would likely be ripping it's way out of her. "Don't look at it any different if you want to survive. Your baby will be fine if we take it early, it just won't be ready to hunt, which should please you as well, considering your stance on protecting life."

He takes a deep breath. "Now, we have to get one more thing out of the way; our delivery method." He sets aside the charts and records. "I will have Edward and Rosalie assist me when we deliver. I've tested several lasers, and I've found one that works against our toughness. The unfortunate side affect is that it cauterizes as it cuts. I'll have to do a normal cut on your stomach and uterus, then use the laser to cut through the impenetrable sack that holds the baby. It's likely that in carrying this baby, your uterus will be damaged. You may need a partial hysterectomy later, but next to all the things that can go wrong, I consider this minor." He looks at both of us. "Do you have any questions?"

She smiles, wiping away the last of her tears. "Can you show me an adjusted progression of how the baby will be developing day by day? I'd really like to know what it looks like inside me. Also, how much normal activity can I do? I feel like I've done nothing but sleep since I left the boat and I'd really like to get out and get some fresh air at least."

"I'll work up a chart for you to see how your baby is developing. And as far as activity, I had originally planned for you to be on total bed rest. But since you feel anxious to move around, I can adjust that a little. You can't take any trips of course, but if you want to leave the room or go for a walk, that should be no problem at first. I'd ask that you never go alone. Every pregnancy is different, and I don't want to take any unnecessary chances with yours. Take one of us with you any time you leave since we can sense if something's wrong. And it's not likely that you could walk that far, but to the west is the Quileute reservation and... it would not be good for you to go there." He doesn't say more, but I remember the giant wolves from their tribe, and determine that any walks will be to the east.

With no more questions, Carlisle leaves us and she climbs into my lap even though I haven't had the chance to get dressed yet. She seems calm and content, and she smiles up at me. "So what do you want to name our baby?"


	31. Chapter 31 Incubate

Chapter 31

Incubate

All the things I loved to do on the boat I'm now doing because I'm almost completely confined to bed. I was allowed to walk around for about four days, but the baby turned and compressed a nerve in my spine and I couldn't feel my legs for a few days. I try not to be upset by the way things have turned out, but I've only got a couple more weeks until Carlisle will deliver the baby. I'm already sticking out like I'm carrying a baby elephant, and I've lost count of the stretch marks since my skin hasn't had time to adjust. Stefan rubs cocoa butter over my stomach so often I feel like a greased pig.

I watch a lot of videos, and we sing to the baby whenever we can. I feel sorry for Vladmir since he hovers helplessly, watching me expand like a soap bubble about to burst. I've got the laptop computer to keep me busy, but I only use it when Stefan has to hunt, since he sticks by me any other time. I hide my online activity since he would be angry with me if he knew what I've been up to.

I'm planning my funeral. I've got a place picked out where I want to be buried, as well as a coffin to put me in. I picked the songs I'd like played and I've noted that I want to be buried in a nightgown not a dress. He will hate that I've done it, but I know if I don't survive he won't be in any shape to plan.

I don't want to die, but I want to give our baby as much of a chance as possible. I know Carlisle's scheduled a c-section on my adjusted due date, but I really hope to get closer to the actual date than a week. I can feel the baby moving all the time now, and it's so real! Just this morning I saw a foot glide over my stomach from the inside! Stefan hopes the baby will be a girl, 'beautiful like her mother.' But Vladmir thinks it's a boy. I really don't care since I'm just worried sick that it will be born healthy and normal.

I've had a chance to meet the little Renesmee, and the child is enchanting. She insisted her mother bring her to visit, and she eagerly placed both of her little hands on my stomach and tried to send the baby a picture. When she placed her ear against my tummy she giggled and told me she could hear it. Bella insisted on taking her away after only a few minutes visit, and told her that she should stay away so I could rest. It surprises me that the little girl is only a few years old even though she looks like she's five. Carlisle has explained that our baby will grow very fast, but after it's born the growth will gradually slow down, and eventually it will be almost normal. It will be fully mature in about 8 years. It makes me happy to think that if I survive the birth, I'll probably get to see my child fully grown before I die of the disease. It's one of the things that makes me certain I'm going to live through this.

The other is the baby itself. I can hear it singing to me every time I close my eyes. It has the purest, sweetest, most beautiful voice I've ever heard. I know it doesn't intend to hurt me, and it's song of apology is so sad. I almost feel like I can tell what it's thinking or at least what it's songs mean. It loves hearing us sing to it. It loves listening to the sounds of my visitors. And I think it even loves when Stefan and I make love.

It's one of the things that has surprised me; the way I still crave my husband. Carlisle wants to advise against it, but he can see the look in my eyes and he knows better. We've had to be creative with our positioning to accommodate the baby. As surprised as I am for the desire I feel for him, I'm surprised he still wants to be with me. If I ever had any beauty to brag about, it's clearly fading now, not to mention I'm cumbersome and clumsy. Still he eagerly takes me into bliss any time I ask him to put the sign on the door.; which has been more frequently than it was before the baby.

If my desire for him has come as a pleasant surprise, other things have not been so pleasant. I remember watching friends of mine go through pregnancy, and some of the things they experienced are missing from mine. My breasts have not gotten larger like most women experience. It's a reminder that I'm not supposed to live long enough to nurse our baby. In fact they're actually getting smaller, like the baby wants it's feedings _now._ I've lost weight all over, and except for my stomach, I would be model thin. In two weeks I'm likely to look like a skeleton; a skeleton with an exercise ball under my shirt.

Of course I'm eating. I've got the nutrient solution going into my veins at all times. Carlisle's also talked about putting a tube in my stomach to give me a constant supply of blood, or I should say give _my baby_ a constant supply of blood, which it seems to need. I've been trying to hold out on that option for purely selfish reasons; it will make it almost impossible to make love with my husband. Instead I drink it – all the time it seems, with someone almost constantly filling my glass. I've got a couple cut crystal glasses that make the dark red fluid look a little like wine. Of course I'm not trying to fool myself that I'm enjoying a fine Merlot, I actually like thinking about the person who donated it. I'm so thankful for those who've tapped a vein for my child, I would thank each one personally if I could.

Of course the other part of my diet isn't nearly so uplifting. I've been eating meat. It hurts my soul to think of consuming the animals, but Carlisle seems to think it's a good idea to get my baby used to the idea of animal flesh while it's still a captive. The cut doesn't matter since it's put through a food processor and pureed for me. More animal blood is added to make it the consistency of thick soup, and someone usually feeds it to me since my hands shake when faced with this daily meal. Not that I don't love the flavor, heaven help me, I do. I'm just always filled with an image of cattle being lead to slaughter, with fear and panic as they'e forced to walk into their own execution.

The golden eyes of everyone around me save for Vladmir, tells me that they are all used to this type of diet. Stefan has continued as a "vampire vegetarian," and I love him even more for it. I suspect that if I die, he'll go back to his human prey like Vladmir. Dr. Carlisle actually helped steer Vladmir to what he considered an acceptable human meal. A visit to the hospital and a man who for years was in a persistent vegetative state, and now his eyes are a refreshed red.

It's Vladmir and Stefan's presence that brings an unusual trio of visitors. I can hear the noise coming down the hallway, and know there's obviously some kind of disagreement about their presence. They barely knock before my door is roughly pushed open. Stefan lying beside me, looks as if he's ready to attack, and I grip his arm as tightly as I can. Two young men and a woman glare at us from the doorway. Edward, Bella, and Vladmir follow closely behind, slipping past them to take up a protective stance in front of me. It takes a few moments for the things to become clear to me. The youngest man is dressed casually in jeans and a T-shirt. But the other man is wearing a thin pair of shorts, and the woman wears shorts and a bathing suit top. They're all so tall they dwarf Vladmir, Edward and his wife, though they look wary enough I'm sure they understand what they face.

Bella comes to me and takes my hand, the one that's not clutching Stefan. "Summer, Stefan..." She looks to include us all in her introduction. "...these people are from the Quileute tribe." She looks down at me almost apologetically. "They're shape-shifters."

"Werewolves!" The other woman interrupts her, almost snarling. "You don't get to rename who we are just because one of your leech friends says different!" She seems so angry, even the other two men with her are trying to calm her. "I can't believe you actually thought you could hide another mutant baby from us! Just because Jacob's given Nessie his lick of approval, don't think the rest of us are going to roll over and allow you to start a monster nursery right on our border!" She 's livid, and it looks as if she's ready to explode. The man in shorts takes hold of her and physically muscles her out of the room. The other man looks almost embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, Leah's a little upset" It's kind of like saying the Titanic hit a little iceberg. "She's mad because I didn't tell her what was happening, and she heard it second hand from Seth. Sam wants to make sure the terms of the treaty hold. Bella, you know she can't be changed if she has the baby here. Not without violating the treaty." He looks from me to her, clearly worried. "I was here when you had Nessie. No one can live through that. Are you going to take her to the hospital, or is she going somewhere outside our territories?" He looks like he's afraid to look at me.

"I'm having my baby here, and no one's going to change me!" I make sure my voice is heard, hopefully out to the hall as well.

Bella and the werewolf/shape-shifter lock eyes. 'Jake, you can't expect us to hold to those treaty conditions if it means she has to die! Look at her, she can't go anywhere else!"

From the hall I hear the woman's muffled shriek. "You should have thought of that before you bloodsuckers got another human girl knocked up!" There was more commotion in the hall. "...don't care, and you don't get to tell me to shut up Sam! Where the hell's it end? Let's just put out the welcome mat and invite all the killers and blood drinkers to bring their monster incubator's here!" Her voice carries above the others.

"I don't give a shit if she dies! Maybe they'll learn their lesson if they have to put a couple in the ground – better yet they should make sure everyone gets a good look at what's left of her after it tears it's way out!" I'm shocked at the anger she seems to feel at me even though we've never met. My baby seems to understand there's something wrong, and it's moving so actively it takes my breath away. "Just in case you forgot, this is why I can't have babies, Sam! You know, real human babies that don't kill and eat people! Get your damn hands off me!"

There's a sound in the hallway of tearing, followed by growls and snarling. The one called Jake hurries from the room and Stefan looks frightening as he leans over me, both predatory and protective. It sounds like there's some kind of fight going on in the hallway, but I can't even follow it since my baby is doing crazy things inside me. I yelp at a sudden pain along with the sound and feel of a crunching, grating sensation. Suddenly it's hard to breath and Stefan goes instantly from ferocious to overwrought with concern.

"Someone get Carlisle, she's in pain!" He puts his ear to my stomach, and I have to remind myself that his hearing is so good he might actually be able to know what's happened. "I think it's broken a rib!" Even through my shirt I can see the movement of my baby, and even with two weeks to go, it looks like it could tear it's way out. The room and even the hallway fall into silence, and I'm embarrassed to hear my own pitiful, weak crying.

Carlisle comes, and I'm carried to the x-ray machine, which confirms what Stefan predicted; my baby has broken one of my ribs. The sad thing is, there's really not much to be done about it. A pressure wrap would be the normal treatment, but he's afraid it would restrict the baby's growth and movement and make it want to be free sooner.

Back in bed once more, Carlisle waits while we're visited by the one I assume is called Sam. He too doesn't look at me, fixing his eyes on Stefan as he goes over the term of some treaty. Apparently if any of the vampires kill a human, the werewolves will hunt and kill them.

Stefan looks angry – furious even. "I signed no treaty! You dare to come to me while my wife and child are fighting for their lives and speak to me of ultimatums! Do you have any idea who you're threatening? Stefan stands, and though he is a foot shorter than the other man, he stands tall. I catch my breath as Vladmir appears beside him and shoulder to shoulder they face the potential threat.

"I was born twelve hundred years before Carlisle drew his first breath! I've commanded armies when your people were still fighting with sharpened sticks and stones! Alone I could wipe your tribe from existence, even if they all had your ability." I can hear his particular talent at work, and it scares me how powerful it is; almost a living thing in the room. "Your interference here has already caused my wife harm. It is only my friendship with the Cullen family that keeps me from exacting my revenge." He steps forward, nose to chin with Sam. "Make no mistake, no harm is to befall my wife or child by you or your people. It would be a grave mistake." He comes back to my side, but Vladmir is not so quick to let it go.

If I didn't know him so well, I'd likely think he's relaxed and calm the way he casually leans against the bed. But I can see the wary look in his eyes, and I know I wouldn't want to be standing where Sam is, even if I could become a werewolf. He laughs and pats Stefan's shoulder. "You forgot to tell them that the older we get, the stronger we get." He's lying! I know what he's saying isn't true, but I doubt my own thoughts as he chuckles and fixes his eyes on Sam.

"You want to challenge me and my friend, you should know what you're getting yourself into. Maybe you and your pups have had some luck in destroying a few young vampires. But my friend is fifteen hundred years strong, and I am over three thousand. We have not survived this long because we're weak. If you want to try to enforce your little treaty because she becomes one of us, you will start a war. Even without the Cullens, it is a war you cannot hope to win." He smiles as if he's just commented on the weather.

"Enough!" I struggle to sit up, but it hurts so bad I fall back against the pillows and wipe the sweat from my face. It's hard to draw enough air with my broken rib, but I have everyone's attention. "There isn't going to be any war." I gasp. "Sam... tell your people that... if Carlisle can't deliver my baby before it... demands to be born... they're not going to change me. I'm going to die. They're not to change me. I don't want it. If they do, you can kill me yourself." I can feel the shock of those in the room, even through their silence. Sam meets my eyes with his grim unreadable, native stare, then he turns to leave.

Stefan clears the room, hangs the sign on the door, then collapses into the bed with me. He tries to hold me, but seems unsure of how, with my broken rib and protruding stomach. I snuggle against him and he buries his face in my hair while his hands move over me as if he's trying to memorize my features.

"Why are you trying to kill me?" His words are full of pain and whispered against the side of my head. "You're making it impossible to save you. Let me take you away from here. We can go to Oregon, or California – anywhere where the natives don't know us. Carlisle can deliver our baby without the pressure of some old treaty hanging over us. I can't do this Summer. I know what I promised, but I lied. I can't let you die." He's hurting me with his hold on me, but not so much I can't take it.

"I'm not going anywhere. My... _our_ baby will be delivered here, and I'm going to live through it. I'm not going to be a vampire, Stefan." I feel his lips, his teeth on my neck, and I know he's thinking about changing me even now. "If you do that, our baby will die. Probably slowly and painfully as it fights to get what it needs from me. If you did that, I would know you never loved me."

"I could command you. I could make you accept the change. I would hate myself for doing it, but not as much as I would if I let you go." His voice is small and timid,unlike I've ever heard. "Don't leave me Summer. Love me enough to stay with me."

He knows my weakness, and I know it's desperation that makes him use it. "Your command would eventually wear off. Would you leave me like Sulpicia? Would you have me wake up after years, in a situation I can't stand? How many would I have killed before I remembered you commanded me to become a murderer? I love you enough to always be the woman you love. Change me and you change who I am. The Volturi don't love like we do, and who's to say the Cullens won't become as cold and heartless over time? I don't want to find out in fifteen hundred years that my life is nothing more than a few fragments of memory and thousands of murders!" I've never made it so personal. I love him so dearly, but I couldn't_ be _him. "Stefan, I'm in love with the man you are. And even though I can accept the monster within you, I'm not strong enough to take that on myself. If this kills me, you have to let me go. Our baby will need you."

He moves, quickly getting out of bed. I catch a glimpse of his face contorted in pain and rage and fear. He tears out the door, and I hear him from a distance screaming, wailing wordlessly, and all I can do is cry. I'm alone in the room, and I expect that soon Vladmir, Carlisle, or even Bella will be in to babysit me. A small knock precedes one I've seen only glimpses of – Jasper. He slips in and closes the door. With his hands shoved in his pockets he wanders around the bed and takes a seat on the far side, away from the door. I look at his blond curls and his pale face with full, sensuous red lips. He smiles then and I feel suddenly calm.

"Your husband is quite distraught." His southern accent is evident in the way he says just those few words. "Vladmir and Edward are trying to calm him. Bella went to try to smooth things over with Jake and the Quileutes, and Carlisle has been called to the hospital on an emergency. Esme and my wife are entertaining the little one at the cabin. Nessie really wants to come and spend time with you and 'talk' to your baby." His smile seems infectious, and I smile a little myself even though I'm worried about Stefan and all the drama of the day. He looks from my face, down to my protruding stomach, where the baby is still doing it's best to get comfortable again.

"May I have your permission to touch you?" The way he talks is enchanting, giving two syllables to the word _I,_ and drawing out the other words like fluffy cotton. I nod, even though I'm not really sure I want him to put his hands on me. He stands again and leans over my stomach, reaching out tentatively, he places his hands at the highest peak. He laughs. "Your young'in wants to protect it's mama! It's all fired up in there wantin ta take a big ole bite outta some werewolf hide." His cool hands caress over my stomach, and I watch as the lumps and protrusions calm. It feels good, and the baby settles as his hands pass over me.

He looks at me, even as his hands caress over me. "It's my gift that lets me feel the emotions of others. I can influence them as well. I think you've got a similar ability to mine. I can feel that pull you have, it's so strong when you're upset. Just keep it nice and calm darlin, you don't wanna upset this little one in here." He bends and places his lips on my stomach, kissing it in an oddly loving gesture. "The one you carry has a strong spirit. I feel courage and patience, and so much love for you and it's daddy. Shh, time to sleep little one, let your mama rest." He whispers right to my stomach, as if the baby can hear him.

He presses his ear to me and his smile is angelic. "You're baby's singing. Not with words or voice, but with _soul. _It's beautiful! I can't wait to meet this one. Can I come back and spend time with your little one?" He looks like he requires permission when no one else ever bothered to ask.

"Any time you want, Jasper. I think the baby likes you; it feels like it's resting. I think I need to do the same now that I don't feel like I'm being used as a soccer ball." He walks back around the bed, then places his hand again on me.

"So sweet... so precious." He then runs his cool hand over my forehead, brushing the hair back and looking down at me. "I'm almost glad y'all don't want to become one of us. You already have such a strong pull, if it got any stronger, no man would be able to resist you." He kisses my forehead and looks at me as if he'd like to do more. "Your husband's coming back, y'all take care." He pats my stomach lightly and is out the door before I can say anything more.

Almost on cue, Stefan comes back in. He hurries to my side and wraps his arms around my head and shoulders. "I'm so sorry. I don't want to fight with you, and I don't want to upset you. He presses little kisses all over my face.

"I'm sorry I said such horrible things to you too. You're not a monster, and I should never have said anything about your life before. I think the restlessness is making me mean; and listening to that woman today didn't help. I love you so much. I don't want to fight either." His hands, his scent, and the calm Jasper left behind are working on me. "Put the sign up and close the door, please."

He looks confused. I look up at him, making my wishes known with my eyes. "We can't! You've got a broken rib, it could hurt you!"

"I want you, my love. I need to feel you. Don't worry about hurting me, the baby likes it too." He looks like he isn't as comforted as I am thinking about the baby being aware of us making love. "I'm sure it feels like being rocked to sleep while all my hormones make us both feel good. If I feel good, the baby feels good, and there's nothing that feels better than making love with my husband." He undresses. He is slow and careful, but I don't want slow and careful. I move against him, urging him to be the passionate man I love. When I feel our beautiful release, it's a little harder drawing in the panting breaths, but it feels so good I don't care. Almost immediately afterward, I fall asleep.

It surprises me how long I sleep. I'm out for two days. I remember hearing my baby singing such a happy and joyful song. Once awake I'm almost immediately shocked that Carlisle has put a feeding tube down my nose. I didn't even wake up for it, but now that I'm up it's got me feeling almost panicked. Stefan moves to comfort me and explains that it was necessary since I was sleeping through meals.

"Your blood pressure dropped dangerously low and you haven't even been up to use the bathroom. Either the baby's taking everything you have, or your kidneys are shutting down. Summer, this isn't normal, even by vampire standards. There's something happening here and we just don't know what it is."

"I'm fine, Stefan. I actually feel... pretty good. The baby sang to me the whole time I was asleep. I feel really good. I feel like I could make love to you again." He looks shocked at that.

"Summer..."

"I know, I know, all the tubes are a turn off, I'm not going to pressure you, I look like a beached whale wrapped in an octopus, I'm sorry I mentioned it."

He groans. "You are the most beautiful, alluring, sexy woman alive, and I would gladly make love to you. But we need to find out what's wrong. We still have ten days, and you look ready to pop now."

There is a tiny tap on the door, and it reminds me of Jasper coming to visit. Instead it's the little one, looking over her shoulder as if she's sneaked away. "I wanted to see the baby before it comes out to play." She brazenly climbs up into the bed to sit beside Stefan who gazes at her in wonder. It's finally getting through to him that he's going to have a child just like her. She turns and wraps her arms around my stomach and hugs me, like hugging a beach ball. She giggles and kisses it, like Jasper had days ago. Her little hands move over me as if she's trying to locate a part of the baby, and when she's satisfied she concentrates.

She mimics Jasper again when she places her ear against my belly and grins. "I like them very much! Your babies sing so pretty! I'm going to play with a little girl, but I'm going to marry Jake so I can't play with a little boy." I hear someone calling her name, and she kisses my belly twice, hops off the bed and runs out the door. Stefan looks like he's been charmed, and he puts his own ear to my stomach to listen.

"I'm not sure, but I think I hear something. It sounds like chords played under water."

"Stefan..." I'm feeling just a little bit bewildered as I think about the little girl's chatter. "Stefan, did she say she likes _them _very much? And did she say baby's singing, or babies singing?"

"She's just a little girl, what difference does it make?" He places his ear back on my tummy and grins. "I think I really do hear something."

"Stefan, she heard the singing days ago. She's better attuned than anyone else seems to be. What if she's not just messing up her esses, what if there's more than one baby?" His eyes meet mine over my mountainous belly.

"My God! Carlisle!" The loudness of his voice isn't much more than normal, but I know the doctor will easily hear him. In seconds he's here, and suddenly we all have to take into account the idea that we could be having twins.

"It would explain a lot of your problems. And it also messes up the due date and the delivery date. Twins almost always come early." Carlisle has his hands on my stomach as if he could feel what was going on inside. I guess since x-rays and ultrasound don't penetrate, it's as good as anything else he could try. "I probably need to get an x-ray just to see if there are two separate chorions and amniotic sacs. Not that an absence means anything, but even if we can't see what's happening inside, we should be able to see if there's two."

They carry me to get the pictures, and I hate exposing the baby, or babies to radiation, but Carlisle assures me that it will have no affect on our child. "Nothing is getting through that shield, and even if it did, they could take it." Once I'm finished I'm carried back to bed. I have two visitors, and Jasper and Edward stand on either side of my bed, while Stefan cradles my head and shoulders against him.

They ask permission to touch me, and I giggle as it looks like I'm part of an old Star Trek show where Spock does a mind meld on some kind of creature that looks like a giant meatball. Thanks for the memory dad. Jasper smiles and speaks in his soft southern lilt. "I'm sensing a lot of happiness. There's calm and peace and a lot of anticipation. It feels different than the last time I was here after the Quileute visit."

Edward looks suddenly serious and pulls his hands away from me. He looks at Stefan and nods without saying a word. Carlisle comes in and we wait for the official word. "It's twins. I can't believe I missed it, it's something I always look for in any pregnant woman. Either it was hidden or I confess I could have been distracted. But we know now, and I'm moving up your delivery date by two or three days. I'm going to be checking you every hour when you get closer, to decide. "

He pulls out the x-ray and holds it up. "I did find something very unusual. You had a broken rib in this one, and in this last shot, you don't. You can see where it's healed, but it's not broken. This should have taken at least six weeks. I've seen this kind of healing among the Quileuts, but I can't explain what happened here."

I don't know how it happened either, maybe the first x-ray was wrong. All I know is that I feel good. Stefan has my head cradled in his lap and I look up at him and smile. "Two babies! This is better than I ever imagined. I love you so much!" He looks worried, but he kisses me and strokes my hair. For a few minutes it's absolutely quiet.

I don't expect the disturbance that happens next. In fact I think it takes us all by surprise. He comes around the bed, past everyone congregating in the room. Stefan moves almost protectively, obviously sensing something is wrong. I've never seen anything like it and I hope I never do again. He's crying! But of course they can't cry, still the tears of blood run down his face. We all stare in shock as Vladmir comes to my side.

"What are you thinking?" He looks right at me; not past me or through me like so many others; right at me through his bleeding red eyes! "One for you and one for him? This isn't a cause for celebration! Two babies means twice the destruction when they're born. How can you be happy about this? Summer, get them out of you now – _Please."_ His deep, rich voice is broken and ragged. "It's one for him, and one for _me, _to hold as we stand over your corpse. Don't do this... please." He quickly takes my hand in his cold grasp as his bloody tears run down and stain the collar of his peach shirt.

He cries – sobs actually, in front of all the witnesses who are too stunned to intervene. He collapses to his knees and stares at me eye to eye. "You married my brother... my partner... my best friend. He loves you more than his own life. But I love you too!" He kisses my hand. "We are family. We are bonded; joined together and united permanently. You can't expect to tear yourself away from us and have us continue like it never happened. You're tearing us apart. Take them out of you... let us save you. Stay with us – forever. We love you and we need you – _I _need you. Nothing has ever hurt this badly – nothing. How can I watch someone I love; someone so good, and compassionate, and loving, and funny, and talented, and... _pure..._how can I watch you go down this road and never come back? It's not a fair trade, even if there are two. I'm begging you, let us take them out now. They're like us, they'll be fine. Please Summer... don't die... I can't do this." He falls back on his knees, still clutching my hand. He kisses my palm.

All hell breaks loose when Edward leaps at him, tearing my hand away. Stefan moves quickly to guard my body with his own. Edward slams Vladmir into the wall so hard it crushes the plaster. "He wants to turn her – now!" He holds Vladmir effortlessly off the floor.

"Enough, you caught me... let me go, you're scaring her." He looks helpless pinned to the crumbling wall. "I'm sorry... I lost my head for a moment. Please, just let me go, I won't hurt her, I promise." Edward relaxes and Vladmir visibly struggles to straighten himself. He wipes his bloody face on his ruined shirt and smiles apologetically. Stefan moves slowly, laying my head on the pillow and putting his feet on the floor. When Vladmir pushes Edward aside and lunges for me, Stefan's ready and they collide before he can reach me.

Stefan is stronger and he uses that strength to shove him at the window with enough force to shatter the glass like an explosion. He glances my way before leaping out after him. I'm horrified and I stare at the window. I may be stunned, but the others are not. Carlisle barely raises his voice. "Emmett, guard the house, don't let Vladmir come back unless Stefan and Edward say it's okay." He works to gather the tubes and cover me. "Come on, we have to move her out of here."

"She can have my room." Edward helps to push the bed toward the door.

"No, your room has too much glass."

"Wait!" It's Jasper, and they all stop to listen. "Don't move her. There's really no place where she can be that we can't hear her and get to her. Glass, wood, or plaster, it's all the same to us, and all the rooms have an outside wall that can be breached. We can board up the window for now, and it won't be any problem to fix the wall. But you chose this room because it has a bathroom and it's close to the x-ray machine. Let's not panic, this is the best defensible spot. Keep her here and we'll guard her." He looks around the room. "Since you've already moved the bed, put it against that interior wall, just in case." They moved my things and soon I was facing the window as Jasper and Edward boarded it up. I was going to miss the sunlight.

"Let's leave the top panes uncovered since they're not broken." Edward smiles my way as they lower the plywood barrier. I think a 'thank you' to him as I gaze at the view of the gray clouds outside. Even before Stefan or Vladmir return I close my eyes. The noises in the room disappear, even the pounding of the nails to hold the plywood in place. I hear their voices instead, the voices of my twins, blending in perfect harmony as they sing to me of their love and joy. I know everything's going to be okay.


	32. Chapter 32 Unexpected Outcomes

Chapter 32

Unexpected Outcomes

I can't imagine attacking him. He's my brother and my best friend and I love him. But I'm forced to defend her against him. The others could fight him better, but I'm the only one who has a hope of recognizing the lies he tells. Throwing him out the window looked horrible, but it was the fastest way to get him away from her. I hate to leave her behind, but someone has to make sure he doesn't harm himself or anyone else.

I race off after him as he runs to the west. It seems the Volturi aren't the only ones who can end us, and my friend seems bent on courting the disaster that is the Quileute tribe. I smell his trail and I'm getting closer, but will it be soon enough. I can't see him, and I should be able to spot his peach shirt in a sea of green. I need to stop him from committing suicide.

I don't see him because he is at the top of a tree. He lands on me feet first as I run by, and I'm knocked to the ground – into the ground. To call what we engage in a fight would be to give us more credit than we deserve. He stomps me into the ground, I throw him into a tree. Snarling in rage he comes for me, and once again I'm in the temple in Egypt, merely dodging him as he earnestly tries to kill me. It is his fury that makes him unsuccessful. Ground, rocks, underbrush and trees give way as we both vent the helpless frustration of her choices. Mostly I stay out of his way so he does not shred me. I would welcome death, but it would leave her vulnerable. Several times I allow him to land a furious punch or grab and throw me. It's what I deserve.

Little by little by little I realize he's not trying to kill me. I don't resist his attacks, and just like at Volterra I take an incredible beating. But Vladmir's anger is like a fierce storm and it soon blows itself out. He collapses not too far from where I lie broken and sadly mending. He wails his frustration at the trees. He screams his agony at the clouds. And I know exactly how he feels; except he is not responsible for the horror – I am.

He helps me up as bones grind back into place and wounds close. We stare at one another, knowing that soon we will once again be only two. With arms around one another we embrace in a way that American men would find embarrassing. I pour out barely articulate apologies: For finding her, for keeping her, and for not changing her when it would have been forgivable. And he gives voice to how sorry he is for his behavior.

"Are you ready to go back yet?" I ask him as he looks at the torn collar of his shirt in wonder. I'm trying to salvage my own clothes, which are ruined.

"I'm ready – I could use a shower." We both start walking slowly back to the house.

"Can I trust you to leave my wife alone?" I watch him for the telltale signs of his lies.

"No." We stop walking. "You might be able to fool the Cullens and you might even be able to fool her, but I know you want me to change her, deep down under all the promises. If you really wanted to protect her, you would have killed me. You can throw me through every window they have. I love her, and I'm not letting her go. I feel the same way for you too, you idiot! I know if she dies you're going to visit the Quileutes and follow her. I know her death means yours as well. She thinks it's just a ploy to convince her when you tell her you won't live without her, but I know you mean it.

"The only thing I haven't figured out is, will you go immediately, or will you wait until the babies are mature? This is the perfect place to give birth since there are four here who would mother them like their own." I realize he is absolutely right. Somewhere in the back of my mind I'd calculated who would care for the babies. It wasn't going to be me.

"I'll behave until the babies are born, or until she's in danger, whichever comes first. But if you decide you want to keep her human, you better be prepared to fight me harder than you did today." I know he's being honest. I also have a sneaking suspicion that If she dies, and I give myself over to the werewolves, I won't be alone. I have an image in my mind, of the two of us meeting our deaths side by side.

"Let's go back, we're wasting time we could be spending with her." I put my arm around him and we walk back toward the house. We make it about halfway when Edward meets us.

"You need to hurry. She's fallen asleep and we can't seem to wake her up. She's not unconscious, and she's talking in her sleep, asking for you."

We run.

Back in the house Edward makes sure Vladmir is going to behave before allowing him into the house. Up in our room I'm surprised to see Jasper and Emmett already working on fixing the wall. The window is boarded up and everything's been moved. Even with all the activity I'm drawn to her. She lies on her back partially turned toward the door. Her stomach looks enormous and her hand moves unconsciously over it, petting it even in her sleep. She looks oddly peaceful and calm. I hear her then, murmuring my name just under her breath. A human might have been able to hear with an ear against her lips, but I can hear her clearly even though her lips barely move. I take her hand and kiss her fingers.

"I'm here. I love you. Everything's going to be fine." I whisper against her ear. She smiles a little ghost of a smile and her fingers barely increase their pressure on mine.

Carlisle moves to stand beside me. "I don't know what to make of this. She's not asleep and she's not unconscious, it's as if she's in a deep meditative state. She responds to suggestions, like when I asked her turn to her left side for better circulation. Her blood pressure's normal and she seems calm."

"She _is _calm." Jasper speaks up from where he's smoothing joint compound over the drywall edge. "She's almost vampire calm. There are not many humans who can do that on their own. It's like she's hypnotized." With fluid grace he smooths the putty between the seams before setting the tools aside and stepping to the other side of the bed. "I think their singing has put her into a type of trance. I can hear it if I touch her – it's amazing." He looks down at my wife adoringly.

He turns his eyes toward me and smiles. "You don't have to be jealous of me. She's definitely got that magnetic pull Carlisle mentioned. But if one can see past her beauty and her sex appeal..." He looks down at her stomach and grins. "...it's easy to ignore the physical attraction. And of course as long as y'all are standing with her, it's even weaker. She loves you so much." The intensity of his golden gaze is too much and I bend to kiss her head.

"This seems to be a good thing." Carlisle looks down at her and shakes his head. "From what I can tell, the babies are calm and stable, she's getting all the nutrients she needs from the I.V., and the feeding tube is taking care of the babies' needs. If all pregnant women on bed rest could be like this I'm sure there would be more positive outcomes."

"Are you trying to tell me that this could all work out?" I'm stunned, and I feel a tiny glimmer of hope.

"It's encouraging. But I'm concerned about her fluid output; I don't want to have to put in a catheter. I think her body is functioning as well as I could hope. When Bella was at this point she was under so much stress and strain, every little movement caused her problems. Plus we had no real idea when she was going to deliver. Summer is going through the same physical stresses; I mean the babies are growing and stretching her body to make space. And even with the feeding tube, they're still taking a lot from her body. I've increased the nutrients I'm giving her as well as the blood. Fortunately for this purpose it doesn't matter what type we use, just so long as it's preservative free."

Before he can get caught up in the medical explanations I ask; "when will she deliver?" It's the only thing that matters to me. How long do I have until true terror sets in?

"Next week. I've cleared my calendar from here on out of course. If anything happens, we'll have to adjust, but I'm thinking seven days from now. If we had to take them now, by human standards they would have a fair chance with the right neonatal care. But I actually believe they're more like us, and they would probably have a better chance. But we do want to make sure their heart and lungs develop since they will need them."

I barely listen to what he's saying. One week. Seven days. One hundred and sixty-eight hours until my world comes crashing in on me. I can fight against so many things, but time marches forward no matter what I do to stop it.

"...if you want to be present during the delivery. I know you've got a lot of self control, but there's likely to be a great amount of blood. If you think you can handle it, I'll let you stay, but you should consider it carefully since I won't be able to fight with you and help her at the same time." He wants to know if I want to be present when he cuts her open to remove our babies before they can kill her. But he's also asking if I want to be there when she dies if something goes wrong.

"I don't know if I can safely be in the room with her. I've had her blood." He stares at me in shock. He obviously knows what it means. "It's a long story involving a Volturi punishment and... Summer trying to help me. You know how bad I want her – all the time! I should probably stay away... but I really want to be with her no matter what happens."

He looks thoughtful. "Edward delivered his own child. He was covered in blood from the delivery, but he didn't feed on her. And you of course know the temptation. How about we plan for you to be here; in the hallway with someone to watch over you. If it all goes well you can come in afterward. If there are problems, you'll be close..."

He didn't finish his sentence. I'll be close enough to say goodbye. I'll be on hand to spend the last moments of her life with her. It feels like there's a knife driving into my chest. I nod at his suggestion. I wonder who they can get to guard me who won't be tempted by her blood. I understand Jasper, Emmett, Alice, and Esme are going to a little cabin in the woods at the first sign of trouble or as soon as the preparations are made. Edward will assist with the delivery, and Bella and Rosalie will be there for the babies. I know Vladmir won't leave. He'll likely be lurking somewhere, ready to make the decision no one else wants to make.

Emmett and Jasper finish working on the wall, and clean up before they leave. One by one the room empties and I'm alone with her. I undress down to a T-shirt and underwear. I slip into bed beside my wife and hold her against me like spoons in a drawer. My hand drifts over her stomach, mimicking her own. Not since Tessa have I felt like such a monster. But it's my dreams of humanity that have actually brought us to this point. The dream that I could have love, and a family after all I've done.

If even one of the deaths I caused over the centuries caused a pain like I feel now, then I am doomed to the deepest pits of Hell.

Never again.

Never again will I feed on a human life. I think back... the thief and the pirate were the last. A fine thanks to the one who brought me the love of my life – his death. Whether she lives or dies, whether she's changed or human; I'm finished. Just the thought of causing another living soul, the kind of suffering and agony I feel, sickens me. Better I should die than to ever inflict such grief on another. I wish I could tell her of this change, only because I know it would please her. But I know there is no redemption for my past.

I rest with her, contemplating my history and my time with her. Carlisle has recommended that I have her change position every hour, but it is the only thing that distracts me. Our visitors come and go as her last hours tick by. Vladmir doesn't visit, and I know it's because he can't stand to see her so still – so close to death.

It is close to her time when Carlisle urges me to get up. "You need to hunt, you haven't fed for a week, if she goes into labor now, you'll be useless to her. In two days I'm going to deliver them. This is the best time to go. I'll stay with her while you're gone, and then I'll have to go myself."

I know he's right. I'm worried about leaving her for so long. But I'm shocked that so much time has passed without me realizing it. Two days. It pains me to leave, but I'm not going alone. Several of the others will be going with me, including Edward and Bella. Half the delivery team will hunt now, and Carlisle and Rosalie will go next. She won't be alone no matter what. I whisper my plans to her along with a promise to return as soon as I can. I pass Vladmir and let him know our plans. He's taken to sitting in the family room, just staring into space.

The hunting is different than I'm used to. It's more of a group effort, and I'm reminded this is a family. We run for several hours to the north, and track a heard of elk. We are each able to choose a large animal at leisure as the herd becomes confused at our approach. It's strangely exhilarating to hunt this way. Afterward Emmett declares he isn't going back just yet.

"I've got my cell phone, just let me know when all the drama is over. I'm going to wait for the smell of the dead carcass's to bring in the second course." He grins. "I prefer carnivores anyway."

I hurry back, desperate to be with her before anything bad can happen. With the cell phones some of us carry, I know we'd get any news of emergencies. But if she wakes up or calls for me I might not know.

Back at the house once again, it's quiet. I rush up to our room and I'm surprised to see Jasper and Vladmir sitting on opposite sides of her bed. My first impulse is to chase them out; they're both the most likely to hurt her if anything happens. But I know Carlisle wouldn't allow her to be in any more danger. I don't worry about modesty as I take off my pants and shirt so that I can slide into bed beside her. I'm sure I'm only imagining it, but it seems the babies have grown since I left. I put my arms around her and take her hand, feeling the tiny squeeze she gives my fingers as a soft sigh escapes her lips. I whisper, 'I love you' against her ear and my hand caresses over her rounded stomach as if it has a will of it's own.

Jasper moves to the other side so they both face me. "Vladmir wanted to spend time with her. I'm here as insurance that he doesn't step out of line. Not only can I sense how he feels, he knows how volatile I could become in the presence of her blood. His ability is pretty useless with a frenzied vampire." He smiles at the irony. "I don't want to see her get hurt any more than you do. She hasn't changed since you left. We made sure she changed position, and Carlisle checked her blood pressure each time."

He looks a little confused. "I know y'all can't tell it, but she's happy. It's been wonderful just sitting with her. Now that you're back she's feeling a sense of peace and joy – almost makes me wanna sing Kumbaya. And the little ones are calm. They sing almost all the time... I can hear it in my head, and it's beautiful!"

"I can't hear a thing!" Vladmir seems disgruntled at Jasper's words. "He just sat there smiling the whole time you were gone, like he knew the punchline of a joke and I didn't." Jasper puts his hand on Vladmir's shoulder only to have him shrug it off, almost angrily. "I don't need or want any of your mood altering. I told everyone I wouldn't hurt her, and I mean it!"

"Your word is not exactly trustworthy where she's concerned." Jasper's voice is low and apologetic. "A man can only suffer so much before he's willing to take drastic measures. If it's any consolation, _she _likes that you're here. With both of you here, I feel an almost indescribable serenity. She loves both of y'all so much." He grins, and I detect a hint of embarrassment. "Now that you're back Stefan, her emotions are not exactly... pure. A gentleman would not tell you; but I have not been a gentleman in many decades. She has a definite desire for you."

I bury my face in her hair. His words are embarrassing, and not entirely necessary. I can feel her pull, and her small movements that have brought her up tight against me. In a different situation, I would have to have her – _now. _But instead I hold her and caress her under the blanket. I kiss her neck, which has so tempted me in the past. It's not her blood, but her body which tempts me, even now.

Vladmir stands suddenly, as if we can read one another's mind, he knows what I'm thinking. He and Jasper leave together, closing the door tight behind them.

I touch my wife in intimate ways. Her sighs and movements bring a response in me that's unexpected considering her fragile state. I want her! I know that there are at least four ears listening for sounds of trouble, but I don't care. I move slowly, carefully freeing us of clothing. Her pull is so strong, making me want to ravish her. Instead I kiss the back of her neck and whisper 'I love you's' in several different languages, as my hands explore her womanly curves. So carefully I join with her. With my supernatural hearing I hear her breathe "I love you."

I move with her slowly, as careful and tender as I can, but her own body moves against me with an urgency that surprises me. I remember her talk about rocking the babies, and so that's the way I move with her. Her little sighs give way to satisfied moans as we are both carried into bliss. Afterward I wash her and dress her for decency again.

As I lie with her in the peaceful afterglow, I hear them. The babies are singing, and I can hear them! No need to strain my ears, because it's in my head. It's such a song of joy it takes my breath away. I know the song; it's hers and it's mine – it's a love song.

I kiss her cheek. "I hear them, Summer – I hear our babies singing. Now I know God must exist!" I want to see them... to kiss them and hold them. They haven't come to steal her away – they love her. I know this deep in my soul. My soul, which is rejoicing at the miracles within her. It's_ life._ Out of my dead and murderous corpse, and into her fragile, dying body, there is _life!_

A tap on the door brings them back into the room; Jasper and Vladmir, followed by Carlisle. He tests her blood pressure and shakes his head in wonder as he declares it perfect. Vladmir looks at me in disbelief. "I can't believe you did that! Haven't you learned to control your lust yet? You could have hurt her – you could have killed her!" His anger surprises me in the face of what I can still hear.

"No." Jasper speaks up, laying a calming hand on his arm. "He didn't hurt her at all." He smiles brightly. "I'm not sure what kind of endorphins or hormones come from making love, but there's an abundance of them washing through her – and the babies. You stay calm Vladmir, I"m going to go find my wife..." He disappears and I barely catch his wink.

Carlisle finishes checking her over, and he can't seem to understand why she's doing so well. "Stefan, do you trust Vladmir in here, or do you want to make other arrangements?"

"Let him stay; Summer wants him here... so do I." I meet his eyes but his feelings are not clear. Carlisle leaves us to go back to his office to record his test results.

"Let me guess, you hear the singing too. You look like you're convinced that this is going to all work out. Am I the only one who can still think clearly? You're only deluding yourself." He looks so... hurt. He wears his anger like a shield to hide the pain.

"Pull the chair close and sit down." He reluctantly does as I ask. "Lay your head on the pillow beside her and give me your hand."

"Is this some kind of perverse séance?" He seems resistant, but he does as I ask. Seeing his head lying so close to hers makes me feel a twinge of jealousy, but it quickly dies. He pushes a lock of hair behind her ear, and offers me his other hand.

"Just relax and let go of the anger and fear." I guide his hand over her stomach, and I hear their song change. It's lovely, and somehow more complete than before. It's welcoming and inclusive and so loving I wish I had tears to cry. I hear his gasp and I know he can hear it.

"Impossible!" His eyes widen in amazement. "I've never heard anything so beautiful." His voice is hushed. "I feel like they know me. I feel like they _love_ me... how is this possible?"

I love watching his expression transform, from anger and bitterness to awe and wonder. "Of course they love you, they're my children." Just saying that, claiming them with my words, makes them more real than they have ever been to me. They are my children. They are not parasites, demons, or monsters, come to steal her away from me. They love her; they love us all, including Vladmir. We're family, all five of us. It stuns me that she has gotten exactly what she's always wanted; love and a family. Now the trick is to make sure she lives to enjoy it.

It's almost as if we're all frozen. Summer sleeps, I lie next to her, and Vladmir keeps his vigil at her bedside. And all the while there is music. Carlisle comes to check her and make sure she turns, and he mutters in disbelief. He pulls a chair up and speaks to me.

"I've seen videos recently about midwives and doula's being trained in hypno-therapy. These professionals work with an expectant mother to help her reach a deep meditative state. In such a state, the mothers are able to deliver their babies with little or no medical interventions. In one video the mother slept through most of her labor and only woke up long enough to push the baby out. I'm beginning to suspect Summer is in just such a state. Often the hypnotist will play music or guide the patient in relaxation imagery. I've heard everyone talking about the singing of the babies, and I can't help but wonder if that's not what's happening here. Bella told of a similar connection to her baby, and I thought it was a survival mechanism of these infants – a way to take over the mothers mind and will.

"But it seems there could be a nobler purpose that I've overlooked. Bella was in such a state of stress and worry, not to mention pain, that it was hard for her to just relax and be calmed by the pictures the baby was sending her. But Summer has just let go of all the worries, and she's got absolute confidence that everything is going to work out. The singing, and perhaps even the images could very well be a survival mechanism for the hybrid baby, but not one that takes over the mother. Instead it could be that they are trying to keep her calm so she doesn't get hurt. Summer's in a deep hypnotic state, and she and the babies are all being nourished, so she doesn't even have to wake up. I really couldn't have hoped for anything better."

I look at him over her stomach. "How much longer?" I barely raise my voice.

He sighs. "Twenty-four to thirty-six hours.. I don't want to wait too much longer. The way it is now, if they get excited they could damage her organs or break bones." We all just stare at her, and she gives a little squeeze on my hand. She can hear us. I close my eyes and just daydream. The songs in my head keep me in a relaxed state just like her, and I don't even realize time has passed. When Carlisle enters the room I wonder if he forgot something the last time, but he's wearing different clothes, and the sun is up outside.

He wheels equipment into the room as silently as possible. I see Edward, Bella, and Rosalie rolling in other medical machines. I just watch, waiting for the signal that I'll need to get out of our bed and step into the hallway. I kiss her and whisper every possible endearment I can think of into her ear. I'm surprised when I figure out that the odd looking plastic contraptions are actually bassinets for the babies. Vladmir too is aware of what's happening, though he isn't anxious to move either.

I'm startled when Rosalie takes her hand from me. She slides the rings off of her finger, which has become so thin they just slip off. She hands them to me with an apologetic look. She then removes her locket, and the blue teardrop she never takes off. I'm lying beside her holding thousands of dollars worth of jewelry in my hands, and I realize it's nothing more than rocks and minerals. In my arms is the most precious thing in the world to me.

Too soon Carlisle nods to me. I don't want to leave her, but they're ready, and I don't want my distress to get the babies worked up. I leave her side and realize I haven't been dressed for days. I pull on clothes and kiss her goodbye. Vladmir and I step into the hallway, and it's still deathly quiet in the room. I'm holding her jewelry, and I thread the rings onto the locket chain and clasp it around my neck. I hand Vladmir the teardrop since it just seems appropriate that he should have it.

I smell him even before I see him, and I feel suddenly defensive. It's the shapeshifter, Jacob. He doesn't smile, but reaches out to shake my hand. I know it's rude to ignore it, but last time he visited, my wife sustained a broken rib.

"I'm not here to cause trouble, I'm just here to guard her... against you. Carlisle wanted to make sure he didn't have to fight any battles when it got bloody in there. I may not be able to take you out, but I can certainly guard the door." His smile is grim and white. Bella brings chairs into the hallway where we're waiting.

"It shouldn't be long now, Carlisle's getting her prepped." She lays her hand on my shoulder. "If things go badly, just say the word, and I'll change her myself." She gives Jacob a steely look over her shoulder. "If you think that treaty's worth killing me for, then you'll just have to make that call!"

"Bella, you can't..."

"Quiet!" I don't raise my voice, but my command stops him. "No stress... keep it quiet and calm out here. We didn't come this far to watch those babies start thrashing around in response to what's happening around her." Bella squeezes my shoulder and casts another warning glance at Jacob before stepping into the room and closing the door.

I hate that my hearing's so acute. I hear the water running, I hear the muffled conversation between the four of them, but I don't hear her. I know they're going to give her an epidural for pain, and I actually smell her blood when the needle's put in. I also smell when the feeding tube is removed, even though it doesn't bring her out of her trance. I hear sterile packets being opened, and I hear the clink of the steel instruments on a tray.

I remember how she used to sing when she went to the bathroom to cover up the sounds. I sing, low and quiet. The lullabies she remembers along with a few I remember. In minutes Vladmir adds his voice to mine. It's almost enough to cover up the wet sounds of cutting, but it can't help when the perfume of her blood washes over me. I falter on the words, and Jacob stands, threateningly guarding the door. I remember how much I love her. I remember the songs of our children, and I breath again, slow and calm. I resume the song, and it's still quiet. I smell the burning of the laser, and it makes me want to gag. It reminds me of the deaths of our kind. It reminds me of Daniel and Cecilia.

I wait, with the smell of her sweet blood mingling with the memory of my goddess and my angel. He reaches out and takes my hand; Vladmir, who must also have his own memories with the odor in the room.

I hear crying, and the door bursts open bringing a masked and gloved Bella out with a strong gust of odors. She tugs the mask off her startled face and looks my way. Vladmir and I are both on our feet, looking at her enormous stunned eyes. "You're a father! Everyone's fine!" For a second I think I must have heard wrong. I stare in stunned disbelief and she smiles. "You have a healthy baby girl and a healthy baby boy. They're tiny, but they're perfect! Summer's awake and she's asking to see you. I'd expect someone to wake me up and tell me I'm dreaming, except I don't sleep or dream.

I follow her back into the room, with Vladmir right behind me. There is blood, but I don't care. Blue eyes – still blue after giving birth, my wife looks at me and I go to her. There's a tent up to keep her from looking at the work Carlisle is still doing on her, stitching the incisions, but I put my arms around her and kiss her face.

"I love you! I can't believe you made it through this. You're amazing, and you're a mommy!" I feel so overwhelmed with joy I can't even think coherently. I want to see the babies, but I don't want to lose sight of her. Rosalie steps over to us with a baby cradled in each arm. They're wrapped snugly in little blankets, but they're both alert and looking right at me. She tells me which is which, and it hits me, I have a son and a daughter. My daughter looks just like her mother, with blue eyes and pale down lightly covering her head. My son must look like I once did with dark curls and dark eyes. They're both beautiful, though Rosalie seems particularly taken with my son.

Summer struggles to sit so she can see them, and I support her shoulders. Their eyes move from me to her at the sound of her delighted coo. She reaches out to them, wanting to hold them, and Rosalie first hands her one, and then the other. "They've got teeth, but neither one is venomous." Rosalie seems reluctant to back away

"Is it okay to nurse them?" Summer looks up at Carlisle as he finishes up his work on her.

"They may not want to nurse, but if you want to try, it's good for your own hormones." She doesn't seem to care that there is a roomful of visitors, she opens her gown and holds our son in the right position. We're both surprised to see him latch on. I have to help her with our baby girl, but she does just as well. After about fifteen minutes I hear her give a squeal and she flinches. Both babies have bitten her, and they seem happy to nurse on both her milk and her blood. I'm a little sickened by the thought, but she won't let me pull them away.

"They'll grow out of this fast. In less than a week they'll be on solid foods. I can handle this until then." They don't nurse much longer, and they both fall asleep as soon as they release her. One by one everyone who's come to see the babies drifts out. I take each tiny bundle and wipe the blood from their mouths as they sleep, then pass them up to her waiting arms. Truly they have not bitten her to cause damage, but the tiny nips barely broke the skin. As soon as they are cleaned up I realize I have unconsciously resisted her blood.

Vladmir stays with us as Carlisle continues to make sure everything has gone alright after the surgery. As soon as she is stitched and bandaged he adjusts the epidural which will keep her pain free for several more hours. There's a tap at the door, and I allow Bella to come in with a camera.

"I don't have many baby pictures of Ness – she just grew too fast." She quickly snaps pictures of the babies and then with us together. Vladmir adds his face to our family photo before she is finished. "It's digital, so you can take all the pictures you want." She hands me the camera with a smile.

"If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it. She didn't wake up during the whole delivery, until your little girl cried. If I had known this was possible... Ness may have had siblings. I wouldn't let them take her early, since I was scared to death they were going to hurt her." She laughs. "Truly I was _scared to death_." She looks at Summer cradling her babies against her. "I guess we both got what we wanted in the end."

Carlisle finishes up his work and tells me he's going to go and update his notes. Vladmir makes noise about leaving to pass out cigars, and I am left alone with my family – _my family!_ I still can't believe she's alive. I'd gotten so used to the idea that she was going to die, I'd already started to mourn her. Now I'm here and I just can't stop looking at her – at them. She clearly looks exhausted, and I take in the way the whole pregnancy has ravaged her body. She's thin and her beautiful tan has faded. Her hair is hanging in dirty, limp strands, and her face looks somehow sunken. But still she is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. She is the embodiment of selfless, sacrificial love, and she hasn't stopped smiling.

"We need to name them." She smiles up at me and I realize it's been so long since I've heard her voice. "I have so many things I want to do, but I want to name them first." I look at them, sleeping peacefully and I can't think of anything that fits with what they mean to me. "How do you feel about Tessa, for our daughter?" Just the name coming from her lips shocks me. I want to disagree with her, tell her that it would be wrong to name our child after my old flame. But she looks like she is serious.

"I've often felt that I owed my life to her – like you would have ended me if not for her memory. For such a long time she was your connection to your humanity. You can't find her grave and it would be a little like having a tribute to your life before the change. Besides I kind of like the name." I look at my daughter, all bundled up in the white blanket, and I'm reminded of Tessa's head covering.

"It might fit her. Let's wait a day or two before we write it down. What do you think about our son?" I want to allow her to name them.

"I was thinking Stefan Vladmir..."

"No!" I interrupt her. "Sorry, but you can't name him after me. He needs his own name, since we're going to be around for a very long time, that would be too much confusion.

"I think you should name him after me." Vladmir leans in the doorway grinning at us. "Not Vladmir of course, I stole that name."

"What name are you suggesting?" She asks before I have the chance to reject the idea.

"Tristram – or the more updated form – Tristan. I won't be using it again, and anyone who knew me then is long gone. But of course it's your choice." He looks at the little bundles she holds with longing. We've never talked about his life before the change, and now I wonder why. Had he once been a husband and father?

"I think it's a great name." I watch her face to see if she agrees, and she smiles.

"Tristan Gregory...? My dad's name was Gregory." She smiles at me. "And it works perfect with Tessa... Tessa Elizabeth... for my grandmother."

"You don't want to name her for your mother?" I'm surprised she skipped her.

"Mom's name was Jane... I don't remember her middle name." We don't have to voice why it would be so inappropriate to name one of the twins Jane. Still, I hear Vladmir chuckling.

"Now that we've got that finished, I'm hungry." She catches us all off guard since none of us thought she'd live through the birth. There's no food for her in the house. Bella leans through the door and lets us know she'll go to the cabin and bring back something. "I also want a long, hot bath, but I can see that's not going to happen for a while." She looks down at her stomach, with the bandages hidden under her gown.

"I'm sure once you're able to get up we can get your hair washed. And it shouldn't take too long for you to heal." It's starting to sink in that there's life ahead of us. I start to look ahead to returning to our own life, away from the Cullens. I wonder if she'll want to live in Romania, or if she'll want to stay in her own country. I know for certain that we won't be taking the infants onto the boat. But the fact that they won't stay infants for long makes me wonder what we will do.

Everything is so calm as I sit beside her bed, taking turns holding either Tessa or Trisan as they sleep. The blankets feel snug around the babies, and I have to loosen them since they've already grown. I'm surprised that they don't sleep for long, and they watch what's going on with eyes that miss nothing. When Bella returns with food, Summer's appetite seems to have returned with a vengeance. After eating she kisses the babies before she drifts off to sleep. I sit with Vladmir, holding my son as he cradles my daughter against him. I feel like I'm about to burst with happiness.

"Of course you know she's still going to die." His words drain the happiness out of me. I look at her sleeping form and I know he's right. So easily she could have died in these past few weeks. She looks so fragile, even though she's survived the biggest trial of her life. I look down at my son, gazing up at me with trusting eyes.

"Maybe she'll change her mind now that we have the children."

He laughs. "Don't count on it. She's more stubborn than a certain ancient Greek I know." We both sit and watch her as she sleeps.

In the next several days she recovers quite a bit. She gets her hair washed and she is up and around even with her incision healing. She tries to do everything for the babies, even though Rosalie is almost becoming a nuisance trying to help. Their growth is phenomenal; they can already sit up and I'm told they will crawl before the week is out. Tessa's hair is coming in thick and pale blond, while Tristan's dark curls are exactly like mine.

They seem to be more intelligent than normal infants, and they rarely cry. When they do, they raise their voices together in perfect harmony, creating a sound that's impossible to ignore. Not because we want to make it stop, but because it's so beautiful. Their voices have the power to turn us into their adoring servants. The little one, Nessie, has already declared Tessa to be her best friend, and she comes to visit so often I wonder if we've had a third child. She at first seemed very guarded around Tristan, but then she decided that she would never be interested in him as a boyfriend, so he was alright to play with.

We've already started talking about where we're going to go, and where we're going to live. Summer wants to compare the educational opportunities of California and Romania and make a choice based on the children's future. I'm happy to go anywhere she wants to go. Vladmir suggests we should stay relatively close to the Cullen family. Not because of the Volturi threat, but because Carlisle is the only doctor who will understand the needs of our children.

She is only three days past giving birth when my wife leaves the babies in the care of Vladmir and Rosalie. She pulls me into our bedroom and closes the door. She places three condoms in my hand and grins up at me. "I've missed you so much!" Making love to her is the furthest thing from my mind, but when she turns her attention on me, I want her! "I have the doctor's permission, so long as we're careful."

I can deny her nothing. She is love and passion and beauty and everything I've ever wanted, and I am beyond happy as we lie together after we make love. "I want to do it again." Her words shock me. I can't believe we did it the first time. "Not make love, silly..." She turns in my arms and kisses me. "...I want to have more babies – with you." I'm stunned. I feel like we've just been to Hell and back and she wants to do it again!

"No." I leave her arms and pace. "I won't do this again. Not for any reason. If it means I never touch you again..." I can't even think it, let alone say it. I sit heavily on the bed. "This was too close. It was too hard. I won't risk losing you like that ever again."

"But we can do it! I don't need a hysterectomy, and we're both still fertile. We could have a house full of children!" I can see it glowing in her eyes; the dream of being surrounded by people who love her. Her fear of being alone has convinced her that she can do this again.

"And then you'll die and leave us all behind! No Summer, I won't inflict that on one more person, especially a child I love! I'm finished – I shouldn't have even started!" I can see my words have hurt her. But the risk she wants to take tears me up inside. I was afraid she'd cry, her tears are more than I can handle, but her silence is even worse. I want to hold her, but when I try to take her in my arms she turns away. Carlisle warned me about strong hormonal reactions after the babies were born. I try to pass this off as something that will pass, and hope that we'll laugh about it later. But I know her. I know she thinks she's found a way around the death sentence hybrid babies bring with them. I know she's rationalized their fast growth with the idea that she will have time to see them grow up.

I get up and get dressed, and she sullenly pulls on her nightgown. When they bring the babies back in, she prepares to nurse them. Sometimes they bite her, and sometimes they reopen a recent wound. I know they're getting both milk and blood from her, and I usually try not to watch. They're bigger, and they look like they're three months old rather than three days. She doesn't look at me even though I have to help her reposition the babies after they've fed. She gets up with the bundles and cleans them up, changes their diapers, and dresses them in new clothes. I try to help, but she's mad at me and she won't let me help. She looks tired again, especially when she's done all she can for each twin. Back in bed again she holds them close with her arms wrapped protectively around them.

I want to get past this, but I don't know how. Every time we've disagreed, she's gotten what she wanted. But I can't do this again. I won't take the risk. I sit beside the bed as she settles down to rest. Tessa is wide awake and watching me with bright blue eyes. I pick up my daughter and Summer wraps both arms around Tristan and closes her eyes.

I wonder if everyone can sense the tension in the air. No one comes to visit, even Nessie seems otherwise occupied. Summer closes her eyes, and in minutes she's asleep. Maybe that's all she needs is a little rest and we can work through this later. I play with little Tessa, making faces just to see her smile.

I smell it, then hear it. Her blood, and sounds of feeding. It takes a second to register that my son has bitten her throat. I scoop him away from her, but the wound is deep and the blood flows freely. I call for help and sweep a blanket up from the bed to press against her to stop the bleeding. I put Tessa on the bed and hold Tristan close, with his frightened eyes and his face covered in her blood. I think she's passed out, but I can't believe he could take so much blood from her.

Vladmir and Rosalie rush in, and she promptly scoops up both babies while we try to discover what's happened to Summer, who seems unconscious. I hear Rosalie mutter "Oh no," then Summer shrieks. Rosalie's panicked voice behind me announces, "he's venomous!" Vladmir and I stare at each other as Summer convulses and her eyes roll back into her head. I can tell it's not going to be possible for me to suck out the venom to save her; not on her throat.

I look at Vladmir as my wife writhes in agony. I put my mouth against her throat, fighting the hunger. I match my bite up to the smaller one, and sink my teeth into her. My venom is stronger and faster. But I can barely remember that's why I've bitten her. Her blood is so sweet! I always knew it would be, but it's beyond anything I've ever experienced, and I feel it overwhelming my senses! Everything she is washes over me, and I hold her close and just feel her wonderful life flowing into me. Her heartbeat slows and I know that soon the amazing wonderful feast will be gone.

"I always knew you'd be the one to kill her." Vladmir's words so close to my ear snaps me out of my fog. In shock I release her and she falls back into the bed, eyes staring and the thready sound of her heart barely registering. He's right, I very well may have killed her! I don't know where he's hidden it, but he produces a needle – one huge needle filled with fluid. He stabs it directly into her heart and I remember this is how Edward changed his own wife. I watch his potent venom pressed into her and she screams. Her eyes flash open and she locks her eyes onto mine and clutches my arms as she's wracked with pain.

"Take the babies out of here!" I climb into bed with her and hold her as tightly as I can. The pain tearing through her contorts and shakes her frail body. Between waves of agony she stares into my eyes. She doesn't beg me to kill her, but I can see she wants to die to end the suffering. I do the only thing I can do; I hold her and tell her I love her and promise it will be over soon. And it is over soon compared to most. She only agonizes for an hour before I feel her precious heart stop for good.

I feel such unexpected grief! I'll never again hear it's rhythm, or feel her pulse as I hold her. I won't know where she is by the singing of her blood. I'll never see her skin once more kissed by the sun, and her blue eyes are gone forever! And I'll never feel her softness or warmth again, nor watch her move like a butterfly through my dark world. And she can never shed another precious tear! My wife has joined me in death

The room is quiet and still. Her eyes open and fix on mine. I smile reassuringly and she looks on me with horror and revulsion.

"You've killed me!" Her first words, spoken with the voice of an angel chorus. "You couldn't let me have children and you couldn't let me live a normal life!" Her eyes roll in their sockets looking for tears. "I'm a monster now just like you – I hate you, Stefan!" Her voice is the sweetest thing I've ever heard, but her words cut me open and pierce my soul.

"I love you."

"No. You don't." With an inarticulate cry she leaps from the bed. She's so fast. She pulls up the nightgown and tears the bandage from her stomach, exposing perfect white skin. She rushes for the window, and the boards splinter as she throws herself out. It's dark and she disappears before I even put my head out. Once again I make the leap from the window. I can't see her, and I can barely smell her as I chase after her. She's running west, right toward the Quileute reservation! She's newborn strong and fast.

"Summer, come back!" I use my command as I shout into the night. I give it every bit of speed I have in me, knowing I'll lose her if I don't. She's strong and fast, but newborns are easy to kill if you know how, and the Quileute wolves know how.

Out of the darkness it hits me, a solid mass of muscle and fur, snarling beneath deadly yellow eyes. I was so worried about her, I forgot I was vulnerable.


	33. Chapter 33 Monster

Chapter 33

Monster

All I wanted was for him to think about it. Not that I wasn't happy with the way things were, I was overjoyed with Tristan and Tessa. They were beautiful and I too was shocked that I'd lived through the pregnancy and birth. It was the wonder in Carlisle's voice when he said I wouldn't need a hysterectomy that got me thinking. I could carry another baby.

And it was so wonderful being a mother. Just like when they were inside me I knew they loved me and needed me. _Me. _ It's the reason I wanted to nurse them even though it hurt – even though it seemed to disgust everyone who saw. It was the one thing I could give them that Rosalie, Esme or Bella couldn't. I knew that soon enough they'd learn to hunt and I'd have to cut my apron strings even before they were fully tied.

Making love with Stefan after all we'd been through was wonderful. I was so happy to know we'd always have that connection. He seemed to be such a loving and gentle man, and to see him holding his children, with his look of wonder and joy – it made me fall in love with him all over again. I brought up the idea of more children because he was such an amazing father. He tried to take care of the babies himself every time I was sleeping. Of course inevitably one would give a little cry and I'd wake up. I didn't want to miss a minute of their infancy.

I loved the way he sang to them, soft and low like he thought no one could hear him. I loved the way Tessa wrapped her daddy around her tiny little finger, and every smile lit up his face. I started keeping Tristan closer, especially considering how Rosalie seemed to adore him. His dark curls reminded me a bit of her husband Emmett, and I worried that she wanted to keep my child as her own. If I had died, I had no doubt that she would have wanted to keep them, or at least him.

I didn't know why it hurt so much that he just said 'no' when I mentioned other babies. To me it was like he was denying another Tessa or Tristan a chance to be born. Maybe my hormones were just a little out of whack, but after making love, it felt like he was rejecting _me._ The man who used to listen to my ideas refused to even let me finish the thought! I wasn't talking about dozens of children, maybe just one or two more. And I certainly didn't mean immediately, I knew I would take a lot of time to heal from the surgery. I was thinking about in a few years when the twins were more mature and didn't need me as much. I was thinking that news of my successful delivery would make others try, and there would be more successes and more information to keep me even safer. When he said 'no' it made me feel like he was setting aside all the good that had happened.

I knew we'd get past it. We always managed to get around our disagreements, or at least agreed to disagree. We really were still newlyweds, and we'd never had a serious argument before – well aside from the one about me staying human until I died. I'd given him control over so much of my life, from my wardrobe to where we lived, to what we'd do from day to day. Not that I minded, I loved him and everything we did together was just one more shared memory we'd have.

I still can't believe he did it! After all my reasoning and arguing. After such a good outcome with my pregnancy and delivery. I knew he'd always been afraid of losing me, and the argument about having more babies could have been the last straw. But I can't believe he would bite me! I'd always told him if it happened I would forgive him. In Volterra I thought any day – any second it could happen. But he'd resisted almost to the point of his own death. I know he didn't have to do it! I remembered his golden eyes, and I knew he wasn't even close to hungry.

And still, I'll always remember his face, with his red eyes and the smear of blood across his chin. _My blood. _ I remember how he looked when he pulled back from my neck, I was so drained I couldn't even close my eyes! I'd seen this look many times during our lovemaking; he was in ecstasy! Vladmir thought he'd killed me; I saw the horror in his eyes. A horror that I saw in Stefan as soon as the burning started.

My children had been born almost pain free, with anesthetic and their hypnotic singing right up til the end. I'd heard mothers who'd gone through natural childbirth describe the pain as the worst pain you'll ever experience. They claim that if you didn't forget about the pain you'd never do it again. I really did expect that, especially after talking to Bella about her own disastrous delivery. But it was fairly easy.

Even if I'd gone through two babies tearing their way out of me – even if they'd taken a wrong turn to come out through my chest or my spine – I know it wouldn't have compared to the pain he forced on me with the change. I felt as if every part of me was being torn off and dipped in acid until nothing but the raw nerve was left. Then that raw, ragged, sensitive nerve was salted. Each cell, each part of my body and my humanity was subjected to the scourging. It hurt so bad, each breath I gasped in fanned the flames until I couldn't contain the screams.

I vaguely remember he held me, only because each point of contact between us impossibly magnified the pain. I'd always been afraid of dying alone, but this death was unnatural, and being held in his arms while he tried to sooth me with his words only made it worse. I couldn't free myself or even beg him to let me go. All I could do was stare into his horrid red eyes, somehow knowing in the back of my tortured mind that I'd have the same look as soon as I was dead.

Which was the worst part of the whole process; being conscious of dying. I knew with every fiber of my being that I was dying, as if the burning wasn't enough. I knew that each cell was forgetting it's life and was being submerged in the poison that would make me into something else. Even as my muscles strained to lift my body in writhing contortions, I knew those muscles were no longer mine... were no longer human. It was as if my body was being given over to something else; something that barely acknowledged my control. No, it was something that denied my control first, then grudgingly shared, so long as I remembered who or what was really in charge.

I felt my death. Like every cord that held my place in the universe was suddenly cut. I wanted to shriek, scream, and wail, but there was nothing left but a small gasping whimper. And yet... I can still see... his red eyes trying to look compassionate. I can still hear... his words of mocking love. And I can still feel... his body... his corpse... holding my corpse. My dead, hard, reanimated _corpse. _ I am no longer me. I am other. And he did it to me. An accident I could forgive, but his intention kills everything I feel for him. I hear my words but it isn't my voice. I move, but the movements feel so unrestrained.

I can't stay in the room and look at them. The emotions seem alien on their faces; a parody of the humanity I'll never feel again. I tear through the window, at first seeking to go through the glass at the top, but touching the wood it feels like paper to me and I easily tear through. I feel the night air calling me; scents, sounds, and even sights reflected in the light of the half moon. I can taste the life of the world as I breathe an unnecessary breath. The lushness and vibrancy of a life I'll never possess again. Out into the welcoming darkness I leap. I barely touch the roof before springing to the ground.

I hear him behind me, somehow slower and weaker than I am. Like I am a fresh, tightly wound spring and he is older and stretched out. I shoot out into the darkness, which isn't dark to me. I go west, to the only ones who can keep me from becoming a monster in deed as well as form. I hear him behind me, even though he is beyond my human limitations. I also hear Vladmir following not even a minute behind him. But I am fast, even stopping to tear the bottom of the gown off so my legs won't be encumbered. I run, picking up speed as I sprint over rocks, earth, underbrush, and fallen limbs. I see a ravine and leap across without a thought, easily clearing it.

I hear him yelling, trying to command me to return, but the compulsion is weak compared to the scent I've picked up – blood! Blood contained in human... waking up a thirst I've never felt before. Every need I've ever known as a human pales in comparison to this demanding pull. I veer to the right and pass a line of strong repellant scent, bounding over it I continue toward the scent of need and want and thirst.

The taste of the wind tells me I've misjudged. The blood isn't human! The smell is of danger and threat and... and... still blood, hidden just beneath. Closer I hear heartbeats and movement and predatory grace, both stalking me and guarding against me. And the rushing of hot blood in thick veins. The sound is overpowering, both drawing me toward it as it horrifies me. I want it with a desperation that moves my feet even as I fight to stay still.

Into a small clearing where I sense I've been lead to face the threat, the threat that holds the hot, rushing, wealth of blood I thirst for above all else. Even before they clear the trees I see them – wolves. They're giants, and I know they're not natural as they circle me. I feel the threat, but the part of me that seeks to control me wants me to fight, to kill and feast. I know I can win. The wariness of the giants telegraphs a weakness where I'm concerned; a fear of my speed and strength that makes them doubt their own ability.

Everything about the new me says 'fight, kill, and drink.' But... but... I hesitate even as I feel my fingers flex into claws. I'm not a killer! Even as the four giants approach, slowly closing the circle which will force me to fight, I know I can't... I _won't_ kill! I want to let them come. They can finish me before I can ever take a life. But I fear the poison within me will compel me to fight. Even as they close in I can hear the call of their heartbeats and their rushing blood. The war within myself is not won.

I leap into the air, easily clearing the circle of wolves. I sprint away from them, angling toward a new smell – water. I can feel pursuit by both the wolves and the two who are like me. But I'm fast and strong and I easily outdistance them. I stop at the water's edge, staring out over the ocean under the moonlight. I've never seen a sight more beautiful. My eyesight is amazing. But it comes at too high a cost.

I hear them behind me, and soon a half circle of giants surrounds me, pressing me back toward the water where I will have no choice but to fight them. I no longer face four, but ten, and they're different. They're even more menacing. My bare feet touch the water. I've run out of places to run, and now I'll have no choice but to fight; maybe kill. NO!

I turn and leap into a dive. I clear yards of distance before cutting the water and swimming deep under the rushing waves. I don't come up for air, but angle down and out, swimming faster and stronger than a dolphin – or the following wolves. The sea stacks rise up before me and I swim around to the far side before surfacing. I climb out over wave roughened rock that would have shredded my skin only yesterday, but now it poses no threat. I climb effortlessly, with strength and speed that takes me up to the green growth on the top of the monolith.

From my high perch I can see I've not been pursued but I am being watched. They are arrayed equidistant along the beach, ready to guard against my return – ready to guard against the monster I've become. I want to cry, to release the tears that I've always been able to shed whenever my soul became too burdened with sadness, grief, loneliness, or fear. But I'll never shed another tear. Instead I wail, barely conscious of the way my unfamiliar voice carries across the water. I shriek and scream and howl at the moon even louder than the wolves on the shore. I want death, and I climb to the top where I can see the rocks and the waves below me and leap. I know I'm not human because I wouldn't have survived the fall onto the rocks below. There is pain and there is even some blood, but as the waves try to take me out, my wounds close and I am once again whole. I can't drown, I can't injure myself, and I can't trust that I won't attack those who could kill me.

I watch the water as it crashes over the rocks and the corpse that holds me prisoner. I can hear a different echo, and I climb over the sharp edges to find a small cavern. It faces the incoming tide, and I climb and swim to reach the back of it, where I wedge myself behind jagged rocks. The wolves should lose my scent, as well as anyone who comes to look for me. If I can wait long enough; if I can resist my craving to kill, I'll waste away. In two weeks Stefan was little more than a skeleton. I can last two weeks. I can allow myself to starve.

The hours go by so slowly. The waves are relentless, but I don't feel cold or even care about the wetness. I wish for sleep, but there is no sleep. There is only constant awareness and an intensity of sound and feeling and even taste. And there is thirst. A whole ocean could not quench this thirst. It is agonizing!

As the hours pass into daytime my vision is overwhelmed by the many colors and sights, even from inside the dark cavern. My vision is obviously better than it ever could have been before the change. I can see the lichen in the water, tiny schools of fish riding the waves, and even the distant sea birds gliding on air currents in the small sliver of sky I can see from my hiding place. I know better than to emerge, the thirst is too great. One of us will die in here, the need to feed, or me.

I'm existing in a nightmare. I'm alone and waiting to die, and if I could die from misery alone I would be a hollow shell. The sun sets and I realize I've been a monster for one full day. I consider swimming out into the ocean, but I fear I could indeed feed on ocean mammals, or worse I could find a boat with people who would be helpless to fight against me. I'll stay here.

The low tide at sunrise brings a surprise I never would have expected. It horrifies me to see it even as it wakes up the monster inside me. Animals have found their way to me – small rodents mostly, but they've come in answer to my silent, unconscious call. My screams don't chase them away, and when I splash water they're swept off the rocks and I'm afraid I'll drown them in my attempt to save them. They come close, maybe a dozen tiny little hearts beating in fear. I gather them to me, fighting with all I am not to drink from them. Mice, rats, and rabbits, all carried in the apron of my nightgown, as I leave the cave to carry them up to where they belong. The larger animals await and I flee from them, climbing down rocks to get away from them. My pull is magnified, bringing me the one thing I desire but don't want, blood.

I spend the day moving from place to place, trying to hide from the animals that want to die through no fault of their own. I finally climb to the top of a tall pine where I feel safe, at least so long as the birds haven't discovered me. Below me all manner of creatures gather, and I'm thankful that most of them don't climb. As day turns to night I wait, and I thirst. I start to rationalize that I could feed on the tiniest of animals, just to get me past the unreasoning thirst. A mouse or two so that I can think clearly. But there's still enough of my own mind left that I know I can never do such a thing.

It's hard at night because I can remember so many happy times with him. I miss him even as I hate him for what he's done. How could he tell me so much about his life and all it's heartbreak, and then doom me to the same? I wish there was a quicker way to end this. If I thought I could get to Volterra without killing someone, I'd go now.

As the sun comes up again, there are even more animals surrounding the base of the tree. And the thirst is pulling on me with physical claws. I remember my smug assurances to Stefan, that if it meant the death of someone I would resist. I don't look at them as animals, I think of them as challenges to my will, just as he'd done when he was faced with killing me. I play a waiting game, hoping that I can outlast the need to kill.


	34. Chapter 34  Homecoming

Chapter 34

Homecoming

I can't catch her! I know the wolves are in the woods and I'm desperate to catch her before they do. And now I find myself under attack. The animals outnumber me four to one, and they are strong, fast and cunning, but I have nothing to lose. Even before there are four, I injure one, throwing it off me and into a tree like the guard dog Aro. This is not a fight I care to win, this is a delay I cannot afford. I fight to clear the way, gaining ground only to be stopped again.

"Leave me alone!" I push my command, not knowing if it will work on them. "I don't want to fight you, I only want to find her!" They fall back, and I run on, catching her scent on the night air – her scent and lots of trouble.

I come out on a beach covered in driftwood, and wolves – ten of them! "Stay calm, I'm not here to fight with you." I hold my position as I scan the beach for her... or her remains. I see footprints leading to the water's edge and I gaze out at the rocky sea stacks rising up from the ocean. It's then we all hear her screaming. It drifts across the water, and it hurts just to hear it. It's sorrow and anger and loss and it tears through me like no weapon could, and I fall to my knees, trying to block the sound with my arms. And still the banshee cry continues, tearing me to pieces.

It goes on and on in the voice I barely recognize as hers. But it is her voice and I cannot even stand while she wails. I am fortunate that the wolves on the shore are just as immobilized. It's more than just her screams; it's a new manifestation of her connective pull, no longer drawing us to her, but instead telegraphing her deep pain. Perhaps I would be less affected if her pain didn't resonate so deeply within me. Every loss I've ever felt is compounded in the sounds of her cries. Tessa, our child, my family, Daniel, Cecilia, our kingdom, and every friend I've ever known and lost. I feel the losses, fresh and sharp, as if she's taken back her tears of healing and poured acid on the wounds. Every joy I've ever felt is torn from me and I can't even remember happiness.

It finally blessedly ends and I'm left curled as a child with my knees to my chest and my arms wrapped over my head. I can barely think, let alone move. From the corner of my eye I see them move, the wolves are coming my way... and I don't care. They split into two groups and I realize my friend Vladmir is further up the beach in a similar position. A large black wolf comes toward me, cautious and guarded. I look up into it's eyes and see pain and suffering there, as well as tear stained fur. My Summer has an attack that dwarfs Jane's in it's power to cause pain.

The wolf stares at me, and I come to my knees, still trembling. I can end it simply. I offer him my throat, and close my eyes to wait for the attack. I pray that it will be quick. I feel a shimmer of heat, then I'm no longer faced with a wolf, but a large native man standing before me.

"Get up trespasser!" His voice is deep and he's obviously one used to giving commands. "You've broken out laws and the treaty we have with your kind. For that you deserve death. But you alone may be able to retrieve the new one from our border. We will consider this and tell you of our decision. You can't stay here, you must go back while we consider our options. Any resistance and we will kill all those who've set foot on our lands."

"I need to go to her now! She's afraid, alone and confused. I'm not intending to trespass, I just came for my wife." I try to sound reasonable, but the man isn't hearing my reason, he's responding to our threat. Vladmir has made his way to me with five of the wolves attending him,like prison guards on their way to an execution.

"This is no longer your decision to make. We're being more than generous in allowing you two to leave. We will call a council to discuss the issue and when our decision is made you will be informed." He is as cold as one of our kind. I can tell the wolves want to attack, and if it weren't for Vladmir, I would provoke them. He leans in to get my attention.

"Remember your children." The thought had not even crossed my mind! I am so consumed with Summer I have forgotten them. Either that or her ability has stolen their presence from my memory. I don't say a word, but give one last look out to the ocean before I turn. We are escorted all the way back to the boundary line where five wolves watch us proceed. The others are still on the beach guarding against the return of my wife.

Once back at the Cullen's, it's as close to chaos as our kind can get. We tell them what's happened and they start to form a response to the Quileute decision. I retrieve my son from Rosalie. I realize I hadn't held him much because Summer had kept him so close.

His face is angelic and I wonder if he has any idea what he's set in motion. An ordinary baby would of course be ignorant, but these children are not ordinary. He looks up at me with brown eyes the likes of which I must have known once. It doesn't matter his motivation, he's my son and I love him. I hold him close, marveling at his warmth and the beating of his heart. I feel his tiny arms encircle my neck and little fingers drumming on my shoulder, as if he's patting me in sympathy. Somehow I feel... lighter. I feel his soft cheek against mine and I'm reminded there is happiness in the world and I feel the tiny flicker of hope that it could once again be mine.

We wait to hear from them. Bella's friend Jacob comes to visit and we learn that there is a disagreement in the Quileute pack. Some want to hunt Summer and put an end to her, and others want to enlist our help to bring her back safely. The female named Leah is the one arguing strongest to have her killed. She holds a lot of influence over the two packs of Quileutes, due to her relationships. Jacob is on the side that wants to let us bring her back. The older pack leader wants to save his people from unnecessary bloodshed, but he's unsure how to do that.

The night passes and still no word. I care for our babies to keep my mind off of Summer, but it's no use, she's all I can think about. I try to understand that the Quileute's need to sleep and they live by the clock. But all I can think about is what she must be going through all alone.

By the light of the morning there is still no word. By noon Jacob returns to tell us that the packs are split down the middle with Sam being the deciding vote. Eight want to surround my Summer, and kill her before she can escape, and eight want to allow us a chance to bring her back.

"Can you bring the woman here?" I need to do something to change this stalemate, though Jacob doesn't know what I mean at first. "This Leah who wants to see my Summer dead; can you bring her here? I won't hurt her, I promise, but she's got to see reason!" I may have influenced him just a bit, but he nods in agreement. When he leaves to get her I'm still not sure what I will do.

The babies are fussing quite a bit, and even though they've been changed and fed, they aren't happy. I suspect they miss their mother as much as I miss her. Fortunately when they raise their voices together we're able to calm them. When the angry young Leah comes to the door, I have Tristan in my arms. She won't come inside so I go to the door to speak with her. All at once the idea comes to me, and I step close and hand her my son. I don't ask and I don't make sure she has him before I let go, forcing her to hold him. She stands in the doorway looking stunned, with her arms around a beautiful brown eyed baby.

"That's my son Tristan." I reach out and take Tessa from Vladmir. "This is my daughter Tessa. They're both a week old, and up until last night their mother was a human, just like you. Last night that little one bit her. We had no idea he was venomous, since he was not when he was born. My Summer was going to stay human. She survived the birth and was recovering well. What you want to do is make my son the one responsible for his mother's death. Are you willing to look into those eyes and tell him you think his mother deserves to die?"

I can see she's nervous holding a baby that could bite her. I've been told the venom is deadly to her kind. But Tristan is being a perfect angel, looking at her with wide innocent eyes. His tiny arm rests on her shoulder and I watch his little hand patting her. We all wait, just watching the two of them. When she moves, it's not to hand him back but to cuddle him close, holding him snug against her as a tear rolls down her face. She kisses his chubby cheek, then abruptly thrusts him into my arms.

"Fine leech, you win." She turns and leaves the porch, phasing into a wolf before our eyes. We are barely settled again when the call comes. We're going to be allowed to try to bring my wife back. The conditions are that only two of us can go, and if we fail, they will hunt her.

So many want to go; Vladmir because he loves her, Bella because she can defend her from the wolves, Edward because he can tell me what she's thinking, Jasper because he can keep her calm, and Carlisle because she trusts him. There are only three who don't want to go. Without question I know I'm going, even though it's suggested that she feels I've betrayed her. It's selfish I know, but I need to see her. I need to know I've done everything I can possibly do to bring her back. I choose Carlisle to go with me even though Vladmir is hurt by the choice. I know I'm not coming back without her, and I want him here to watch over our children in case I don't return.

I kiss the babies before we leave, and I see Edward take Vladmir aside, likely explaining my decision. I don't wait, I want to go immediately. We make good time, and as we cross the boundary line the sun is setting. As we cross we have an escort of giant wolves accompanying us all the way to the beach. I come ready to swim, but instead they have a canoe we can paddle to reach her. We each take up an oar and paddle out over the incoming tide. The sun dips into the ocean in a bright orange display, and I'm terrified it could be her last sunset.

As we approach the monolithic sea stacks I realize there's really no place to land the canoe. The rocks jut up from the ocean and the waves crash against them without mercy. Still we manage to tie it to the landward side of the small island, then we scramble out over the rocks and start our climb. I'm not sure where she's hiding, but the wolves are certain she hasn't left. It's one of the changes – I can no longer smell her or hear her heartbeat. I realize I miss it, that gentle reassurance that she's close.

We make it to the top which is covered with wild growth and trees that have managed to survive the harsh conditions. I'm afraid I won't know where to find her, but I realize I can smell the clothes she was wearing. Her scent is everywhere. She's obviously prowled the island a great deal since last night. I'm encouraged that she hasn't found some way to kill herself, but I wonder what she's surviving on with her newborn thirsts.

I thought it would be me, but Carlisle is the one to locate her, and we come to the highest point on the island. I'm distracted by the strong scent of numerous animals that have recently fled the area. He points up and I spot the flutter of her pink nightgown in the light of the moon.

"Summer, please come down." It's all the words I can force past my constricted throat.

"Go away, I don't ever want to see you again." Her voice is so _lovely. _I feel my heart soar even as her words fill me with agony.

"You know I could command you to come..."

"Of course you could. You're always used to getting what you want. How does it feel to know you killed me? How did my blood taste? Was it worth it?" Her beautiful voice is so filled with anger and hate, it resonates within me and I just want to scream in frustration and fury. Carlisle puts a calming hand on my shoulder and points to a spot further away. I stalk away from her, hoping he can talk some sense into her.

From a short distance away I can hear him call to her and talk her into coming down. He's brought pictures of the babies. I watch the spot of brightness leave the tree, and I'm so tempted to go to her, but I know she would only flee again. From where I stand as an outcast, I can see her in the moonlight. She's breathtaking even in the pale light. Her hair is spun gold, and her skin still has some of the color from her tan, which will likely fade over the year. At least if I can convince her to live that long.

From where I wait I can see Carlisle has offered her pictures of the babies, and he's also offered her some of the donated blood he's brought with him. That offer makes her angry. "I'm not going to ever drink human blood, and I won't kill either! I'm going to stay here until I waste away to nothing.

I can hear him trying to reason with her. "You won't get the chance to waste away. If you don't come back with us, the wolf pack is coming here to kill you. They see you as a threat they can't tolerate. You need to come back with us so we can find a better way for you to deal with this." His bedside manner's pretty good, but my Summer is stubborn.

"You don't get it, neither of you do. I'm not going to be a monster. I'm not going to kill. Ever. If the wolves come, then I will die here.

I'd heard enough. It was the same old argument I'd heard all along and it was more denial than I could stand. I crossed the distance in a flash, and caught her before she could flee. "You are not going to give up! I've heard this argument for the last time, don't you realize it's too late? You are what you are, and all the fighting and stubborn tantrums are not going to change it!" I grabbed the pictures. "Look at these! These are_ your_ children too, and they need you. _I _need you! I love you more than my own life, and you're determined to throw it all away. If I don't matter to you, then at least your children should!"

"They're alive. I'm never going to be alive again. My babies are living and breathing and growing, and all I am, all I ever was, is gone. They don't need me; I have nothing to give them but heartache and horror."

I grab her and shake her. "Do you even hear yourself? We have two precious babies, and you love them. They love you too, and it's getting harder and harder to calm them with you gone. You want to believe you are more a problem for them than they deserve? Guess what, this is a lesson you learned from your own mother. How did it feel when she left you Summer? Did you need her? Did you miss her? Did you cry yourself to sleep even once? And when you were alone after your dad died, did you like being alone in the world? Did you like having no one to love you? No one to hold you or even care if you lived or died? Is this what you want for them?" I hold the pictures up so she can't avoid them.

"Your mother left you so she could die alone. Is that what you want to do to your own babies? I'm not going to leave you here to die by yourself. When the wolves come, they come for me too. Do you really want someone else to raise our children? Rosalie will be happy to keep Tristan, but I don't think she loves Tessa. Will you allow them to be separated from each other? Think about what you're doing. You're valuable to us. We all love you and we're not going to get over your suicide!"

"Shut up!" Her scream tears through me. "Shut up! You never loved me! I'm nothing but an idea in your mind. You never really loved me the way I was, or you couldn't have done this to me!"

She is so wrong, and I can't get through to her. "I've never loved anyone more. I've loved you since the first night I met you. Even when you were my captive and I wanted to feed on you, I loved you. Even when you drew me to you and made my will your own, I loved you. I fought to keep you and I fell into despair when you were taken away, because I loved you. And when you returned to me and confessed you loved me I was afraid to confess how much I loved you. I could never have been intimate with you if I didn't love you. When Vladmir threatened you I had to admit it. You have wound yourself into my every thought and you are the reason I can face each new day. To say I love you is such a weak phrase for how I feel."

I hold up the pictures. "Everything I've ever loved I've killed. If I have killed you, Summer, I can't ever go back to them. They will grow up and not know you or me. They won't hear stories about your dad, or their grandmother Elizabeth. We'll disappear and you'll have to hope someone else can love them as much as you would. Is that what you really want?"

"Why are you doing this to me? I never wanted to be like this." Her voice is small and defeated.

"I'm sorry. But all the sorrow in the world won't change you back. The only choice you have now is; do you commit suicide like your mother, or do you accept your responsibility to your family and live? No matter what you choose, you will affect all of us." She collapses onto the ground with her knees drawn up and her face buried.

As I watched her, a couple mice creep forward past Carlisle and climbed into her lap. She jumps and screams, and they scurry away from us. "It's bad enough I'm a monster, but now every animal around me wants to be my first meal. I'm so hungry I've almost given in." I can hear the tears in her voice even though she can't cry them anymore. I sit beside her and put my arm around her shoulders. She lets me pull her close and I hope it means she's ready to come back with us. "How could you stand the hunger for so long? It's barely two days and I feel almost crazed with it."

I pull her up on my lap like I used to do. "I love you, we'll get through this somehow." She puts her head on my shoulder and I realize I don't have to be so gentle with her. I tighten my arms around her and she sighs. I feel her fingers in my hair and she kisses my cheek.

"I still love you Stefan. You smell so good, why is that?" I feel her lips moving over my cheek and down my throat. Her tongue against my skin surprises me, but nowhere near as much as her bite. At first I think she's attacking me to destroy me, but she wraps her arms around me and holds me tight. Carlisle looks like he's ready to intervene, but I wave him away. She's clearly feeding on me, and I hear her contented sighs of pleasure as she pulls what she needs from my body. I owe her so much more than this, I try to relax and let her have all she needs from me. I close my eyes and sigh, collapsing fully to the ground.

I don't know how much time passes, but Carlisle is bending over me, trying to get me to come around. "What happened?" I struggle to sit, and I look for Summer. She's standing a distance away, looking out over the ocean.

"I've never seen anything like it. She was able to feed from _you._ How do you feel?"

"I feel a little... tired. Actually I'm feeling better now that I'm up." I touch my neck and I can feel I've healed. In a few minutes I can stand. Carlisle seems very concerned about me, but I'm only worried about her. As I feel stronger, I move over to her and wrap my arms around her waist from behind. I can't see her face, but her hands rest on mine and she leans back into me.

"Summer, are you okay?" I whisper, knowing she can hear as well as I do now.

"I can't believe I did that. I don't even know what I am anymore. I feel ashamed, but you didn't even try to stop me. I feel like I could have killed you and you would have let me."

"I love you. Anything I have, everything I am, is yours." I turn her to face me. I look into her troubled eyes – her red eyes – and brush her lips with my own. "I don't care what you are. As long as there's a life left in me, I will love you and want you." When we kiss I don't hold back, and it surprises me to feel her newborn strength as she holds me. I don't care if she crushes me, she's holding me and nothing else matters. "Can you love me?" I'm surprised to hear how weak my voice sounds. I fear the answer.

"I hate what you've done to me. But I can't stop loving you... I've tried." She looks up at me and I imagine tear filled blue eyes. "I'll try to live like this. I want to be a mother for the babies, and I know I belong with you. But this is so hard for me!" She looks so sad and confused and I just want to hold her and comfort her.

"Stefan, how is it that I fed from you? You've always told me it's about the life, not the blood, but I'm not thirsty now. I'm sorry I bit you... but you smelled so _good_! It was like I couldn't even resist – couldn't even_ think. _ And you tasted so good... oh my god, I've never imagined anything could taste so... perfect. What's wrong with me? I can resist all the animals that came to fulfill my need, and I can resist the natives I smell on the wind. But not you." Her fingers stroke over the place on my neck where she bit me.

The sound of his laughter reaches us before he does. Carlisle comes to stand with us. "I think I'm going to have to tell Eleazar I can do his job now. Stefan, maybe I was right when I first met her. I've never asked Edward how he feels for Bella now that she's changed. I'm not sure what it is that makes that one perfect connection, the one we call singer. But you definitely hold that attraction for her. She shouldn't be able to feed from you, at least not to the point of being satisfied. But clearly she did, and she looks very satisfied." She cuddles against me in the circle of my arms. "I'm sure we'll learn more once we get back."

"Carlisle..." She sounds timid and frightened. "Can I be around my babies without hurting them?"

He thinks about it. "I don't know. Bella had no desire whatsoever to feed from her child. But she had a strong restraint overall. Nahuel's aunt was able to care for him even though she herself was a newborn. I think the odds are in your favor, but I'd recommend we take it slow. "Are we ready to go back before the wolves decide we're taking too long?"

We don't need to waste words, we just leave and go back to the canoe. It's taken on a bit of water, but it's still where we left it tied. I was worried I would have trouble climbing over the rocks, but fairly quickly my strength has returned. Summer takes the seat in the middle while we row back to shore, and she clutches the pictures of our children in her hands. I'm surprised to see Vladmir is waiting for us on the shore.

"I'm a member of the wolf pack," he states as calm and proud as if it really were the truth. The real wolves guard us, making sure we know who's in charge. They're trying to heard us back to the woods to get us out of their territory as soon as possible. She stops and turns to face them.

"I'm sorry for any trouble I've caused you. You and your people were never in any danger from me. Thank you for not attacking me when you had the chance. I wasn't myself." I hold her close as we make our way through the woods. When we get closer to the house she stops. "I can smell everyone! The scents are so_ real;_ like they're painting a picture. I can smell Tessa and Tristan. I hear them now too. Let me get a little closer... I don't think I could hurt them." Little by little we get closer to the house. When we're finally up to the door, she buries her face against my shoulder.

"Don't let me hurt my babies, no matter what happens." I hold her and try to comfort her. "Oh no, they're coming closer!" She steps behind me and the door opens. I'm surprised to see who's holding them. Jasper has Tessa cuddled up against him, and Emmett is holding Tristan as if he's afraid he's going to get something on him. I feel the waves of calm and peace flowing from Jasper. Still, it's obvious that the strongest of them were put in charge of protecting the children.

Summer peers around me and smiles. "They're even more beautiful than I remember." As he sees his mother, Tristan reaches out to her and strains to reach her. With her newborn speed, she moves to snatch him away from Emmett. She holds him tightly to her, petting his curls and kissing his cheek. I realize he's safe in his mother's arms, and I take Tessa from Jasper, who seems somewhat reluctant to let her to. With most of the drama behind us, we go inside the house so she can get to know her children with her new senses.

I watch her play with them, and all her frailty is gone. I know the cut from her surgery is healed and I know she won't die from the disease that was threatening her. I see her laugh at the way Tristan pats her shoulder and I feel the unmistakable warmth of happiness. I don't have a right to feel such joy, but I can't help it.

Later, we put them to bed and we're alone. I come in while she brushes her golden hair in front of the mirror. She marvels at the idea that her hair won't fall out no matter how hard she brushes. She kisses my cheek as we stand side by side. Her fingers trail to the half moon scar on my neck.

"I'm so sorry for that. It won't heal, will it?"

I have to laugh. It's such an inconsequential thing. "Take a closer look, You bit me where Caius bit me fifteen hundred years ago." She examines the twin moons of my scar and places a kiss on it. She then looks at her own scar in the mirror. She stares for quite a while, then turns to me.

"Mine is exactly like yours. There are two bites – one large and one small – it's almost impossible to see the smaller one. Who else bit me, Stefan?" I try to slip out of the bathroom, but she blocks me. "I need to know! Did one of the babies bite me?"

"Summer... it's not important now. You already know I bit you... what else do you need to know?"

She looks shocked and horrified. "You didn't change me. My god, you only took the blame!"

"Summer... they're just babies, they don't know any better. We didn't know the venom would show up later. You know they both bit you when you nursed, we thought they were safe." She stares at me, and then she smiles so bright I can't even take it in. She throws her arms around me and kisses me fiercely.

"I love you so much. You didn't change me. You didn't do this against my will." She kisses me repeatedly. "You were trying to protect our babies from the guilt... you wonderful, sweet, amazing man. How could I have been so stupid... to think you would intentionally change me." I revel in her kisses and I'm stunned by her happiness.

"You're not mad anymore?" I can barely contain the smile that keeps trying to sneak across my face.

"Mad? I think the madness was when I was ready to give up everything. I love you, and I love our babies. Are they both venomous?" She's not angry, she just wants to know.

"No, just Tristan. He really didn't know what he was doing. I bit you myself to help you change faster since we couldn't stop it. Vladmir injected his venom into your heart to make sure you didn't suffer long. He's been ready to change you for quite some time, but I wouldn't let him." She's wrapped around me, holding and kissing me to the point it's hard to explain the things she's just discovered.

"I need you!" her words shock me, but I realize the feeling is mutual. The babies are sleeping in our room, and I know there's no way we can be together in the same space. We open the door and Carlisle is in the hallway wearing a smirk. He guides us to a door that hides the stairway to the attic. At the top of the stairs is a bedroom with a low ceiling. The bed is solid, which is a good thing as we test it's limits.

We make love for hours; neither of us needing to stop or recover. She's so beautiful and passionate, I wonder how I'll ever be able to do anything else. It's the sounds of our children that draw her from my arms. Reluctantly we dress and I follow her down the stairs and to our room. It doesn't take long to sooth them back to sleep, and I notice she spends a little extra time lovingly holding our son. She knows he caused her change but she doesn't seem to hold it against him. I'd gone to such lengths to protect him, and it wasn't necessary. I remember how long I hated Caius for what he did to me, it's hard to believe she doesn't hold any animosity whatsoever toward the little bundle who tried to feed from his mother.

We leave them to sleep; they're growing and strengthening so fast and they're crawling already. Carlisle says they're a little bit behind Nessie's growth and development, but because they were premature it's to be expected. It's predicted that in a few days they will be strong enough to hunt. I know Summer doesn't want to think about it, but even though they can eat the human food, they will likely want something fresh, warm, and... alive. I'm determined to raise them without knowing the taste of human blood. Summer has had such an influence on me I can't imagine witnessing one more death.

We meet with the Cullens in their family room, and I'm startled to realize Summer no longer needs to sleep. I hadn't realized how conscious of the clock I'd become over the months with her. We sit and talk softly, making plans for the future Carlisle and Esme have welcomed us to stay as long as we wish. I'm sure that's because of the babies everyone seems to have fallen in love with.

Even with the abundance of seating, Summer prefers my lap. Even with everyone present, she doesn't seem to resist touching or kissing me, almost absently. It's part of the reason I think it best we make plans to leave no later than a week from now. Vladmir seems almost grateful that we won't be staying longer, and I remember he's been forbidden to feed anywhere near here.

Later when the twins are awake, I hear something that steals the air from the room. She has them on the rug, playing with them as they crawl around and over her. She sings to them, and her voice is like nothing I've ever heard; so pure and sweet, but with the perfect pitch of our kind. It's when they join in that I feel the gates of heaven must have opened up. Together they blend perfectly, in three parts that puts to shame anything the Twilight Trio ever sang. I set aside my book and join them on the floor, daring to add my voice to theirs. The song is simple, and I realize the twins didn't sing the words. But when we sing it through again, they use the words! It seems almost overnight they've learned language, or at least they can mimic it in song. We spend the morning going through songs, just to see how they will harmonize and how well they learn the words.

Edward, Bella, and Nessie visit, and Edward plays piano while we sing. It surprises me how good it sounds when Vladmir adds his bass notes to our music. I thought that our kind were just naturally gifted with music, but most of them don't feel like joining us. Except for Esme, who has a lovely, rich alto. With each voice added, the twins adjust to blend the sound in perfect balance. Summer happens on a song that seems perfect for us, and I'm sure it's because she's from California that she knows the music of the Beach Boys. She sings the words to "In My Room," and when we all join in, it's a harmony that would make me weep if I were able.

From now on the twins use language. Carlisle tells me they're ahead of Nessie in that regard. And Nessie is just delighted to play with Tessa. She spends the afternoon sending her picture images, and I feel like my daughter is getting quite an education. Ness doesn't seem to have formed a bond with Tristan, and I wonder if she's afraid of him. Not that it bothers him as he's learning to pull up and walk around the furniture.

While Summer is occupied with the twins and their new accomplishments, I take the time to talk with Vladmir alone. We need to decide if we're going back to Romania, traveling on the boat, or do we need another plan. The children are not normal in their behavior. I know we won't need to child proof our home, and they won't be able to get hurt if they fall on the stairs. But when I think of the children and even Summer in our home, it's a picture that doesn't fit.

"Let's move." I'm surprised to hear him suggest it, and not reluctantly, but with excitement. "We should move to the states, or Canada, and be closer to those who are more like... family." He glances into the other room where Nessie is holding Tristan from behind to spin him around while Tessa laughs.

"What about all of our things? We've been there a hundred years, and we brought a lot of stuff with us." An idea is forming, and I wonder if he will agree.

"The stuff doesn't matter. Everything that matters is in there." He nods toward the family room.

"How do you feel about letting someone inventory the house and contents? We could have it set up as a museum of sorts?" He looks at me strangely.

"You'd let go of your stuff? All those journals? All the treasures and paintings and furnishings?"

"You're right, everything that matters is here. If I had lost her, the stuff would have just been a painful reminder of how meaningless my life had become. We can have a few things shipped, and hire someone else to deal with the rest. I know I want my bed." I smile as he rolls his eyes.

"I suppose you'll want those journals, and the paintings Daniel did?"

"I want the journals transcribed onto the computer; the books don't matter. And if they find the paintings, they can hang them in the house, I don't need them with me. They're a part of my old existence." I smile at his incredulous look. "You know what I want? I want one of _your _paintings of my family. Bright colors and bold lines – we'll hang it above the fireplace in our new home."

"Shouldn't you be discussing this with her? Maybe she will want to go back to Romania? Maybe she'll want to live in California? Maybe she won't want to share her home with me." The look on his face is so forlorn I can't stand it.

"Don't be ridiculous, you're part of the family. You know she loves you too."

"I know that after the change things can be different. You need to talk with her first."

I hate to lend his doubts any credibility, but later when we're alone I bring up the subject. We've adopted the attic room as our retreat for the next week, as it affords us privacy. When I ask her where she wants to live she agrees that she would be happiest in the U.S. But she's not so particular about where that is.

"I loved living in California, but that's because I spent so much time in the sun and on the beach. I'm not sure it would be a good idea to have the kids where they'll have to be around a lot of people. After being on the boat, I think someplace were we can live alone would be nice." She glances around her. "I like the way the Cullen's live – away from everyone but close enough to people that they're not recluses."

I bring up the other subject – Vladmir. "Do we look for a home for four, or five?" It takes her a second to understand what I'm asking.

"Does Vladmir want to leave? I'm so sorry, I just assumed he'd be with us!" She's in my arms, though whether she's trying to console me or comfort herself, I can't tell. What's clear is that Vladmir is a part of our family, without a doubt.

The week goes by quickly and the twins go from crawling to walking, to running almost overnight. Their first hunting trip finds Summer fretting and trying to find the perfect thing for them to wear. They look like toddlers, but they move with the grace and speed of predators. Nessie will be going with us as well as several of the Cullens. Summer refuses to go. We argue quietly and she insists she's not hungry, though her eyes are dark and ominous. Jasper, Emmett, and Vladmir will stay behind just in case something happens and she loses control. I hate that she's being so stubborn, but I know something will have to give.

It surprises me how easily the twins take to hunting. They're not as fast as we are, but they're surprisingly agile, and they share a kill, which also surprises me. I'm still not fond of the animal diet, but I will get used to it in time. I'm happy my eyes will be golden again. We return with stories to tell, and another surprise. Unlike Nessie, my twins can't say they prefer the blood. It seems a high protein diet of human food is just the same to them as a fresh kill. Summer is overjoyed at their return and she holds them tight and covers them in kisses.

Later they're tucked into our old bed cuddled together. They've outgrown the cribs, and they look so adorable nested together. We slip upstairs to be alone. She's extremely passionate and I worry that the sounds of our lovemaking can be heard throughout the house. Afterward I hold her in my arms and she nuzzles against my neck. Her tongue traces over my skin and she moves to look down at me.

"Please?" I know what she's asking, but it still shocks me. She buries her face against my throat, and her tiny tongue teases and tastes me. "I love you, and I understand if you don't want me to. But you smell _so good_!" She's not out of control, and it's my choice. I pull her against me, chest to chest, and tip my head back and away.

"I love you... yes." I clutch at her hair with one hand, and my other caresses her body. Her bite is painful, but the way she moves as she drinks is almost erotic. I am clearly the best thing she's ever tasted. I try to remember the sweetest I've ever had, and it is her. I relax as she feeds, and when she finishes we cuddle together while I heal and sleep – real _sleep._ A few hours later I wake from the first dream I've had in centuries. I tell her about the vision; one of being on a boat with our whole family, only the children were grown and we're on a grassy hillside and not the water. "I can't remember it all now."

She doesn't seem to understand how amazing a dream is to me. It's only been a week and a half since she's had her own last dream. Instead she's preoccupied with kissing me, and I'm surprised at where her thoughts are headed. I worry that I won't have the strength after her feeding, but I feel surprisingly alive. It feels deeply intimate to share so much with her; my blood, my dream and our passion, and it all comes together in an overpowering surge that leaves us both breathless.

Later when we emerge, Carlisle wants to speak with us. He's concerned at her feeding from me, and he asks us both questions and checks us both physically. What most concerns him is that I fell asleep and dreamed. He worries that she could be stealing something valuable that is affecting my brain. She seems upset by that thought, but I'm not even a little worried. To me it's a blessing.

We move forward in our plans to live in the States. We don't want to be too far from the Cullens, and yet we don't want to be too close either. It's Vladmir who suggests Montana, and we begin searching for a homestead that will meet all our needs. The land mass is large and the population is small, and it would be a great place to raise the children. Because we have a lot of research to do in order to find just the right place, we plan to go to California and stay in Summer's loft.

When the time comes to finally say goodbye, I'm surprised at how difficult it is. We've become friends, and I believe we'll visit one another often. Everyone has to take a turn at holding the twins, even though they're quite a bit bigger than they were before. Carlisle gives us a chart with their expected growth and milestones to take with us. I'm surprised at the amount of stuff the children have accumulated that we have packed up in the van we had to purchase. The plan is for us to drive south to her home and from there we'll search for our new home. It feels like we're starting a whole new life as we pull away from the Cullen home, and I couldn't be happier.


	35. Chapter 35 Big Sky Country

Chapter 35

Big Sky Country

I wish I could say we all lived happily ever after, but I don't lie unless it's absolutely necessary. Still, everything is working out so close to perfect it may as well be a fairy tale. We spent the winter in Southern California. Summer was able to spend time with her human friends even though some of her physical changes caused them to wonder. She blamed her pale skin on the twins, and not wanting to keep them out in the sun. She wore contact lenses to change the color of her eyes, and she learned to pretend to eat if it was ever an issue. Still, they could tell she was different. Most just chalked it up to married life agreeing with her.

The twins were the biggest issue, and she told everyone that they were adopted since there hasn't been enough time for her to be pregnant and have toddlers. Fortunately their growth has slowed, and it will get even slower as they age. They're so bright, she had to remind them to speak in baby talk when her human friends were around. They thought it was a game and carried it too far sometimes; making each other laugh at the nonsense words they produced.

It continues to surprise me how they've not only welcomed me into their family, but completely integrated me into their lives. I'm Uncle Vladmir to the twins, and they're not sure if I'm Stefan or Summer's brother. I just love them – all of them! I couldn't be more attached if they were my own flesh and blood.

We've finally moved. It took a while to find just the right place, and even longer to find a company to take over the place in Romania. I'm really glad we're not selling it, but there's a lot of work involved in turning it into a museum. The first obstacle was getting the security upgraded. For so long, _we _were the security, with just a little help from a guard dog or two. Once it became clear to the firm appraising the contents, that we had a fortune tied up in antiques and artifacts, they insisted we upgrade the security as well as our insurance.

The work is progressing, and the plan is to open one room at a time as it can be furnished, decorated, and outfitted. Considering the age and history of some of our treasures, there's even talk about playing with the vampire legends as a draw to tourists. There was a time when that would have been extremely insulting as well as dangerous. Now I really don't care what they call us. The only name that matters to me is Uncle Vladmir.

They're sending us a photographed inventory of everything they find in the house, along with a rough appraisal. There are some suggestions to have certain treasures auctioned off due to their value or the difficulty in displaying them in a museum setting. I have to chuckle that they've found my paintings and they believe they are quite valuable. I gave them permission to sell many of them, though some of them are personal and I can't part with them.

The place we found in Montana is near Bozeman, at the base of the Rocky Mountains. We can see mountains from the back door, and the children can run and play like deer. It's a working ranch, or at least it once was. Stefan seems to think it would be a good idea to make it so again, though I'm not so sure having another family on the property to take care of it, would be a good idea. We've got fifty acres that includes a home for the foreman's family, and a bunkhouse for the ranch hands. Currently there are no hands and no cattle. I think seeing all the land has made Stefan recall his days in the olive groves of Greece. I try to remind him that he wasn't a farmer, but that he was a scholar. Still he looks out over the fields toward the mountains, and I just know it won't be long until I'm hearing mooing in the morning.

Our new home is very much a reflection of Summer. We have ten bedrooms. She is clearly looking forward to guests, or maybe she's thinking about kidnapping a few neighbors to fill up the rooms. The twins have their rooms upstairs, the master is downstairs, and my room is a private wing. It's a large, rambling log home that started small, but grew to accommodate a large family. The main room is a two story family room with a stone fireplace along one whole wall. The construction throughout is both log and stone, and I never thought I could find something so rustic to be so beautiful. There is a porch in the front facing the lake, and one in the back facing the mountains. We spend a lot of time outside, mostly because the kids want to run free. But there are few neighbors, and we can usually tell if they get close.

The children look like they're four years old now, even though they've just turned one. It amazes me that so much has changed in a year. We're starting to understand that both children are incredibly gifted. Summer found out accidentally what Tessa could do when she took the children into town for story time at the local library. One little boy was with his grandma who passed out with symptoms of a heart attack. The way Summer tells it is that she could hear the woman's heart struggling and failing. Tessa crawled over to her and put her little hand on the woman's chest, and healed her heart! In a few minutes EMS arrived to find the woman sitting up, perfectly fine.

With that discovery, Summer took her to an emergency room and just sat in the waiting area. She gave Tessa a ball, and as she rolled the ball across the floor it gave her opportunities to touch people. When Tessa was tired, she picked her up and left, and so did some of the patients. Her gift is still developing, and it does tire her out, but she can heal anyone she touches. Summer thinks it's the reason she was able to carry the twins and give birth. Carlisle can't wait to see how her gift develops. But I really hope we can keep her gift a secret. It's an amazing power, and there are sure to be those who would want to exploit it. I can't stand the thought of someone wanting to hurt that little ray of sunshine.

Just looking at her I'm reminded of Summer. She is so much like her mother, both in her looks and her personality. Now that Summer's changed she's even more beautiful than before. There are some differences that surprised us all. She's no longer afraid of being alone, but she's fiercely protective of her children. She still won't kill, and Stefan has quite a scar on his neck from her repeated bites. If I ever doubted that they belonged together, just knowing she's able to feed from him would prove it. I actually thought about offering to feed her, to maybe save my friend from a bite. But there's something oddly intimate about it, and they usually only do it in private.

He actually loves that he can sleep and dream after she feeds. Even though Carlisle worried that it could be harming him, nothing seems to have come of it. Aside from his scars, he looks better than ever. Between her and the children our life is never predictable, and we're always busy. Neither of us are stagnant, but it's more than that – he is happy. I try not to be jealous of what he has, but he smiles and laughs, and he plays with the children, and he's just so different from how he used to be.

I think little Tristan has had an effect on all of us. His ability is the one many of our kind will be anxious to experience. He can heal internal damage, and I'm not talking about physical wounds. Just being around him we're all so much more at peace than we ever were before. Even I have been able to release a lot of the anger and pain associated with the Volturi and our lost empire. I don't feel any need to rebuild or take then on again.

In the fall the children will be starting kindergarten. Stefan and I both tried to talk Summer out of it since they haven't been around human children much and they don't understand their differences. Tristan could do irreparable harm if he bit someone, especially since vampire children are against our law. But Summer insists. She wants them to be raised in the world they have to live in. She believes that they need to be around humans to learn not to objectify them and learn how to adapt to their differences. She's been exposing them to different people, like the visits to the library, and a playgroup they attend together. I am sure that it will work out; it seems everything she wants always works out.

Our days and nights are so simple, and yet so much more than I could have ever hoped for. We have the space to be outside unobserved. Fifty acres of fence was a necessary expense, as well as the no trespassing signs. There is a lake to swim in, fields to run through, open wilderness for them to hunt, and Stefan bought a couple horses. One of the animals is terrified of all but Tessa, who rides like she was born on it's back. The other Tristan picked out himself because he said it had a broken heart. He's stronger and faster than the animal, and it seems to have grudgingly come to trust him. Summer likes the horses because they remind her of her mother for some reason.

We have a music room in the house, and we spend a lot of time there. We are a five member ensemble now, and the music is more beautiful than ever. We have piano, keyboard, guitars, violin, drums, and brass and woodwind instruments We can each play almost anything and sometimes it's hard to decide whether to play or sing. In singing the twins have us all beat. Together they have a perfect harmony that is magical. Their voices blend both their gifts in a small measure, and those who hear them are both uplifted emotionally, and they feel better as well. Summer wants us to visit hospitals to perform so their song can help the patients. I'm afraid that we actually sound too good.

It's the old admonition against drawing attention to ourselves that bothers me. Now that we've had a chance to discuss the things we've found out at Volterra, Stefan, Summer, and I believe that there is a good reason for us to keep a low profile. That Aro has been planning for conflict between humans and supernatural creatures makes me certain that such a conflict is coming. The gifts are getting more and more powerful as well as more common, and our numbers are steadily increasing. Still it doesn't take a genius to realize a war would be catastrophic for both sides. It's in our own best interests to keep hidden and never draw attention to ourselves.

The Volturi still haven't made a ruling on the hybrid children, and we really don't expect them to now that there are two brand new births and seven more pregnant woman in various places in the world. Both the new mothers survived, though not as well as Summer. Carlisle has made his findings known to the prospective parents, and five of the pregnant women are already in hypnotic states and hooked up to I.V.'s. He's training the hybrid Nahuel in his methods, so that he will be able to run a place to care for these mothers and their special offspring.

It makes me wonder that there are so many of our kind who have the necessary restraint to mate with humans. I wonder if they only needed to be told it was possible. I've met one of the new mothers and she is overjoyed with her mate and her child. She actually wants to do it again, once the bones of her pelvis and her ribs heal.

The other mother I'm told was actually paid to give birth for a mated pair. He impregnated her in the traditional way, as per their agreement. But when the child was born, she wasn't permitted to see it. Then while she recovered, the father's jealous mate fed on her! Carlisle has made it known that he will not assist in any way in situations like that, and he's also asked the Volturi to rule against it. Even still it's evident that the hybrid is something that we'll be seeing more often.

There's a small part of me that would like to entertain the idea. To have a child of my own after all these centuries... But I could never mate with a human woman. I mean I have the restraint for it, but I've only made love to one woman, ever. I would have to fall in love first, and if I loved her, I could never ask her to go through what Summer suffered.

I still think about her – Sulpicia – my Peaches. I wonder how she has managed to submit to Aro for so long without loving him. No matter how pragmatic she is, I know there must be times when she's lying under him and wishing he were me. And I know with his ability he would know that and take his subtle revenge. I've often wondered how he could take her from me, knowing her love was artificial. She's still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and I know I'm not alone in appreciating her that way. Could he have been blinded by her beauty? Was it just too tempting to strike a blow against me? Did he think she would find real love with him eventually? It tears my heart out whenever I think about it.

And I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Not that I miss her manipulative ways or her coldness. But seeing Stefan so happy with Summer, it makes me conscious of how lonely I am sometimes. Summer is the perfect woman; beautiful, smart, sexy, and compassionate beyond measure. If she were mine I would be in bliss. But I don't let my thoughts go there, except in my loneliest musings.

Summer isn't the woman I really want. It's her. It's always been her, and it always will be. Our visit to Volterra made it clear that I'm hopelessly in love with her. I have to smile when I think that when she and Aro lie together, he will know we've been intimate. We've been intimate many, many, satisfying times! But he will also know the torment I feel in leaving her behind; once again surrendering the woman I adore to the man I despise.

Our connections have let us know that Chelsea and Marcus are missing. The night we rescued Summer, they never returned to Volterra. The two of them are the cement that holds the Volturi together. He can sense relationships and ties, and she can strengthen them, break them, or even reassign them. I'm sure Aro is missing them more than he can admit. How strange it is that the Volturi are at their most vulnerable in centuries, and I have no desire to attack. As much as I'd like to drop Chelsea into a bottomless pit, I'm kind of glad Marcus is no longer brooding over his lost mate.

Our lives have settled down and I am content. I don't think I'd trade my family for another shot at building an empire. But I think Summer is doing a little bit of empire planning herself. She's already looking forward to the twins being grown in a few years and making her a grandmother. I hope they don't rush growing up since they've been a great joy to me this past year. The love we have for one another is better than anything I could have hoped for. I've painted a family portrait and it hangs above the mantel. Stefan and Summer are centered, and the twins are in front and I am in back. I've added faint images of Summer's mother and father, looking down from above. I asked Stefan if he wanted any of his past loves represented in the painting.

His answer surprised me: "No. The ancient history needs to stay in the past. Everything that I thought mattered, is just dust. You've captured everything that's important to me now. You've done a beautiful job, dear brother; even though I think you painted yourself more handsome that you really are." He smiled and laughed. There is a lot of empty canvas to add more family members in the future.

And that's the beauty of the life we lead; we have a future now. The twins are a living and breathing legacy, and the best part is we will be around to see it.


	36. Chapter 36 End Game

Chapter 36

End Game

We celebrate the New Year in fine style; watching the fireworks explode over the water in Corpus Christi. I hope that the year 2112 will be better than the last, which brought so much change and heartache. We're at the end of a break from our assigned work; putting an end to all vampire wars worldwide. The southern states have gotten away with so much for so long, and they are the last hold out. I watch the colors exploding in the sky, and listen to the booms, and I'm thankful that the display is only a symbol of war and not the real thing.

I think about my family, knowing we'll reunite after this job is behind us. Summer and Stefan are almost legendary now that the story of their love affair has had time to ripen and grow over the years. Of course to me they're just Mom and Dad, but to others they're symbolic of what's possible when humans and vampires co-exist. She's the first one to live through giving birth to a hybrid, and not just one, but two – me and my brother.

I'm still glad he bit her. Tristan has always been just a little impulsive, but that's one impulse I am so thankful for every time I see her. I love my parents so much, the thought that they were both prepared to die at our birth just stuns me. It took a lot of years before she was able to fully accept that she was a vampire. She's the only one to survive solely by feeding on another. He supported her for ten years. Ten years of allowing her to feed from his own body so she wouldn't have to kill something herself. The horrid scars he bears is a testament to his love.

It was our own maturity that made her finally see that she needed to stop deluding herself. My mother will never be a ruthless killer. Except for when she carried us, she's never had human blood. The animals she feeds on now are a part of her job. She's the one the animal shelters call on to euthanize the dogs, cats, and horses that are scheduled to die. It's the only way she can justify her diet – that they would be killed anyway – and she can comfort them as they die.

My brother of course used his talent on her to help her see reason. Once he became fully mature, his gift seemed to magnify in him. Dad seems to think his gift came directly from Mom, since it was her empathy that helped him get over much of the pain from his own past. My very name proves that Mom is the most loving and compassionate person I know. She wanted to name me after Dad's human fiance, to honor the woman who's been gone for centuries. She's always said she owed Tessa her life, but it's really Dad's memory of the death of my namesake that saved her. But I guess I'm glad she didn't name me after her own mother – Jane.

Tristan would have trouble with that one. I smile as I imagine how confusing that could be. My brother's in love! I should have known it was inevitable that we'd eventually meet the witch twins since so many call us the white witch twins. Alec and Jane are so much older than we are, and of course they're fully vampire. But Tristan saw a demonstration of Jane's ability and was so moved. He's positive her ability comes from an internal suffering she's never been able to let go of, and he's determined that he can save her from her pain. Trouble is, little Jane doesn't want to be saved. No matter how much time Tristan spends with Jane at Volterra, she refuses to let him get close enough to use his gift. I don't think he's told her yet that he loves her, but of course he can't keep such things from me.

Now that there are more hybrids like us, we're not limited to the few choices among our own kind. From what I've seen, there's not been a single marriage or relationship between two hybrids. We are so clearly drawn to the other supernaturals and humans, I believe it's how we're supposed to be. Nahuel came to see me on my eighth birthday, and honestly, we were all but repulsed by one another. I've dated a couple werewolves, and my best friend Nessie and Jacob seem bent on populating the world with their kids. I love to tease her that she's having them by the litter since they have eight already.

I've also dated humans, though it's difficult with all the secrecy. All the dating didn't prepare me for my true attraction to vampires. It's like for years I was afraid to reach for those I truly wanted. I knew from all the stories Dad told, that vampire memory never dims. Vampires fall in love and _stay_ in love. It doesn't help that the very ones I was attracted to, were also much older and had already fallen in love. They'd seen me grow up and knew my parents. It shouldn't have come as such a big surprise that I would have to fall for the one man who'd touched my life the most; second only to my father.

I knew I loved him long before he ever looked at me that way. I ignored it for years; dated all other types before Tristan begged me to stop running and face it. When I finally confronted him with my admission, he was horrified. "I held you when you were a baby. I changed your diapers. I taught you how to tie your shoes. Your father would_ kill _me!"

Vladmir avoided me at all costs after that. Which is hard to do, since we're such a close knit family and everyone noticed his distance. It was after another family gathering where he was conspicuously absent that Mom took me aside. I confessed that I was attracted to the man I'd known as a child as Uncle Vladmir; the man Tristan was supposedly named for, and Dad's best friend. She held me as I cried and said she would 'see what she could do.'

I'm still not sure what it was she did, but one day he knocked on my door bearing flowers and a shy smile. We dated for a year and he never advanced beyond kissing me, though we devoured one another in such instances. His excuses were always the same: He didn't want to dishonor me, he didn't know if he could commit to me, and he didn't know if he could get past loving me like a daughter or a sister, and love me as a companion.

Of course I've got my mother's stubbornness and I forced the issue. After one amazing date and make-out session I left him to 'get a drink of water,' and came back naked. His look was priceless, like he wanted to run away, but couldn't make his feet work. He stared openly, and the mask of restraint fell away and I saw raw lust... and adoration, and even love. He was my first lover, and he was beyond gentle – almost reverent when we came together for the first time. The first of many, many times.

I guess I knew it wouldn't last even from the beginning. But while it did, it was fierce, torrid, and passionate. I love him and he loves me, and I know we always will. But never again in the way that left us clinging to each other with such an all consuming need. Like a volcano, it exploded and burned fiercely before going dormant. It was almost by mutual agreement that we stepped back into our old familiar roles and let go of the physical bond between us. Mom and Dad don't know what happened, but our family is as strong as ever. I will always treasure the memory of the man I chose to teach me about being a woman.

Fortunately it was all over before she came back. Sulpicia must have heard of our affair, and it was the final push she needed to let go of Aro and make her bid for Vladmir. I knew he'd been wanting her for such a long time, and he'd given up hope. He could have pursued her and won her back a century before. But he needed her to come to him; just as it was her choice to leave in the first place. I know he loves her; he always has, and he always will. I want to say he loves me more, but he really doesn't. He does _like _me more, but if he had to choose based on love alone, he is hers.

Tristan helped me to understand that I haven't been rejected, and I'm not second best. It's just that love doesn't play by any rules. I love Vladmir enough to be happy for him. Family gatherings are still a little awkward when she's with him, but I don't bear any ill will toward her – in fact maybe I should thank her. His ties to her forced me to find my true love.

The fireworks come to an end and my lover wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my neck. It seems I'm drawn to the most complicated relationships. His lips are cold against my skin, as are his hands slipping under the hem of my shirt to slide along my stomach. I wish he wasn't thinking about her, but I know he is – the curse of vampire memory. I know it's not a reflection of how important I am to him, or even the love he feels for me. Just like Dad once said of Mom; 'I am his and he is mine.' Our union shocked those who know us, almost as much as her leaving did.

She could have taken him with her; he would have gone without asking questions. He would have fit right into her new life. But she didn't. She left him and broke every tie. It's not as if he can even blame her and hate her for her choices. She has more than enough reason for what she's done. But it makes it very difficult for me to live in her shadow and in her memory.

He was one of Tristan's patients for a while. My brother's gift impresses me even though so many would think mine is the greater of the two. I can heal physical wounds, diseases and injury. But Tristan can heal the psyche. It's often the internal pain, sorrow, and struggle that is the most difficult to bear, and he can heal that. My lover is a testament to his success. Still I can detect little bits of sadness in him that I hope will erode with time.

I turn to face him, I smile brightly and wish him Happy New Year. He kisses me passionately and I tangle my fingers into his golden curls. I've loved him since the day I was born, and even his ex-wife knows we're destined to be together. She knew it even before I was born, and of all those present at that event, she was the one who kept her distance.

His scarred arms wrap around me and he smiles at me as we stand eye to eye. I'm much taller than his wife – his ex-wife that is. It's going to take some time for both of us to adjust to the changes. Another one of those broken ties, the divorce is all nice and legal, and the dissolution was necessary to satisfy the church. She's cut herself so cleanly out of his life, it's unfair how much she's still in it.

"I do love you Tessa." The way he draws out his words is like music to me. "I want to start a family with you. I want to do everything you want, but now it's just not the right time." It's a reoccurring theme between us. I want our life together to move forward, and he's stuck still holding onto the past and coming up with excuses. Now it's this job keeping us from making plans; a job _she _assigned us.

"I don't want to fight with you. Not tonight. I love you Jasper." I hold him and kiss him and do my utmost to pry another piece of her from his memory, or at least overlay it with new memories we create together. We make love, still careful with our birth control. I know that at least for the time we're intimate he's not thinking of her. I can feel his emotions washing over me and it's then I know how much he loves me. He can't keep his shields up when we're intimate, and I'm stunned at the increasing depth of feeling he has for me.

Afterward I lie in his embrace, tracing over the bite marks on his arms, so like the scars my dad wears. Jasper has other scars on his body, and he can name the one who created each and every impression. It's one of the things I love about him; the empathy that never lets him forget where he came from. He's told me how long and hard it was for him to stick to an animal diet, but he's happy he made the change. He's happy he doesn't have to kill just to survive.

Soon enough everyone is going to be forced to make the change. Alice is leading the Volturi, and she's not putting up with any dissension. I'm glad my own family won't have to worry about this change. Even Vladmir finally came around to our ways; though he still grumbles about fur in his teeth.

Mom, Dad and Vladmir tell stories of the Volturi and I've always believed they were trying to scare us. But Jasper has backed up each of their claims whenever I can get him to talk about it.

It stunned everyone when Alice flew to Italy out of the blue. And it rocked the vampire world when she took over the ancient organization; setting Aro in second place, and pushing Caius out of leadership entirely. Vladmir shared with me the role my family played in weakening the organization. Once Marcus was able to get past the death of his wife, he and Chelsea left, and no one knows where they've gone. Demetri alone could find them, but he refuses to look. Not that long ago such disobedience wouldn't be tolerated, but Demetri warned them that if Jane turned her power on him, or if they tried to compel him some other way, he would leave, and they'd lose the best tracker on the planet.

With Chelsea and Marcus gone, the ties that held the organization together started to fray. Most stayed, but a few left, and the order and hierarchy began to fracture. There was dissension and power struggles within the ranks, and Caius and Aro struggled to hold it together alone. It happened slowly, taking a little over fifty years, but the makers of the law were in trouble from without and within. With the rules not being enforced, some opportunistic vampires stepped out of bounds. They let the secrets out, let themselves be seen, and publicly excelled in ways that weren't human. The slaughter in Tijuana was the last straw.

Two newborn armies clashed in the city, and dozens of innocent humans were killed in broad daylight, including the son of a U.S. Senator on spring break. It was a feeding frenzy of immense proportions, and the media covered the attack in a way that had never been seen before. The secret was out, at least until a few of the newer Volturi were able to kill the story in the press and create enough doubt and plausible denial. It was a wake-up call.

Jasper told me it was then that Alice started having nightmare visions. Those she could tell him about terrified him, but there were others much worse that left her mute and shaking in his arms. It was what Aro had spent centuries gathering the Volturi for; the end of days, when vampires and humans would go to war. After weeks of these nightmares she kissed him goodbye and left.

Carlisle, whom Jasper still thinks of as his father, traveled to Italy to learn what was happening. Even then Alice was clearly in charge. She barely had time to meet with Carlisle, since every decision she made left her with visions of the outcome. She was fighting to restore order within the Volturi, but more than that, she was trying to stop the approaching apocalypse, which she believed would mean the extermination of all supernatural people. Under Alice's rule, the guard was strengthened, and the Volturi soon became known as swift as well as sure. Any vampire stepping out of line can now be assured of meeting their end within hours or days rather than weeks or years.

Carlisle didn't share with Jasper the other change that had come over Alice – he'd find that out on his own. Sulpicia had left him, and Aro had taken Alice as his mate. I've talked to Tristan about this, and he is convinced that some things are just part of the natural order among our kind. Like hybrids being drawn outside our race, and werewolves hating vampires. Chelsea's power was abused when it was used to split up mated pairs. Sulpicia was never supposed to be Aro's mate. That split caused so much trouble, from the fall of the Romanian Empire, to almost leading to the death of Vladmir, to the way Vladmir has always been tied to my mom and dad, and the way I was so drawn to him. Tristan believes that it kept Aro from finding his true mate, which it turns out_ is_ Alice. It's a very twisted circle, but I like to believe he's right.

I speak with Tristan quite often by phone. For years we were together, making the most of our combined ability, but now we both need some distance. He's the one who understands me when no one else can. But over the phone he misses my cues, and he tells me things I need to hear but don't _want _to hear.

"I've seen Alice and Aro together Tessa, and they're very well matched. It's like all the years she had as Edward's sister was a dress rehearsal for life with Aro. He shares her visions at a touch, and sometimes she just clings to him in silence. Aro loves her so fiercely, and there is nothing he wouldn't do for her. It's stunning just to watch them together, both so graceful and almost synchronized in their movements. I hardly ever see her let go of his hand." I don't like hearing him talk about her, but I can't stop listening. It feels somehow unfair that she's been able to move on so easily. "She's not as bright and cheerful as I remember, but considering all of her responsibilities that's not a surprise. I think some of her bright, bubbly nature actually came from Jasper and his ability"

In the predawn of the first day of the year, I lie beside him, and I know he's waiting for me to fall asleep. But my thoughts are too jumbled, and I finally turn to face him. He's beautiful, even with his brows drawn together in concern. I wish I could tell him what his Alice told me in private, years ago when they were still together. It was after the affair with Vladmir ended, that she confided in me.

She saw us together in a vision, before I was born. She saw us with children and she knew that I would be the one to make him happy when she could not. She also knew that she had another who needed her; one she'd been avoiding since she was created. "I don't want this future; it terrifies me." She confessed. "But I might not have a choice. I know you love him even now, and I appreciate that you haven't acted on it. But if... if I have to leave, don't wait. He will need you and I won't be able to help him through it." Her face was a mask of pain, and all I could feel was guilt that she knew my feelings.

The day after she left I went to him. At first I only offered to hold him as he grieved, but little by little it became more. I look at him and I just know he is my destiny. I have my say. "After we're finished here, and after the newborn armies are taken care of, I want to talk about our family." He looks resistant, and I smile and kiss him. "I want you to have a chance to hold your own baby in your arms. I know you're going to be an amazing father." Some day he will believe me, but right now I see doubt. "We'll do our part to make peace in this country, then we need to make peace in our family." I know he's uncomfortable with the word family. He hasn't asked me to marry him, and considering how many times the two of them went through the ceremony I try to pretend it doesn't matter.

But it matters more than I can tell him.

If Tristan weren't so busy trying to woo Jane, I'd ask him to help me with my own pain where Jasper is concerned. I want to stop fighting and settle down with him. I want to have babies – his babies – which hybrids are completely capable of doing. I want to give my mother and father grandchildren. I'm over a hundred years old and many hybrids born after me are already grandparents themselves.

With the hybrid – they still haven't come up with a better name for us – the lines have been blurred between human and supernatural. As far as I can see we are almost as indestructible as vampires, and more so than shifters. We are long lived; none have died in the past hundred years, though one was killed by the Volturi guard. We are unique in that we can have children with human, vampires, and shifters, though like I mentioned before we are not drawn at all to our own kind. It's like we're a blank key, but we are born with an affinity toward one, like Tristan and I prefer vampires and Nessie fell for her shifter.

I feel Jasper trying to calm me. He knows we have a lot of conflict ahead of us and he knows I need to sleep. We have our own army we've brought with us to stop the vampire wars in Texas. I know his own memories are difficult ones, but this isn't the Texas he remembers. Still he's in command of our forces and he knows some of those we'll be facing. We've been in this situation before, and we both know our roles. I'll be there to heal any injured, both bystanders and our own forces. And my Jasper will lead us against the rebellious ones. Technically we are working for the Volturi, but we don't have the same tactics they are known for.

Considering the number of newborns we've encountered, we actually have a second group who will deal with any we feel can be saved. These new ones are brought under the law and taught a new way, and as per Alice's orders, it's a 'vegetarian' way. Still many new ones will die, as well as their creators, and I know that weighs heavily on him. I wish there was some way I could take that burden from him, but that's not my gift.

I'm here to make sure there's never another Tijuana Massacre. My talent has grown quite a bit over the years, and now the toughest part is making sure I'm never revealed to the media. There was a time about sixty years ago when my ability almost became well known. I should have known better than to respond, even though it was a hurricane, the likes of which had not been seen since Katrina. All I did was join the search and rescue efforts, and I made sure I kept my gloves on unless I was alone with someone. But the hospital was partially destroyed before they could evacuate everyone. The pediatric ward was almost my downfall. I handled each child without gloves, hoping they wouldn't have the language skills to tell anyone who had healed or cured them. When all the kids came out without a scratch as well as healed of their diseases, someone started an investigation.

Fortunately I'd used a fake name and all they had was a description of me. I dyed my hair for several years until we moved again. It's a gift and a curse to be such a strong healer. It's a very strong power, and I haven't found anything physical that I can't fix. But I've determined I can only use it if I'm not noticed or observed. The worst thing for me is to see pain, suffering, and death, and not be free to stop it.

Our team includes Edward and his wife Bella, me and Jasper, and Emmett. Rosalie used to be part of the team, but she had a close call during a previous battle and we almost lost her. Esme is taking her place for this battle. We've also got several of the Denali clan, as well as about a dozen shape shifters who delight in tearing into vampires. Jasper has wisely kept the shifters on the perimeter of any conflict just to insure that no one gets away

They realize they're fighting for their own existence as well. If we go to war with humans, they won't stop at exterminating vampires. After Tijuana the Volturi came to own what's now being called the Murdock films. They're nasty little pieces of video that prove there are ways humans can destroy us; completely. A handful of newborns were captured by the Mexican military. Not that vampires are easy to catch, but owing to the still human responses the newborns had to law enforcement, they did manage to capture four. The Murdock films show that there are metals capable of holding them, and there are tortures that are effective against them. I watched in horror the things that were done to one newborn who we only know as Nina.

In the Murdock film she was beaten, which was ineffective and made her laugh at them. When she was stripped and raped we are fortunate the video doesn't show the full extent of what was done to her; only the horror and revulsion on her pretty face. When they brought in lasers and electrical torture devices, the film showed how high electrical voltage caused the young woman excruciating pain, and the lasers burned her in a way she couldn't heal. The hours of brutal torture are captured in video, until finally they cut her head from her brutalized body. The cut took several long minutes while she screamed... then her screams were cut off and still her eyes rolled wildly in her head before she was finally dead.

The Murdock films document the torture and death of all four captured newborns, but I couldn't watch more than one. Anyone who sees them knows we must prevent the war. It's not so much that there are ways they can destroy us. It's the way the newborns were treated like they didn't matter. The things that were done to them... anyone with any shred of decency couldn't have done to an animal, and yet they thought nothing of subjecting the newborns to that brutality.

Several times on the video I heard laughter in the background. Humans won't think of us as having any value if it comes to war. They won't care that Carlisle has saved thousands of lives and has never taken even one. They won't care that Jasper has one of the most beautiful souls of any creature on earth. They won't understand Bella's protective nature, and Edward's ability will terrify them. They won't know that my mother has never taken a human life, and they won't care that my father has written sixteen hundred years of history. And they won't care that my heart beats and my blood is warm. We'll be hunted and killed, and likely even experimented on.

And so tomorrow we go to war with our own kind.

I cuddle against him, wanting to banish the horrible thoughts that always flood through me when I think about what could happen to the man I love. We've fought against so many of the covens around the world, those in Corpus Christi likely know we're coming, if they don't already know we're here. Tomorrow – I mean today – it ends. The end of the vampire wars, forever. For Jasper it's the completion of a circle. For me, I hope it's the beginning of our life together. His strong, cool arms wrap around me tight, and I feel him kiss the top of my head.

"I love you so much." I whisper against the hollow of his throat.

"Me too." Every time he says that response it hurts. Like he's afraid to declare it. It's the words of an unfaithful man to a mistress when he fears his wife could overhear. I wipe away the tears before he sees them, but he can feel my sadness and he tries to use his gift to lift my spirits. I know what he's doing, and it stops my crying but I don't feel any more at ease.

I remember that Mom was in love with Dad before he could admit it even to himself. Vladmir told me the story ages ago, about how he forced them both to see the truth. Jasper does tell me he loves me, but it's usually to avoid an argument; like he's in essence saying, 'just put up with it a little while longer, I love you.' I'm not sure he knows how much I feel from him when we make love.

I almost initiate another bout of lovemaking, just so I can feel that reassuring flood of love from him. But the way he feels is pointless if he won't act on those feelings. He pulls me closer to him and I let myself be comforted by his concern. I fall asleep and dream as I always do, of tiny blond haired children with sky blue eyes.


	37. Chapter 37 Healing

**A/N: If you've read this story over a year ago, this is not a new chapter. I've just finished editing it, and broke the last chapter into three for better flow. I've also changed the rating, and added a little lemon juice. As I reread it, I realized how much I loved it. If you're a new reader, I'd still like to hear your thoughts. Thank you. **

Chapter 37

Healing

We make it back to the ranch in record time I think. I don't sleep the whole flight, and neither does my companion, of course. Everyone has gathered, and it's like a reunion of sorts, but it's such a somber occasion. I hug my mother and father before I rushed into her room to see my sister.

Tessa looks awful. Half her face is bandaged and she's connected to tubes and I.V.'s, and I almost think she's dead just to look at her. My twin has never looked a thing like me, but lying in the bed she only looks vaguely human. Clumps of her long blond hair are missing, and what's left is still matted with blood. Her ear is bandaged and I know from the phone conversation that it had to be reattached. In fact several of her limbs have been reattached.

The way Mom told it over the phone, was that the battle in Corpus Christi had been fierce and the newborn army had fought hard. Still they'd believed it was over and they were trying to decide if the surviving newborns could be saved. Jasper had turned for just a minute to answer a question for his mother, when they rallied. Eight survivors, all controlled by one mind, lunged for the only one present with a beating heart and warm blood – Tessa.

Their side fought back to stop them, and it was over in less than a minute. But they'd torn into my sister in a frenzy of anger and feeding that left her barely clinging to life. Carlisle was on his way even before they called; having received a warning from Alice. They did the best they could until he got there, but Tessa was the healer, and they had no one who could help her. I'm glad I didn't have to see what she went through before they brought her home.

We'd believed that hybrids had an immunity to the venom. But still none had been bitten to prove this was true. Even as a child I'd never dared to bite her after what happened to our mother. Tessa didn't die from the multitude of bites, but she did suffer. I'm told she suffered the agony that comes with the change, but she didn't change. For days she screamed and fought and begged them to destroy her. Finally her battered body resisted the venom and it was ejected out of the wounds.

Once she was calm and still, Carlisle had to work to piece her back together. We are amazingly resilient, but her wounds were so critical. She'd lost so much blood it almost killed her. They were fortunate to discover one of the shifters was a match for her, and he donated the blood that saved her life, at least temporarily. As soon as she was stabilized, Carlisle had her flown back home.

Our family has purchased several of the homesteads that surrounded our childhood home. It's become a sort of compound for supernatural people, where we can retreat and not be observed by human eyes. It's the best place for her to recover – or die – which is the unspoken fear. She still hasn't regained consciousness when I arrive. Our family and friends are gathered to see which way the pendulum will swing – either toward life or death.

As I look at her, it's hard to miss the man at her side. He sits with his head resting beside hers on the pillow, and two of her fingers clutched in his hand. It's the only part of her body that seems to not be bandaged. If Tessa looks terrible, Jasper looks tortured. I smile at my former patient and pull a seat up beside him. When I try to put my hand on his shoulder, he flinched away.

"Don't touch me with your power, I don't want to feel better about this!" I don't need my gift to know he's feeling guilty over what had happened. But even without touching him I can sense something even deeper than the guilt. Regret.

"She's going to get through this. She didn't survive this long just to give up. She's strong and she's one of the most stubborn women I know." I've always been an optimistic person, and even faced with the grave nature of her injuries I try to see the best of the situation.

"They tore both of her arms off! They tried to tear the flesh from her face and neck. We had to search for her foot." He holds up his arm to show me his scars. "They didn't just bite her like I've been bitten. They tore out chunks. I saw it happen and I couldn't stop them fast enough. Even if she heals, she's going to have scars, and it's all my fault!"

I feel the tears in my eyes. Just like my mother before me I can feel their pain, and I cry the tears they can't. I've done it so many times for Jasper, and I know to expect his anger. Like many men, he feels somehow emasculated to see his pain physically manifested in tears. I wait for his angry response, but it doesn't come. Instead he looks from me to her, then back again. He sways toward me just a bit and I gather him into my arms.

The flood of emotions is overwhelming and powerful. For a few moments I even forget who I am, and I can feel everything the man has had to endure during his nearly three hundred years of life. I feel almost broken myself as he drops all his pain into my lap. The guilt of all the deaths he's caused feels like a cancer that was eating him from the inside out.

We cling to one another for several minutes before he pulls away. He isn't angry. In fact he doesn't feel much of anything for a while. He's empty; drained of all the poison he's carried and held for so much time it's almost become a part of him. It's then that I feel what's left. Love. He loves her, deeply, totally, and truly. Not Alice – Tessa.

One thing I see over and over in my practice is the way people hold onto their pain. They let it define them and they resist all efforts to get rid of it and heal. I can only help those who are willing to let it go. Sometimes it happens freely, and sometimes it happens through several sessions of talking them through their problems. But if someone refuses to let it go, I can only do so much. Mom once told me about Marcus and the centuries he held his pain and anger. I've never met him, but my companion has told me about him as well.

Jane decided to come with me for this awful visit. I know my family and friends are surprised and maybe a little frightened to see her, but I hope they will welcome her. She's the perfect example of someone who held onto her pain until it became a part of her.

We plan to stay for two weeks. I hope that Jane will want to stay in the U.S. – with me. But I know the key to getting her to move closer to my home is Alec. The two are fiercely loyal to one another, and she can't stand to be away from him for too long. It surprises me that she wanted to come with me. If Tessa had just been a sister, I don't think Jane would have made the trip. But she's my twin, and Jane understands more than anyone the bond we share.

Before we left Italy, she let down her guard a bit with me. We'd gotten closer and I'd learned a lot about her before Tessa was injured. Just talking with her I learned so much about her short human life, I almost wished I hadn't. All the psychological pain Jane has ever inflicted, she has felt physically herself. It's part of the reason she felt no guilt over using her power so freely; no physical damage was done, and she'd suffered through it all herself.

The twins were used and abused by their parents, who practiced witchcraft. They were shared among the coven from the time they were very young until they became teenagers. For years the only one they could count on was the other. They were malnourished and neglected and they didn't grow like they should have. But with their small size they were able to squeeze into tiny hiding spaces where they'd cling to one another for hours while their parents searched for them. Alec would pray for those searching to be blind and deaf to them, and often it seemed they were.

The physical and sexual tortures they suffered at the hands of the only adults they knew, changed them. I don't know why I felt so drawn to her. On the surface, she was one of the most sadistic creatures I'd ever run across. And her loyalty to Aro, who changed her when she'd barely reached womanhood confused me. But there was something so haunted in her eyes, not to mention her delicate and exquisite beauty that just drew me to her.

It was watching her interaction with Alec that captivated me. The same girl who tortured someone casually, almost gleefully, was sweet and tender to her brother. In my studies of the dynamics between twins I'd heard of this; where one becomes the dominant protector and the other is the good, or favored twin. Jane was the one who was tortured most because she took the punishments meant for Alec as well as her own. Alec was flight, and Jane was fight.

I don't know when I fell in love with her, but I fell hard! I think it was when I let her try her talent on me, with the understanding that she'd gone through a similar ordeal herself. The excruciating pain was a reflection of her own, and I have wanted her from then on.

I want so much to help her recover from her pain. But she feared she'd lose her talent if she let go of her own suffering. She was afraid of losing her edge. She saw her talent as the only value she had to anyone. I just needed to show her she was wrong.

I have Aro to thank for her finally allowing me to get closer. Not that he did anything to smooth the way intentionally, but he lost interest in Jane. When Alice joined him and he took her as his mate, he had no room for Jane. She'd always basked in his praise and high regard, but Alice took his total focus. He didn't call on her, he didn't want her by his side, and he didn't shower her with praise. She'd looked to him as a father figure for so long, and she was lost without him. And she turned to me.

She didn't just drop her guard. But little by little I was able to disassemble the wall, one block at a time. She shared her origin with me and it makes so much sense now why she adores Aro and why she has the ability she has. The coven was arrested and the witches were all prosecuted, including Jane and Alec who were sixteen at the time. They were sentenced to burn at the stake, and Jane watched them burn the ones who had tortured then for so many years. She told me she listened to their screams and smelled their charred flesh with a smile on her face.

Her satisfaction was short-lived when they lead her and Alec to the woodpile and tied them back to back. She'd tried to save him during their trial. She took the blame for all the charges and tried to convince them that her brother was an innocent pawn when in truth they both were. All Alec had to do was agree with her, and he would have been spared. But he wouldn't. He sat mute, hugging his knees and hiding his face in an attempt to disappear. The very fact that they were twins in a time of superstition was all it took to convict them both.

They had no idea that they were being observed by the Volturi. At the time, Eleazar was with the Volturi and he was able to identify humans who might develop powers or gifts if changed. He seemed to think the twins could be powerful if they were mature enough for the change. Aro was checking up on the twins when he discovered them being burned alive. Jane can't even speak of the pain she suffered as she was being cooked from her feet up. Her hair had caught fire before Aro and his guard were able to douse the flames and pull them down.

She remembered every moment of pain. She remembered seeing her burned and blistered limbs. But more than that she remembered when she was bitten and the pain intensified. She heard the tortured screams of her brother, both in her ears and in her head. She thought that those burned at the stake often fell unconscious long before they died, and she couldn't understand how she could be conscious during such severe burning.

From my practice, I know that they all go through the burning, and they all remember. But when Jane awoke to her new unlife she realized she could inflict the burning on others, at will. The villagers had fled when the Volturi came to rescue the "witch twins," and Jane was anxious to punish them for what they'd done. For all the wrongs that had ever been done to her and her brother, she went after them. In the village many had known their torment and turned a blind eye. First she and Alec fed; then Alec, Jane, Aro and his guard, tortured and killed everyone else.

My father and Uncle Vladmir both bear a serious mistrust of Jane and her brother. Jane has told me that Aro wanted them to be "found" by Vladmir when he was building his empire. She would have done anything Aro asked, because he was the one who saved them. Still, she claims they were treated fairly and they really did hope that the conflict wouldn't happen. She didn't know that Chelsea and Joseph were spies either since she and Alec arrived before them.

It still surprises me that my father knew the girl I love, long before I was born. It's even more jaw dropping that they almost killed one another. I learned of all this ancient history before I brought her to the ranch.

Her trust in me is still a fragile thing, and I really hate leaving her amidst so many who could have been her enemies at one time or another. But Carlisle won't allow a crowd into Tessa's room. After I have my visit, and do my part to help Jasper release his pain, I hurry back to Jane and introduce her to those I know and love. Of course her reputation and name are legendary, but none of them has ever been introduced to her in a polite way.

My mother and father stand united as I presente her, with my own arm protectively around her. Jane and my father lock eyes for a long moment before my mother breaks the spell. "It's so nice to meet you! Of course I've heard about you over the years, but I'm happy to finally meet the woman who's kept my son away from home for so long." She reaches out and takes Jane's hand in both of hers. "I'm sorry this meeting isn't under better circumstances; we've all been so worried." Once my mother welcoms her, my father reaches out and takes her hand in his. He holds it for an uncomfortably long time before releasing her.

"I don't have it in me to carry on some ancient conflict. Especially not while my daughter fights for her life." He looks at me and I can feel his pain. "Tristan, make your guest feel welcome. If either of you need anything let one of us know. I'm glad you came." He speaks to both of us, then he pulls my mother close and they just stand, wrapped in each others arms as if everyone else has disappeared.

I make more introductions, and Jane seems very nervous when it comes to meeting the Cullens. They seem gracious but maybe a little stiff and formal. Afterward I take her on a quick tour of the house, and we wind up in what is still my room even though I haven't been home for so long. Jane is surprised I have a bed in the room, but then she laughs when she remembers that I have to sleep.

"I keep forgetting that you're not one of us... I mean not a vampire." The more I get to know her and mend the damage that was done to her, the more I see her smile and hear her laughter.

For two weeks I'm able to show family and friends a different side of her. She's pleasant company even though she's a little reserved. She doesn't attack anyone during her whole visit. I'm hoping we can stay longer, but she's anxious to return to Italy and her beloved Alec. I hate the prospect of leaving while Tessa still isn't fully recovered, but we'll be returning before the year is up.

For the two weeks we're home, we watch my sister slowly improve and mend. When Carlisle removes the bandages from her face we're all worried about what will be revealed. Two bites can be seen, one that took a chunk from her cheek and her lower eyelid, and one below her chin. She's healing though, and the flesh is slowly filling in. She will have some scars from the venomous bites, but Carlisle assures us that her face shouldn't suffer, since her natural healing will repair the muscles and nerves.

It actually takes six months for her injuries to heal completely. She does bear the scars, each place she was bitten, but they are faint. Even still she's happier than she's been in decades. Jasper has asked her to marry him – finally!


	38. Chapter 38 Epilogue

Chapter 38

Epilogue

Another five years has passed. I keep expecting to see gray in my hair, but it stays blond. Chronologically I'm one hundred and thirty, but Stefan still treats me like I'm a young girl. I can still remember the first time I laid eyes on him, and I have never stopped loving him. I have the family and loved ones I always longed for when I was human. They're tough and strong, and likely immortal. It seems so strange that it was dying that gave me the life I dreamed of.

We live in a time of peace. I cherish that so highly because I know how dearly it costs. My daughter is whole and healed from her ordeal. She has some terrible scars that I can see, but most people don't notice. As soon as she was recovered she and her mate made up for lost time. They were married as soon as she could walk without a limp. Carlisle officiated at their wedding, and it was the kind of wedding I would have liked to have had myself. They were married on a hillside with the mountains behind them and all our friends, sparkling in the sun as they said their vows.

She wanted to wear my dress, but it was too fragile after all the years in storage. A package arrived with no return address, and it contained a replica of the dress. It took a while to figure out Alice had sent it. She and Aro had married a couple months after Tessa was hurt. Considering the flamboyant nature of both of them, it came as a surprise that they had a simple service with the minimum number of witnesses. They sent out announcements of their marriage and promised a grand celebration as soon as the imminent threat of discovery and war was behind us all.

We have all received our invitations. It took five years to strengthen us and reestablish the Volturi as the makers and enforcers of the law of our kind. There are no more newborn armies, and we are once again in hiding from humans. There are no vampire athletes, singers, dancers, musicians, or public speakers drawing attention to us among humans. We all have to make the sacrifice or we will all pay the price.

We all now have to keep to an animal diet. It's the reason Stefan finally turned our homestead into a working ranch, and we raise cattle. We've had our own slaughter house built on one of the properties we've purchased. It's surprisingly profitable since we don't have to deal with disposing of the blood of the slaughtered animals like most would. I have to laugh when I think about how I was a vegetarian, and later how long I resisted taking even animal life.

The kids don't know that I still feed from him occasionally. They don't understand since they only see the scars. They don't know how sweet and loving a connection it is between us. They don't know why he likes to sleep and dream, but they've never had to give that up. They would probably be shocked to learn that he's fed from me too. To wake up in his arms after dreaming of him is such a wonderful gift.

But I don't have to dream of joy. I'm a grandmother! Tessa and Jasper have had two beautiful babies; a boy and a little girl. Tessa is pregnant again, and she should be delivering any day now. But it's not Jasper's, it's Tristan's.

Tristan and Jane have only been married a year. I actually love the woman she's become, and even Vladmir and Stefan have made peace with her. She still has her ability, though she's not nearly as eager to use it. My son adores her, and though they are happy together, he wants children. Carlisle wouldn't try it, but Nahuel found a way to extract her eggs, to see if they could be fertilized. Against all odds – which is kind of our life story – the eggs were fertilized and Tessa agreed to attempt to carry the embryo's.

I was the one who noticed something amiss when I saw her. She was bigger than the first two times, and I of course deduced that she was having more than one. Nahuel didn't take into account that the embryo's would be part vampire. All three implanted and survived. Carlisle has come to assist with the delivery, and even though she carried Jasper's children with ease, she's showing signs of stress this time.

Just like when I carried her, she's gone into a hypnotic sleep. She's never alone, with Jasper always by her side and Tristan and Jane waiting anxiously. It really amazes me to see Jane's concern over Tessa, and not just because of the babies. She understands the connection between Tristan and his sister, and she knows how much it hurts him to think he's put her at risk.

Until the babies are born, everyone is staying at the main house. But ordinarily my children each have a home of their own on the many acres of our homestead. Alec has come to stay with Jane and Tristan as well, and I'm enjoying getting to know him. He's painfully shy until he warms up and learns to trust you. While everyone is hovering over Tessa, Alec has been helping me and Esme with the children. I really like watching him interact with them. Their innocence seems to draw him out like nothing else can.

I have a full house! Me and Stefan, Vladmir and Sulpicia, Nahuel, Carlisle and Esme, Jane and Tristan, Jasper and Tessa, Alec, and my grandchildren. We've already set up the nursery for the triplets. Maybe I'm being too optimistic, but I just know it will work out.

xxxxxx

We gather in our family room. It's been redecorated a number of times, but the one thing that hasn't changed is that the painting above the mantel will always bear Vladmir's signature. It looks like a small crowd where it was once only the five of us – seven if you counted Summer's parents. I feel like father Abraham with the whole family together.

It's her birthday, and we gather to sing and play music. Everyone joins in with this yearly tradition. It's one of the things Summer loves, and everyone loves her so much they give her this one concession. She needs to see them; to hold the babies and touch our descendants. So many decades have passed, and I love her so much I sometimes don't know where she begins and I leave off.

Before I met her, I was old. In years of course, but more in the way I thought. Each year brought more and more distance from life and truly living. Now I can say without a doubt, that each new year brings us more and more life, and joy, and love. Each year there are babies, and marriages, and milestones, and our family keeps growing and changing and I can trace it all back to her. She is the spark of life, without which this gathering would not have been possible.

I sit next to Vladmir. We're the ancients who have the dignity of sitting on the limited furniture. Summer leans against me, snuggled against my side like always. Sulpicia sits next to Vladmir holding their newest baby on her lap. He looks ridiculous making faces at the tiny girl, but it's clear he's been wrapped around her little fingers.

It was Summer who showed our world that humans could survive giving birth to hybrid babies. And in many ways she is the mother of their kind. For a while there was an explosion of births by human women. Then it was discovered that hybrids are perfectly capable of conceiving and carrying babies of other supernatural species. And then our Tessa became the first surrogate to allow a vampire woman a chance to have her own children. She scared me to death carrying those babies, but they are now a part of our family, and she and Jasper have had two more of their own. They are spacing their children further apart now.

Vladmir and Sulpicia actually hired Nahuel's sisters to become surrogates for them. They were raised too much like vampires, and they don't want any part of being mothers themselves. Vladmir and Sulpicia's babies are a peculiar type of vampire. They're not venomous, but they do drink blood. They don't come with the drive to kill. They are happy with animal blood or donated blood, and they don't go into a frenzy in the presence of blood. They can feed without taking a life! I think it's because they've never suffered through the burning death, and they don't need to feed on the life of a kill. It's as if they are natural vampires and we are the unnatural ones. They have three so far, and I am their Uncle Stefan.

I love to watch my children when they sing together. It's still the sound of angels to my ears. They are already grandparents themselves, and they have both sustained strong marriages with their mates. I'm glad that they chose to stay near us, though so many of their children and grandchildren have gone off into the world.

My son Jasper is such a delight, as a father and a grandfather. After Tessa was attacked fighting the newborns, they were both finished with that assignment. He loves to help me with the animals on the ranch, along with his own son. Watching him with Tessa reminds me of the bond I share with Summer. He looks at her with such adoration, it's hard to believe he ever loved another.

My son Tristan always has a hard time making it to these gatherings. He's so much in demand for his talent. Now that our kind are all on a mandatory animal diet, many are having to come to terms with their past as killers. He's opened an office in town and they come to see him here so he doesn't have to be away from his own family.

My daughter Jane has come almost as far as I have in her own transformation. The triplets were the key. Not only did she have to trust my daughter to carry them, but once she became a mother she truly began to heal from her own painful childhood. Tristan is such an involved father. He has had to be since Jane had no concept of what a loving parent looked like. She read everything about raising children, but sometimes she would just call Summer or Tessa for help. Still she is the most protective and devoted mother you could imagine. When their two sons and daughter became mature and started to date, we feared that no one would be good enough for them in her eyes.

Their sons surprised us by seeking out Jacob and Nessie's daughters. Their daughter just flew back from Volterra for this gathering. My precious granddaughter is being courted by Aro's firstborn son!

Jane's twin Alec is still single. But he's come out of his shell, and become a man after all these years. He's still a bit shy, and he sits on the fireplace hearth just watching the chaos of my family all around him with a smile on his face. The way he keeps looking at Vladmir's oldest daughter, who looks to be about fifteen, makes me wonder what the future holds.

I still keep my journals, but they are so much less self-involved. I have to write in order to keep up with our family. Of course my memory is flawless now, whether that comes from my life being fully lived, or from feeding Summer and sleeping and dreaming, I'm not sure. I remember my Tessa fully now, and her circlet was carved out of tortoise shell. She was fairly short, and her eyes were enormous. She had the kind of abundant curves that tempt a young man, and she snorted when she laughed. My Summer is a contrast to her in every way, except for the curves that is.

I also remember Cecilia and Daniel with a clarity that needs no paintings. In fact they've rediscovered the paintings and they hang in our old home in Romania. Daniel didn't paint the mole on his mother's face, and I wonder if her vanity told him not to. I've been to see them again, and I realize Daniel's paintings lied, which is probably why I thought he was such a great artist. In his painting I'm older, with a stern look. He too is older, looking to be seventeen instead of twelve. And his mother was a goddess, complete with a halo effect.

Our old home is now called The Vampire Museum. It doesn't offend me at all, and in a way it puts us back into myth rather than reality. The rooms are all fully decorated and the treasures of centuries past have been put on display. They use all the rooms of the mansion, even though we never did. They've removed some of my books to preserve them since they are the only copies. Still it was funny to see the way they displayed so much of our life, and none of it really mattered. My old suits are displayed on forms so it looks as if I could still be standing in a room. They've actually found the dress I purchased for Summer, and they've dressed a mannequin in it and placed "her" on the loveseat, with two red punctures at the throat It was so funny we took a picture of it for the scrapbook.

My old life is a memory. It's as empty as the suits displayed in the museum. My life is here, in this room. Everyone I love is here. She is here. The roots of our family may run deep in blood. But my family thrives and grows and will continue. No longer do I hear the lament of my soul, for though time could not heal my wounds, love has made me whole.

**A/N: I've seen so many discussions of Mary Sue's on the forums since I began posting on this site. No one's ever called me out on creating a Sue or a Stu, but I think if I'm honest, there's a little bit of Sue in Summer, and a little Stue in Stefan. Tessa would likely fit the criteria as well. But I never wanted to let the fear of Sue stop me from creating larger than life characters. I think a plot this sweeping actually demanded characters who could stand up to what was thrown at them, otherwise the story would have ended with a burp in chapter one. **

**I hope you liked my offering as much as I liked writing it. **

**Twiharder2: I'm adding this as you approach the end, since I have no other way to send a message. Thanks so much for the reviews; especially the con/crit! I reworked Chapter one for you.  
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